Humans are sensitive emotional beings. As we evolve our emotional reactivity begins to diminish. When we are upset our resolve to be level headed flies out the window along with our intelligence. How can we communicate through the challenges that relationships bring our way without thrashing each other in the process?
Arguments are not an indication of relationship failure. It is the way we argue that creates the resultant demise.
little sponges who soaked up everything our parents did, said and felt. We mimicked them because that is what we are programmed to do. Children learn by watching other's behavior and replicating it.
Success Is Possible
Relationships that have deep friendships have the greatest success. When couples know each other and continue to be updated and interested, remembering what is said and important to one another gives a relationship the strong foundation needed to weather the storms that arise naturally.
- deepen our friendship by supporting each other's goals and dreams
- learn and remember our partners' likes, dislikes
- continue to have an interest in dreams, wishes and desires
- avoid accusatory statements
- avoid sarcasm and criticism
- avoid beginning arguments with a harsh startup - criticism
- when criticism is pervasive it leads to contempt
- avoid contempt (sneering, cynicism, sarcasm, eyerolling, mockery, and hostile humor)
- avoid defensiveness - it doesn't help your argument
- don't tune out your partner - "Stonewalling" often a trait of older marriages
- avoid flooding your partner with a vitriol of criticism - often accompanied by hostility (physically distressing, blood pressure mounts, heart rate increases, body goes into overdrive)