Friday, September 2, 2016

10 Rules For Dating That Keep You From Experiencing Guilt

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Each of us has a moral compass. We also have our personal sense of what feels good and what doesn't. Keeping both of these in perspective will keep you feeling positive, happy and empowered while dating. 


When we ignore our moral compass we get into trouble feeling guilt or even shame. Dating needs to be fun. When it ceases to be, there is something wrong and you need to pay attention to the warning signs.


1. It only takes 15-minutes to tell if you have chemistry. A Match.com survey found that thirty-one percent felt it is best to be honest and politely tell your date that it won't work, 12% would leave before the night was over. If you aren't interested, be kind and don't waste each other's time. Spending time with someone you aren't interested in leads to guilt. Avoid the guilt and speak your truth.

2. Be honest. If you aren't enjoying your date, say so. It is better to rip the band-aid off rather than spend an evening wishing you were somewhere else. 52% of the surveyed participants felt it was best to tell your date you aren't interested. I agree. Be kind. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if the tables were turned. Honesty is still the best policy. Lying about anything leads to guilt. Guilt is one of the lowest vibrations that we can experience. You will have a clear conscience and sleep better at night when you are honest.

3. It's okay for a woman to pay on a first date. Women feel empowered and in control when they pay at the end of the first date whether he asked her or not. When a woman pays at the end of the first date she also feels she doesn't owe her date anything, which is also a good thing - leaving you guiltless.

4. Be yourself. We all want to be loved, but if the person you are dating falls in love with a person you pretend to be, they will be disappointed when the real you begins to show up. The more authentic you are, the better. Authenticity makes you happier. When you are happier, your partner will be also. Be you. There is no one else like you.

5. Take it slow. The world isn't going to end tomorrow. This new person may be the cat's meow, spending time alone and with your friends rather than every waking moment with your new love helps to keep the excitement alive. Too much too soon kills a new relationship. Too hot too fast means a fast burn out. Keep the mystery alive and take time for yourself, clean your apartment and your litter box. You have time.

6. Spend time with your friends. Giving up friends for a relationship is always a bad idea. If you make plans with friends, don't ice them if a better offer with your new love shows up. Friends will be there long after the relationship ends. They will be there to talk through your first arguments and help you through your breakups. Relationships work better when you have time apart; you are much more interesting than when you are too available.

7. Be polite. Leave your cell phone in your car, or turn it off. Checking your cell phone when you are on a date with someone is rude. Unless your house is burning down or your child is on their way to the hospital there is no need to check your cell phone, it's just plain impolite. 

8. Wait to add them as a friend on social media. You don't know where this is going. Until you have been dating six months or more, don't add them on FaceBook. I can't tell you how many horror stories I have heard about FB stocking when someone was added too soon. Until you are an item for sure, keep them off your social media. Keeping your dating face to face, rather than on social media makes it much cleaner if you have to end the relationship.

9. Don't have sex on the first date. Add a little mystery and leave him wanting you. Sex is an intimate expression requiring closeness. Ground rules haven't been established so soon in the game. You need to have a discussion about pregnancy, protection or STDs. Questions need to be asked before sex occurs. 

Unfortunately, we still have a double standard in our society. Men are considered studs and women are easy when sex happens too soon. Sex on a first date often leaves a woman feeling disrespected, ashamed for not holding back then the guilt comes rolling in like a tidal wave for good measure. Save yourself the pain and allow the excitement and mystery to build. You are worthy. You don't have to give it away to keep someone, it actually works in reverse. 

You don't think about pregnancy when you are in the throws of passion. However, 1,604,870 unmarried women got pregnant  aged 15-44 in 2014 according to the CDC study done in the US. 

10. Use the phone to follow-up after a date. Women like to follow up the next day. Most guys play it cool and like to wait three days before a text or follow-up phone call. The old-fashioned method (phone) is the best way to follow up after a date. Voice, intonation, and expression can be misconstrued via text when you barely know each other. Keep texting to a minimum until you have been dating a few weeks.



Are you ready to find happiness and love? Are you certain that your life can be better, happier and more fulfilling but you don't know how to get out of your way? 

E-mail Jennifer for a private discovery session to find out if her work is a good fit for you. Jennifer works with women to build confidence, healthy boundaries, self-esteem and step into their innate power. 


Find Jennifer's books on Amazon

Jennifer is the author of the forthcoming book:
Happy Here, Happy Anywhere
The Guide For Overcoming Anxiety, Depression and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!

Jennifer is both a healer and a love and passion coach. She empowers women to be the strong, powerful confident women they truly are, helping them find joy and love within so that life becomes a moving meditation filled with bliss, fun and happiness.





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