Do you or your loved one suffer from sexual numbness?
Yesterday I completed a two-day drive from Boulder, Colorado to the Mojave desert of California. Speaking of numbness, most of my butt was numb!
For the first day, I rode in silence. I listen to guidance in the quiet. After 10 hours, I began playing old CDs and found one from Evanescence, I didn't even know I had. Written and sung by Amy Lee, she said that it has many meanings. Amy Lee told a reporter that the song was inspired by her husband and long-time friend, Josh Hartzler. I listened carefully to the lyrics and found that the meaning could easily be construed as sexual.
One line in particular, Now that I know what I am without, you can't just leave me. My interpretation is that the author experienced an orgasm by accident and then realized what she had been missing - don't just leave me here....... hanging! Now I know what I have been missing I want it each and every time.
To be fully awake, all of our body, mind and spirit must be engaged. If parts of your body are numb, you cannot wake up. This particular song has also been called incorrectly, "Wake Me Up Inside." It is a powerful song about awakening from numbness. (The lyrics and song are below this article.)
Being able to have an orgasm means you are fully functional. Numbness does not allow an orgasm to occur. When women who have been sexually molested, raped or traumatized sexually, most go into fright, fight or freeze syndrome. It is a natural phenomenon that protects the mind and body from trauma. Many young children have their sexual traumas blocked completely from conscious memory because it would push them over the edge to know or remember all the details. The freezing occurs when the sexual molestation causes sexual feelings to occur in the child. The child then says unconsciously, "This is not right, I have to prevent pleasure from happening!" The feelings are FROZEN inside.
Many women experience pain during intercourse that cannot be explained. Perhaps sexual trauma occurred in childhood that they don't even remember. This cellular memory has to be released before orgasm can occur. Keeping eye contact, touching, other than just sexual touch and talking to the partner you are healing is important. I recommend you get my book from the link above from Amazon.com for all the details.
While researching information on Evanescence and their song, I found a forum where many women were discussing sexual numbness. I found it very sad, that there is not more information on the Internet to assist young people. Others on the forum were giving mis-information about the cause and how to heal it. Please send anyone you know who has vaginal numbness to my blog, or my book, Orgasm For Life.
Below are instructions for a very delicate issue. Sexual trauma causes deep emotional pain. Keeping sexual trauma a secret increases the emotional and unconscious trauma. It causes further sinking of esteem, by saying that you are the bad one. You in some way caused the molestation or rape to occur. When secrets are kept, psychosis can occur which can present as low self esteem, bi-polar syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, anxiety, depression and promiscuity (and others). If you and your partner decide to heal this issue on your own, make sure you pair the physical healing with emotional healing through a coach who is healed and familiar with sexual dysfunction or sexual abuse, like myself. It would be helpful to watch the movie, Bliss with Terrence Stamp. This movie gently illustrates sexual healing from traumatic sexual abuse.
If you trust your partner completely this work can be done with them. You need to have an agreement that if it becomes too painful you can say, "Stop." It will take sincere commitment, perseverance and courage to do this work. A Tantra healer can work on you, but many do not feel comfortable going to a stranger for intimate healing work. Some massage inside the vagina is required as well as the G-spot.
Know that this work may take several sessions to clear everything completely. You can persevere and do it in one session, which I recommend, because you could easily throw in the towel and never go back and complete the work. It can feel very intense and painful both emotionally and physically. However, the end result is regular orgasms. The work is definitely worthwhile. I wish I had not waited to do this healing till I was in my 50's. I did not have all the information I needed to recognize that it could be fixed, or healed. I also did not have the courage and confidence to go through with it earlier.
Coaching For Sexual Healing and Empowerment
Coaching for these issues is recommended and is my forté. Not only have I healed the emotional issues, I have also healed the physical and spiritual issues as well. I have a deep understanding for what you are experiencing. This work can also help you prevent cancer and other diseases from manifesting. Self love is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Why wait any longer? Joy and total fulfillment awaits you just around the corner!
- Begin with a sacred shower or bath. Intend that this session will be helpful, gentle and healing. This is a healing session only.
- Arrange the bedroom with pillows, candle light and soft music if desired.
- Make sure the room is warm enough, or cool enough to be comfortable naked.
- Prop the person you are working on on pillows, under the knees and arms. Make sure she is comfortable, feels safe and secure. Close the door. Keep out animals.
- Ask her if you have permission to touch her. Always ask before moving to the next body part. "Do I have your permission to touch your _________. Sexual trauma occurs when touch happens without permission. Boundaries are crossed. This is a healing event. Permission must be granted before you move on.
- Start with non-sexual body touch, of arms, legs, hands and feet. "May I touch your breasts?"
- Maintain eye contact as much as possible.
- Tell your partner what you are doing as you are doing it. Communication is important to build trust.
- "May I touch your buttocks and thighs?" Begin massaging deep into the muscles in the hips, thighs (at the tops of the front of legs deep inside the muscle groups. This can be painful. Make sure your partner breathes throughout. Holding breath is natural when we are experiencing either emotional or physical pain. Breathwork is imperative for release. Breathe in AND OUT.
- The first session may take an hour and a half to two hours. Gently, but deeply massaging the tops of the thighs near but not touching the vulva.
- With both thumbs located on the area called the sitz bones, gently push inward. This can be quite tender, but needs to be released to move on to the next step. Make sure your partner is breathing. Spend at least 10 seconds here. If the pain is too great at first, back off the pressure and then allow her time to breathe and repeat once more.
- Let her know you are going to be touching her vulva next. "Do I have permission to touch your vulva?" Using gentle pressure press down on the clitoris and have her breathe. Move to another area on her labia majora (outer lips). Repeat the gentle pressure with her breathing. This is meant to be a release rather than a turn on. You are not trying to turn her on, but release memory from the cells.
- Make eye contact and let her know you are moving to her vagina. Ask permission to do so.
- With coconut or olive oil begin inserting one finger and massage the upper wall of the vagina. Sex will not occur during this session. This is ONLY a healing session for ONE person, the one you are working on.
- Turn your hand upward, using a come hither motion manually massage the upper wall - or G-spot. You will be able to determine if you have the right area. It is spongy and will swell as it contains erectile tissue. It feels ribbed and is located approximately an inch to two inches on the upper wall of the vaginal wall.
- Make sure that she is breathing and making eye contact with you during the G-spot massage. She may cry. It can be extremely painful. It was excruciating for me. I did not have an orgasm until my next sexual experience. So don't push her unless she can go the distance. An orgasm is not required. It would be a grand result of all this wonderful healing work, but it is not the end of the world if it does not happen.
- Ask her if she needs to be held? If she gives you permission to hold her, do so, without expecting sex. This is not about you today, only her. This is a healing. Hold her and allow her to breathe, talk or cry.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of two books, Orgasm For Life, and Odyssey Victim to Victory. Orgasm For Life is a witty, brilliant guide to sex, relationships and love. OFL bridges the chasm of opposite sex relationships with new understanding and candor. Direct, open and honest, Orgasm For Life will make you laugh, turn you on, teach you new ways to make love and make you a better lover, in the process.
With understanding, humor and communication we create better relationships deeper connection and intimacy. Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a gifted catalyst for healing bringing her clients to a state of permanent happiness, clearing depression, anxiety and limitation.
Her website is: JenniferElizabethMasters.com
"Bring Me To Life"
Play the song below.