Fear of intimacy keeps many of us, from having deeply connected relationships. A fear of allowing someone close to us means we don't allow others to see our true feelings or our authentic selves. In this article, I will share my personal experiences and how I overcame and continue to work on this issue.
- Your retreat from affection.
- You make yourself unattractive to push your partner away.
- You might gain weight to make yourself unattractive.
- You say no to sex.
- You have sex, but are completely disconnected from the emotional side of it.
- You may feel dead inside.
- You may feel numb.
- You keep your eyes closed during sex, without connecting on an intimate level with eyes open - soul-to-soul.
- You fantasize about other people.
- Create emotional distance by keeping things that bother you to yourself.
- Allow yourself to be seen as you are authentically.
- Talk about the issues that trouble you compassionately and openly.
- Allow your eyes to remain open and really look at your
- Do eye-gazing exercises beginning with one-minute intervals. Build up to longer periods of time, allowing your partner to
- When you feel uncomfortable about letting down your guard, stay with it, rather than run away.
- Allow yourself to be held, hugged and kissed.
- Talk about the elephant in the room. When we have a fear of intimacy we stuff our biggest issues, rather than bringing them up for discussion. Resist your desire to run away. Stay with them, keep your eyes open and resist turning away during the discussion.
We can stop being afraid of love and move forward anyway. We can allow ourselves to take risks, opening up to the possibility of something better and deeper than we have had before.
I was one of those who used to have a fear of intimacy. Even though I loved sex, I wasn't connecting on a deep level with my partner.
My past trauma both from molestation and the emotional abandonment created this fear. I played alone much of the time, creating
fantasies, playing school with imaginary students as a child. Having a caring partner who is willing to accept me for who I am has allowed me to open up more fully, receive love from him and allow myself to be seen authentically. If I can do it, so can you!
It can be done. Let me help you.
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Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE, The Step-by-Step
Guide To Overcoming Depression and Anxiety Naturally.