Women more than men are asking for a divorce after 20, 25 and 30 years of marriage. Why would someone who has obviously stuck through thick and thin for all those years suddenly decide she has had enough?
FACT: Women file for divorce 2/3 of the time.
These statistics are telling. It is why I wrote Orgasm For Life. Women are unhappy and their men have no idea.The Janet Love Show: Interview Healing Sexual Trauma
In the process of writing Orgasm For Life, I researched, for months. I did my own statistical analysis and interviewed hundreds of people. Of the people I interviewed, many were in long-term marriages. Those who were having fun together in AND out of their bedrooms were the ones, committed and connected. Their relationships were tight. They usually have a deep connection with each other AND a shared Spiritual connection. They were not interested in affairs. The women were happy with their sexual partners and satisfied, because they felt loved and appreciated. They also had orgasms as often as their mate did. They both were able to discuss sex openly within their relationship and ask for what they wanted.
- She has given all her life to others and has lost herself.
- She is dissatisfied with sex.
- She feels unappreciated.
- She doesn't feel loved.
- She doesn't love herself.
- You have left the toilet seat up one too many times and they have had enough of being ignored, invalidated or put down.
- She doesn't accept herself as she is and is constantly trying to change you. She may be tired of you not being what she thinks she wants you to be.
- She recognizes that she can't control you, so will go and find someone else they THINK they can change or control.
- She feels she has no purpose and feels lost. (Children are grown, they have no mission or soul purpose.)
- There may be abuse or boundaries that are crossed. Controlling and jealous men can lead women to seek someone who will not control them or be fearful of them looking elsewhere.
- They think they are in love. (Some truly are in love, but not all.) Sex releases hormones which make you FEEL you are in love.
- They feel that is the right thing to do.
- It feels like the next step - and what society expects of them.
- They hear their clock ticking and feel it is TIME!
- They want to have babies (this is not true of many child-bearing women today.)
- They are not happy with life and feel that marriage will fill that void.
- They are looking for happiness outside of themselves.
- They have always dreamed of a big wedding and feel that having this BIG WEDDING will make them happy.
- At a certain point in their relationship they decide it is time to take it to the next step: often pressuring their man into marriage when he is not ready.
- They feel lonely, empty, unfulfilled and look for these things outside of themselves, in a relationship/marriage.(Often women get married because they have an emptiness inside and feel are lonely, or because they think they should get married. They don't love themselves and continue to look for validation and often get re-married immediately). Statistically, second, third and fourth marriages don't last.
When women look to marriage to solve their loneliness, unhappiness or unfulfillment, eventually they will come to recognize that the marriage didn't do it for them. When this happens they often make their husband the enemy. They make their man wrong. Blame figures prominently in this situation. Women (and men) are not victims. They are left with a hole that is gaping and still empty. Having someone love you when you don't love yourself, eventually comes up short. Often you don't even feel the love because you are so closed off and shut down emotionally. You refuse to allow love in after a while. You shut down your heart and resist the good.
Issues Of Sex
We Need Good Positive Communication
Communication verbal and non-verbal often becomes adversarial. In other words, communication constantly contains conflict, eye rolling and arguments.
Are You Listening?
Men have a tendency to think that women talk too much, often about things that don't matter. After years of hearing us talk, talk talk, men often shut their women out, ignoring them and pretending to listen. Women feel this and it bugs us. If we don't get attention from you, we will get it somewhere else. When you ignore your woman as a matter of course, you run the risk of losing her to someone who pays attention.
Long-term marriage involves work. Not just work on the relationship, but work outside the home. Routines can become boring. Life becomes dull. We have to work at keeping love alive and passion in the bedroom. There are ways to do this and I detail many of them in my book. Reading erotica together, playing a board game that involves risk taking and clothes coming off, rather than routine hum-drum sex can make a huge difference. Touch each other outside the bedroom. Look at one another when you talk and listen intently, rather than focus on your cell phone or multi-tasking.
- What do I hope to gain that I am not getting from marriage?
- Will this help my marriage or hurt it?
- Am I prepared for my marriage to be over?
It is impossible to keep an affair a secret. It will come out. A receipt will fall out of a closet, a scent will be left on clothes, or there will be a tell on your face or voice. Do not think you can hide an affair. If you cheat on your spouse, you are also lying to yourself. If you must have sex with someone else, get divorced first. Be in integrity, it is the only thing that you have at the end of this life.
Adventures in Life
To make your marriage more exciting there are many things you can do. Take a day trip out to a place you have thought about for years. Pack a picnic lunch, maybe even stay overnight. Do something spur of the moment, rather than plan ahead. When we do things spontaneously the whole
event takes on a different hue. Get off your couch and live a little. Change up your routine and make love in the shower, or on the stairs, or in your car. Or maybe just drive into the city and book a hotel on a whim! Use your imagination. You might save your marriage and in the process save your life. Married people live longer, are healthier and have sex more often.