I Fucking Hate You!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

If you have been betrayed, abandoned, lied to or cheated on, this is for you. Reading this will help you heal the past and let go of the blocked emotions that you have not allowed yourself to feel fully. At first, it might feel harsh. I assure you, this will help you dig deep, let go and even cry. You will move through the process of letting go of the sadness, repressed anger and stuck emotions if you read this several times. 

You may find the words are harsh in the beginning moving into forgiveness and acceptance. I will bring you back to a grounded place of love in the end. Letting go of rage, anger and sadness allows you room to heal, let go of the past and move forward. Until all these emotions are released you only THINK you are ready to move on. when you have not healed completely. Sometimes seeing  a photo of your ex on FaceBook triggers an emotional response you didn't expect. These emotions that hit you from out of no where are just showing you that you have more work to do. Be compassionate with yourself and your ex. It will help you to heal you.

I fucking hate that you made me fall in love with you.

I fucking hate that I opened my heart completely to you.

I fucking hate that I trusted you.

I fucking hate that I fell so completely in love with you.

I fucking hate that I let myself go and I fell in completely.

I fucking hate that you lied to me.

I fucking hate that you cheated on me.

I fucking hate that my beautiful heart lay broken and stomped on.

I fucking hate that I let myself fall apart.

I fucking hate that my life has not been the same since you left.

I fucking hate that I feel so broken and lost without you.

I fucking hate that I feel like I will never be the same. 

I know I won't.

I fucking hate that I've been in a mess for so long.

I fucking hate that I hated myself for all the things I said to you.

I fucking hate myself for all the things I didn't.

I fucking hate that I loved making love to you and I let myself go.

I fucking hate that I was totally and completely in love with you.

I fucking hate myself because I can't blame you entirely.

I hate myself because I know I played my part.

I hate myself because I didn't hold you the way I wanted to.

I hate myself because I didn't tell you how much I loved you.

I hate myself that I didn't let you know how completely I loved you.

I hate that I couldn't fix that broken part of you.

I hate that I couldn't love you enough for you to be happy.

I hate that I love and hate you at the same time. 

I hate that I never see your smiling face - ever.

I miss the smell of you next to me.

I miss the feel of your skin.

I miss your body.

I miss your soul.

I miss my life with you.

I wish we didn't hurt so bad.

I wish this pain would go away.

I want to live my life again.

I know this pain will go away.

When I can catch my breath, I will breathe you out.

I know I will be able to wake up tomorrow and go about my day.

I know I can drive my car without seeing you.

I know I can work all day without crying.

I know that I can go a whole week now without crying.

I know soon I will be able to go a whole month without crying.

I know that I will continue to miss parts of you.

But I won't miss the pain.

I won't miss the lies

I won't miss the cheating.

I wont' miss the fact that I wasn't enough for you.

I won't miss the fact that you aren't happy with you.

I won't miss the way that you treated me.

I know that a part of you feels broken.

But I am not broken because you don't want to be with just me.

I know that I deserve more.

I know that I will one day have more.

Right now I feel sad. But....

I am happy with me.

I know I will be okay.

I know that there will be another day and another love for me.

I am not ready yet.

I will take my time.

I will heal my heart.

I will spend the time on me. 

I will make sure next time that I watch for the signs.

I know that I don't have to settle.

I deserve to be loved, accepted and adored.

If someone doesn't accept me, I will move on.

There will be someone who will be there when I turn the corner.

When I shine love out of my heart again for me, they will be there.

Now I see the little broken person that was hurting, I didn't see it before.

You were hurting, trying to fill a void - that I couldn't.

I actually feel compassion for you.

I couldn't before.

I let out my anger.

It was a seething ocean of rage.

It was outrage at your cheating.

It was outrage at your disrespect of my heart.

The anger is gone now.

I don't fucking hate you anymore. But I did. 

I really did.

Now I can feel love for you again. 

A part of me will always love you.

I had  so much hate for you before.

I am so glad its gone now.

It hardened my heart to everyone.

I had no compassion for anyone or anything.

I didn't like myself like that.

I was hard.

I was closed.

I was in so much pain.

I shut myself down because of my pain.

I couldn't let anyone in.

I am letting you go.

I don't need you or the pain any more.

Thank you for showing me where I never want to go again.

Thank you for teaching me I deserve more.

Thank you for teaching me what I needed.

Thank you for showing me that I don't need to settle.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve kindness.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve respect.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve honesty.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve authenticity.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve someone with an open heart.

Thank you for showing me that my heart was not completely open.

Now it is.

I am no longer afraid.

I am no longer shut down.

I am open.

If this post moved you to tears, I am grateful. If this post allowed you to let go of some of your stuck emotions, I am grateful. This is a rare post for me. I don't usually use the F-bomb. However, when you are hurt, angry and even in rage - the only way to release it is to get deep down into it. This is for those of you (and myself too) to allow us to move that energy and get it out. Betrayal makes us feel angry. Most of us only feel hurt because anger isn't safe to express. 

Most of us have been taught that it is not okay to express anger. The only emotions that are okay to express are happiness or joy. Sometimes our heart hurts and we are filled with rage.

Anger and sadness need to be expressed. If this writing helped you to let out your anger, then I am grateful. If this post offended you, don't read it again. This writing was guided and I trust my guidance. People in pain need to let it out. Emotions need to move not be stuffed. Emotions stuffed cause pain and suffering. If you have arthritis, pain in your joints, neck or back, you have blocked emotions. You don't have to be in physical pain.

Meditation does not release the energy of emotions. Emoting releases emotions. Without releasing emotions you are barely breathing. Most people breathe shallowly, rather than deeply. When you breathe deeply you are affirming life. I choose to affirm life and move emotions. This way I live pain free. You can too.

Blocked anger can cause depression, heart attacks and strokes. Often people that don't express their anger in small amounts rage and can hurt others when they do. Blocked resentment causes cancer.

Blocked and unexpressed sadness causes depression. No wonder so many people are on anti-depressants. I used to be depressed and had Fibromyalgia. I don't have any pain at all and I am getting on up there in age.

I am now offering VIP sessions for courageous committed clients. These VIP sessions are powerful Shamanic sessions with movement, breathing and release work. We do this in a sacred and protected area in the Mojave desert. If you would rather bring a friend and do the work together, that works too. For those who want a completely private session I support you totally and completely through the process. 

If you would rather process in group, that can be arranged as well. We release stuck emotions and pain through a Shamanic process. This is sacred work. You will feel lighter, freer and positive at the end of the process. I can't guarantee you won't vomit, or cry. But you will feel better. This is courageous work. I will be there every moment to support you through the process with healing breath work. This is powerful and life changing. If you are ready to be free of your pain and suffering, e-mail me and we will set up a 30 minute phone or Skype session to talk about what you want to accomplish. Either a VIP day (5 hours) in the desert or a coaching program. E-mail Jennifer NOW!

Jennifer is a healed healer. She has healed breast cancer, Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr syndrome, codependency, addictions, chronic depression, fear, arthritis, and slowed down the aging process as a result. She uses hypnotherapy, NLP, Spiritual

Response Therapy and her Spirit guides and The Ascended Masters. She is an Intuitive, catalystic healer and amazingly courageous woman. She is the author of Orgasm For Life the book to bridge the growing chasm between men and women. This book will ignite the fires of passion, give you new skills and ideas to get back the passion lost in long-term marriages. When sex goes out the window, emotions run high. Jennifer works with those committed to heal and live a happier, better life with deeper connected, intimate relationships. Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com