By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
When someone disrespects us, we often feel angry. Our boundaries have been crossed when we are disrespected. When we lack self-respect, we might not notice disrespect. This article will help you raise awareness and give you several helpful ways to shift your energy.
What is disrespect? Oxford dictionary defines disrespect as follows:
lack of respect or courtesy:
"growing disrespect for the rule of law"
synonyms: contempt · lack of respect · scorn ·
· disdain · disregard
VERB informal NORTH AMERICAN
show a lack of respect for; insult:
"a young brave who disrespects his elders"
Interestingly, Latin people have respect by the boatload, which is why their sex lives are more fulfilling than the rest of the world. Having sex with someone who doesn't respect you could lead to abuse, lack of regard for your feelings or even pleasure.
Americans seem to have lost regard for one another. Men walking into the gym don't hold the door for women who enter after them. They are thinking only of themselves. Why? Kids are being taught to think only of themselves from a very early age, by catering to their every whim. We have a new generation of entitled young people who expect everything, but give nothing in return.
Respect has been instilled in the Latin people for generations. Kids in the United States have little respect for their elders, parents and even teachers. Respect is taught. If children are not taught to respect themselves and others, they won't. It is not innate.
If our boundaries are crossed early due to abuse or sexual trauma, we may not have any self-respect. What is especially troubling is that we often have no idea we lack selfrespect, which was the case for me. My third husband, stated, "If you don't respect yourself, how can I respect you?" This was a big eye-opener for me. Through sexual trauma, I had my boundaries crossed repeatedly. How can you have self-respect when it has been destroyed? It took me thirty years of recovery to respect myself and develop healthy boundaries.
There are many ways that we are disrespected and don't even notice. I have listed several for you to trigger awarenes.
- People make fun of you or make belittling remarks about you.
- You might find others are sarcastic towards you.
- Your animals climb all over you and don't listen to you.
- Your kids don't do as you ask.
- Your partner doesn't respect your boundaries.
- People are rude to you.
- You feel invisible.
- You are being emotionally abused.
- Others speak to you with scorn.
Respect has to come from you first. Building self-respect comes from establishing healthy boundaries. There are more subtle signs of disrespect in the world. You may find others cut you off on the road. When trying to ease into traffic no one allow you in.
- Know what you want and don't want.
- Express your opinions
- Don't feel you have to do something because everyone else is doing it.
- Make it clear to others what you want, or don't want.
- Make it clear to others what is unacceptable behavior
- Stop doing things you don't want to do just to please everyone else.
- Don't feel pressure to do something because someone is manipulating you
- Be respectful of others.
- Don't belittle others or put others down.
- Don't use sarcasm to make a point.
- Be respectful and courteous of others.
- Make conscious choices that are respectful of yourself.
You will quickly notice that building self-respect is a lot like building healthy boundaries. Often if we don't have self-respect we also lack healthy boundaries. That is a subject for another discussion.
Part of developing respect is trust. If you don't live up to your commitments or your partner doesn't you may have difficulty trusting. Trust is a huge part of an intimate sex life. If you can't be trusted in your relationship, intimacy and a regular sex life may continue to allude you. If you want more sex, or more connected sex, this is an issue you want to course correct immediately!
- Do what you say you will do.
- Show up on time.
- Be present. Turn off your cell phone and computer.There is nothing worse than being half there. If you are looking at your cell phone or computer when you are supposed to be with someone you are not present. It is hard to trust someone who isn't WITH YOU FULLY.
- Be aware of your surroundings and yourself.
Now, I will turn you over to the Queen of RESPECT, Aretha Franklin.