Biologically primal man was wired to "spray and pray." The spray and pray method to keep our species alive and thriving has been hard-wired (forgive the pun) into men's physiology for eons. Men can have sex once, and their work is done, a woman can be pregnant. He can then move onto the next conquest. Women carry a baby for nine months, our reproductive cycle is much slower. The primal man has been programmed to seek variety, mating with all types of women for the survival of the fittest.
4. They rationalize that they have reasons to cheat. If their wife is bitchy, doesn't want sex or isn't into it, many men feel justified. If they aren't getting their needs met at home, they feel vindicated by having meaningless sex away from home.
5. Women at home aren't as attractive. Women often look very different after 20 years of marriage, children and life. Some women gain weight, lose interest in taking care of themselves and let themselves go. An attractive younger woman with a tight body can be the allure. Too often after years of living with the same man, we women can stop spending money on expensive lingerie, maybe we don't have the budget because we are paying for college. Whatever the reason, men like the sexiness of sleek new lingerie and a surprise every now and then.
6. Sex outside of marriage is easy. Affairs can be far simpler than dealing with a marriage partner. Without the emotional baggage, sex is often just sex, without any emotional involvement at all. Without kids to bathe, dogs to walk or dishes in the sink, affairs offer the freedom that marriage doesn't.
7. An affair is adventurous. Over time relationships can be void of anything out of the ordinary. Many men desire the adventure that sex outside of marriage offers.
8. Having sex with a stranger can be very exciting. If your sex life at home is anything but exciting, this could be just cause for a man to stray.
9. His father did it. DNA plays a significant role in whether a man is faithful or not. If his father was monogamous, it is likely he will be too. If his father stuck his wick in many ink bottles, he will too. Often what our parents modeled for us is what is replicated in our relationships.
- Change it up. You have a shower, kitchen, dining room table, couch, and a floor, use them all. Having sex in the same bed
- Travel. Going away together can be enough to create excitement. A beach can be a great turn on as vitamin D is needed to produce hormones in our bodies.
- Schedule time. In business, there is a rule of thumb, "If it isn't on the calendar, it won't happen." Although scheduling sex takes the spontaneity out of the equation, sex therapist Janice Epp, Ph.D., dean of the Institute for Advanced Studies of Human Sexuality in San Francisco recommends scheduled "sex time."
- Buy a wig. Men like to experience being with someone new. Wearing a wig or clothes you wouldn't normally wear could
- Talk about sex. Talking about your desires can shift your perspective and open the door to being more vulnerable, risk taking and creative about your experiences together.
- Talk about your fantasies. Everyone has fantasies about sex. If you don't get some! Fantasies can turn you both on, but you have to open up and share your thoughts.
- Go out to dinner and tell him you aren't wearing underwear. Let him know you are hot for him, tell him how amazingly sexy he is and how incredible he makes you feel. Sex begins in the brain talking before sex can turn you both on so you will be scrambling up the stairs once you get home.
- Role play. Dress up so that he doesn't see what you are wearing. Meet in a bar and pretend you don't know each other. Pretend to pick him up just to boink him. Oh come on, it's all good fun.
- Have sex in his car/truck. I remember driving out into a pasture with my husband and feeling in the mood. When I suggested
- Play a game like nude BINGO, or poker. Take an article of clothes off each time one of you loses. Have some fun!
- Take a salsa class together and go out dancing. Dance can be a
Boredom in a relationship is deadly. We have to be learning, growing together and making love regularly. Staying intimate takes effort, desire, and connection. Robots are not intimate. If your relationship is robotic change something.
If you stop talking or stop having sex, you can regroup and recover with some effort. Love was once there. It still is, you just have to get out your feather duster, sandblaster and maybe a jackhammer to unlock the desire that needs to be fanned with your soft breath on his neck, or maybe his package to wake him out of his slumber.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach and author of Orgasm For Life. She works with those who want to feel fulfilled, excited and joyful in their lives, relationships, and work. Jennifer has an innate ability to hear and feel what is going on inside you guiding you into your Goddess self.
Feel like something is missing? Jennifer will help you find your inner passion and love for yourself, your partner and life. Contact her for your 30-minute free discovery session to determine if her work is a good fit for where you long to be.