Why Some Marriages Are Sexless

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

For those living in a sexless marriage, touch, snuggling, kissing and even hugging are things of the past. Rejection, frustration, abandonment and a feeling of being unloved permeate these marriages.  How do so many marriages end up with sex taken off the table, never mind out of the bedroom?

Both men and women can be rejected in sexless marriages. Having been in one myself for a short while, I feel tremendous compassion for you. A marriage that is considered sexless if you have sex no more than 10 times in a year. Approximately 15 to 20% of couples define themselves as being in a sexless marriage.

Newsweek stated that married couples have sex just over 68 times a year or 6.9 times more per year than single people or those who have never been married. 

Your relationship may seem normal and happy from the outside, you've raised your children, you may even vacation together, but when sex isn't happening once a week, couples begin to snipe at one another, or feel resentful and angry. 

What Is The Problem?

Each couple may have a different source for the disconnect. These are some of the reasons one party doesn't want to be sexually intimate with the other.

1. They don't like sex. 
2. They don't like sex with the opposite sex but can't tell you, as they are too ashamed. The lie they are living is too hard to tell you. Many people marry the opposite sex because it is what is expected either from religion, culture or society. The coverup continues because of guilt, fear or shame. Have you noticed how older women and men are coming out after being married for years? Some have the courage to do so, while others are too afraid of losing family connection, so they keep their homosexuality under wraps.
3. They fear intimacy. Most people have no idea that they fear intimacy. A fear of intimacy required counseling, coaching, and encouragement to break through. A fear of intimacy won't go away without some effort, negotiation and professional help. Spiritually Bonded Intimacy will help you.
4. They don't like the person you have become or that they have gotten to know. We have to like each other to want to have sex regularly with them. Perhaps you have done something they don't like, you don't smell good, aren't clean enough, or just aren't what or the type of person they are attracted to today.
5. After childbirth, many women feel they have done their duty and don't feel sexual, sexy or attractive. Sex can become a chore. Some women find sex something to be feared because they don't want to become pregnant again. 
6. Menopause can cause challenges and symptoms that make sex too uncomfortable and they aren't motivated enough to do something about it. There are bioidentical hormones, ThermiVa a non-surgical laser treatment that increases collagen, elasticity, youthfulness as well as moisture in the vagina. 
7. They are shut down emotionally. Sexual abuse from childhood can cause both men and women to have issues with sex later in life. The issue of molestation doesn't go away when you ignore it. Get some coaching with someone like me that has healed the trauma of sexual abuse. Or visit a Tantra class. 
8. They have low self-esteem. Self-esteem when healthy includes a healthy self-image and positive feelings about sex. When we don't feel good about ourselves, we may feel uncomfortable and unsexy when naked. Low self-esteem can be remedied and is the foundational work that I do for my clients.
9. They are depressed. Depression and antidepressants remove the desire for sex. Get help for your depression. I do clearings for people that alleviate this issue. 

Don't Ignore This Issue It Won't Go Away

I married a man after dating for six months, he was all in a rush to get married. He hid the fact that he preferred men from me. He wasn't out of the closet, in fact after we divorced, he married another woman because his religion didn't allow homosexuality. I wrote an article about how homosexual men still marry women to keep their secret safe from their church, family, friends and their professional career. The truth is that God doesn't make mistakes. If you are born homosexual, there was no mistake. We are meant to learn from this lifetime. Perhaps your gift in this life is to learn how to be more loving of yourself no matter what. 


We need to know someone well before we commit to marriage. Often we are so focused on the getting married part that we ignore the red flags we see along the way to the wedding. A marriage is much more than friendship. Marriage is friendship with benefits. If you don't plan on having sex after the marriage, don't get married. 

The bottom line is that living in a sexless marriage is like being on board a ship full of dead bodies. There was beauty there once, but not anymore. It feels dead, disconnected and cold in a sexless marriage. Sex helps to keep a couple connected, intimate so that they can talk about anything. When we aren't having sex regularly communication breaks down, and a wall is created that keeps us apart, segregated and feeling isolated. 

Negativity comes in filling the void which eventually feels like you are not in a marriage at all but just roommates. Marriage is a loving connection between two people which involves a commitment to be sexual, close and connected. A sexless marriage isn't loving. Get some help now! Your problems won't go away by ignoring them. 

Audible: Orgasm For Life narrated and written by yours truly!

Read my book Orgasm For Life a clearly written guide to deep intimacy, connection, compassion, and understanding what your partner needs. Orgasm For Life is an in-depth look at oral, touch, G-spot, orgasm and communicating about sex without embarrassment or angst. This book will turn you on, power you up and bring light into areas of darkness. It is humorous and written with compassion for both sexes.


Sources:

30 Odd Sexless Marriage Statistics

WebMed Are You In A Sexless Marriage?

Definition of A Sexless Marriage

What To Remember This Thanksgiving

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Thanksgiving in Georgia with son Adam circa 2009

For so many families of divorce, holidays mean a time of separation by distance, rather than love. Gratitude is part of my daily practice, but Thanksgiving is the day I wake up writing a post about all that I am grateful for before I even open my eyes. Of all the holidays that we celebrate in the United States, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for so many reasons. 

I love Thanksgiving as it is a time for our family to come together and share stories, love and be

Adam, David, and Bill Gates with me in Colorado hiking

together without the pressure of gift-giving. This year it is just my daughter, Ariel, who recently graduated from culinary school and I. my sons are with their father in Connecticut. We still share warm phone calls and humor over the phone lines. 

My daughter flew in yesterday from Colorado for the first time in eighteen months. We see each other at least five times a year, but usually in Colorado. Today we will cook together and laugh about the different ways we do things. Rather than me telling her how to cook, the way my mother did, I allow her to express her creativity. When I allow Ariel to be herself, I get the best of her, rather than a suppressed version of herself. She may be my birth daughter, but she couldn't be more different than me if she were adopted. I have to remember her way of communicating love is different than mine. My daughter feels happiest when she is shining her light out in the world, making a difference. 

No matter how ingrained some things are for me about methodology and recipes, I allow Ariel to cook the way she wants to rather than following my lead. The more we allow our family to be themselves, rather than the people we wish them to be, the more joy that we experience being together. 

Thanksgiving is a time to remember the people who have left us and can't be seen at our tables, remembering our past lives together, and their contributions big and small. 

Ariel, David and Jennifer in Colorado 

Thanksgiving reminds us of what we have and what is important, as we look around our tables at those we love and how important they are to us. Whether you dine with friends or eat alone here are some things to mull over today more than any day of the year.

From the time I wake up Thanksgiving day, it is a day of reverence, gratitude for all I have and all I receive. Following is my list of things I am grateful. You can use mine to build your own if you wish. Enjoy your day together today. Remember to take a walk outdoors after eating to enjoy each other away from the football games and noise. Revel in the beauty of nature breathing in love and exhaling gratitude. 

Gratitude fills our heart with love and allows us to recognize all

that we have. The more grateful for what we have now, the more we open to receive. Gratitude is an expression of love. Even if you don't feel loved or loving, gratitude will help you open our hearts and begin the process of being more loving.

Here's my list:

1. I am so grateful to be alive today.
2. I am grateful for my vibrant health.
3. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn in the process of life.
4. I am grateful for my trust in myself and The Universe.
5. I am grateful for my children, Adam, David and Ariel and how our relationships have shifted over the years to be more open, expressive and vulnerable.
6. I am grateful that Ariel overcame so much (including the death of her father) and graduated from one of the best culinary schools in the US.
7. I am grateful for my friends.
8. I am grateful for my clients their expansion, growth, acceptance and how their relationships have become more loving and allowing.
9. I am grateful for the rain we've had in the desert this week.
10. I am grateful for my home, my pets and my life.
11. I am so grateful that I have work that I love to do that fulfills me and helps so many others.
12. I am grateful to be able to give back.
13. I am grateful for nature, it's beauty and every changing landscape.
    
    
    
14. I am grateful for the abundance of food, fruit, and vegetables that grow so close to my home.
15. I am grateful that nothing stays the same.
16. I am grateful to have moved beyond depression, anxiety, and illness. 
17. I am grateful for the food on my table and money in the bank.
18. I am grateful that I can pay my bills on time.
19. I am grateful for those who show up to help me grow my business. 
20. I am grateful for my neighbor who takes care of my beloved pets while I travel. 
21. I am grateful for my brothers and their support throughout my life.
22. I am grateful for the forgiveness of others towards me and my ability to forgive those that have hurt me in the past.
23. I am grateful to feel happy, blissful and know that life is sweet when we believe it is.
24. I am grateful or the wisdom, discernment, and Guidance I receive.
25. I am grateful for my body that is healthy, vibrant and able to do what I want it to.
26. I am grateful to sleep peacefully at night.
27. I am grateful to wake up and feel safe in my home and town. 
28. I am grateful to have a car that is paid off; that runs well.
29. I am grateful for all that I have learned and continue to learn that leads to further expansion.
30. I am grateful for the magic in my life.
31. I am grateful for me.
32. I am grateful that you show up and read my blog and get a suggestion, or tidbit that helps you feel better or inspired for your life.
33. I am grateful for the Universe, my Divine, the sun, moon, stars, planet earth and our entire galaxy. 
34. I am grateful for laughter as a great source of healing for us all.
35. I am grateful for love.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters  is a wise and soulful healer, coach and hypnotherapist, who sees the root of people's issues and empowers her clients to grow, expand and be their authentic selves to live happier and more fulfilling lives. She assists clients in business growth and decisions that make sense and are for their highest and best good. Ask her a question or choose to be empowered by setting up your free discovery session to live a guilt-shame free life of joy. 

How To Communicate In Loving Ways

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Humans are sensitive emotional beings. As we evolve our emotional reactivity begins to diminish. When we are upset our resolve to be level headed flies out the window along with our intelligence. How can we communicate through the challenges that relationships bring our way without thrashing each other in the process?

Arguments are not an indication of relationship failure. It is the way we argue that creates the resultant demise.

Through my life, I have had plenty of experience in relationships. What I have found is that what our parent's modeled for us as love usually wasn't loving. Certainly, in my case, there has been much un-learning and unraveling of what works and what doesn't in relationships. 

My parents didn't speak to each other for weeks when they were upset. As children, we were caught in the middle of missiles, landmines, and volatile rage. Their style of communication was destructive, damaging and negative. We need to learn a new style that lifts each other up, rather than destroys self-esteem. If we can't communicate when we are angry and upset without giving each other the silent treatment while we process, we might continue to operate in our parent's footsteps of volatility, defensiveness and contempt. 

Unlearning old behaviors takes time, patience and practice. We didn't create these deep patterns overnight. As children, we were
little sponges who soaked up everything our parents did, said and felt. We mimicked them because that is what we are programmed to do. Children learn by watching other's behavior and replicating it.

If our parents were negative and accusatory with one another, we mimic their style. Beginning a conversation with harsh accusatory criticism can cause the other to react in a tailspin of emotions, Once contempt enters a relationship we are doomed to failure. Divorce is a certainty. 

Arguments happen in the best of relationships. Conflict will arise. We can't avoid these issues. Not being able to talk rationally to our partners about issues with emotional intelligence leads to divorce and break-ups with a certainty.

John Gottman, a relationship expert in Seattle has researched and written more than twenty books and researched couples while arguing in his Love Lab. His work is remarkable and enlightening. His best work is The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work.  Gottman began researching couples in 1972. He has researched thousands of couples in seven different studies while arguing to see what works and what doesn't.

He is able to predict whether a marriage will succeed or fail from the way that couples argue, and their repair statements at the end of an argument. Gottman's focus is on success rather than the failure of a relationship.

Gottman's research is clear. When we argue in certain ways, our relationship is doomed to failure. 

Success Is Possible
Relationships that have deep friendships have the greatest success. When couples know each other and continue to be updated and interested, remembering what is said and important to one another gives a relationship the strong foundation needed to weather the storms that arise naturally.

What We Need To Do Differently For Relationship Success

• deepen our friendship by supporting each other's goals and dreams
• learn and remember our partners' likes, dislikes
• continue to have an interest in dreams, wishes and desires
• avoid accusatory statements
• avoid sarcasm and criticism
• avoid beginning arguments with a harsh startup - criticism
• when criticism is pervasive it leads to contempt
• avoid contempt (sneering, cynicism, sarcasm, eyerolling, mockery, and hostile humor)
• avoid defensiveness - it doesn't help your argument
• don't tune out your partner - "Stonewalling" often a trait of older marriages
• avoid flooding your partner with a vitriol of criticism - often accompanied by hostility (physically distressing, blood pressure mounts, heart rate increases, body goes into overdrive)

"Recurrent episodes of flooding leads to divorce for two reasons," says Gottman. "First, they signal that at least one partner feels severe emotional distress when dealing with the other. Second, the physical sensations of feeling flooded - the increased heart rate, sweating, and so on ~ make it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion. When you body goes into overdrive during and argument, it is responding to a very primitive alarm system we inherited from our prehistoric ancestors. All those distressful reactions, like a pounding heart and sweating, occur because on a fundamental level your body perceives your current situation as dangerous."

Repair Attempts

Repair attempts can be as simple as "Stop yelling at me." or "Stick with the topic." These repair attempts can diffuse a situation. A grin, a goofy face can all be repair attempts. A repair attempt stops an argument from steamrolling out of control. 

It is the quality of the friendship between a couple that determines the ability to repair an argument and a positive spin on our past. 

Positive Spin On The Past

How we spin our old story determines how successfully we navigate our present. If we continually bring up the negative about the past, everything in our current situation has a negative quality to it. If we have created positive feelings about the past history, recognizing was the catalyst for your growth and evolution, and got you to the place you are in now, you have a positive sentiment override. 

Every relationship can be repaired. A commitment to renew, recover and repair are what is needed. It isn't conflict resolution that is needed. We need to learn constructive ways of arguing, know each other well and be friends as well as lovers. 

When Everything Falls Apart There Is Good News Coming

Divorce is stressful for everyone. Regret over divorce occurs more often than people admit. If I knew now what I didn't know then, I would have stayed with husband number one. We jump from relationship to relationship because we don't know how to navigate it alone. Having a guide to help you is required, rather than traditional therapy that ends more marriages than it saves. (Just 35% get clinically significant improvements).

I am currently wrapping up a powerful six-week program for women who have continued to attract emotionally unavailable men, or people who won't or can't commit. Last night we began discussing communication and how we can improve our delivery. I am offering two programs beginning in January, one for men and a second for just women. Both sexes have their individual issues with communication. From Tainted To True Love shifts our perspective and patterns so that we easily attract a loving, committed relationship. This workshop is a life-changing and powerful event. 

A clarity building exercise to help you discover what you want and don't want precedes a powerful manifestation event.

Contact Jennifer    Orgasm For Life on Amazon

Spiritually Bonded Intimacy

How Trust Can Deepen Your Bond and Improve Sex Exponentially

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Women need to trust their partners to relax, let go and tap into their wildest fantasies and passion. When trust is present women will feel free to express, explore and offer new and different experiences to their partners. Without trust, some women may not be able to reach orgasm or even relax completely. 

Trust is a big issue in relationships. There are many ways to build trust between two people. You will be surprised at how easy it is to create trust. However, the caveat is that trust can be eliminated forever when promises are broken or your actions don't match your words. Trust is a two-way street. Both parties must be honest and live up to their commitments. If you aren't consistently honest, no matter how trustworthy the other person is, trust cannot be created.

Sex is an intimate sharing. Great sexual experiences require a woman to feel safe, respected, adored, admired and loved completely. Men too will experience the ability to be more vulnerable and open when they trust their partner. Intimacy becomes deeper when trust is present. 

How To Build Trust

1. Say what you are going to do and do what you say.
2. Honor your word.
3. Only commit to what you know for sure you can deliver.
4. Communicate! Frequent open communication builds trust. When communication is poor, trust is broken. Poor communication is the biggest reason for relationships not working.
5. If you can't live up to your promise let the other person know immediately.
6. Be honest. Telling the truth about what is going on with you can lead to understanding and even compromise. Telling the truth even when the news is bad will increase trust.
7. Trust is built through small events. Each event leads to greater trust. When trust is present your partner will go to the ends of the earth to support you.
8. Show that you care. When you exhibit caring others see it, feel it and will give you caring and compassion in return. Caring for your partner's needs exhibits and open heart rather than selfishness. When you show a lack of caring others feel it and will sound an alarm; look out you can't trust this person!
9. Do the right thing. We trust those who are in integrity.
10. Admit any wrongdoing immediately. When you can admit you are wrong you build trust. People trust others when they recognize you are honest no matter what. When you can't admit your guilt your ego is running the show. People with large egos usually are selfish, self-centered and can't be trusted.
11. Don't make excuses for your actions. Excuses diminish trust quickly.
12. Never strike, abuse, berate or put down your partner. Once physical and emotional violence is present trust will not return. Even the threat of violence is abuse. 

It is the small things that build trust. Calling to tell your partner you will be late because of traffic builds trust. Not calling and arriving late causes friction, shows disrespect and isn't honoring either of you. Consistency is key to keep trust on the forefront, rather than the back burner. Be a good communicator giving updates along the way.

Communication is what is needed by voice, with eye contact and your undivided attention. Glancing at your cell phone during a conversation negates trust. Not allowing your partner to see your phone or texts negates trust. 

Women need to know they are safe in and out of the bedroom. Most men are far stronger than women. Knowing a man can overpower you can be enough to make some women feel unsafe if they have been abused in the past. Yes, some women are abusive to their men as well. Physical violence has no place in a loving relationship. 

Did I miss anything? Join me in a conversation on Facebook, where I love to hear your questions, concerns and how you create trust.

If you are committed to healing your life come and see me in Atlanta next weekend at The Inner Space.  7:00 - 9:00 PM on Friday, September 7th - $20.00 per person
Private sessions on Saturday, September 8th till 5:00 PM.

Do you keep attracting men who aren't good for you?

Beginning October 12th - November 16th

Join Me For A Transformational Workshop
Six Weeks Live Group Coaching With Jennifer

From Tainted To True Love

$247
Payment options available upon request
Pay in full by October 5th and Receive the following:
Aphrodite Effect 3-hour audio and a 50-minute private session
with Jennifer a $200.00 VALUE!


©JENNIFER ELIZABETH MASTERS All Rights Reserved. 
No part may be copied, or reprinted without the author's written consent.

What Happens When Our Bodies Die?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Orbs a sign of life after death  cemetery

From the time I was a little girl, I had a fascination with death. My grandmother first, then my grandfather. My father's passing gave me tremendous insight into what it means to have everlasting life. Death isn't final. Death is of the body but not of the spirit. If you have ever seen an orb, you have witnessed a spirit from the other side. 

This September 22nd, it will be 27 years since my father died of leukemia. I remember my oldest brother, Tim asking him to give us a sign he was okay when he arrived safely on the other side. We all sat at my mother's kitchen table after my father's funeral, my aunt Doris and uncle Bill serving us all tea, taking care of us. All of a sudden without any storm or reason the lights went out. Tim immediately said, "Hi Dad! We're so glad you are okay!" We all looked at each other remarking that we all knew it was Dad stopping by to say hello and let us know he was fine.

The messages I have had from spirits over the years have been, "More than fine! Happy and at peace!" They watch over us back here. We don't need to worry about those who have crossed to the other side. They are happy, comfortable and doing great. They are out of pain, misery and finished with suffering. 

How Do You Recognize A Familiar Spirit?

My father felt the same in spirit form. If you close your eyes when you are sitting beside someone, there is an essence we sense their presence. That same essence remains always, it is their spirit. I always feel my father when he shows up to check on me. I could be talking about him, or thinking about something he taught me, and instantly I feel his presence. 

In the early days, immediately following my father's death he would sit with me in my garden. He was an avid gardener, so it made sense that spending time in my garden was pleasant to him. He taught all of us about gardening. I went on to become a Georgia Master Gardener and then a landscape designer and ran a successful landscape business in Atlanta, Georgia for eleven years. One of my brothers became a farmer. Each one of us learned alongside my Dad. 

Spirits Show Up In The Weirdest Places

Recently, I was at a local grocery store buying cat food. The woman behind me at the checkout was buying gladiolas, my father's favorite flower. I noticed the flowers on the conveyor belt and thought to myself, "Dad's favorite flowers." I took my purchases and began to leave the store. 

The cashier called me back because she had charged me for the flowers for her next customer. Strange? I joked about how generous it was for me to buy her $35.00 in flowers. 

I was supposed to talk to them about death. I shared my story about my father turning out the lights and tears came to both of their eyes. My story about life after death touched both women in profound ways, I couldn't completely understand at first glimpse. They had both lost someone close recently. My sharing gave them peace. I thanked the woman who bought the gladiolas, as it brought my father close to me in an instant.

Rich Resuta and Ariel, January 2012

After Rich Resuta, (my ex-husband and daughter's father) died on July 4th, 2012, he visited me on my drive back from North Dakota while I was picking up his truck and belongings. He had been working in the oil fields when his building company went bust. I was playing music on my iPhone, which began to crackle. I had to turn the radio on and found a clear station playing music from 1996, the year our daughter was born. 

The first song that I heard was "Stupid Girl" from Hole, not my favorite band, but a significant message from Rich to me. He thought I was stupid for divorcing him. He never stopped loving me and was very angry I divorced him. A series of songs played that Rich cherry picked just for me that I would recognize as messages to me. 

We don't realize how powerful spirits can be at sending us messages. In previous blogs I have written about how my deceased ex-husband would communicate with me. Rich would throw bread and bagels off the shelves in the Walmart bread aisle when he was trying to get my attention. To this day, he shows up in my office and knocks on the closet door to say, "Hello, I am thinking about you. I still love you." Sometimes he makes suggestions about action to take with Ariel, our daughter. 

Feeling Their Presence

Spirits communicate mentally with us. We hear their voice in our head. We can feel their presence next to us. Our hair might stand up on the back of our neck. There is nothing to fear when a loved one

Diana Davis

visits. They love you. They always will. When love was present, it is always present. Death doesn't end love. Send love back. Talk to your loved one. Call on them by name when you need help with something here on earth. They are glad to do so.

Spirits Are Alive Not Dead

Three spirits communicated to me after their death, Rich Resuta, Diana David and JoAnne Butler, each of them saying exactly the same thing; "I am not dead!" Spirits are living, just not in a physical body. Every time I mentioned them and said they were dead, they would emphatically remind me, "I am not dead!" 

John Armbruster is another who communicated with me regularly after he transitioned. The night he died he became the wind surrounding my home. My son David noticed the wind immediately when we drove in the driveway. He remarked to me, "John's here!" John sent me Great Blue Herons regularly for a year after his death, communicating me in this way to say he was thinking of me and still watched over me. You might have read my articles about My Twin Flame, in reference to John. He was a powerful Shaman and pipe carrier.


Communicating With Loved Ones

When people die they are spirits. They are in spirit form and feel emotions, sadness, compassion, and love. They don't feel physical pain, hunger or sexual urges. There is no sex in heaven! They don't

eat, they can turn on lights, turn off lights, play music where there was none, can send you messages through your radio, cell phone, and even the television. 

If you think of them out of the blue, they are probably visiting with you. Sometimes they come in for a quick visit just to feel you and off they go to do their work.

Ariel in her father's truck in the Mojave Desert learning to drive

They Have Jobs

Spirits have jobs. They don't get paid monetarily for the work they do, but they can move up the ladder of evolution by their works. They assist people crossing over, they assist at accidents, they help people who are mourning. They continue to grow and evolve by their experiences in spirit form. They don't remain static or stagnant.

There are levels of evolution in the spirit world. If you didn't learn your lessons on earth, you get to do it again and again until you do.

John 5:24 - Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

Spirits Aren't Angels

Angels are angels and have always been angels. Angels are not in human form. They don't magically become angels. They are spirits. This is what is meant by "life everlasting," in the Bible. Spirits live on, they have the ability to reincarnate into a physical body after death returning time and time again to evolve, grow and learn. 

Spirits Stuck On Earth

Some spirits are afraid to go down the tunnel of light for different reasons. They may want revenge, they might feel they didn't finish their business on earth. There is a two-week period where spirits get to visit with family, friends and loved ones and then have to exit stage right. If they don't leave, the portal closes and they are stuck here.

Just as some people are good, there are evil spirits as well. For more information, you can read this blog about attachments and soul fragmentation. 

Opening Portals To Help Spirits Leave

I have opened portals to help spirits leave and go to the light. In fact, I have done so for large groups of spirits on some sacred land where an entire tribe was left. 

Channeling and Communicating With Spirits

As an Intuitive healer, I often channel messages from the great beyond for my clients. Brothers, fathers, sons, daughters, mothers come through with messages of love, and hope. It is part of what I am here to do. Contact Jennifer for your private session. 

Find out more about Jennifer on her website here: AphroditeEffect.com


Jennifer's books on Amazon.com

How To Move Beyond Your Fear of Conflict For Deep Connected Love

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

We dream about the perfect relationship where we love deeply, relate easily and have smooth conversations on a daily basis. As we evolve it is true our relationships become easier, though they are never perfect. 

Those closest to us have a knack for touching our most tender wounds in the most unexpected ways. We wouldn't be triggered by a phrase, comment or look if we didn't have a button somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind and body. 

Relationships can challenge our deepest fears. If we have had trauma in our childhood, we may find conflict scares the crap out of us. It might feel to you that your world is imploding.

In fact, we may attempt to run away from any sort of conflict. We tend to avoid talking about how we feel, stuffing our emotions and reactivity until we finally explode. People who have a fear of conflict tend to remain silent about what they are upset about. Silence about your feelings leads to passive aggressive behavior. 

Conflict will arise no matter how evolved a person is. Relationships will bring up our issues. If you avoid conflict by staying silent, it could be you have a fear of conflict from your past. Perhaps you had a father that was an alcoholic or anger issues, like me. If you did, you may have a fear of anger.
 

When You Are Afraid Of Conflict

1. You may do everything in your power to avoid conflict.
2. You may suppress your feelings and emotions around your date or partner.
3. You may avoid being honest about how you feel.
4. Suppressing emotions and feelings can cause you to be passive aggressive. You may start conflict and then point fingers. Passive aggressive people don't like being wrong. They may have started the conflict, but attempt to duck and run afterward.
5. When you continue to simmer indefinitely on a slow boil, you lose your perspective and ability to see reason. 
6. Anger builds over time to the point that you don't remember what you are angry about.

My daughter, Ariel has become an expert at recognizing passive aggressive behavior in culinary school. She tells it like it is, while others in the kitchen avoid the truth. Ariel is blunt and unconcerned about what others think about what she is saying.

Those who avoid being honest (inauthentic) about what is going on tend to be passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behavior will cripple a relationship. Passive aggressive people will allow things to bubble, like being on a slow boil without letting others know what they are feeling. They hang onto past situations usually have chronic bitch face. What is buried underneath is making them angry, even though it is unconscious. Then, out of the blue, they explode. Teenagers tend to be passive aggressive because they feel they are not heard. 

Two passive people can get along for a while. When one person decides they don't want to be passive anymore, the balance is gone. Passive aggression is a subversive way to express yourself. It isn't blunt or honest as it uses a back door method to manipulate another to do what you want. It isn't healthy. 

Passive Aggressive People Feel They Don't Have A Voice

Passive Aggressive Statements

"Don't you want to go take out the garbage?" "The garbage is still sitting there." "I noticed the garbage is still there." 

 

We may leave relationships when our issues begin to surface,

rather than dealing with them so they can heal.

We may communicate with ease for months and then WHAMO! Out of the blue, a stray comment insights a deep emotional response from out of nowhere! But was it?

Many of us had parents who didn't model positive communication skills. I certainly didn't. My parents would jab each other verbally till the other would explode in anger. We all walked around on eggshells wondering when the next World War II would occur.

My Personal Experience With Conflict

The result was often weeks of the silent treatment with us kids caught in the fray. My father would say, "Tell your mother............" The same thing was true of my mother. She would make negative comments about our dad. Neither of them had healthy functional families. My father followed what his parents taught him. My mother was an orphan at five and therefore didn't have a healthy relationship to reflect on. She was abandoned therefore her abandonment was a constant theme in her relationship with my father. 

Both my parents were passive aggressive. My father's anger was always on a slow boil, as was my mother's. Landmines were exploding all over our home constantly. We all felt as if we were walking on egg shells.

Our internal emotional pain governs our communication. When we react emotionally to something said, it is rarely a reaction to the present moment. Our internal triggers cause old trauma to resurface until we heal it. How we respond to our partner can make or break a relationship. Here are my suggestions to help you navigate a challenging or volatile moment.

1. Breathe. Breathing will give you an opportunity to tap inside to feel what is coming up for you.
2. Rather than lash out, ask for a few moments to process what you are feeling. You could say, "I am feeling some deep emotions coming up from what I thought you meant, and I need a moment please."
3. Give yourself some space. Go for a walk. Go into another room. Take the time you need to feel fully the emotions that are coming up, without blaming the other.
4. Ask yourself questions: What is this really about? Where have I had this feeling before? Was it from something my parents did or said to me? Does my emotional response have anything to do with what was said, or done, or is this just revealing something to me that is unhealed within me?
5. Allow yourself some time to calm down. When we respond during an emotionally charged situation without getting grounded, we say and do things we regret. Wait until you are feeling unemotional to respond to the situation. 
6. Fight Fair. Use words that do not inflame the situation further. Avoid the use of blaming words like; "You did this to me!" or "You hurt me. " Instead, use words that refer to what you are feeling. "When I heard you say _______ I felt hurt." 
7. Be honest and authentic, rather than passive aggressive.
8. Be compassionate and understanding of the other person.

Every relationship no matter how wonderful will eventually bring up your past wounds. You will not always agree with your partner. It doesn't mean that the relationship is over. How you navigate through these difficulties is the determining factor. If the following are present your relationship can endure these emotional triggers.

1. Your core values are in alignment.
2. Mutual respect is present.
3. You each take personal responsibility for your part.
4. There is no physical harm to either of you.
5. Deep love is present for each other.
6. You are committed to work on your relationship.
7. You are committed to grow together.

Jennifer will be in Atlanta, Georgia at The Inner Space on Friday, June 10th and 11th.

Group Energy Clearing and Akashic Records Reading and Private sessions available on June 11th.

When we lovingly accept ourselves as we are with all our faults and flaws, we have healthy self-esteem. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE. 


Find Jennifer's books on Amazon.

5 Reasons To Date A Nerd That Will Surprise You

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Nerds have a tender and sexy side

There are all kinds of men in the world. We tend to judge, pigeonhole and categorize men. The unsung heroes of the dating world will surprise you. They are the NERDS!

Famous nerds include Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Johnny Depp, Leonardo Da Vinci, Einstein, Mark Zuckerberg, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Jobs and for you men, Natalie Portman and Kate Beckinsale.

Nerdy guys are usually intelligent, science-based, have business savvy but tend to be a little shy. You might have to reach out to them to get the ball rolling. There are great benefits to dating a techy type. Expand your horizons and just see where it takes you. Here are the surprising benefits of dating a nerd. I have my personal experience to share here as well!

1. Opposites Attract. Having someone that balances your out of body experiences can help you stay grounded, balanced with your feet in reality. Science has its benefits and nerds prefer just the facts ma'am, which keeps us from going off the rails.

2. Expand Your Horizons: When we think outside the box, we find an entire genre of movies we hadn't seen. Sci-Fi movies like Star Wars, Serenity, Prometheus, Star Trek can offer you a fresh perspective from your regular chick flicks. We all need to expand our horizons and do something different now and then. Try it you'll like it. 

Okay, there may be a little quirkiness with the wardrobe, but its the inside that is the most important and nerds have the best operating systems around.

3. Generous and Tender: Bad boys become tiresome after a while. Having someone to curl up on the couch with and enjoy hand-holding and just being close that appreciates you for you, rather than what you can do for them. Nerds are patient in the bedroom; they are used to things that take a long time to process. They have been through beta and alpha testing before.

4. They Appreciate You: After the steam has dried from your Gigolo in the shower escapade the one left standing will be the nerd every time. Nerds appreciate your beauty and aren't afraid to tell you. While the handsome bad boy is more interested in your undying pedestal kissing and worshipping, that gets old fast. The

nerd is the one who will cook you dinner and do the dishes afterward. Their appreciation of you will outshine the player or bad boy every time. Nerds are considerate and polite which top off this fiesta sundae of wonderful attributes!

5. Intellectual and Talented: Having someone to talk to over dinner, road trip or after your long day who cares about what you say and won't talk to you is a pleasant and welcome change. Intellectuals are usually very funny. Nerds will entertain you with their wit, and interesting way of looking at the world. Nerds offer a fresh perspective and science-based facts. Some of us need the balance between the woo-woo and reality. 

Conversation and communication are their greatest skills - it is what they do for a living. Communication is most men's most significant challenge; a nerd will help you quickly resolve your problems because communication is their middle name. They get to the root of the issues without the shouting. They are process oriented, which is a great benefit in a relationship. 

They Are Computer Savvy

Nerds will call you at the appointed time, and maybe even make an appointment to make sure it gets on your schedule. They do research before a date, send you the link so there's no mistake and communicate if they'll be late.

They may be a little shy at first in large groups, but you know they will be going home with you after the champagne and beer are gone.

Nerds focus on what doesn't work in their day jobs, so they are readily available to work on your relationship and challenges in a realistic and grounded way. 

Loyal, appreciative, they can fix your computer or home theatre issues without swearing, it is what they do! My guy is a techie - though I don't like the name-calling I am amazed daily at the benefits to dating a nerd. They are used to long hours, earn good money and will be there waiting when you come home. What's not to like?

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE. 


Find Jennifer's books on Amazon.

Contact Jennifer to set up your private session here.