Why You Shouldn't Do Cartwheels To Keep Someone

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

In my love and happiness coaching, I see all kinds of behavior where women will do anything to try and keep a guy that is clearly not worthy and often not interested. I have done it in the past myself. When we attempt to manipulate, change, and hang onto someone by changing who we are or explaining bad behavior away there is no possible way this relationship can work. 

Attempting to hang onto someone who is walking away makes you needy, clingy and very unattractive.  Confidence is infinitely more attractive to a partner than neediness. A relationship will never work if you have the attitude that you will do whatever it takes to change yourself to keep another person. Being inauthentic will make you very unhappy and will destroy the relationship.

Looking For Love? 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them! ~Maya Angelou

You Might Be Doing Cartwheels To Keep Them If:

1. Thinking that if or when he gets off drugs or alcohol things will be better is putting your happiness on the backburner. You can't make anyone want to give up their addiction. You may be addicted to love. 
2. You think your love will cure whatever is ailing the other; it never will. 
3. Explaining away bad behavior away is disrespectful to yourself. Love yourself enough to let someone who treats you badly go. 
4. You wish for things to be different. If you have thoughts like, "if only.....  he would......" let him go. (This is true unless you have extremely high expectations of your relationship and partner.) Perfectionistic people tend to expect their partner to be perfect and no one is. We all have issues and faults. No relationship will ever be totally free of conflict. We are individuals with our own personalities and ways of doing things. No two people will be exactly the same. We have to allow each other to be true to ourselves.
5. You don't talk about what is bothering you. If you allow someone to treat you like a doormat walk all over your feelings, expect you to do everything to keep the relationship working without communicating your needs means you are doing cartwheels to keep them. Work on your self-esteem so that you stop allowing others to mistreat you. Until you do work on yourself you will continue to attract bad behavior because you allow yourself to be mistreated.
6. You are a people pleaser. When you turn yourself inside out doing cartwheels to please someone else you will be unhappy with the outcome. You put your personal needs ahead of the relationship and the other person, which subjugates your happiness. 
7. Expect the other person to make you happy. Another person can't fill the void within you. Looking for someone else to make you happy places too much responsibility on the other person and is an impossible no-win situation. 

I Want To Know What Love Is

If your partner has been disrespectful, hurtful, cheated, lied or just become indifferent to you and who you are, let him go. If they have an anger issue, addictions or are disrespectful to you, it is time to get some help. Self-love and self-respect are imperative for a healthy, balanced and happy relationship.  

Get your FREE 30-minute session with Jennifer to find out if her work is a good fit for you. Book your session with Jennifer right now and become happy with yourself and your life so you can attract a healthy high-quality relationship instead of someone who mistreats you.

Jennifer isn't just a coach. She is a multi-faceted powerful healer and vibrational light worker that clears past patterns of negativity, trauma, and abuse so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin, anxiety-free with a clarity and peaceful inner being so you can be happy with you. When you are happy with you everything in your life becomes one of ease and Grace.

 Jennifer is the author of three books, the latest is:

Happy Here, Happy Anywhere:

The Step-By-Step Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Perscription!

I Dare You To Love ME!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

There are times in our lives that we feel completely broken. Feeling unloved can drive us to do some really crazy Sh*t. In fact, we may even feel a little crazy when we do what we do. Emotional abandonment, sexual molestation and physical abandonment by our parents when we were children are only some of the causes for treating our partners like crap. 

It is my wish that this article will help you understand your motivation or your partner's for the things that have occurred and were said during your emotional upheaval.

Women and men can exhibit behavior that dares you to love them. They appear to push you away and then manipulate you to give them love in other ways. 

Fracturing occurs when a childhood event, like a rape creates a rift in their soul. Emotional fracturing leads to deep wounding when a trusted or loved person breaks the bond of boundaries. This wounding can be healed with compassion, patience and time. Hypnotherapy, energy healing along with coaching to change thought patterns and the unconscious mind help tremendously. It took me over thirty years without a coach to heal my trauma. Two hypnotherapy sessions helped Alice with her rape trauma.

The worst of the worst

There are several situations that lead to feeling emotionally abandoned and fractured. I have listed the worst here for your review. Children become fractured, pieces of the soul are literally shattered and scattered into the ethers when these events occur. Give yourself compassion for what you have experienced. Forgive yourself using the Ho'oponopono Prayer and then forgive your perpetrator. Forgiveness releases you from the burden of resentment and suffering.

1. Molestation by anyone four years older than yourself. Any type of molestation fragments the soul. Self-esteem becomes non-existant (though Narcissistic behavior can attempt to compensate). Challenges with boundaries become our life's work. Co-dependency is prevalent as well as sexual addiction and other addictive behaviors. Molested children often become sexually active early in life. Children who were abused often grow up to abuse others, as it was their lessons in what love is (although false). Sex is confused with love. Diabetes can occur as food addictions can surface from a need to feel loved. Food helps us stuff our emotions and allow us to escape slightly from the pain. Negativity, illness and a thirst for love will ensue. Until self-love and complete self-acceptance occurs healthy relationships are impossible.
2. Rape, sodomy or inappropriate touch by anyone, especially a parent, step-parent, religious figure, Scout leader or teacher. 17 million men have been raped, and molested. Most never get help. Sexual addictions, alcoholism, and drug addiction is often evident in those who have not healed from this trauma. Everything from 1. is included here as well. A loss of innocence leads to anger, rage and often abusive behavior towards partners.
3. Alcoholic mother. Having a mother that is an alcoholic is worse than having a father who is alcoholic. Our mothers nurture us, care for us and love us. An alcoholic mother is not capable of any of these things. They are completely emotionally unavailable, leaving her children feeling broken, emotionally stranded and abused in so many ways. Relationships are extremely difficult for those who have experienced this type of trauma. Anger is always prevalent. Depression becomes apparent as well as anger you feel you don't have a right to becomes stuffed and ignored.
4. Alcoholic parents. When both parents are alcoholics our dysfunction rules our lives. With alcoholic parents, we are forced to grow up too fast. Our innocence is stolen. Our view of reality is skewed. Having order is a necessity to make sense of a life where no one was present enough to love us completely. Addictions, anger, depression, even abuse follow us when our parents are alcoholics or drug addicts. Self-esteem is extremely low and therapy, counseling, hypnotherapy and self-love coaching is imperative for a healthy balanced life. Meditation practice helps tremendously.
5. The Death of a parent. No matter how old we are, losing a parent is debilitating. Losing a parent before the age of ten is extremely damaging. Losing a parent as a teenager leads to co-dependence, addictions, and low self-esteem.
6. The helpless viewing of a parent being abused is extremely debilitating. You could become abusive yourself. Anger, depression and addictions could be prevalent. Low self-esteem is a matter of course. Helplessness can govern your life until it is cleared.

Manipulation

Manipulation is also known as Gaslighting. It occurs when false information is presented in such a way to cause the other to think that they didn't remember something clearly. It is also referred to as Ambient Abuse, a delightful name for music, but not something you want in a relationship.

Manipulation can also occur when we use a back door to get what we want. It is never a positive thing. Manipulation is a dark energy and occurs when we can't ask outright for what we want. We use subversive tactics to get our needs met. "Do you love me?" is what is being asked when you read between the lines.

Feeling Unloved and Unworthy

Having been in the place of feeling unworthy and unloved, I know that this leads to grave inadequacy. We don't love ourselves enough to be able to receive love. We can't feel it, see it or hear it when it comes. Our shields of protection and unworthiness prevail. "No one could ever love us, so you must be lying."

When someone dares you to love them, they need help. They are powerless to make the changes themselves. They are crying for help. 

Wounded People Wound Others

When we are hurting, we often lob insults, abuse and other horrible behavior at those we love. Sometimes it flies out of our mouths and we feel dreadful guilt and shame afterward. Once words are spoken or shouted we can't take back the damage. Abuse chips away at the love that was once there. Having been on the receiving end, I know for a fact that eventually the only feelings we have for the other are negative. 

When Fear Motivates Us

Fear reigns supreme when abuse is prevalent. No one deserves to be abused either physically or emotionally. Any type of abuse leaves us feeling raw, useless and unlovable. Feeling afraid of our partner is no way to live. Even the threat of violence is abuse. I remember hearing others say to me, well if he didn't hit you it isn't abuse. Then he hit me. The threat of violence is just as debilitating as being hit.

What Can Be Done?

1. Hire a coach who has been there. Someone who has healed their own trauma and loves themselves is imperative. Often therapists and coaches are doing the work they do to heal themselves. Not everyone is awake and healed.
2. Forgive. Letting go of the past is imperative to heal. 
3. Love Yourself! When we are wounded we look for love outside of ourselves. Until we find it within, we can't receive or give love in balance. Take one of my audio courses, like Aphrodite Effect, or Happiness Jumpstart, or The Shift. These are reasonable offerings that will clear your patterns of self-destruction and unworthiness. Barring that, download my APP and listen to the FREE offerings available. 
4. Use mantras several times a day. Mantras are very healing. Remember you have had these feelings for years. Don't expect to do a few mantras and be good-to-go. Recite the following daily. I AM LOVED. I AM SAFE. I AM SECURE. Repeat silently while driving. Watch how your world begins to shift. 
5. You are Worthy and Loved already! Yes, I mentioned it above. Look at yourself while nude in the mirror. Tell your reflection you love and accept yourself the way you are. Go over each body part, "I love my face, I love my breasts, I love my stomach, I love my bottom, I love my legs, I love me!" Do it daily.
6. Fill the emptiness inside. Often we feel empty because we feel unloved and unworthy. Following this post will help you. Click here. 
7. Heal the numbness and lost memories from childhood. 

In Love With A Narcissist?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Gorgeous, charismatic, sexy, alluring, seductive. All of these describe how we feel about a narcissist. We usually don't even consider that the person we are falling in love with is narcissistic. We don't see the hidden characteristics at the beginning of the relationship. All we see are the crazy sex scenes, excitement and the feel of an adrenaline rush. The excitement is certainly present by the truck load. That is what is so difficult about a relationship with a narcissist.

When they leave, we feel a longing. We desire them. We adore them. We are magnetized by them. A narcissist is like a magnet when you are a codependent. 

Like a moth to a flame, we can't help but be drawn in. The feel of walking on eggshells is so familiar to us. We lived with it all of our childhood, after all. It feels so darned familiar. We don't even see the darkness until we are caught up in their trap. Then it's too late.

Throwing Fits And Things

As quickly as we have fallen in love, the relationship takes a spin and a turn. We wonder what the heck we did to deserve the rage, the broken printer, thrown mirror, glass on the floor, chaos that becomes a hot and cold daily routine. The Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde can be caused by drugs, alcohol or other addictive behaviors. What we can be sure of is that the addictions will be as numerous as the highs. 

Leaving Isn't An Option

The drama keeps us penned in. We are addicted to it. The excitement has an allure. We have no idea which end is up and even less of an idea who we are. We lose ourselves. We give more than we have ever given and feel exhausted, drained and exhilarated all at the same time. 

Our Self Esteem Suffers

The change happens gradually, we don't even see it coming. After a particularly horrible fight, we recognize that we aren't who we used to be. We have become someone else. We are small, helpless and surrounded by guilt. We feel guilty about leaving. We feel guilty about staying. We feel ungrounded and off center. Nothing else seems to matter but the relationship. We are addicted.

Infidelity

It is common for the narcissist to have affairs. These could be flirtatious texts, sexting or full blown affairs. The affairs bolster lagging self esteem, when they feel they are not getting enough or the type or attention they crave.

Repeating Cycles

Immediately following a fight, we are greeted by breakfast or coffee in bed, a smiling gorgeous person and we are hooked all over again. How can we break the cycle and get ourselves out?

Emotional Maturity

Both parties need to mature. Conversations that are unproductive need to be stopped by one party. Escalation of emotions during "discussions" makes serious conversations almost impossible. 

Inflated Ego?

A narcissist appears to be bigger than life. They boast, brag and talk about themselves and all that they have accomplished. However, their self esteem is in the toilet. 

Boundaries are crossed repeatedly. Wrongs are never righted. Being in love with a narcissist leaves you feeling off-balance and lower than low.

With age comes more emotional maturity, hopefully, but not always. Anger surfaces when a serious discussion is brought up. You will find the tables turn so quickly that it will make your head spin. You will wonder what on earth happened?

This type of relationship is addictive and typically abusive. Emotion, physical and passive aggressive behavior can all be a part of the tumultuous relationship with a narcissist. 

Overcoming Addiction

As the narcissist becomes aware of their addictions, healing may occur. It is a slow process that cannot be pushed. Anger management is usually part of the healing. Deep seated anger with the mother from childhood is often the source of the issues. The pain and suffering from incarcerations, restraining orders and break-ups needs to be great enough for the narcissist to want to change. Until that time, you my dear will be in a lot of pain.

My advice to you is to get help for yourself. As you begin to feel stronger you may decide you have had enough and move on. You cannot change someone else. Letting go can be difficult, but release you from the bondage and suffering.

Jennifer is a certified life, love and sex coach, author of Orgasm For Life, hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner, Master Energy Healer and Inspirational speaker. 

Jennifer is now offering VIP sessions for courageous committed clients. These VIP sessions are powerful Shamanic sessions with movement, breathing and release work. We do this in a sacred and protected area in the Mojave desert. If you would rather bring a friend and do the work together, that works too. For those who want a completely private session I support you totally and completely through the process. 

If you would rather process in group, that can be arranged as well. We release stuck emotions and pain through a Shamanic process. This is sacred work. You will feel lighter, freer and positive at the end of the process. I can't guarantee you won't vomit, or cry. But you will feel better. This is courageous work. I will be there every moment to support you through the process with healing breath work. This is powerful and life changing. If you are ready to be free of your pain and suffering, e-mail me and we will set up a 30 minute phone or Skype session to talk about what you want to accomplish. Either a VIP day (5 hours) in the desert or a coaching program. E-mail Jennifer NOW!

Jennifer is a healed healer. She has healed breast cancer, Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr syndrome, codependency, addictions, chronic depression, fear, arthritis, and slowed down the aging process as a result. She uses hypnotherapy, NLP, Spiritual Response Therapy and her Spirit guides and The Ascended Masters. She is an Intuitive, catalystic healer and amazingly courageous woman. She is the author of Orgasm For Life the book to bridge the growing chasm between men and women. This book will ignite the fires of passion, give you new skills and ideas to get back the passion lost in long-term marriages. When sex goes out the window, emotions run high. Jennifer works with those committed to heal and live a happier, better life with deeper connected, intimate relationships. Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Crippling Codependency

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

My mom and dad

When we are born, our mother's take care of us. They feed us, change us and hopefully love, and snuggle with us, taking care of our emotional needs. They tell us how wonderful we are and make us feel that we are the best thing since sliced bread! However, often our parents did not have good self esteem themselves. They pass on their insecurities to us.

When we are raised by a mother who is insecure, codependent or addicted in some way, our needs are not usually met. We grow up needing outside validation from others, or perhaps to be in a relationship to feel whole. Often parents make us responsible for their happiness, which leaves us feeling loved only when we are perfect. Unconditional love on the other hand breeds  a strong sense of self worth.

My mother became orphaned at the age of 5. Her mother died immediately after childbirth, due to no medical care. Although she had 5 previous home-births without difficulty, her last one did her in. Sadly, her father could not face life without his wife and poisoned himself while most of his children slept. My mother had awakened when he was pulling down the 50 pound bag of sugar from the attic. She was a sensitive child and knew something was a-miss. He told her to go back to sleep. 

After 92 years, my mother still talks about not having a mother. She struggles with insecurities, negativity, criticism, reactivity and needing to be validated by others for a sense of self worth. 

If we do not heal our childhood trauma, we carry it to our grave. We will never really feel lasting happiness either until we let go of our past. Forgiveness, gratitude and recognizing that each event in our life has a silver lining helps us move through guilt, resentment and anger. When we say thank you for the lessons learned and the gift, received, we begin to look at our past relationships as just experiences rather than mistakes. Each event teaches us more about ourselves.

After doing energy healing for over seven years, I have done over 2,000 energy clearings for people with issues of low self esteem, sexual dysfunction, blocks, suicide and depression (just to name a few of the things that can be cleared). These clearings help to eliminate limiting beliefs of unworthiness and not feeling lovable. 

Codependency comes from not feeling unlovable or unworthy. We feel incomplete in some way. This incomplete feeling leads to looking to others to feel full and fulfilled. Codependent people usually have addictions of some kind. The substance or activity is used in an effort to fulfill the person's emptiness and internal loneliness.

I suffered from codependency for years. As a result, I had to be in a relationship. I was a serial monogamist, going from one relationship into another. When in a relationship I gave up friends, visits with family, even jobs for the other person in an effort to PLEASE THEM. I even sent my oldest son to go live with his father because my current husband could not stand him. 

We tend to be people pleasers when we are codependent. We are obsessed with what others think and feel about us. We often feel lonely even when in a relationship. There is an emptiness that plagues us.

You May Be Codependent If:

1. You are barely breathing. Shallow breathing shows that you do not feel worthy to even breathe in and affirm life.
2. You have addictions - even to relationships or people.
3. You need to be in a relationship to feel whole and complete.
4. You are a people pleaser.
5. You will turn yourself inside out to please your partner or others.
6. You are overly concerned about what others think about you.
7. You doubt yourself.
8. You have difficulty making decisions.
9. You don't trust yourself.
10. You feel depressed and unhappy much of the time. 
11. You could also be overly emotional or dramatic when life's events happen.
12. Difficulty coping with life.
13. You find yourself going from one bad relationship to another.
14. Your lover, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse cheats on you.
15. You are often disrespected by others.
16. You have a lot of fears.
17. You have anxiety or panic attacks.
18. You are controlling.
19. You are perfectionist.
20. Feel insecure.
21. Low self esteem.
22. Use manipulation to get what you want, could be making partner jealous to get attention.
23. Don't feel deserving of love.
24. Worry that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, or just not enough.
25. Give up jobs, friends, pets, children, loved ones to please your partner.
26. You blame others (parents, siblings life's events) for where you are.
27. You don't take responsibility for your own happiness. You expect someone else to MAKE YOU HAPPY.
28. May have poor personal boundaries - or even none.
29. Feel uncomfortable in your own skin.
30. May be concerned that people are looking at you.
31. You settle for relationships, because you are afraid of being alone.
32. You may have a difficult time speaking your truth (what is on your mind and heart).
33. You enable your partner, children and loved ones. 
34. You have difficulty making unpopular decisions for fear that they won't love you. Tough love is very difficult for you.

Being Codependent Isn't Fun

When we are codependent we often even change who we are for the other person, in an effort to make them happy. The end result is that you loose yourself and may find a need to end the relationship to find YOU. The problem is, that you may think a different relationship will do it for you. A new relationship only brings more of the same issues. You are the common denominator in all these relationships. Until you begin to look within, nothing will change.

Pain

Pain is what leads us to want things to change. When the pain becomes too great, it causes us to look for solutions.

How To Begin To Live Independently and Balanced

1. Be compassionate towards yourself.
2. Be your authentic self. People will love the REAL YOU!
3. Stop making excuses for yourself and others.
4. Take responsibility for yourself and your happiness. Choose to be happy!
5. Let go of trying to be perfect.
6. Breathe deeply. Affirm life and your worthiness.
7. Speak your truth as it comes up, instead of worrying about what others will think of you.
8. Stop focusing on what others think of you. What others think is none of your business.
9. Be soft and kind to you.
10. Nurture yourself each day.
11. Don't give up your workout, friends or job for another person.
12. Put yourself first instead of the relationship.
13. Use the mantra: I LOVE ME.
14. Meditate daily. Use The Divine Presence Process Meditation. It will fill you with love and help connect you to your Divine (or High Self).
15. Work on setting healthy limits and boundaries. 

LIVE ON THE RECONNECTED SHOW SATURDAY, JULY 19, 2014

All of our relationships mirror what is going on inside of us. They show us our own insecurities, feelings of lack and disrespect of self. 

Jennifer's Story The Short Version:

I used to do all of the above. I blamed my parents, the fact that I was molested as a child for everything. True those things impacted my life. But, they were put in my life to help me recognize who I truly was. 

After my third marriage ended, I recognized that I was the common denominator in all of my failed relationships. I could not continue blaming others. I had to take responsibility for myself and my own happiness. I had to OWN my emotions, rather than blame others for how I felt. I began to CHOOSE to be HAPPY.

I used to go to concerts and sit there with my hands neatly folded in my lap and watch others dance in the aisles. I wished I could clap to the music. I was so painfully concerned what others thought about me, I could not even do that. Today, I have no concern about what others think of me. I know that I can't please everyone. When I used to try, I was the one that was left feeling unhappy.

Today I live in joy, peace, harmony and happiness every day. I never feel lonely. Through loving and accepting all parts of myself completely (even the ones I did not like) I healed a lifetime of depression, insomnia, anxiety, Epstein Barr, (autoimmune disease) Fibromyalgia, sexual dysfunction and unfounded fear. I realized my negative thoughts were killing me. They were causing me pain in my body. Even after years of healing and self love, I found I had a little more resentment of my mother to heal.

I have healed breast cancer without chemo and surgery, by loving myself and forgiving myself and my mother a little bit more. I am totally fearless. Instead of being insecure, I feel strong, powerful and incredibly happy with my life. It does not matter where I live or who I a with. It does not matter how much money I have, or what car I drive. I feel joy by just being alive. Life is thrilling to me. I live each day with passion. I love life and love what I do. The key here is that you can too. 

My own emotional unrest and unhappiness drove me to become a hypnotherapist, Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner and an energy healer. I used all of these things on myself to feel better about my life. I began to meditate every day. I released the stuck emotions, tears, anger and resentment.  I cried and released deep anger, when my last marriage ended. This made me recognize that all the energy healing in the world does not release stuck emotions from the cells. These things need to be allowed to move out.  Now, when I feel emotion, it moves quickly through me and it gone. I don't dwell on things for days. I get over them quickly.

I healed the soul fragmentation that occurred from the fear of being molested. This caused me to feel broken and incomplete within myself. I feel completely whole, grounded and strong.

Because I have done these things and created a healing modality to get these deep issues, I know it works. There was never a more negative person than me on this planet. If I can do this, anyone can! I have been where you are. I have lived with a feeling of not wanting to be in my own skin. I used to wish I could be anyone else but me. Now, I couldn't imagine being anyone but who I am. 

How It Works

When we love ourselves completely, we become a magnet for positive events and people. We attract the people and events we need to get things done. Synchronistic events occur, like magic. Life works for us, when we are positive instead of negative. 

When we love ourselves, we attract people who love themselves also. When you respect yourself, others will respect you as well. When you take responsibility for your own happiness, you stop looking for others to do it for you. You know it has to come fro within. When you are happy with you, you will be happy no matter where you are or who you are with. Your self worth will be present no matter what. Happiness is not fleeting when you love yourself, it resides within you. You are not looking for anyone else to fulfill you or make you happy. When you love yourself, you are happy and come to the relationship table already full, fulfilled and confident.

Jennifer's Website

You can e-mail Jennifer questions or suggestions for a blog post here:  JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Losing Yourself In An Addictive Relationship

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

We meet someone and begin to fall in love. When they ask you to do something, you drop what you are doing, wanting to be with them more than anything. When you have arrangements with friends, you set them aside waiting for your LOVE to be available. As soon as he asks, you drop everything to spend time with him. 

When he/she doesn't like your friends, you stop spending time with them, for fear that they will leave you. When your family make inappropriate comments, you steer clear of them also, as you don't want to lose him/her. When your new LOVE is available and wants to spend the evening with you, even though you have hours of work to do, you say "Yes, I would love to." You may even wait by the phone, missing your workout, in the off-chance that they might call. Or when they ask if you are available, you say, "YES!" missing your workout for them again. This is the beginning of a codependent, addictive relationship. You are giving up yourself, the things that make you feel confident and positive and putting your relationship ahead of your own self care. 

Sometimes, we take it even further; we act the way we think our new found love wants us to be. We become the chameleon, turning ourselves inside out, jumping through hoops to please them. We set aside the fact that we don't like Mexican food, because they love it. We stop working out, because our new partner doesn't. We stop working overtime to get our work done, because our new love is available and wants to spend time with us.

When we change ourselves and our routine to "please" our partner, we are dropping our boundaries and putting our own desires behind those of our partner. Codependence is addictive behavior, ignoring your personal needs and desires, for that of the relationship or your partner. Eventually, your true self is lost, you wonder who you have become, as you have strayed so far from your authentic self that you don't know who you are anymore. You put your partners' needs ahead of your own, thinking that it is for the good of the relationship. This behavior will send you down a road of thankless events, resentment and poor treatment. 

Respect is lost when you don't speak up for yourself. Lifting all personal boundaries is never a good idea. Without boundaries, we begin to accept mediocre treatment, being taken for granted and set aside for our partner's desires and needs. Often codependent people attract narcissistic personalities. We are like a beacon of light in the darkness for those who have a strong sense of entitlement and require excessive admiration. The coupling with a narcissist can be a dark and windy road into personal oblivion. Leading you to wonder where you went. Following are characteristics of a narcissist:

Characteristics of a Narcissist

• Has a very strong sense of entitlement. Believes that they should receive special dispensation, and can only be understood by and associate with other high-level people or institutions.
• Believes that they are special or unique. (Yes everyone is unique, yet the narcissist believes they are MORE unique than anyone else.
• Lacks empathy. Will not, and cannot relate to others feelings.
• Cannot show sympathy. You will very rarely hear the words, "I am sorry from a narcissist.
• Haughty, arrogant and above the rest.
• Believes others are envious of them.
• Has a grandiose sense of self. Often exaggerates stories, or talents. Exaggerates achievements.
• Often exploits others. Uses people to get what they want, without regard for other's needs, desires or feelings.
• Envious of others. Often believes that others are envious of them.

Addictive Sex

I have heard people ask me, if there really is such a thing as addictive sex?  A sex addict does not believe that they are addicted. The biggest issue with an addict is their denial of their issues. When sex becomes your reason for living, governs your life, causes you to be late for work, miss appointments and generally is disruptive to the rest of your life, you have an addiction. When you put the need for sex above all else, an addiction is present. 

Accepting Less Than You Deserve

When we are in addictive relationships we accept mis-treatment, disrespect and being taken for granted. We accept less than we deserve. We tend to believe that if we don't keep this relationship and person that we won't have another one. Our feelings of unworthiness color our world. We begin to lose whatever self worth we have, the longer we stay, perpetuating our need to hang onto this person. The more needy we become, the less our partner wants to be with us. Our neediness becomes a painful downward cycle of deeper feelings of unworthiness and pain. It seems as if there is no way out. If this person dumps us, for someone new, we feel lost, without roots, ungrounded and flailing. Our work suffers, we talk incessantly about the relationship and our lost partner. If we have any friends left at all, they tire of our constant self pity and stories of how we lost the love of our life. - Our friends may try to tell us the truth, but we don't want to listen. Our pain of loss is so great, that we have no sense of who we are, we gave our selves away early on. We cannot see the truth if we fell over it.

Recovery From Addictive Relationships

When we are in the cycle of codependence and addition, it is difficult to see the forest for the trees. In other words, when we are in the middle of it, we can't see anything else. We cannot lift our vibration up enough to feel good about ourselves. If our relationship ends, we immediately seek another, as we feel our happiness and sense of self comes from a relationships. This could not be further from the truth. 

Serial Monogamy

We need help. When we are codependent, we will attract another person who will look different from our last partner, but the relationship and the issues will be very similar. It can be very difficult to move out of this alone. We might spend a lifetime going from one codependent relationship to another.

Steps To Take To Heal

1. Know you are important. Begin to think of your personal needs and take care of yourself first.
2. Stop giving up your schedule, routine for another person. When you make plans with friends keep them. 
3. Speak up for what you want. When we stay quiet, thinking if we speak up we will lose this person, we are making our needs irrelevant. You are important. Practice speaking the truth with people you feel safe with, like friends.
4. Do the things for yourself that make you feel strong. If you used to meditate daily, but gave it up for your partner, bring back your healthy, balanced routine.
5. We need more than one relationship to be balanced. If you gave up friends and family time in lieu of your relationship, know that you are giving up part of yourself. Spending time with friends and family is important. We all need more than one person to fulfill our needs. Expecting our love relationship to be the "be all and end all" is cutting out half of your life. When our partner excises us from friends and family, there is something wrong. This is a huge red flag.
6. Pay attention. When we ignore our own feelings, putting our partner's needs above our own, you can lose yourself. We can't blame the other person, we did this to ourselves. Changing behavior can require hiring a healed coach to do it.

This is my area of expertise.  Getting to the root cause of someone's issues is part of the process. Working with someone who has healed their own addictive behaviors and codependence will move you forward. They will help you to recognize your value. With clear focus, clearing the root cause of the addiction, you will begin to see the light of day. Your confidence will return and grow. You will begin to stand in the truth of who you are, and speak up for yourself. Instead of looking for validation and acceptance from others, you will find it within. You will stand in your power, feel confident and worthy. 

With Spiritual re-parenting your past is healed. You can live in the present, fully grounded and secure. Happiness comes from within. When we search for it outside of ourselves, we come up short. We wonder what happened, we give so much, surely we should be happy? This endless giving to others, rather than to ourselves, leaves us feeling empty and lost. Come home to YOUR PERSONAL POWER. Begin to love yourself today. You will begin to see how you can change your perspective and learn how to speak your truth about your own needs, rather than shelving them for someone else's agenda. 

Jennifer's Podcast on Addictive Love and Codependence

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a healed healer, author of Orgasm For Life.  Click here for Her website: 

Listen tonight to Jennifer on The Love Doctor:   For all those who missed Jennifer Elizabeth Masters last week discuss her new book "Orgasm for Life" you are in for a real treat as we go into round two. Don't miss your second chance as we discuss what's hot and what's not in the bedroom. Want to create more joy, pleasure, and fun in the bedroom or backseat of a car? Do you want the ulitimate orgasm and sexual experience of your life no matter what age? Are you living passionately today or just pushing through hoping to make it through to tomorrow? Over 80% of woman have faked the big O more than a couple of times and men too. You can have orgasms every time with some proven techniques and she's here to tell you how. intimacy and orgasms is the icing on the cake and improved sex lives make for lasting relationships. Jennifer Masters is a sex coach for women and has helped thousands of women achieve the big O. The Love Dr. and Ms. Master will discuss everything you wanted to know about sex but, were afraid to ask, Ladies grab your man take a seat and both of you take notes. We will be discussing everything from A-Z about sexual pleasure. The love lines are open Tues,June 17th 2014 9:00 pm est. 714-242-5155 For mature audiences only. blogtalkradio.com Love Dr. Radio

Acceptance Attracts Acceptance

Acceptance from Jennifer Elizabeth Masters on Vimeo.

Why do I keep going Back?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You know he's wrong for you, yet you keep going back thinking he will be different this time.

When something is over, its over. No amount of returning to the scene of the crime is going to repair or change who he (or in some cases she is).  Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

He keeps breaking your heart and you keep returning. WHY?

You want to be loved. A relationship is always a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. This is a tough thing to take, but he is treating you the way you treat yourself. Be kind to you. Go out with your friends. But break this cycle, because each time you return will be worse than the last.

Not only do you keep getting your heart broken, but any amount of healing you have done goes out the window each time you go back. Meaning you have to grieve, feel hurt and begin to heal all over again. Remember the first time, when you were committed to no phone calls, FaceBook or texting? Stick to that. No contact.

This guy (girl) has already shown you who he is. Trust that. He is not going to change because you have given him "another chance." In fact, the respect he had for you has diminished and each subsequent reconciliation may be great for one night. You are expecting him to be different, but he can't be something he isn't.  After the one night of bliss it will be much worse than the time before. He has no respect for someone who keeps allowing him to hurt, betray and lie to you. 

Think about it this way: If you got hit over the head every time you did something would you continue to do it? NO! 

This relationship is addictive. You are wanting a relationship so you will put up with whatever treatment to have one. If you could step outside of the relationship and see the energy pattern it would be a downward spiral of energy. Each time your self esteem gets lower and lower, which causes you to accept less and less for yourself. You have to break this energy cycle. Get some help. You can do this! You have whatever you need inside of you.

Here are 13 ways to break this cycle:

1. Give yourself 3 weeks without contact. (no text, email, phone)
2. Make new friends
3. Do something different - take a class or go to a wine tasting
4. Keep yourself busy.
5. Focus on you, not him. 
6. Turn your focus inward. Use the affirmations below.
7. Be kind to yourself, nurture you, 
8. Get moving. Exercise will help you feel happier
9. Chance your scenery. Get out of your routine.
10. Meditate every day. Use the link below.
11. Eat healthy foods, this will help you feel more positive.
12. Use a mantra that is positive. " I LOVE ME." "GOD LOVES ME." this will raise your vibration and you will begin to feel better.
13. Clear your energy field in a salt water bath and cut chords between you with your intention. Do this several times.

Positive Affirmations Access The Unconscious Mind

1. I AM beautiful.
2. I AM worthy.
3. I AM lovable.
4. I AM deserving.
5. I AM unique.
6. I AM POWERFUL

You are beautiful. You are disrespecting yourself each time you have contact with this person. When you feel the urge to contact him, call a friend instead. Doing something different each time you feel the urge for contact will help. Going back to someone who is cheating, hurting, lying or in general not treating you as you deserve is not worth spending another breath on. He is showing you that you don't love yourself. Hire a coach, begin to meditate. Do something for yourself that will help you to feel good about you. Use positive affirmations. Post them on your bathroom mirror and do them while you put on your makeup or shower. Use them several times a day. Getting an energy clearing will help to cut the energy in a powerful way. 

You deserve so much better. You are lovable. You will continue to attract others that treat you badly when you don't love yourself compassionately.

Jennifer is a life, love and relationship coach that empowers women (and committed men) to love themselves fearlessly and compassionately. You can reach her via e-mail here: Divinehealingnow@yahoo.com