Being in love is a wonderful feeling. When we begin dating someone and we recognize the possibility for love exists we feel like we are walking on air. We feel beautiful, happy and expanded. When our relationships end, we can feel broken, lonely, and even depressed. Life happens, relationships end and our joy comes crashing down, along with our tears and often anger.
Do we ever get over the loss of a love completely? Whether we lose our love through divorce, death or just by deciding that we are not growing together and our time has come to an end, we feel a sense of loss.
Sometimes, the loss is so great that we begin to long for that person to be back in our lives, to fix the feelings that we are having. Why is it so difficult to let go in some relationships and not in others? You have probably asked yourself these questions yourself and wondered how can I heal my heart and get over this person more quickly?
Chords and Ties
Even when a break-up is our decision, we can continue feeling lost or that there is a missing piece of us not with us. In my work with men and women, I help by guiding my clients through a cutting of heart ties and sexual ties. When ties remain in place, we leak energy to the other person. These ties may be invisible, but they are still present, nonetheless. Cutting chords and ties releases the other person from your energy field. It also returns your energy to you.
When our karma is complete with a person, we instinctively feel it. It is like a door snaps shut and our work with that person is done. Unless we create a common goal to work together on, the relationship will not survive. I had this happen in my last marriage. When your karma is complete, there is a feeling of severance, completeness that does not exist in other break-ups. You will likely never hear from or talk to this person again. Your work together is complete.
Why We Keep Going Back
In other relationships, we continue to feel drawn to past partners, call or text them. It is as if we can't help ourselves. They are like our krytonite. We know we aren't good with them, but we still have a need to be with them. When a relationship is addictive, abusive or our karma is incomplete, it is much more difficult to let go. We may find excuses to call them, ask them questions or attempt to reconcile repeatedly. Once we do, we slip right back into our old patterns and quickly realize why we broke up in the first place.
How can we get over them?
Stop calling and texting. Each time you contact your past partner, you are re-uniting your energy. You create chords that become entangled. You are coming from a place of need, rather than a healthy place. Try to look at what it is that you miss from this relationship? Is it the friendship? Is it the sex? Is it the familiarity? Often even when a relationship isn't good for us, we are drawn to them, like a moth to a flame. We know they aren't good for us, but we want them just the same. Old patterns are in place that are hard to get out of. Like grooves on an old record. We need to create new ones, and clear the old patterns. Here are some ways to focus on creating a new life, rather than returning to a situation that doesn't serve you any longer.
Children From Another Mother?
We can have attachments to the children or pets from our past partner. This can create additional emotional loss. We may long for a sense of family that these additions to our lives may have filled. When we break-up with our partner, it can feel as if we have lost a household.
Taking Stock
Recognizing what we could have done differently without beating ourselves up can help you heal from a break-up. Looking back at the relationship as an experience and a lesson, rather than a mistake is key. There is always a gift when we leave a relationship, we just need to look at it differently. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Don't beat yourself up. Take a pen and paper and write down what was common in this relationship and others you have had. Where else did you have this type of behavior? Do you have deep issues relating to your childhood that are surfacing in you relationships that need to be addressed and released through coaching?
- Find ways to nurture yourself every day. Take a walk, exercise, visit a friend.
- Journal. Writing about how you feel in the present and what caused you to break up, can help you remember and recognize the unhealthy aspects of the past relationship. You may also get some insights into the reason you attracted them in the first place. Journaling connects you to your higher self, and opens you to receiving messages from the Universal Mind. You will be surprised at what you end up writing when you don't really think about it.
- Have some fun. Do what you love. Find ways to express yourself fully that bring you joy. You have probably given up different aspects of yourself for the old relationship. It is time to reconnect with friends, do crafty things, or paint that piece of furniture you have been meaning to for years.
- Take a class. Learning can bring you a new lease on life. It expands you and turns your thoughts to something different. Use this time to do the things you have been wanting to do.
- Travel to new destinations. Remember the museum or art gallery you have been meaning to see? Now is the time to do those things you have put off.
- Live in the moment. Be spontaneous. Do what you love. If your relationship was an unhealthy one, it is time to get back to some healthy living or activities that bring you joy, make you feel good and affirm your worth.
- Join a team. Playing a sport like softball, bowling or an activity club can give you something to do when you normally would be spending time with your significant other. An activity can open you up to new friendships and focus on fun rather than the loss.
- Allow yourself to feel the sadness. Grieve fully. There will be times you have to cry. Let yourself experience these feelings. Stuffing them will cause you health issues down the road. Grieving is a natural part of a break-up. Give yourself the time you need to heal.
- Be Alone. Allow yourself the time to heal, rather than jump into dating immediately. If you have not healed the issues that caused the break-up, you will attract another person with a different face, but feel like it is the same relationship.
- Take my Love Yourself Fearlessly Group coaching program. Spending time getting to know yourself, what you want, desire and fall in love with you. When you love and accept yourself fully, you will attract a healthy, balanced love, rather than one focused on need, lack or limitation. Coming into a relationship feeling whole raises the bar. A relationship with a foundation of self love and acceptance will not draw abuse, cheating or lying the way codependence does.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of Orgasm For Life. This book bridges the chasm between men and women, helping you understand your partner better, communicate on a higher level and create a relationship based on trust, authenticity and passion. This book is a funny, sexy, inspiring book compiled from over 40 years of passion, experimentation and experience. If Orgasm For Life doesn't turn you on, it is time for an EKG!Purchase on Kindle right now~!
She is a hypnotherapist, energy healer, life and sex coach. Her passion is helping others heal dysfunction, as she has healed hers. She created Love Yourself Fearlessly from her own healing of codependence and insecurity. When you love and accept yourself you feel whole and complete, rather than empty and alone. Jennifer's 6 week group coaching program is a lively way to get her private coaching for a nominal fee. $397 for the 6 week course.
E-mail Jennifer to schedule an appointment, ask questions about her work or have a discovery session to find out if her course, or private sessions are for you.
