Sex In A Cookie

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I am a sensual person. What does that mean, you ask? I find pleasure in touch, food, nature, texture, scents sounds and certainly all aspects of love-making. Of course, we can't be in the sack 24 hours a day, how would we ever get anything done? How could we write our blogs, or coach our clients, or even feed ourselves? 

After a sensual afternoon in the hot sun on a pristine California beach, I stopped at Trader Joes (a specialty market chain) before driving the 2 or so hours home. The beach is relaxing for me, which is wonderful in many aspects, but having to drive home can be dangerous. I have fallen asleep at the wheel countless times, like 4% of the population. It seems I have this family trait in my DNA. I am working to remedy the sleepiness using several different means. Food, music, singing all help to keep us alert when we get sleepy while driving.

Many people get sleepy while driving. Falling asleep at the wheel is the cause of over 100,000 car accidents every year. I have logged thousands of miles in my little Honda back and forth across the country, all the way to Chicago and Toronto and made it there safely. I pray a lot and ask for protection. I also do whatever I can to stay awake once the sun sets, the most dangerous time to drive. 

I don't mean just shutting my eyes for a moment. I fell asleep once right outside of Elvis' birthplace, Tupelo, Mississipi. I drove up the concrete median with both driver's side wheels. With only two wheels on the highway, my angels gently dropped me safely back onto all four wheels about 50 or so feet from where I fell asleep. (I can only assume). 

The car made a very loud noise when those two wheels made contact with the freeway, waking both my daughter and I up. Since this incident, I have tried very hard to have activities in the car to keep me awake, which is typically something to eat.

I had a thermos of coffee ready for my drive home, just in case. I have fallen asleep too many times on my return trip from the beach to count. I picked up a sandwich wrap, some hummus and a package of decadent lace cookies. My long explanation of falling asleep at the wheel surely justifies this falling off the rails, by eating these sweet and very decadent cookies. I thought the sugar would keep help to keep me awake. There was no guilt with my purchase. It was a safety measure!

Once on the highway, I opened the plastic package and selected the top lace cookie, without looking. I took one small bite and savored the incredible textures. I am all about different tastes and texture in my food. Delicious food has contrast. This cookie hit all the high notes in my brain. 

I could feel my pleasure centers lighting up, my eyes practically rolling back in my head while enjoying the diverse sensations of crunch and smoothness in my mouth. The lace cookie has two crunchy cookies sandwiched between incredibly delicious creamy chocolate which is in soft contrast to the nutty crunch. Eating this cookie was such a sensual experience, it was like an orgasm in my mouth.

As with sex, the first one was incredible. I ate the cookie slowly, rolling the taste over my tongue. I took my time, rather than rushing, savoring every mouthful. Who wants to rush something that is so amazing? Certainly not me!  Even after I swallowed the last trace of the lace cookie, I still tasted it in my mouth. The flavor was spreading across my tongue and lips. 

I hesitated before reaching for a second cookie. One cookie was surely enough I thought, it was so rich. The human tendency is to want more of what is incredible. Often, however, the first time, or first, one is so much better than when we go back a second time. 

We need to take our time, not rush and certainly enjoy our pleasure. I did enjoy it, which is why I said to myself,  "It was so good. What the hell!" I've been disciplined this past month, I rationalized. I have lost almost ten pounds, how much difference does one more cookie make? 

As soon as I bit into the second cookie, I regretted it. But I was already committed. I had to finish! As I continued slowly chewing then swallowing the textures of both crunchy toasted nuts and soft chocolate deliciousness, I wished I had stopped after the first one. Why did I go back for more? There was no turning back now! I ate every last bit of it.

How Often Do We Regret?

If you are going to have pleasure, you may as well enjoy it, rather than feel guilty. Don't punish yourself. I had my two cookies and am wondering should I have a third? What the heck nobody is watching! (I didn't feel guilty either.)

Sex

When it comes to guilty pleasures, most of us have experienced guilt with sex. We can feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are. Sometimes we take responsibility for things that we cannot control. Some people tend to "make" us feel guilty. Passive aggression is often part of the equation as well. When someone tries to make you feel guilty to get you to do something is a form of manipulation. Asking for what we want is much healthier and authentic.

Sex addiction can lead to guilt. You might want to read my post on sex addiction here.  Or my personal story here. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. The foundation for her work is healing codependency, addiction and raising self-esteem. When we feel good about ourselves, we begin to attract balanced, healthy relationships. 

Self Mastery is a loving act. Jennifer guides you into mastery. You don't change, but your focus shifts. Instead of feeling hateful towards yourself and others, you lovingly accept all of you, even your flaws and faults. Connect with Jennifer here through her private e-mail to ask questions, or set up a discovery session to see if her work is a good fit for you. 

Listen to ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE on Thursday at 5:00 PM PST or 8:00 PM EST to hear Jennifer live on the air.

Trader Joe's Lace Cookie recipe

The Joy of Pleasure Seeking

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Call me a hedonist! I have to admit that I love pleasure. 15,300,000 other people seem to be searching for it as well when I googled the term "pleasure." Perhaps that is why I am happy. I do my best to focus on the things that make me feel happy and fulfilled. 

I do what gives me that incredible feeling of pleasure, this is what many people call following your bliss. I travel at least five times a year, I spend time with my family whenever I can, I eat healthy foods and exercise daily. I do work that I love and I stopped trying to make others happy.

What is the definition of pleasure? 

Merriam Webster's definition of pleasure is:

 a source of delight or joy. A frivolous amusement, or sensual gratification. A further search using Bing suggested a happy feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment.

There is no doubt that pleasure raises our happiness quotient. Our brain is geared for pleasure. There are many ways we can experience pleasure; getting exercise, eating healthy foods like fresh fruits and vegetables, spending time with the people we love can also help to heighten our experience of pleasure. Sex also increases pleasure for us. Some people may feel that they aren't good at it, and resist having sex. Many people are only having sex occasionally, rather than regularly. Regular sex keeps us healthy, youthful and balanced.

Of course, the flip side is that relationships can be challenging. Some people may feel that their relationships don't make them happy. Their relationships might not bring them pleasure. If not, why not? 

I recently watched the movie, Hector and the Pursuit of Happiness. If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend it. The movie chronicles a psychiatrist looking for happiness. 

Not only is the movie humorously done, but also a source of inspiration for those looking for it. "Hector" will help you recognize what you already have. The recognition of the good in your life can allow you to feel happier and give you increased pleasure. I agree with the premises in the movie. Seeking pleasure can bring you happiness and Vice Versa.

Different Ways To Experience Pleasure

My little dog Yoda in the very hot sand

Living in the desert can be an intense experience. In the middle of a  two-week, hundred degree plus heat wave I decided to take an impromptu trip to the beach.  I checked the air temperatures in San Diego and was thrilled to find temperatures there were in the low 70's. I booked my hotel through hotels.com and found a boutique hotel that was pet-friendly in Little Italy. 

My time at the beach, although short, recharged me, enlivened and excited me. I received many different types of pleasure there alone. I took myself out to dinner, had a great glass of wine and treated myself to Tiramisu, my favorite. Eating slowly is a sensual experience. Tasting our food slowly, savoring it, can be as sensual an experience as a massage for some of us.

Adventure

Travel just about anywhere can be exciting. Taking a trip on a whim can be the most exciting. Travel details and planning can bog us down, create more stress, rather than give us the pleasure we seek. Being spontaneous and deciding the same day to go somewhere, without any preparation can give you a sense of excitement or adventure. The trip doesn't need to be lengthy to give you a rush of positive energy and happiness. A road trip can be just what you need to give you inspiration or your batteries a recharge. 



A trip out of town to a lake, mountain or ocean can bring you a new lease on life, ideas or inspiration. Water and sand ground us. We all need to get ourselves grounded, in touch with nature to recognize who we are, and enjoy the simpler things in life, like just being alive. Making love in a new place can also re-ignite that spark into your relationship. Camping is an inexpensive way to travel when you can swing it. 

The Regenerating Affects of The Ocean

Playing on the beach with my dogs gave me great pleasure. I walked along the soft sand, played in the water with my dogs and relaxed on the shore. The sound of the ocean, and just looking out over the water is in itself meditative. Salt water is healing. The

minerals and salt are restorative agents which cleanse our negativity, balancing our PH. I recommend bathing in salt water to many of my clients because of its healing effects.

Our Brain on Sex

A study in the Netherlands determined that both men's and women's brains react similarly during sex. The brain behind the left eye (lateral orbitofrontal cortex) shuts down, which is the seat of reason or behavior control. When you have an orgasm you lose control. There are some differences as we would expect. When women have

sex the periaqueductal gray (PAG) is activated. The PAG controls the flight or fight response. It is no wonder that women need to feel safe when having sex. Having trust for their partner also deepens a woman's experience of pleasure.

O-face

When women were asked to fake an orgasm the brain scan showed the part of the brain that controls movement was activated. Women actually having orgasms did not. Interesting that the brain registers the difference when we fake orgasm, our body does also.

The Scientists also said that men and women looked like people on heroin while in the throws of orgasm. Pleasure it seems, is the same. It does not matter whether the pleasure is from food sex or drugs.  Denying ourselves pleasure is also saying no to happiness. How do you deny yourself pleasure? I'd love to hear from you. Visit me on FaceBook and join the conversation.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is an author, life coach, hypnotherapist, and energy healer. She uses all of these tools and a few others in

her coaching practice. If you are ready to commit to being happier, more expanded and having happier relationships, set up your free session with her to work on an issue. This way you will be able to see if her work is a good fit for you.