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Divorce statistics are staggering. According to The Huffington Post, thirty percent of women marry the wrong guy. I was one of them.
- They feel marriage will magically fix any problem.
- They feel their biological clock is ticking
- Better this guy than no one.
- They feel if it doesn't work, "I can always get a divorce."
Women are unsure what they feel is true. They focus on the future, thinking things will be different, when....They explain away the red flags. The wedding plans are already in motion and they don't want to be embarrassed by calling it off. The truth is that divorce has a higher cost than a wedding both financially and emotionally even before children are present. Here are my tried and true 15 reasons not to marry the guy:
1. You have caught him in lies repeatedly. Someone who lies habitually will continue to lie after marriage. Some liars are sociopaths and never change. Lying can be addictive and something that becomes a compulsion. A marriage built without trust is not a marriage of longevity. You can't build a happy marriage without trust. People rarely change. Hoping your relationship will be different after you marry is a fantasy. What you see is what you get. End it!
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12. He's unhappy with life. Marriage will not make someone happy that isn't. Your love won't make him any happier after you marry him. Don't do it!
I recently dated a man who was well-paid, drove a really nice car and lived in a beautiful home, but he was miserable. When I told him I was manifesting something wonderful he peed in my Cheerios. He was a naysayer who poo-pooed everything I said and did. Someone who is unhappy will make you unhappy as well.
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I have heard countless women tell me, "He's not an alcoholic he only drinks beer!" I have a neighbor who only drinks beer, but drinks sixteen tall boys a night. It doesn't matter if his addiction is pot, acid, porn, masturbation, cocaine, heroin, beer, wine or hard alcohol.
An addiction is an addiction. It takes many years of dedication, courage, hard work, and stick-to-iveness to overcome any addiction. Once an addict is clean the anger and emotions are the next biggest challenge. A rejection of the self and lack of self-love is the core of any addiction. Your love can't cure him. Set him free and work on your issues of enabling instead.
15. You are fighting often before marriage. Thinking someone will be different and more to your liking after marriage is a fantasy. Where else are you in denial about the truth? Marriage doesn't make a relationship easier, it is often much more difficult after you tie the knot than before.
Marriage isn't a magic potion. Marriage is a certificate on paper that makes it legal for you to be together, that is all. In many instances as soon as the wedding is over couples recognize they have made a terrible mistake. When brides focus on the wedding, they forget what the marriage is beyond the one day of bliss. A wedding lasts one day, a marriage can be for years and a lifetime if you are really lucky and work diligently on your issues, growing together.
A marriage doesn't mean the work is over, in fact the hardest part is yet to come. Once you hit the two-year mark people settle into being more authentic. Often the masks come off an one or both are shocked to find they married someone they didn't know at all.