Living AuthenticallyBy Jennifer Elizabeth Masters July 14, 2013
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters, Grand Canyon, AZ 5/24/2013|
Life is good. It is real good. It has not always been this way for me. I struggled with issues of guilt, self hatred and shame from early childhood. Even into adulthood I often felt ashamed of myself and I certainly wasn't happy. It did not matter how beautiful someone said I looked, I did not feel beautiful. In fact I felt ugly, dirty, unworthy, unlovable and lost.
I now refer to those days as my old life, it feels so foreign to me now. I so wanted to be loved that I had to be in a relationship to feel whole. I felt like a three-legged table without someone in my life. I felt empty inside, depressed and negative. I needed someone to do what I couldn't do, love me. With each new man I hoped that he was THE ONE, my TRUE LOVE. I spent unwisely when I was upset. I would use money allocated for rent, or utilities for clothes for myself. It was a compulsion. It seemed to be the only thing that made me feel better, if only for an hour or two. When I got paid the first thing I would do was to go and buy myself something expensive to make myself feel better. I had heard that it was important to feel good and we certainly were in a hedonistic society where making yourself feel better was supported by the media. Newer, bigger better was prevalent in all the commercials and billboards. I was not responsible for myself or my spending.
|For Heaven Scapes, with my kids|
I maxed out my credit cards and then could not make my payments. My behavior created more issues as I was not being a good steward of my money. I complained about my life because it really did suck! I had no idea that what I was doing was perpetuating more negativity and lack into my life. I had no idea that my money problems were being created by me and the thoughts that I was thinking. I was so shamed filled and negative that it made me physically ill.
Sexual abuse in my childhood created shame, anger and guilt. I had no idea that I had inner rage that was being suppressed. The history of bladder infections from the time I was 21 was a sign of being pissed off, but at that time, I was totally unconscious (not awake and aware) and had no idea that my anger about the molestation created it. I was chronically depressed until I was in my 40s. I suffered from insomnia due to the depression. It was not until I began my healing process and began to heal my inner child and let go of the shame and self loathing that the depression lifted. It was tied to my repressed anger, I did not know was there. I did not know that repressed anger caused depression. Oh my God! When I released the anger I began to sleep better. The depression lifted. It was not a pill that made it go away, it was letting go of the past.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters and Ariel Resuta SFO, 2013|
|Ariel Resuta and her mom Jennifer Elizabeth Masters|
Boulder, Colorado Creek Fest 2013
The Path Of A SeekerAs I went to a hypnotherapist or healer for an issue and found out how magically and wonderfully it worked, I would sign up for the course and become certified in it. By the time I was 48 I had taken so many classes, courses and certifications I had the equivalent of a University education. Certainly every bit as costly. It was worth every penny. No amount of therapy or anti-depressants gave me the relief that getting to know who I was and loving myself as I was, did. I began to live in my truth, and followed my heart. I became a healer and certified life coach full time. I was passionate about healing and helping others to love themselves. I saw how it transformed my entire life.
Coming Into Alignment
|Flagstaff Mtn. Boulder Colorado Jennifer|
|Living in the moment Coronado, CA|
Changing others is a sign of co-dependency. I have been there multiple times, worn the t-shirt and donated it to Goodwill about 15 years ago. I stopped dating men who need rehabilitating or rehab. It is a pointless waste of my time and energy. I used to make men my projects. It took me out of my own pain and suffering thinking I was helping them. I wasn't. That was my ego making up stories to get me from realizing how I was suffering inside.
|My oldest son, Adam Gates and me, Boulder, CO 2013|
I used to be afraid of my husband. I was afraid to say what I thought. I was afraid to go against his edicts. I capitulated when he strongly disciplined my sons, against my inner wishes. I caved. I gave in, I had no will of my own. The fear led me to feel even more guilt-ridden and ashamed. I began to move through fear. Divorcing him gave me freedom, it also helped me realize he was my biggest teacher. Of course he wouldn't respect me, I didn't have respect for myself!
I learned along the way that our relationships are a mirror for ourselves. It is so much easier to blame another for what is going on in our lives than to focus on ourselves. Blame however, removes our responsibility. It takes our power away. When we step out of blame, it is a form of graduation. It raises us up to personal responsibility. When we become responsible for ourselves, we stop making excuses for being late not doing what we commit to. Excuses are dis-empowering. They reduce us in stature. Excuses are another form of blame. Blame is a low vibration as are guilt, shame and fear.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters|
Kaibab Trail, Grand Canyon, 2013
Being who I am is easy now. It does not cause me suffering. I don't feel guilty for being me. I can speak my truth. I am able to stand up for my beliefs. I don't cave in when I feel something isn't right for myself or my family. I stand up tall and feel beautiful. I don't make excuses for who I am or what I say. When I make a rule for my daughter, I feel good about it, instead of apologetic or guilty. I used to feel bad when I made unpopular decisions for my family even when it was in every one's best interest. I don't feel guilty for anything anymore. I look 10 years younger than I did 10 years ago. I lost the 20 pounds that had hung on when I didn't feel good about myself, effortlessly. It is funny how everything works better when you love yourself completely.
I began to take what others would call risks. I began to really live in the moment. If I was driving down and road and saw something that looked interesting, I made a bee-line for it. I experienced beauty wherever I was. My daughter might groan at first, then she found herself enjoying the experience of spontaneity as well. Our life had more joy and wonderment living in the moment. Instead of planning everything, life took on an organic movement to it. Vacations became spontaneous. I trusted my inner guidance, and it never ever failed me. Selling my landscape business in 2011, moving from Georgia to Colorado were huge. After 1 year in Boulder, Colorado, and the death of Ariel's father, we needed a change. Listening to inner guidance, we moved to the Mojave desert in California. These decisions were made in the blink of an eye. We were packed and in California within two weeks of deciding. Confidence comes from living authentically. Standing in your truth. Being who you are, and LOVING WHO YOU ARE BEING. Living in the moment instead of the past or the future was part of my healing. Stepping into my BIG SELF, or my High Self became a natural and organic part of this transformation into enlightenment. Living authentically eradicates fear. I used to live in the gray area, of no decision. Wavering on life. It is very painful there. There is no peace when you live in the gray area. Not only do you hurt yourself when you are undecided, but you also hurt others. Living authentically and being true to yourself means that you are compassionate with yourself and others.
|My handsome sons, Adam and David Gates|
Happiness and JoyHappiness and joy was what I breathed. It replaced suffering and depression. Love filled my heart. The more I loved myself, the more love and happiness exuded from me. Instead of meeting a world of angry people, I found life to be joyous and a wonderful expression of me. I still experienced emotions deeply. Instead of repressing emotions I allowed myself to feel them fully and in moments they were gone. I became a magnet for new clients who wanted to work with me, because they could feel my energy. When I did psychic fairs clients told me repeatedly that they picked me because I felt so grounded. The higher I vibrated, the more money flowed in. I became fearless, which aligned me for prosperity. There is recognition that we are spiritual beings experiencing our humanity, rather than the other way around.
Contact Jennifer through e-mail, or through her website.
|Jennifer Elizabeth Masters|
Beverly Hills Hotel, 7/7/2013