Why New Mothers Avoid Sex After Childbirth

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

There are plenty of reasons women don't want sex after they have had a baby. An Australian study surveyed more than 1,500 women after childbirth. 13% of women won't have sex for six months after their first baby is born. The second child could take even longer to recover from. 

Remember that everyone is different. I remember hearing about a cousin of mine having sex with her husband in the hospital yes, right after she delivered her first child. Some women have an incredible sex drive after having a baby, while others couldn't even think about sex for months. I was one of the latter.

This study found that 41 percent said they had resumed vaginal sex within 6 weeks after delivering their baby, 65 percent by eight weeks, 78 percent by 12 weeks and 94 percent by 6 months.

Why?

After having a baby, there are many reasons many women aren't the least bit interested in sex. The biggest reason women don't want sex is that they don't want to get pregnant - AGAIN! I remember being so fearful I would get pregnant. Sounds logical, doesn't it? Many men don't understand what a woman goes through chemically, physically or emotionally during pregnancy and up to three years after childbirth for some women.  

Even with breast feeding a new mother is highly fertile. She will not want to have sex for fear she could be pregnant before she has even re-gained her beautiful figure.

New Mother's Rarely Feel Sexy

The second biggest reason women don't want sex is that they don't feel sexy. Wearing a big breast feeding bra, leaking milk, having a baby hang on them almost all day, takes the pleasure out of being touched by their man. Every time you get turned on while breast feeding, milk squirts out of your breasts and rolls down your side, leaving you feeling sticky, reminding you what breasts were really made for! 

Losing baby weight takes

months - even years for some women. During this time, their breast begin to sag, their tummy is not as tight as it used to be. How could it be. They had a little human in there. I remember my husband looking at me and saying, "You know you can lose that, you know?" I wanted to kick him in the balls. He was not the one that carried three children for 9 months. Men who make comments like that need to be strung up and ...... (something to do with 50 shades of gray) sorry, I got carried away.

Don't Touch Me!

The third biggest reason new mothers don't want sex is that are getting all their tactile needs met holding, nursing, rocking their new baby. Taking a shift for your wife would help this. The last thing many women want is another person pawing and grabbing at your breasts or other body parts after spending all day and half the night nursing, cuddling and holding your new baby. 

I Don't Feel Sexy AND I'm Feeling Blue Too!

Not only does a woman's body need to get back in shape, they have chemistry to balance back out. Hormones are out of whack. They just finished carrying a baby to full term, delivered, her milk came in, she may or may not be breast feeding, there are a lot of hormones trying to regroup in her body. It takes almost a full year for everything to balance out after a full term pregnancy. 

Post partum depression is a real thing. It happens to the most stable of mothers. Crying for no reason, having fears that something will happen to the new baby are all very real. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be understanding. Give yourself a hand job if your lady just isn't interested. 

Remember, this child took two people to conceive. She did not get pregnant all by herself. Thinking that she needs to take care of all your sexual needs when she is taking care of your baby and herself, as well as the household, doesn't help either of you. She needs understanding. She also needs your love and acceptance while she gets her body-mind and emotions back. Balancing everything initially can be more than a new mother can deal with. 

Surgery

Delivering a baby can be very painful. It can cause tears along the perineum (the area between the vagina and anal opening) that take time to heal. Even after the stitches have disolved and staples from her C-section are removed, her body is in discomfort and pain. It is customary to wait for six weeks to have sex. However, for many, six weeks just isn't enough time. Not everyone takes six months to want sex, but many women do. 

An episiotomy scar leaves the vaginal opening changed. Her vagina is re-grouping. There are many physiological changes happening while her body heals. A woman may also be concerned she will be too wide, too large or not enjoy sex the same way after motherhood. Men too can be concerned about fit, feeling and whether he will enjoy sex the same, knowing what just came out of his wife's vagina.

Rest

Many women are so fatigued taking care of a newborn and healing that they would rather sleep than have sex. Women who are sleep deprived are less likely to want sex. Sleep deprivation has been proven to reduce a woman's libido considerably. With adequate sleep and healing she will be wanting to couple with you again. Just be generous with your complements and understanding. Remember this baby is yours too. Understanding, loving kindness and gentleness is what she needs. Do your best to be compassionate. This is a phase, this too shall pass. Be patient, supportive and loving. 

Kegels

Once things begin to settle down, doing kegels to get the vagina back into shape, as well as the pelvic floor strengthened can help tighten up the vagina. There are two distinct sets of muscles a woman can intermittently squeeze and release. The PC muscles are one set, that can be felt when you stop the flow of urine while peeing. Pulling up and sqeezing will tighten the PC muscles. Doing sets of 30 or 40 repetitions while sitting; squeezing, holding for 10 seconds. then releasing, several times a day while folding laundry or even nursing can help to restore your lovely female parts to their pre-pregnant state.

Kegels can strengthen orgasms as well as restore muscle tone.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is an author, love and passion coach and healed healer. She has been where you are. Having had three children herself, she knows what hormone changes can bring. For your free discovery session e-mail Jennifer here to book yours, or ask questions. 

Jennifer helps women and men recover from addictions, codependency, sexual trauma and depression. In the process of becoming happy with you, anxiety, fears, control, reactivity all fall away. Her own journey of healing helped her create a program that

helps people heal gently, without staying stuck in their story. If you are interested in recovery, healing or transformation, Jennifer will gently and compassionately give you the nudge you need to get out of your rut, stuckness or negativity. Having healed her own depression, illness and victimization, she knows what works and what doesn't. 

Kegels Cure ED and Create Stronger Orgasms

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Kegels are such fun!

Kegels are the rage

Do them on the run

Do them on the stage!

Kegels in your car

Kegels on a star,

With kegels you'll go far...

Say what a sexy person you are!

Thank you to Dr. Seuss for his inspirational children's books. I love Dr. Seuss. His rhymes always made me smile. When you think of kegels think sex positive. Kegels improve your health, wellness and sexual prowess. Kegels even cure Erectile Dysfunction! Kegels in your car, Kegels on a star! Oh BABY!

What Is A Kegel?

A kegel is an exercise of the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor in both men and women. The pubococcygeus muscles forms the floor of the pelvic cavity. The PC muscles provide a hammock-like sling for the pelvic floor stretching from the pubic bone to the spine. These muscles support internal organs by holding them in place - when they are fit (the muscles, not the organs).

Locate The PC Muscles

To find the PC muscles; while urinating, stop the stream of urine. The muscles used to stop mid-stream while urinating are the pubococcygeus muscles (PC). Stop mid-stream a few times to be sure you have located the PC muscles. 

Doing The Kegel Hold and Release Exercise

Isolate the PC muscles by keeping the thigh muscles relaxed while squeezing the PC muscles. Squeeze, holding the muscles tight for two seconds then relax. Squeeze for two seconds, then relax. Do sets of 20 to begin with. Once you have located the PC muscles practice while driving your car, sitting at your desk, or while talking on the phone. Why waste all that time sitting in traffic? Instead use your time wisely in healthy ways. Exercise your PC muscles several times a day to build up your pelvic floor muscles!

Strengthening the PC muscles can prevent the dreaded pee while you sneeze in women. Or the dribble of urine after urinating in both sexes. Kegels are of great benefit for rectal health as well. Kegels are necessary to maintain healthy organs and sexual function. Doing kegels daily can prevent painful and costly surgery down the road for both men and women.

Kegels For Women

Women will benefit in many ways doing kegels daily. Kegels tighten the vagina, increase muscular control, create stronger orgasms AND have the health benefits of keeping organs in place. Traditionally kegels were inspired by women's birthing
 babies and having a prolapsed bladder or uterus down the road. Kegels increase musculature in the pelvic floor, preventing prolapse. Prolapse happens when women loses muscular strength in the pelvic floor and the bladder or uterus falls out. True! The rectum can also prolapse.

Proof That Kegels Help Men With Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

For men, kegels will help a man with erectile dysfunction and increase sexual vigor, strengthen orgasms and  help prevent leakage of urine or gas, when unwanted. Kegels will also prevent rectal prolapse in men.

A British study of 55 men followed the subjects for six months. Within that six month period, 40% of the subjects had regained NORMAL erectile function. An additional 36% saw improvement in erectile function. This is amazing! I will caution you that there are many doctors that will tell you that you need the little blue pill. Before going for a prescription, try the natural methods first. They will not cause heart attacks or liver damage.

Liver Damage From Oral Medications

Everything you put in your mouth is filtered through the liver. Every medication you take from Advil, Ibuprofen to Viagra is filtered through the liver. Damage can occur from long-term pain killers, and even Advil. Personally, I don't take anything unless the pain is so bad I can't think. An orgasm is a natural pain killer. An orgasm blocks pain in the brain. Why not just have an orgasm instead of taking a pill.

Yoga Exercise 


Yoga can strengthen the pelvic floor with specific movements. This pose will help strengthen the PC muscles. You may already be doing exercises that help you and don't even know it!

About Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Today, I love myself fearlessly. Yes, I live every day happily in joy, without fear, anxiety, worry loneliness or depression. YES, I can help you do the same. I help men with issues of ED, self love, boundaries and passion. 

In the past, I have been unhappy and miserable in marriage and out. On a spiritual path since 1970.  I traveled to India, then Bali in 2011. I experienced a series of events that led to my awakening and self actualization. These events help my clients, as I am focused on them, rather than myself. My focus in my life coaching and energy healing practice is to keep marriages and relationships together. I have learned what it takes for a healthy relationship to succeed. I do this for all of humanity. Love is what is missing in most marriages. We blame, nitpick, critique our partners, when what we need is compassionate understanding and more love, rather than less!

Traditional therapy did not work for me. I knew there had to be another way. My sense was that it ends more marriages than it saves. This is due to the fact that old hurts are brought up repeatedly, keeping both parties in complaint mode. When the focus is on the negative and old issues, moving forward, shifting behavior is next to impossible. One party ends up being wrong.  Patterns, beliefs or programming that don't serve are not cleared. There is often no change in behavior. Staying the same, does not bring healing. We have to shift our thoughts, release old patterning or programs as well as communication style for healing to occur. Shifting thoughts and patterns is where the magic comes in of my work. If you are serious about being happy, making your marriage work, becoming enlightened, or discovering your path, Jennifer is your woman. Experienced, compassionate, understanding, committed to your healing, she will drill to the center of the issue, without blame, condemnation or judgment. She has been where you are and understands what it feels like to have:

low self esteem

anxiety

fears

depression

worry

perfectionism

lack of clarity

codependence

ADD

addictions 

sexual dysfunction

sex addiction

loneliness (even within a marriage)

emptiness

feeling broken

unworthiness

worthless

All of these are just some of the issues Jennifer has healed in her own life. Enlightened in 2012, she is a catalyst for your healing, through her Divine connection. No religion, or beliefs required. Just pure love and understanding.

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