Why You Shouldn't Do Cartwheels To Keep Someone

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

In my love and happiness coaching, I see all kinds of behavior where women will do anything to try and keep a guy that is clearly not worthy and often not interested. I have done it in the past myself. When we attempt to manipulate, change, and hang onto someone by changing who we are or explaining bad behavior away there is no possible way this relationship can work. 

Attempting to hang onto someone who is walking away makes you needy, clingy and very unattractive.  Confidence is infinitely more attractive to a partner than neediness. A relationship will never work if you have the attitude that you will do whatever it takes to change yourself to keep another person. Being inauthentic will make you very unhappy and will destroy the relationship.

Looking For Love? 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them! ~Maya Angelou

You Might Be Doing Cartwheels To Keep Them If:

1. Thinking that if or when he gets off drugs or alcohol things will be better is putting your happiness on the backburner. You can't make anyone want to give up their addiction. You may be addicted to love. 
2. You think your love will cure whatever is ailing the other; it never will. 
3. Explaining away bad behavior away is disrespectful to yourself. Love yourself enough to let someone who treats you badly go. 
4. You wish for things to be different. If you have thoughts like, "if only.....  he would......" let him go. (This is true unless you have extremely high expectations of your relationship and partner.) Perfectionistic people tend to expect their partner to be perfect and no one is. We all have issues and faults. No relationship will ever be totally free of conflict. We are individuals with our own personalities and ways of doing things. No two people will be exactly the same. We have to allow each other to be true to ourselves.
5. You don't talk about what is bothering you. If you allow someone to treat you like a doormat walk all over your feelings, expect you to do everything to keep the relationship working without communicating your needs means you are doing cartwheels to keep them. Work on your self-esteem so that you stop allowing others to mistreat you. Until you do work on yourself you will continue to attract bad behavior because you allow yourself to be mistreated.
6. You are a people pleaser. When you turn yourself inside out doing cartwheels to please someone else you will be unhappy with the outcome. You put your personal needs ahead of the relationship and the other person, which subjugates your happiness. 
7. Expect the other person to make you happy. Another person can't fill the void within you. Looking for someone else to make you happy places too much responsibility on the other person and is an impossible no-win situation. 

I Want To Know What Love Is

If your partner has been disrespectful, hurtful, cheated, lied or just become indifferent to you and who you are, let him go. If they have an anger issue, addictions or are disrespectful to you, it is time to get some help. Self-love and self-respect are imperative for a healthy, balanced and happy relationship.  

Get your FREE 30-minute session with Jennifer to find out if her work is a good fit for you. Book your session with Jennifer right now and become happy with yourself and your life so you can attract a healthy high-quality relationship instead of someone who mistreats you.

Jennifer isn't just a coach. She is a multi-faceted powerful healer and vibrational light worker that clears past patterns of negativity, trauma, and abuse so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin, anxiety-free with a clarity and peaceful inner being so you can be happy with you. When you are happy with you everything in your life becomes one of ease and Grace.

 Jennifer is the author of three books, the latest is:

Happy Here, Happy Anywhere:

The Step-By-Step Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Perscription!

The Poison of Pornography

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

The following article is an excerpt from my book, Orgasm For Life. Readers please note, that I work with men and women with addictions. Pornography has been scientifically proven to be an assault to our senses, like watching beheading on You Tube. It negatively affects our psyches.

Chapter TwelveFear and Pornography

Pornography tells lies about women. But pornography tells the truth about men. —John Stoltenberg

Pornography works on the primal level. Men are visual, women are emotional, relationship based. Women are turned on in their minds rather than through their eyes. We all have our unconscious issues. Men are turned on seeing a beautiful body, women are often turned on by men with money. Women from a primal level want to feel secure, to raise their family.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, fear plays a large part in women’s dryness, lack of arousal, or in overall pleasure. Generations of women have been in fear of rape, molestation, assault, and disrespect. Men are motivated by sex, while women have been in fear of men for thousands of years. Laying fears to rest is what happens in a

committed, loving relationship. The fear of pregnancy is often one of the biggest issues faced by young women today. It permeates our lives from the onset of menstruation through menopause. Men rarely understand how debilitating that fear can be. Abortions are not an option as protection, yet, even with protection many of us have gotten pregnant. 

Pregnancy changes our lives, forever. When faced with being a single parent at an early age, abortion looks like the way. Birth control is not perfect. Using it every time makes it more successful. Even when birth control is used, pregnancy can still result. It is something I had to face as a single woman. My 18-year old daughter is the result. It is not a simple decision. The energy of it remains with you in your cells. It needs to be forgiven or cleared.

One-Night Stands

One-night stands increase fears, limiting beliefs about the self, and insecurities for some women. Pornography has done more to damage women’s issues with men, than it has to enhance it. We fear we won’t be sexy enough, won’t perform the way the porn

stars do and will disappoint you in the bedroom. We can’t compete with women who have breast implants and twenty-two inch waists. We are not porn stars. The standard of beauty and sexiness of porn stars creates one real women can’t possibly live up to.

Women long to be accepted, revered, and loved. Porn has ruined our marriages and is ruining society. 56% of all divorces are citing obsessive use of pornography with one party. Pornography has dehumanized women. It has caused men to view women as objects. It detaches their personalities from their bodies, for their personal gratification, rather than as people who have feelings. There is a level of brutality in porn that teaches men that it’s okay to be brutal with women, or cast them aside after they have come.

Porn creates boredom with men’s own wives, says Rabbi Shmuley. In an interview with Oprah, Rabbi Shumley explained that pornography portrays women as one of four degrading archetypes: “They're either a ‘greedy gold-digger,’ ‘mindless playmate,’ ‘insatiable nymphomaniac,’ or ‘one who craves pain,’” Rabbi Shmuley says. This creates the most insidious view of women, causing men to detach and not form meaningful or romantic relationships with them.

Depression Linked to Porn

Men studied in a recent pornography survey were found to have more sick days and more depression than those who did not view porn at all. Porn creates loners, who shun social interaction, which

is needed for psychological health. Humans need social interaction to survive. Remember the study about the infant children who died without human touch?

Pornography, like any other addiction, can harm all that is good in your life. It hurts children, causes teens to view women in a way nature never intended for, and creates a society that is brutal rather than loving. A Norwegian study of 400 couples found that couples who watched porn together had the most satisfying sex lives with better relationships than when only one person watched porn. There are no secrets in the Universe; people will eventually find out. If you do it, your kids will, too.

Children Watching Porn

Children are having their first encounter with porn as early as age eleven. What are we creating in our world? Teens are watching porn, then having their first sexual experience using porn as a guide. Many boys are growing up without a solid role model at home. Fathers fail to teach their sons how to respect, then make love to a woman. Boys are using porn as a teaching tool.

 

Teenage boys today view girls as objects. They take their virginity without regard for what she is giving to him, or how it changes her life. Before the boy has kissed her good-bye he is lining up the next one. There is no remorse, no conscience, no regret, no feeling. Porn is creating teens so disconnected from themselves, and others. Their self-esteem is low and depression rampant. Suicide in males between the ages of 10 and 24 is the third leading cause of death in the US.

Porn is a waste of your sexual energy that could be focused in loving ways on your spouse. Watching pornography is like gambling. The first time you try it, you find it fun, and alluring. When you go back the second time, you are hooked. It becomes an addiction. Like any addiction, it can ruin relationships and families. Pornography is based on fiction; it is not real. It is like spending your entire day in front of vampire shows on television, then expecting everyone to be a vampire in your world.

Most people have had indiscriminate sex at some point. Today, my belief is that sexual acrobatics with strangers is on the decline where relationships based on love, authenticity, trust, and honesty are on the rise. Women are becoming powerfully successful in all areas of their lives. As women become more powerful, they are more in charge of their sex lives, not in fear of being alone. Looking for someone because you are afraid of being alone is the worst reason to date or become intimate. What you will find is someone who will disrespect you, then further your misery, rather than the other way around.

Buy Her Book Here

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a sex coach and educator. Her focus is on loving yourself fearlessly. When we love and accept ourselves unconditionally, our relationships become easier. We attract healthier situations. If you have a sexual addiction, or porn addiction she can help you with compassion. To work with her or visit her website the links below. E-mail Jennifer to set up a discovery session or ask questions here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

 http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Addicted to Love?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When does making love too much become an obsession or addiction? How do we know we are not in a balanced, healthy relationship? What is the difference between sex addiction and a "normal sex drive?"

If you are finding yourself consumed by sex, or the need to have sex, you might be addicted. I have had sex addicts tell me that there is no such thing as a sex addiction. Which proves the point that denial is a huge part of any addiction.

Who Can Be Addicted?

Remember Robert Palmer? "You like to think that you are immune to the stuff? You might as well face it you are addicted to love!"

Sexual Addiction is Progressive

You might have to increase activities, take bigger risks to get the same rush you used to get with what most people would call "normal sex." Sex feels good. It is natural and normal to have sex and enjoy it. That in itself is not harmful. When sex becomes a compulsion that causes suffering to others, then it has become addictive. If you have to keep amping up your behavior and risk taking to keep things exciting for you, or you are disconnecting from intimacy through your experience, you have a sexual addiction.

Does This Apply To You?

1. Are you preoccupied with sexual thoughts, desires or compulsions?
2. Are your sexual behaviors getting in the way of productive work, or financial obligations?
3. Are your sexual behaviors keeping you from having a deep connection with your partner?
4. Do you feel desensitized to sex with a partner?

If you find that you are unable to have an intimate connection with your partner, then you have an issue. When sex becomes an escape but does not give you the satisfying and gratifying experience that an intimate encounter does, then compulsion or addiction is involved. Shame often enters into addictive sexual behavior as well, leaving you feeling negative and often depressed, rather than satisfied and fulfilled.

There are many different types of sexual addiction. Here are a few:

1. Have a compulsion to masturbate and it interferes with your life or work.
2. Addicted to porn.
3. Have to watch porn to get off.
4. Feel desensitized to sex with a partner.
5. Fantasies pervade your sexual experience with a partner.
6. Paying for sex.
7. Voyeuristic sex. The need to look on while others are performing sex acts.
8. Dangerous sexual experiences, looking for the latest rush or charge.
9. Have the need to be humiliated during sex, before sex or humiliation is part of the stimulation prior to sex.
10. High risk sex. Either dangerous and life threatening or situations involve high risk.
11. You need to exploit the person you are having sex with.
12. Boundary violation is part of your arousal.
13. You may be an exhibitionist, needing to expose yourself as part of the arousal process.

Tonight we continue our discussion about addictions with Dr. Winn Henderson. Tonight's podcast is specifically sexual addictions. We will address the cures for addiction, as well as the causes.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT Download :

Addictions: Part I

Addictions Part II: Sexual

8:00 PM Eastern and 5:00 PM Pacific time

(605)475-4000 PIN 939401 #

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a life, love and sex coach. She is the author of Orgasm For Life, available through Amazon. Her website is JenniferElizabethMasters.com