5 Powerful Reasons Not To Have Sex With Everyone Who Wants You

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

A large portion of the world has low self-esteem. When we don't feel good about ourselves, we can give ourselves away to others carelessly because we don't love ourselves. I know all too well how easy it is to be promiscuous when we have been molested in childhood or mistreated by a partner. I have good news for everyone out there. Anything is subject to change. 

For over thirty years I have worked diligently on myself, healing my emotional, physical and spiritual self. In the process, I have come to know myself very well, something that I didn't do before I became happy with me. I used to feel broken, now I feel completely whole, with healthy boundaries, respect and strong faith in me. 

I haven't stopped growing, clearing myself or learning, in fact, I am in the process of reading six books simultaneously and assimilating this information for you. As I grow in consciousness, wisdom, and knowledge, I can be better able to help you heal yourself and life faster. 

For those of you interested in what I am doing for you, me and the world, sign up for my newsletter as I only share with my inner circle the deepest and most intimate secrets of my life. Believe me what is happening right now, is something you want to be a part of. I have discovered exactly how all the moving parts work together to create the life we love and the love that shifts us to be better than we ever thought possible. 

Sex is a part of our human experience. Whether we have sex for one, or as a couple it is completely natural and nothing to feel guilt, shame or regret over if you follow these guidelines. When we feel these low vibrational emotions we can't manifest sh*t!

5 Reasons Not To Have Sex 

Let's just say you are kissing someone you have just met while on a date. Wonderful! Experience it fully. Check in with yourself. Is this someone you would regret having sex with? If the answer is yes, just say no. Our inner guidance system is nothing to be trifled with. Trust what you feel. The more you trust yourself, the better you will feel about your decisions. 

Here are the 5 reasons why not to engage in the horizontal mambo:

1. It feels yucky. If you feel bad, the sex will be bad. You will have regret later. Whatever it is, their smell, the way they kiss, the timing, trust your instinct.

2. They are pushing for something you don't feel works for you. Maybe things are going along well, then all of a sudden there is a change in activity. If he shoves your head into your crotch and you don't like it say so. You'll be surprised how much respect you will get when you say "I don't like it when you do that!"

3. You aren't ready. There are many reasons to not feel ready for sex. It could be the wrong time of the month, it could be it is just too soon, it could be you don't feel your best. Whatever the reason don't do it. Pushing a bad move will leave you feeling regret. Regret is a terrible thing! Standing up for what you feel is right for you is empowering. Having sex when you really aren't up for it is disempowering. Choose wisely.

4. You value yourself. Maybe your date thinks you are really hot, but you don't have the same feelings about them. Maybe the situation is uncomfortable due to a lack of privacy. The first time you have sex with someone you want it to feel good, not bad. If your gut is trembling with fear, trepidation or distaste, stop. Tell them you aren't ready. Maybe tell them you will never be ready for them, but be kind. 

5. You respect yourself and it doesn't feel right. Self-respect is a tenuous thing. When we don't trust ourselves and do something anyway, we are not respecting us. Respect is one of the cornerstones of a healthy, loving relationship, starting on the wrong foot will make the whole thing just wrong. My book Orgasm For Life will help you discover yourself, and your partner in a new and loving way.

You have value. You deserve to be loved. You are worthy. You are loveable. Now turn this around and say these things to yourself over and over until you believe them. 

I deserve it!

I have value

I am worthy

I am enough

How To Create Positive Change With Affirmation And Prayer

Using mantras in the background of your mind when your mind is in neutral works best: while you are showering, shaving, putting on makeup, driving, walking, right before sleep and upon waking will slip past the gatekeeper of your unconscious mind.

Now go forth and date! Go to meetups, but get yourself out there. You won't find a partner sitting at home on the couch stuffing yourself with ice cream and Cheetos. 

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Buy her books on Amazon.com

Why You Shouldn't Do Cartwheels To Keep Someone

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

In my love and happiness coaching, I see all kinds of behavior where women will do anything to try and keep a guy that is clearly not worthy and often not interested. I have done it in the past myself. When we attempt to manipulate, change, and hang onto someone by changing who we are or explaining bad behavior away there is no possible way this relationship can work. 

Attempting to hang onto someone who is walking away makes you needy, clingy and very unattractive.  Confidence is infinitely more attractive to a partner than neediness. A relationship will never work if you have the attitude that you will do whatever it takes to change yourself to keep another person. Being inauthentic will make you very unhappy and will destroy the relationship.

Looking For Love? 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them! ~Maya Angelou

You Might Be Doing Cartwheels To Keep Them If:

1. Thinking that if or when he gets off drugs or alcohol things will be better is putting your happiness on the backburner. You can't make anyone want to give up their addiction. You may be addicted to love. 
2. You think your love will cure whatever is ailing the other; it never will. 
3. Explaining away bad behavior away is disrespectful to yourself. Love yourself enough to let someone who treats you badly go. 
4. You wish for things to be different. If you have thoughts like, "if only.....  he would......" let him go. (This is true unless you have extremely high expectations of your relationship and partner.) Perfectionistic people tend to expect their partner to be perfect and no one is. We all have issues and faults. No relationship will ever be totally free of conflict. We are individuals with our own personalities and ways of doing things. No two people will be exactly the same. We have to allow each other to be true to ourselves.
5. You don't talk about what is bothering you. If you allow someone to treat you like a doormat walk all over your feelings, expect you to do everything to keep the relationship working without communicating your needs means you are doing cartwheels to keep them. Work on your self-esteem so that you stop allowing others to mistreat you. Until you do work on yourself you will continue to attract bad behavior because you allow yourself to be mistreated.
6. You are a people pleaser. When you turn yourself inside out doing cartwheels to please someone else you will be unhappy with the outcome. You put your personal needs ahead of the relationship and the other person, which subjugates your happiness. 
7. Expect the other person to make you happy. Another person can't fill the void within you. Looking for someone else to make you happy places too much responsibility on the other person and is an impossible no-win situation. 

I Want To Know What Love Is

If your partner has been disrespectful, hurtful, cheated, lied or just become indifferent to you and who you are, let him go. If they have an anger issue, addictions or are disrespectful to you, it is time to get some help. Self-love and self-respect are imperative for a healthy, balanced and happy relationship.  

Get your FREE 30-minute session with Jennifer to find out if her work is a good fit for you. Book your session with Jennifer right now and become happy with yourself and your life so you can attract a healthy high-quality relationship instead of someone who mistreats you.

Jennifer isn't just a coach. She is a multi-faceted powerful healer and vibrational light worker that clears past patterns of negativity, trauma, and abuse so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin, anxiety-free with a clarity and peaceful inner being so you can be happy with you. When you are happy with you everything in your life becomes one of ease and Grace.

 Jennifer is the author of three books, the latest is:

Happy Here, Happy Anywhere:

The Step-By-Step Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Perscription!

Bringing God Into The Bedroom Through Tantra

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

If you have ever had an experience with a partner where you felt the presence of God, you have tapped into the threshold of where Tantra takes you every time. Sex without God is like a day without sunshine. Tantra creates a sacred and spiritual act by slowing down the process and making sex mindful keeping you focused on each sacred moment.

Too often sex is a rush of heated sexual tension and over within minutes. Tantra slows down everything from your breathing to touch. Tantra takes you out of your mind (in so many ways) and into your body so that you feel each touch like a blaze of heat and ecstasy. (As I had a partner describe to me.)

Tantra focuses on breathing together, entraining your consciousness as one, slowing movement and the act of love-making to feel each touch, looking into your partner's eyes and being one with God. 

Tantra is liberating, rather than bonding two people together. In Tantra, it is not the other you are relating to, but the highest aspect of yourself. Connecting to the highest aspect of yourself causes a very fast and enjoyable expansion of consciousness that is stronger and faster than alone. You attain a state that is not dependent on the other.

You become fully present with your divinity filled with gratitude for those you experience this expanded experience. 

Beginning with massage, slow touch allows you to connect deeply with your body and get out of your mind. When you are present fully, connected rather than in your head Tantric sex becomes a sacred spiritual act. 

Sex without Tantra feels like a ride at an amusement park. It is over before you begin to enjoy it and you feel the price was far too high.

Tantra focuses on each moment, rather than being in a hurry to rush to the finish line. Orgasm happens but usually many times, rather just than once. Orgasm with Tantra rolls like wave after wave through your entire body, rather than an experience only felt in your genitals. 

Edging

Today Millenials have come up with a name for what Tantra has used for centuries. Edging brings you to the brink of orgasm and then allows the energy to subside over and over again so that pleasure is experienced for hours rather than moments. 

Sex With Heart

Tantric sex is beautiful as it brings your sexual energy into your heart and expands it outward all over your body. Imagine feeling an orgasm throughout your entire body undulating for minutes rather than seconds. 

If you don't respect your partner, you will not be able to engage in the depth of the Tantric experience. Respect is needed to create a sacred act with the presence of God.

G-Spot Massage

Women and men both have a G-spot. For women, it is located on the upper wall of the vagina approximately an inch and a half inside the opening. Men also have a G-spot, just inside the rectum. G-spot massage for both sexes enhances the sexual experience and deepens orgasms to be more profound and powerful. For those who still wonder if the G-spot in a woman is fact or fiction, click here. 

Orgasm For Life: Sting and Tantra


Study Tantra and See For Yourself

Some of the comments I have received on my blog are that what I say is too good to be true. If you haven't tried it, don't knock it.

Take a Tantric weekend course and see for yourself. There are many excellent Tantra teachers in the world, I studied with Charles Muir, but there are many excellent Tantra teachers out in the world: Devi Ward, Prem Sarovara are two of them.

There are many types of Tantra. Red, white, black are different from one another. If you are interested in the different types I have written a much-read article here. Tantra: White, Red, Black What The Heck?

Semen Retention Benefits

Semen retention is the withholding of ejaculation. You can still experience orgasms, yes and many times in one encounter. Sex can continue for hours while you maintain your energy and stamina. Your erection may wane for a short while after an orgasm but very quickly you will be able to be back in the swing with a strong, hard erection. There are many benefits to semen retention.  

You will find when you begin to retain your semen and ejaculate only when you choose to that you have increased energy, look and feel younger and don't take so long to be ready for the next wondrous round of sex!

Passionate sex requires a change of attitude. Passion doesn't mean that you come within two minutes of beginning a love-making session. Passion requires patience and a giving heart. Slow down, get out of your head and feel each feeling fully. Connect eye-to-eye and take the time to kiss your partner slowly without being in a rush. Experiencing pleasure slowly, changing position, speed, pressure from light and gentle to deep and firm can add a higher consciousness to your sex life and relationship. 

Everyone can shift their sex life up a notch to enjoy passionate, hot sexual experiences that you talk about for years to come!

Let me know how this works for you. Comment below, or join me on FaceBook for a conversation! 

Set up your private session with me to find your joy and happiness within. I help men and women find lasting happiness. 

Buy Orgasm For Life on Amazon.com

Jennifer is currently working on her third book:

Happy Here, Happy Anywhere
The Step-By-Step Guide For Overcoming Depression, Anxiety and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!

Visit Aphrodite Effect.com Jennifer's website

The Policy Of Truth

by Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Truth is the quality or state of being true. Truth encompasses integrity, character, honor. Telling the truth is a refusal to lie. What about half-truths? What about white lies? Are they just lies disguised as niceties? Is it okay to lie about your age?

While in Atlanta, I had a discussion with a group of women about the subject of telling the truth. The higher our vibration becomes, the less we lie. We are held to a higher standard as we become awakened. The more honest we are, the better we feel. Dishonesty affects our self-esteem. Honesty is a sign of strong character. 

Telling the truth consistently and speaking your truth are two components of authenticity that speak volumes about who you are. 

Parents lie to their children then wonder why their children lie to them? Adults lie to their peers and receive the same in return. What we send out we get right back. We see our president blatantly lie, politicians also lie for him. 


Question: Is it okay to tell your child that a parent abandoned you? Or is it better to tell your child a made-up story about why the parent isn't around, like that they died when they didn't? 

Answer:  Never lie to your child to cover up the truth. Energetically, your child knows at a soul level that they were lied to. The second reason you want to be honest is that you teach your child lying is okay by modeling bad behavior.

Does This Dress Make My Ass Look Fat?

The subject came up while dining in a restaurant. What do you say to someone when they ask if an outfit makes them look fat? What if the answer is, "Yes, it does?" We can respond compassionately to this question by saying, "I have seen you look better in other outfits." We are not lying, but also not hurting the other person's feelings.

I have not been able to lie for over three years. When I make a statement if it is not completely true, I am Guided by a question from my High Self, "Is that completely true?" Or sometimes, I hear, "Are you sure you don't want to change that response?" Other times, it is like a pregnant pause and more of a feeling. The end result is that I cannot lie. I have to tell the complete truth.

Lying About Your Age on A Profile

A friend of mine told me today, "Everybody lies about their age." I don't agree with that statement. I don't lie. I don't lie about my age. I don't lie about the number of times I have been married. I don't lie about anything. I know others that don't. When I posted my profile, I was honest about my age. 

A fellow practitioner recently asked me what I would say to a client that began to date a man from a dating site and lied about her age on her profile. She was youthful and radiant even though she was in her seventies. She didn't say she was one or two years younger. She stated that her age was twenty years younger than her chronological age. The man she met began to fall for her. "What should she do?" was the question the practitioner asked me. 

My response is always, "Tell the truth!"

Why Should You Tell The Truth?

A relationship based on a lie will never work. When mistrust is the foundation, there can never be trust. Even if you never come clean about the lie, the undercurrent you emit is negative. Whatever you send out comes back to you. If you lie, others will lie to you. If you cheat, others will cheat on you. If you lie about your age on a dating site, someone will lie to you also. Honesty is always the best policy.

We can also lie to ourselves. We lie about how happy we are. We lie about our relationships. Asking questions and going within will help. Lying to oneself is denial, not the river in Egypt.

Lying Is A Low Vibration

Lying lowers your vibration. You attract what you are. If you lie, you are a liar. Through the law of attraction, you will attract others that lie also. 

Liars, cheaters, and abusers have a low vibration. Dating a married man is cheating. You are cheating by taking someone else's partner. 

If you say that you have been faithful, but send texts to other women or men that are suggestive, you may as well be cheating. Your vibration suggests that you are. Cheating involves betrayal and rejection, both of which leave the other person broken and wounded. Flirtatious texts make you unfaithful in your heart. If you want to have sex with another person, be honest; get a divorce, breakup, but don't cheat or lie.

10 Rules For Dating That Keep You From Experiencing Guilt

Honesty Is A Higher Vibration

Being honest carries an upward or rising energy. Your vibration rises by being consistently honest. When you stop telling all lies you become a person of strong moral character. People will trust you. Your vibration attracts others with a higher vibration. You feel better when you are a person with strong character. Your self-esteem rises as your character becomes stronger.

The best policy is the policy of truth.

Contact Jennifer for your discovery session to find out if her work is a good fit for you. 

When we lovingly accept ourselves as we are with all our faults

and flaws, we have healthy self-esteem. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE The Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Prescription!


Find Jennifer's books on Amazon.

Visit Jennifer's Aphrodite Effect website

7 Ways to Shift Your Relationship Quickly

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When we are dating, we often overlook the negative. We might brush issues we need to comment on under the carpet because we don't want to ruin what we believe we have. At the beginning of a relationship, we lay the groundwork for boundaries, communication, and appreciation. We teach the person we are dating how we want to be treated by being kind, generous and considerate to them. When we don't call someone on their bad behavior, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are also training our partner that poor treatment is okay with us. This is where abusive treatment begins. 

As time goes on, the bad behavior often goes from bad to worse. Things are usually the best early on in our relationships because each of us is on our best behavior. If you are not setting up healthy boundaries when you are dating, it will become increasingly difficult to do it later. 

In mature relationships, we sometimes snap, gripe and complain to our partners. We can use a condescending tone when we get irritated. We can make demands rather than requests. When we demand, we block love. When we use a condescending tone, as if we are exasperated with our partner, we are acting like the parent, rather than an equal. 

Communication Inside The Bedroom

Trying to get your needs met in the bedroom can be very difficult if you don't have an open channel of honesty. Compassion, and appreciation go a long way to show our partner kindness. However, if they don't get what you need and you aren't getting your needs met, a conversation needs to take place BEFORE you get into the bedroom. 

Following are 7 Ways To Shift Your Relationship Quickly

1. Appreciate him/her when your partner does something for you. Say, "Thank you." Smile and make eye contact to show you mean it. Appreciation is one of the most important issues to men. If they are not being appreciated they will feel unloved.
2. Be respectful. Giving your partner the respect they deserve will shift your relationship quickly. If you talk down to your partner or they talk down to you, you won't feel respected. Mutual respect is a requirement of a happy and healthy balanced relationship.
3. Validate them. If your partner isn't feeling well, or is having a bad day, they need to be validated for their feelings. Saying, "I'm sorry you are having a bad day today, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?" Usually, they will say no or maybe ask for a hug. The most important issue is that you have validated their feelings. Telling someone they can't or shouldn't feel a certain way will lead to feeling unimportant and even angry.
4. Touch your partner in non-sexual ways. There are times when we need to be hugged, have our shoulder touched or even our hand held to know we are loved from more than being a sexual partner. Non-sexual touching keeps intimacy alive in the relationship. For you men out there than think intimacy means sex, it doesn't. Emotional closeness is what intimacy is. Allowing the other person close to you at others times than when sex is occurring will show that they are loved.
5. Make loving eye contact. In today's fast-paced world, many people rarely look each other in the eyes. Take the time to look at your lover in the eyes when you speak to them. Eye contact allows another to see into your soul. If you can't allow them in, you won't have close sexual intimacy either.
6. Be honest. Honesty is important if you want to have a deep connection. Lies create distance. Allowing another to hear the truth may hurt at first, but over time, your relationship will deepen and become more connected if you don't have lies and distance between you. 
7. Be authentic. Pretending to be something you are not, or faking anything (even that you like football when you don't) creates a disconnect. You will not have deep intimacy and connection if you are not allowing your partner to see the real you.

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What Men Want From Their Women

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

If you are looking for a Soul Mate relationship, you will want to read this all the way to the end. If you are looking for a committed Soul Mate relationship, getting a guy to commit to you will take this!

Historically, there have been songs written, movies created and thousands of books about the differences between men and women's needs. Sometimes, the translation is lost or we just don't get it. Men here is your chance. I told you I would support you! Women this is for you. If you are in a relationship with a man, looking for love or considering dating you need to look within. Can you give your man what he needs? A supportive relationship involves each of us giving our lover what THEY need. Men may have difficulty vocalizing what they need. I am their advocate here. 

I give credit to Jonathon Aslay here for his work with mid-life women. You can visit his website through this link. 

Men want companionship. They want someone they can let down with, enjoy a bottle of wine, dinner, sunset, sunrise and share the experiences they wish to discuss with you. Men want a lover they can be themselves with. 

What Is Companionship?

In a woman's words, it means friendship. Of course, your man doesn't want you to burp and fart like the men they might have a beer with, but if you've got 'em smoke 'em! Donald Sutherland has countless stories about his wife of forty years farting when they first met. He married her and has stayed with her throughout her expulsions and loved her anyway. That is part of, but not all of companionship. It is accepting their natural state, without derision, criticism, and complaint.

Companionship means someone you love to share your life with, sunsets, travel, and all of life. A companion is someone you want to be with because they understand you and love you anyway.

Men Want Acceptance

Women think they are helping a man by critiquing their words, spelling, actions and even thoughts. We are not helping we are criticizing. Unconditional love is required for a loving. supportive relationship. If you complain about your man's work, actions, ineptness you are tearing down his self-esteem, not raising him up and supporting him. Put the shoe on the other foot, would you feel he was helping you if he told you your sweater made you look like your grandmother? Would you feel loved and accepted if he told you your dinner sucked and he would rather have eaten at McDonald's? No, you wouldn't. So don't do it to him. 

Men Want to Be Appreciated

I remember being young and stupid, yes, I look back and see how I missed the mark. I was married to a handsome, intelligent man who worked very hard to support our family. He travelled a lot in his work, was away quite a lot, leaving me with our children. But he was doing what he thought a man should do - making money. He made a lot of money over the years. I even married him because I knew he was going places. I didn't appreciate his long hours, dedication to our family through his work. Be careful what you wish for you just might get it, I did!

The fact that he missed us while he was away and wanted nothing more than to be home with us. He loved gold and I resented this time away from us. Yet, after giving so much to his work-life, he needed to cut loose in a sport he loved. I didn't get it. I divorced this man who gave me everything material I ever dreamed of. We were wealthy by today's standards. Was our marriage perfect? No, it wasn't because I didn't love myself. I didn't appreciate what I had. I blamed him for my unhappiness. I didn't appreciate him for what he did or was doing to support us. 

When was the last time you told your man that you thought he was an amazing lover? Do you appreciate the fact that he never misses your birthday? Or do you focus on the fact that he doesn't buy you what you wanted? 

Appreciation means to be grateful to our men for their handiwork and their efforts to bring home the bacon, or fix something. Men take care of fixing issues. It is what they do. It is what they are wired for. Thanking them for painting the doors, windows, fixing the leak in the bathroom vent on the roof, or cleaning the gutters. Appreciation means saying thank you without criticism. Just because the task wasn't completed to our satisfaction is no reason not to give gratitude with love. Women need to give up having things done our way all the time. Seeking perfection in everything will lead to an unhappy relationship beginning with you. Sometimes we need to just say "Thank you for doing that, I really appreciate you."

Respect

Men want to be respected. If you don't respect your man, your relationship is dead in the water. You won't have deep intimacy or the expanded love that you could have. Without respect, men will feel less than they are. A lack of respect will kill a loving relationship faster than anything. 

If you don't respect yourself, you won't respect anyone else either. Women who have low self-esteem often don't respect themselves and need to work on this for their personal happiness and growth. It was one of my issues also. I didn't even recognize that I didn't respect myself. Often disrespect for the self comes from childhood trauma or molestation. (Call me or e-mail for this one!)

What does disrespect look like? 

When we disrespect our men, we basically emasculate them. Yes, we cut off their balls with our words or criticism. Then we wonder why they are so gutless?!

We need to revere our men. Yes, and they need to do the same for us. Women are responsible for how the relationship travels. We set the ground rules. Include healthy respect or you will be very sorry.

The tone you request something or deliver a question speaks volumes. It is not necessarily your words but the tone that needs to be even, and loving. Cut the bitchiness or sounding like you are a Demon-seed. Remember you will win many more rounds with honey rather than vinegar. Play your cards with some wisdom.

SEX With A Capital "S!"

Men are wired to express themselves sexually. Without regular sex, their balls feel like they will explode (so I am told). Pressure builds every few days without ejaculation and they need to express this urge through sex. Women don't understand this because we don't have testicles. 

Sex is a natural expression of our humanness and sexuality. Sex is a part of a loving relationship. Without sex, there is no intimacy. Sex opens men's hearts to express their deepest emotions, desires and brings them closer to us. When women refuse sex or don't want it, their men feel rejected, unloved and unappreciated. Part of being a man is the ability to lovingly pleasure their partner. Men show their love for us in many ways, the biggest though expression for most men is sexual. It is where men feel like men. Taking sex away from men creates derision, separation and shuts men down.

Sex is the greatest expression of our appreciation for them, their commitment and what they do for us.

Put all these together and you will get your man to commit to you. Leave off any one of these critical components and you will miss out on his greatness and deepest love.

I would love to hear what men think. Please write me an e-mail or message me on FaceBook. How accurate is this for your situation?

Don't forget this Wednesday for the last live class of Manifesting Money and Men. You don't want to miss all the secrets I share about manifesting and Co-Creating your fabulous life and love!

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Respect For Yourself

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Do you long for the day that your partner will have your back and support you? Do your personal interactions  involve control, criticism or disrespect? Have you ever felt interrogated by someone and wondered why you answered all their personal questions? Intrusive and meddling individuals have weak boundaries and often cross other people's.

Do you bond too quickly, allowing someone to hear all your most intimate details in the first conversation? Do you tell secrets you wish you didn't? Do you have difficulty getting off the phone when you want to? Often when we had our boundaries crossed as children, we spend a lifetime trying to overcome this pattern. 

When our boundaries aren't firmly established, we may feel afraid to ask for what we might need, for fear that our partner, or even our children won't love us. A fear of making unpopular decisions was one of my fears when I was first in relationships. However, it wasn't until I had children that I began to recognize just how poor my boundaries were. I so wanted my children to love me that I rarely gave them clear boundaries, with repercussions for unwanted behavior. I had a hard time saying, "No" when I meant "HELL NO!" I didn't respect myself and didn't even know. 

When we don't have healthy boundaries, we may we end up crossing other people's and don't recognize doing so. We may vent to friends about our problems. This spewing of negativity may alienate our dearest friends due to too much drama. Drama is a side-effect of not having clear boundaries.

Whether we are single, married or have children, setting healthy boundaries may be challenging and feel foreign at first. Like any new behavior, it takes practice. Once we get the hang of it, practicing using boundaries, keeps us feeling safe and stable. Until we become comfortable with this new skill, we may become reactive and over-course-correct. We have to be sure that we let our loved ones know that there are repercussions for crossing our boundaries, but make the punishment fit the crime. 

If we allow someone to keep crossing our boundaries, it is an indication of a lack of personal respect. The two go hand in hand. If you have challenges with boundaries, your most likely don't respect yourself or others.

What Is A Boundary?

We all have a personal bubble. Some people may come too close to us, standing inside our personal bubble. They may touch us when or where, we don't want them to, or ask us to do things we don't want to do. When our boundaries aren't healthy, we may end up saying yes, when we mean no.  Or perhaps performing other acts they feel uncomfortable doing.

How To Create Boundaries

1. Keep some information private. Allow new people to get to know part of you, but don't give them the whole enchilada in the first sitting. Instead of giving someone 100% of your life story, only let them in 20% of the way. This way, you don't have to course-correct and shut down if you feel you have revealed too much.

2. You don't have to reveal all of yourself to all your family members, church congregation or children. Be selective with whom you share private and intimate details. If you and your partner are having issues in your relationship, you don't have to share the details with your mother, children or friends. Think before you answer somebody's questions. You don't have to respond just because a question was asked. You can always ask, "Why do you want to know?"

3. Take care of your needs. Often when we don't have clear personal boundaries, we don't take care of our physical needs. We may stay up too late at night, waste time on the computer, or watch television until the wee hours. Get to bed at a reasonable time. Eat a healthy diet. Don't skip meals because you are trying to please someone else. You don't have to be everything to everyone, or please everyone. You don't have to do every town project, fundraiser at school, or make love if you are too tired. Do things for yourself that make you happy. Nurture you. Take care of you.

4. Communicate your needs in a positive way. Most people don't know what is on our mind. Don't expect your loved ones to read your mind, do so in an upbeat way rather than acting like a victim. Be specific about what you want. 

"I want some alone time right now. Please give me some space."

"I want to spend time with you too, but first I have to take some time for me."

"I would be glad to discuss this with you if you will be respectful and polite."

"I appreciate your opinion, but I need to experience this myself. I learn from my mistakes, you can't do this for me."

"Both of our time is valuable. I need you to be on time for dinner out of respect for me."

"I need you to refrain from speaking to me in that tone of voice." 

To your children: "I love spending time with you. I will play this game with you for one hour, and then I have to get my blog written."

5. When you feel someone is intrusive, overfriendly or meddling with you, cool towards them. You can do so gently. Your body language and eye contact speak volumes. Look at them less, turn your body away from them. Your tone of voice, facial expressions are ways you can shift your energy from open to more closed.

6. Your energy and demeanor can convey that you don't' want to speak to another. If a subtle change in your energy doesn't get the point across to the other person, tone down your energy to a cooler temperature. Instead of being open and warm, cool down, change your tone of voice. If body language and tone don't work, use words to express, "Please excuse me, I am visiting with friends right now." If your words don't get your point across, you can remove yourself physically from the situation. Leave.

7. Stay calm. Yelling at another conveys a lack of emotional control. You do not have to be reactive to what another person is saying. You have the power to NOT REACT. Demanding, pleading or insisting that someone not cross your personal boundaries

indicates how you are not in control of your emotions. You don't have to be emotionally entwined with what the other person is doing or saying. You can control how you react to a situation.

8. Eliminate draining complaining conversations. People that call you to vent about all their woes, are dumping their negativity all over you energetically. If someone often calls you or complains in person, extricate yourself from the conversation by saying, "I don't involve myself in negativity. I have to go now." If after several times this behavior does not change; you have the option to speak your truth. 

"I find negative conversations are draining. I would prefer to speak only about positive subjects that make me feel good." 

"I have so much going on right now, I won't have time to talk."

"Oh I am sorry that these things are happening in your life right now. Would you like me to give you some feedback as to why these patterns are repeating for you? If you don't want my advice then, I can't help you."

9. Respect yourself and those you are with. Avoid public arguing or public demeaning and critisicm. If you are being disrespected, be prepared to leave a public place. Arguing in public is disrespectful and rude to yourselves and others.

10. Be polite. Don't take anything that doesn't belong to you from another without asking, this includes from their plate as well. Sharing from a place involves enmeshment. We are each individuals. Enmeshment is unhealthy. Keep your autonomy intact. Always ask first, "May I have a taste?" If they respond negatively, let it be.

11. Allow your children to have their personal space. Touching inappropriately, or kissing them in public when they don't want you to is invasive. Children need to learn to establish their own boundaries early. Help them to be their own person. 

12. Respect yourself, your body and your partner's. Ask before touching your partner. Expecting, demanding or taking another person without their permission is disrespectful and demeaning. Acting as if you own your partner leads to resentment and disconnection. Long-term marriage does not give anyone the right to have sex with or touch another if they don't want to be touched. 

Without respect we can't engage in arguments. Getting involved in a firey discussion when someone does not respect you is futile. If someone does not respect you and continues to engage in demeaning behavior, you have to be able to go to the wall and leave not only the situation, but the relationship if the behavior does not change.

Setting Your Life On Fire is what I help you do. Part of this work involves getting to know yourself on a deep level. When you can be honest with yourself, your life shifts with a magnitude that is astounding. 

Boundary issues were part of my life. I am still working on these issues in a smaller way. As I began to love myself more, my respect for myself grew. Boundary issues cause problems in relationships, eventually. Early on, you might not notice. Over time, the small issues become greater. 

Probably the most profound work I do for people is clear old patterns that hold them back. Emotions, beliefs, and blocks once removed allow your energy to move to a higher level. Without all

the pain stuck in your cells, you become lighter, happier and more uplifted. Why not get your energy cleared and see all the changes happen for you? Book your energy clearing appointment here now. Book now. 

Visit Jennifer's website here: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Respect: The Greatest Addition To Your Sex Life

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When someone disrespects us, we often feel angry. Our boundaries have been crossed when we are disrespected. When we lack self-respect, we might not notice disrespect. This article will help you raise awareness and give you several helpful ways to shift your energy.

What is disrespect? Oxford dictionary defines disrespect as follows:

disrespect

lack of respect or courtesy:

"growing disrespect for the rule of law"

synonyms: contempt · lack of respect · scorn · 

· disdain · disregard

VERB informal NORTH AMERICAN

show a lack of respect for; insult:

"a young brave who disrespects his elders"

Interestingly, Latin people have respect by the boatload, which is why their sex lives are more fulfilling than the rest of the world. Having sex with someone who doesn't respect you could lead to abuse, lack of regard for your feelings or even pleasure. 

Americans seem to have lost regard for one another. Men walking into the gym don't hold the door for women who enter after them. They are thinking only of themselves. Why? Kids are being taught to think only of themselves from a very early age, by catering to their every whim. We have a new generation of entitled young people who expect everything, but give nothing in return. 

Respect has been instilled in the Latin people for generations. Kids in the United States have little respect for their elders, parents and even teachers. Respect is taught. If children are not taught to respect themselves and others, they won't. It is not innate. 

Losing Self-Respect

If our boundaries are crossed early due to abuse or sexual trauma, we may not have any self-respect. What is especially troubling is that we often have no idea we lack selfrespect, which was the case for me. My third husband, stated, "If you don't respect yourself, how can I respect you?" This was a big eye-opener for me. Through sexual trauma, I had my boundaries crossed repeatedly. How can you have self-respect when it has been destroyed? It took me thirty years of recovery to respect myself and develop healthy boundaries. 

Becoming Self-Aware

There are many ways that we are disrespected and don't even notice. I have listed several for you to trigger awarenes.

1. People make fun of you or make belittling remarks about you.
2. You might find others are sarcastic towards you.
3. Your animals climb all over you and don't listen to you.
4. Your kids don't do as you ask.
5. Your partner doesn't respect your boundaries.
6. People are rude to you.
7. You feel invisible.
8. You are being emotionally abused.
9. Others speak to you with scorn.

Respect has to come from you first. Building self-respect comes from establishing healthy boundaries. There are more subtle signs of disrespect in the world. You may find others cut you off on the road. When trying to ease into traffic no one allow you in.

Building Self-Respect

1. Know what you want and don't want.
2. Express your opinions
3. Don't feel you have to do something because everyone else is doing it.
4. Make it clear to others what you want, or don't want.
5. Make it clear to others what is unacceptable behavior
6. Stop doing things you don't want to do just to please everyone else.
7. Don't feel pressure to do something because someone is manipulating you
8. Be respectful of others.
9. Don't belittle others or put others down.
10. Don't use sarcasm to make a point.
11. Be respectful and courteous of others.
12. Make conscious choices that are respectful of yourself.

You will quickly notice that building self-respect is a lot like building healthy boundaries. Often if we don't have self-respect we also lack healthy boundaries. That is a subject for another discussion. 

Trust

Part of developing respect is trust. If you don't live up to your commitments or your partner doesn't you may have difficulty trusting. Trust is a huge part of an intimate sex life. If you can't be trusted in your relationship, intimacy and a regular sex life may continue to allude you. If you want more sex, or more connected sex, this is an issue you want to course correct immediately!

1. Do what you say you will do.
2. Show up on time.
3. Be present. Turn off your cell phone and computer.There is nothing worse than being half there. If you are looking at your cell phone or computer when you are supposed to be with someone you are not present. It is hard to trust someone who isn't WITH YOU FULLY.
4. Be aware of your surroundings and yourself. 

Now, I will turn you over to the Queen of RESPECT, Aretha Franklin.

Have questions about Jennifer's work? Do you want a blog written about your issue?

 Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. She is working on her third book and a new program you will absolutely LOVE! Listen to Jennifer on Tune In. Or on her provocative show, All You Need Is Love. Jennifer's coaches clients all around the world on Skype or phone. Set up your private sessions here.