Feeling Unhappy In Your Relationship? Follow These 3 Steps For Resolution

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

We have all been there. We feel stuck, blocked and unhappy. Our sex life might be bland or non-existent, and arguments and strife might be what we consume for breakfast. It doesn't feel good to not be on the same page as our partners. The easiest way for us to feel better is to blame the other person. The problem with blame is it makes us a victim and as you know none of us are. We make choices
and are where we are because of the beliefs we have and the decisions made.

When we feel unhappy, we look to the other person as the source of our unhappiness. However, taking responsibility for where we are is something that each of us has to do to begin to shift our energy and change direction from negative thinking which blocks to gratitude and the downward spiral of negativity.

Responsibility is the key to healing.  JEM

Step One

Once we recognize that we are in blame, we have to change our focus and look for ways to resolve the mess we feel we are in. To solve a problem, we have to look at it from a perspective we haven't used yet. Begin by using a query to uncover the truth. Ask yourself the following questions and write your answers in a journal. I feel your resistance, and I get it. Writing involves a little inner work to get the clarity we need. Introspection and clarity will set you free and allow you to shift quickly. Basically, when we refuse to look inside it is because we are in denial of the truth using the small part of us (ego) believing we are right and the other(s) are wrong. Remember the reason we are in a relationship in the first place is to grow and evolve not stagnate and blame.
Journaling your answers also gives you a baseline to return to in a week, month or a year to see how far you have come.

• Have I set healthy boundaries?
• Have I kept silent about issues that upset me?
• Have I griped, groaned and complained rather than looked for a solution?
• Is my mindset negative?
• Am I only seeing my partner's negative qualities and refusing to recognize their wonderful side?
• How do I feel about myself? Am I overweight? Am I depressed? Am I complaining rather than living in a state of gratitude?

Step Two

Now that you have some insight, can you see what you can do to change the course of history and the way you feel? Our feelings are a barometer for the three "Cs." Clarity, Cour-Correction, and Congratulations. Once you feel better to take the time to congratulate yourself for recognizing your patterns. Old patterns mean we are living in the past and dragging it into your present circumstances. We can't evolve beyond where we are by living under the shadow of old stories, limiting beliefs and programming. Think of it this way, imagine watching Leave It To Beaver today or Little House on The Prairie. How do you feel? Those old television programs are like the old programs that are running your current day reality. We can choose something different. The way we change old programming is by choosing to respond differently.

It is not the event that causes the damage, it is our reaction and response to it that creates our programming

Step Three

Maybe you have an issue with your mother which also bubbles over into your current romantic relationship. Perhaps mommy is critical, cold and negative. Is she the problem? Maybe she didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. The little you probably would say, "Damn straight she's the problem and always has been!" Remember what was stated earlier about taking responsibility? Blaming mommy (or anyone) makes us a victim. I know I did it for years. My mother was my kryptonite! I could be strong, powerful and authentic with everyone but my mother. When I was in my mother's presence, it was as if all my strength was drained from me. Why? Because I was operating with my small child Jennifer programming. I became the people-pleaser, making mommy happy. I used to do everything in my power to keep peace with my mother and keep her happy because I wanted her to love me. I even married a man because she told me to. My mother was so worried about what her friends would think about me living with a man. My mother was very worried about appearances. Appearance and keeping up with the Joneses is an ego-based program.

Worrying about what other's think of us is none of our business. JEM

What have you done to make your mother or someone else happy? What have you given up in the process? Are they any happier as a result of your cartwheels and twisting yourself into a pretzel? The truth is, no one can make anyone else happy. Our mother's happiness isn't our responsibility. Our spouse's happiness isn't our responsibility either.

1. Be honest with yourself. How much energy have you spent attempting to do what other's wanted you to do? Stop wasting your precious energy and power on another person.
2. Instead of staying mute use your words and voice to state what you want and don't want.
3. Set healthy boundaries with others. Remember every day you are training others how you want to be treated. If you have allowed the behavior to continue, it could take a little time to retrain others. Be consistent. Think of the other person as a little puppy or a child. Each time someone attempts to get you to do something recognize the manipulation. Just say, "That doesn't work for me, it is not what I want for myself."
4. Watch your emotional reaction to other people. Remember no one can "make you feel or do anything." You are in control of the way you feel.
5. Don't stew or boil over what others do or ask of you. Remember your reaction to their requests, prodding or insistence doesn't have to continue. Tell them, "No, thank you."
6. Get clarity on what you want and don't want. Most people are unclear about what they want and don't want which creates issues within relationships.
7. Notice what you feel. If someone is pushing your boundaries, anger may bubble up. Anger is there for a reason so that we recognize when our boundaries are being crossed. We have to put our hand up and say stop.
8. Until our behavior changes, we have not changed. If you are still doing and acting the way you did as a child you are responding with old programming. 
9. Move out of fear of the new and different knowing you are safe and worthy. What another person says or does is not who you are. No one defines you but you. Stand in compassion and self-love using the, "I LOVE ME," mantra.

The amazing thing about our brain is that it creates new synapses - hence new programs when we are consistent with new behavior. Mantras work when we use them consistently. We can reprogram hate, anger, shame, guilt, and all of our negative emotions to be different. In the past, my mother would feel illicit guilt from all of us kids. I stopped allowing her to "make me feel," guilty. If a program continues long enough, it is imprinted in our cellular memory.

Our cellular memory can be changed, I've done it. When we reprogram our cellular memory, we heal cancer, tumors, Fibromyalgia, auto-immune disease, anxiety, depression. All of it can be healed by thinking differently. Meditation, mantras and coaching will help you get there faster. It took me over thirty years on my own. When we want something different and are sick and tired of being sick and tired, we persevere every day. Working on ourselves isn't something we do here and there, it is a daily practice that changes our lives so that we have a magical life full of wonder, joy, and happiness; it is where I live and breathe every day.

Part of my work involves Telesummits where I have a 90-minute interview so you can hear me live and receive a free gift or purchase a package that is an incredible saving. I am involved with several Telesummits in the next two months. You Wealth Revolution and Radiant Intuitive Woman are the most recent. I'd love it if you joined Dee Wallace, myself along with 22 other powerful healers on the Radiant Intuitive Woman Summit happening right now.

Can't do this alone? You don't have to. Let's set up a time to talk. I'd love to hear about your situation and see how I can help. Send me an e-mail, and we'll set up a time to chat.

The Policy Of Truth

by Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Truth is the quality or state of being true. Truth encompasses integrity, character, honor. Telling the truth is a refusal to lie. What about half-truths? What about white lies? Are they just lies disguised as niceties? Is it okay to lie about your age?

While in Atlanta, I had a discussion with a group of women about the subject of telling the truth. The higher our vibration becomes, the less we lie. We are held to a higher standard as we become awakened. The more honest we are, the better we feel. Dishonesty affects our self-esteem. Honesty is a sign of strong character. 

Telling the truth consistently and speaking your truth are two components of authenticity that speak volumes about who you are. 

Parents lie to their children then wonder why their children lie to them? Adults lie to their peers and receive the same in return. What we send out we get right back. We see our president blatantly lie, politicians also lie for him. 


Question: Is it okay to tell your child that a parent abandoned you? Or is it better to tell your child a made-up story about why the parent isn't around, like that they died when they didn't? 

Answer:  Never lie to your child to cover up the truth. Energetically, your child knows at a soul level that they were lied to. The second reason you want to be honest is that you teach your child lying is okay by modeling bad behavior.

Does This Dress Make My Ass Look Fat?

The subject came up while dining in a restaurant. What do you say to someone when they ask if an outfit makes them look fat? What if the answer is, "Yes, it does?" We can respond compassionately to this question by saying, "I have seen you look better in other outfits." We are not lying, but also not hurting the other person's feelings.

I have not been able to lie for over three years. When I make a statement if it is not completely true, I am Guided by a question from my High Self, "Is that completely true?" Or sometimes, I hear, "Are you sure you don't want to change that response?" Other times, it is like a pregnant pause and more of a feeling. The end result is that I cannot lie. I have to tell the complete truth.

Lying About Your Age on A Profile

A friend of mine told me today, "Everybody lies about their age." I don't agree with that statement. I don't lie. I don't lie about my age. I don't lie about the number of times I have been married. I don't lie about anything. I know others that don't. When I posted my profile, I was honest about my age. 

A fellow practitioner recently asked me what I would say to a client that began to date a man from a dating site and lied about her age on her profile. She was youthful and radiant even though she was in her seventies. She didn't say she was one or two years younger. She stated that her age was twenty years younger than her chronological age. The man she met began to fall for her. "What should she do?" was the question the practitioner asked me. 

My response is always, "Tell the truth!"

Why Should You Tell The Truth?

A relationship based on a lie will never work. When mistrust is the foundation, there can never be trust. Even if you never come clean about the lie, the undercurrent you emit is negative. Whatever you send out comes back to you. If you lie, others will lie to you. If you cheat, others will cheat on you. If you lie about your age on a dating site, someone will lie to you also. Honesty is always the best policy.

We can also lie to ourselves. We lie about how happy we are. We lie about our relationships. Asking questions and going within will help. Lying to oneself is denial, not the river in Egypt.

Lying Is A Low Vibration

Lying lowers your vibration. You attract what you are. If you lie, you are a liar. Through the law of attraction, you will attract others that lie also. 

Liars, cheaters, and abusers have a low vibration. Dating a married man is cheating. You are cheating by taking someone else's partner. 

If you say that you have been faithful, but send texts to other women or men that are suggestive, you may as well be cheating. Your vibration suggests that you are. Cheating involves betrayal and rejection, both of which leave the other person broken and wounded. Flirtatious texts make you unfaithful in your heart. If you want to have sex with another person, be honest; get a divorce, breakup, but don't cheat or lie.

10 Rules For Dating That Keep You From Experiencing Guilt

Honesty Is A Higher Vibration

Being honest carries an upward or rising energy. Your vibration rises by being consistently honest. When you stop telling all lies you become a person of strong moral character. People will trust you. Your vibration attracts others with a higher vibration. You feel better when you are a person with strong character. Your self-esteem rises as your character becomes stronger.

The best policy is the policy of truth.

Contact Jennifer for your discovery session to find out if her work is a good fit for you. 

When we lovingly accept ourselves as we are with all our faults

and flaws, we have healthy self-esteem. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE The Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Prescription!


Find Jennifer's books on Amazon.

Visit Jennifer's Aphrodite Effect website

Crippling Codependency

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

My mom and dad

When we are born, our mother's take care of us. They feed us, change us and hopefully love, and snuggle with us, taking care of our emotional needs. They tell us how wonderful we are and make us feel that we are the best thing since sliced bread! However, often our parents did not have good self esteem themselves. They pass on their insecurities to us.

When we are raised by a mother who is insecure, codependent or addicted in some way, our needs are not usually met. We grow up needing outside validation from others, or perhaps to be in a relationship to feel whole. Often parents make us responsible for their happiness, which leaves us feeling loved only when we are perfect. Unconditional love on the other hand breeds  a strong sense of self worth.

My mother became orphaned at the age of 5. Her mother died immediately after childbirth, due to no medical care. Although she had 5 previous home-births without difficulty, her last one did her in. Sadly, her father could not face life without his wife and poisoned himself while most of his children slept. My mother had awakened when he was pulling down the 50 pound bag of sugar from the attic. She was a sensitive child and knew something was a-miss. He told her to go back to sleep. 

After 92 years, my mother still talks about not having a mother. She struggles with insecurities, negativity, criticism, reactivity and needing to be validated by others for a sense of self worth. 

If we do not heal our childhood trauma, we carry it to our grave. We will never really feel lasting happiness either until we let go of our past. Forgiveness, gratitude and recognizing that each event in our life has a silver lining helps us move through guilt, resentment and anger. When we say thank you for the lessons learned and the gift, received, we begin to look at our past relationships as just experiences rather than mistakes. Each event teaches us more about ourselves.

After doing energy healing for over seven years, I have done over 2,000 energy clearings for people with issues of low self esteem, sexual dysfunction, blocks, suicide and depression (just to name a few of the things that can be cleared). These clearings help to eliminate limiting beliefs of unworthiness and not feeling lovable. 

Codependency comes from not feeling unlovable or unworthy. We feel incomplete in some way. This incomplete feeling leads to looking to others to feel full and fulfilled. Codependent people usually have addictions of some kind. The substance or activity is used in an effort to fulfill the person's emptiness and internal loneliness.

I suffered from codependency for years. As a result, I had to be in a relationship. I was a serial monogamist, going from one relationship into another. When in a relationship I gave up friends, visits with family, even jobs for the other person in an effort to PLEASE THEM. I even sent my oldest son to go live with his father because my current husband could not stand him. 

We tend to be people pleasers when we are codependent. We are obsessed with what others think and feel about us. We often feel lonely even when in a relationship. There is an emptiness that plagues us.

You May Be Codependent If:

1. You are barely breathing. Shallow breathing shows that you do not feel worthy to even breathe in and affirm life.
2. You have addictions - even to relationships or people.
3. You need to be in a relationship to feel whole and complete.
4. You are a people pleaser.
5. You will turn yourself inside out to please your partner or others.
6. You are overly concerned about what others think about you.
7. You doubt yourself.
8. You have difficulty making decisions.
9. You don't trust yourself.
10. You feel depressed and unhappy much of the time. 
11. You could also be overly emotional or dramatic when life's events happen.
12. Difficulty coping with life.
13. You find yourself going from one bad relationship to another.
14. Your lover, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse cheats on you.
15. You are often disrespected by others.
16. You have a lot of fears.
17. You have anxiety or panic attacks.
18. You are controlling.
19. You are perfectionist.
20. Feel insecure.
21. Low self esteem.
22. Use manipulation to get what you want, could be making partner jealous to get attention.
23. Don't feel deserving of love.
24. Worry that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, or just not enough.
25. Give up jobs, friends, pets, children, loved ones to please your partner.
26. You blame others (parents, siblings life's events) for where you are.
27. You don't take responsibility for your own happiness. You expect someone else to MAKE YOU HAPPY.
28. May have poor personal boundaries - or even none.
29. Feel uncomfortable in your own skin.
30. May be concerned that people are looking at you.
31. You settle for relationships, because you are afraid of being alone.
32. You may have a difficult time speaking your truth (what is on your mind and heart).
33. You enable your partner, children and loved ones. 
34. You have difficulty making unpopular decisions for fear that they won't love you. Tough love is very difficult for you.

Being Codependent Isn't Fun

When we are codependent we often even change who we are for the other person, in an effort to make them happy. The end result is that you loose yourself and may find a need to end the relationship to find YOU. The problem is, that you may think a different relationship will do it for you. A new relationship only brings more of the same issues. You are the common denominator in all these relationships. Until you begin to look within, nothing will change.

Pain

Pain is what leads us to want things to change. When the pain becomes too great, it causes us to look for solutions.

How To Begin To Live Independently and Balanced

1. Be compassionate towards yourself.
2. Be your authentic self. People will love the REAL YOU!
3. Stop making excuses for yourself and others.
4. Take responsibility for yourself and your happiness. Choose to be happy!
5. Let go of trying to be perfect.
6. Breathe deeply. Affirm life and your worthiness.
7. Speak your truth as it comes up, instead of worrying about what others will think of you.
8. Stop focusing on what others think of you. What others think is none of your business.
9. Be soft and kind to you.
10. Nurture yourself each day.
11. Don't give up your workout, friends or job for another person.
12. Put yourself first instead of the relationship.
13. Use the mantra: I LOVE ME.
14. Meditate daily. Use The Divine Presence Process Meditation. It will fill you with love and help connect you to your Divine (or High Self).
15. Work on setting healthy limits and boundaries. 

LIVE ON THE RECONNECTED SHOW SATURDAY, JULY 19, 2014

All of our relationships mirror what is going on inside of us. They show us our own insecurities, feelings of lack and disrespect of self. 

Jennifer's Story The Short Version:

I used to do all of the above. I blamed my parents, the fact that I was molested as a child for everything. True those things impacted my life. But, they were put in my life to help me recognize who I truly was. 

After my third marriage ended, I recognized that I was the common denominator in all of my failed relationships. I could not continue blaming others. I had to take responsibility for myself and my own happiness. I had to OWN my emotions, rather than blame others for how I felt. I began to CHOOSE to be HAPPY.

I used to go to concerts and sit there with my hands neatly folded in my lap and watch others dance in the aisles. I wished I could clap to the music. I was so painfully concerned what others thought about me, I could not even do that. Today, I have no concern about what others think of me. I know that I can't please everyone. When I used to try, I was the one that was left feeling unhappy.

Today I live in joy, peace, harmony and happiness every day. I never feel lonely. Through loving and accepting all parts of myself completely (even the ones I did not like) I healed a lifetime of depression, insomnia, anxiety, Epstein Barr, (autoimmune disease) Fibromyalgia, sexual dysfunction and unfounded fear. I realized my negative thoughts were killing me. They were causing me pain in my body. Even after years of healing and self love, I found I had a little more resentment of my mother to heal.

I have healed breast cancer without chemo and surgery, by loving myself and forgiving myself and my mother a little bit more. I am totally fearless. Instead of being insecure, I feel strong, powerful and incredibly happy with my life. It does not matter where I live or who I a with. It does not matter how much money I have, or what car I drive. I feel joy by just being alive. Life is thrilling to me. I live each day with passion. I love life and love what I do. The key here is that you can too. 

My own emotional unrest and unhappiness drove me to become a hypnotherapist, Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner and an energy healer. I used all of these things on myself to feel better about my life. I began to meditate every day. I released the stuck emotions, tears, anger and resentment.  I cried and released deep anger, when my last marriage ended. This made me recognize that all the energy healing in the world does not release stuck emotions from the cells. These things need to be allowed to move out.  Now, when I feel emotion, it moves quickly through me and it gone. I don't dwell on things for days. I get over them quickly.

I healed the soul fragmentation that occurred from the fear of being molested. This caused me to feel broken and incomplete within myself. I feel completely whole, grounded and strong.

Because I have done these things and created a healing modality to get these deep issues, I know it works. There was never a more negative person than me on this planet. If I can do this, anyone can! I have been where you are. I have lived with a feeling of not wanting to be in my own skin. I used to wish I could be anyone else but me. Now, I couldn't imagine being anyone but who I am. 

How It Works

When we love ourselves completely, we become a magnet for positive events and people. We attract the people and events we need to get things done. Synchronistic events occur, like magic. Life works for us, when we are positive instead of negative. 

When we love ourselves, we attract people who love themselves also. When you respect yourself, others will respect you as well. When you take responsibility for your own happiness, you stop looking for others to do it for you. You know it has to come fro within. When you are happy with you, you will be happy no matter where you are or who you are with. Your self worth will be present no matter what. Happiness is not fleeting when you love yourself, it resides within you. You are not looking for anyone else to fulfill you or make you happy. When you love yourself, you are happy and come to the relationship table already full, fulfilled and confident.

Jennifer's Website

You can e-mail Jennifer questions or suggestions for a blog post here:  JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com