You turn heads when you enter a room. Your body is stunning and slender, yet you still feel you are too heavy. Or perhaps you are twenty or so pounds over what you would like to be. Your smile is crooked and your teeth aren't perfect. Each time you look at yourself in the mirror you tell yourself, all the things that aren't perfect. You are insecure.
When we are insecure, everyone around us feels it. We may be hyper reactive to criticism. Even when someone complements us we shrug it off by making a negative comment about ourselves. We feel needy. The more distance a lover, husband or wife tries to put between you the more grasping and clingy you become.
You would not know it today, but all of the above pertained to me. No matter what someone said about how pretty I was, or how good I looked, I did not feel it. In high school I was one of the popular girls. I was an athlete, on the swim team, volleyball team, gymnastics team and a cheerleader. After high school I became a flight attendant when you had to look a certain way to be hired. I was slender, fit and still did not feel beautiful. It did not matter what anyone said to me - I did not feel it. I had to have a man to feel whole and loved. I felt empty and broken inside. I felt stupid, inept, clumsy and awkward. I constantly judged myself and others. Most of my words and thoughts were negative, condemning and destructive. My body was wracked with physical pain. I had migraine headaches, and was often sick. I went to the doctor often with mysterious illnesses that could not be found.
I missed work, showed up late and was generally unhappy and depressed. I jumped from job-to-job, looking for the elusive happiness. I did the same thing in relationships. When one didn't make me happy, I was off to the next. I was a very slow learner! I had no clue what made me happy. I was so busy trying to please my boyfriend, husband, parents, that I ended up feeling resentful, angry and lost. I had no soul purpose. I hated my jobs. Nothing was fulfilling to me. In relationships, I was never authentic. I turned myself into what I thought my boyfriend, partner, husband wanted. I tried to be the perfect wife, mother, friend. I failed miserably at it all. I was far from perfect. I felt like a wreck, broken and irreparable.
Most of my clients come to me because they don't feel it. When we strive to be perfect, instead of accepting ourselves as imperfect human beings, we set ourselves up for failure. When our thoughts are constantly negative and self critical we cannot possibly love and accept ourselves. When we don't love and accept ourselves, we also condemn and judge everyone around us. Our world is filled with negativity, because that is what is inside of us. People mirror back to us what our unconscious mind is repeating, over and over and over.
How Can We Change?
Like a fitness program, working on the self is important. In fact it is the most important work you can ever do in your life time. Changing your thoughts and words takes practice, but is possible. If I can do it, you can. I was the most negative person you would ever want to meet. I could find something negative to say about anything. I was filled with self loathing, guilt and shame. I felt unworthy. I felt empty and unloved.
Plato said: Victory of the self is the greatest of all victories.
When you meet me in person, you will notice I wear a ring on my right hand. The ring has the word victory on it. I had it made in St. Augustine Florida in 2011, the year my first book was published: Odyssey Victim to Victory. I worked very hard to change my words and thoughts. It did not happen overnight. I went to hypnotherapists, energy healers and saw Traditional Chinese doctors, naturopaths, chiropractors, you name it. When I found something that worked profoundly, I became certified in that modality. I began to look at myself with kinder eyes, rather than that of a mean parent.
What Can We Do To Change?
This video is raw - but real. See my imperfections?
- Let go of trying to be perfect. I've got news for you, you are not perfect. So let that idea go! When you stop trying to be something you are not, you begin to relax.
- What others think of you is none of your business. Stop being concerned about people liking you. This world is not a popularity contest. Trying to get people to like you, is like wearing honey on your face and walking into a hornets' nest. You will get stung.
- Stop trying to please others. Pleasing other people will make you very unhappy and you will end up feeling resentful and unhappy for all you do, trying to please them.
- Change your thoughts, change your world. I did not come up with this phrase, I think it was Wayne, Dyer. Truer words were never spoken. Wherever you focus energy, time and attention whether positive or negative, think of it like a penis ... it will grow! Now you won't be able to get this image out of your mind. GOOD! Change the negative for a positive mantra. I tell my clients to use: I LOVE ME. It is simple. Play it in the background of your mind all day long for 30 days. Guaranteed you will see a difference in your world. Then come back and talk to me. Use this mantra any time you think a negative thought. It will change the thought patterns in your mind from incongruent, to congruent - this creates harmony in the brain and body. When you have harmony inside there will be harmony outside in your world. (This will change gradually.)
- Treat yourself the way God would. If God wouldn't say it to you. You don't say it to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Find out what you love about yourself. Write a list.
- Nurture yourself every day. When people are insecure, they spend time giving and doing for others endlessly but don't take care of themselves. Instead, do something nice for yourself daily. Take a hot bath with Epsom salts, candlelight and a glass of sparkling water in a pretty wine glass. Paint your toenails, give yourself a facial, or take yourself to the beach or a beautiful park.
- Spend time in nature every day. Nature is beautiful. The sun fills your body with needed vitamin D3. Get your body outside! Walk in nature without your freaking cell phone. Turn off the television and get your butt off the couch. Nature will fill you with beauty and love.
- Express gratitude for what you have as soon as your eyes are opened. When we are unhappy, we feel we have nothing to be grateful for. We focus on the negative. You need to focus on what you do have, like eyesight, legs that walk and arms that move. Unless you are a paraplegic in which case, you need to be grateful to be alive, to have eyes that see and a beautiful mind that works. There is always SOMETHING to be grateful for. The more you focus on gratitude, the more good will come into your life. I promise you! This works.
- Develop a relationship with The Divine, God, Allah, The Universe, whoever you believe in. This connection will fill you where no person, animal, or child possibly could. Having a daily spiritual practice of meditation, prayer, gratitude is what sustains us, fills us up and brings us lasting peace, harmony and joy. Without this connection, you feel like a ship without a sail, rudder and hull. I recommend The Divine Presence Process Meditation daily. This meditation was what I did daily for 12 months. I feel it was a large part of my becoming enlightened and self actualized in 2012. The Divine Presence Process Meditation on You Tube.
You Can't Please Everybody
When you stop trying to please everyone, it is interesting that you are giving yourself permission to please yourself. Being a people pleaser is a common complaint I see in my clients. They are so busy trying to do for others to keep everyone happy, that they are miserable. Letting go of the responsibility for other's happiness frees you to be happy yourself. Do what you love. Spend time doing fun activities. Please yourself. It is not selfish, it is self care.
I would love to hear what you think about this subject. What works for you? What doesn't work. I would love your feedback. If you liked this post, share it with a friend, Facebook, or other circle.
Jennifer is the author of Orgasm For Life. She is a teacher, Metaphysician, wise woman, with Shamanic tendencies. She is an adventurer of life, mother of 3 and like you fully human. She does not walk on water, though some think they have seen her do it. Jennifer is passionate about life, love and sex. Her lifelong vision is to help women and men come to a loving place of self acceptance and self love so that all their relationships will be healed. Jennifer lives life fully in every breath, enjoying the beauty of this planet and all of God's creatures. She spends time every day in Gratitude for you, being her, reading her posts and sharing what you learn.
Jennifer is available as a private coach, teacher, workshop facilitator and is offering retreats this fall in several different locations, yet to be determined. Bali, India and the UK are all possibilities. If you wish to schedule a FREE session with Jennifer to discover how she could help you with your issues, her e-mail address is: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com
Jennifer is the author of Orgasm For Life. She is a teacher, Metaphysician, wise woman, with Shamanic tendencies. She is an adventurer of life, mother of 3 and like you fully human. She does not walk on water, though some think they have seen her do it. Jennifer is passionate about life, love and sex. Her lifelong vision is to help women and men come to a loving place of self acceptance and self love so that all their relationships will be healed. Jennifer lives life fully in every breath, enjoying the beauty of this planet and all of God's creatures. She spends time every day in Gratitude for you, being her, reading her posts and sharing what you learn.
Jennifer is available as a private coach, teacher, workshop facilitator and is offering retreats this fall in several different locations, yet to be determined. Bali, India and the UK are all possibilities. If you wish to schedule a FREE session with Jennifer to discover how she could help you with your issues, her e-mail address is: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com
