Why Does The Idea Of Sex Not Turn Me On Anymore?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You remember a time you wanted to rip your husband's clothes off as a distant memory. Lately sleep seems to be much more appealing than a romp in the hay. What happened to your libido?

Over time, sex can become a chore. Our partner may express a desire for sex when we're feeling exhausted, pulled in four directions by children, housework, or business; sex may be the furthest thing from your mind. 

Women in their 30's and 40's who used to enjoy great sex with their partners are not interested in sex. In fact, 24 million women aren't interested in sex according to a recent study in the Journal of The American Medical Association. What's wrong with this picture?

15 Reasons Women Stop Having Sex

Anger and Resentment

When emotionally charged issues surface many people leave subjects alone preferring to keep the peace. When we don't resolve the conflict, the issues continue to play out in the background, like a simmering pot on a stove. 

When we become the least bit agitated about the garbage not being taken out, or some other unrelated subject these unresolved issues surface with a vengeance. Unresolved issues don't go away; they become a roadblock to intimacy and deep emotional connection.


When Issues Are Not Resolved
When we come together for sex without resolution, sex can become robotic with women faking orgasm or being unresponsive to stimulation.

Having Sex For Your Partner's Sake

Women find that taking one for the team get's old after a while. Having sex just because your partner wants to ejaculate isn't thrilling anymore. Some women become angry or resentful that they don't have orgasms each time their partner does. Giving yourself away without the pleasure of an orgasm can leave a woman feeling used, undervalued and underappreciated.

Continuing on the same path doing the same things you have always done is a recipe for disaster. JEM

Mutual Pleasure

If sex isn't equally pleasurable for both parties, over time the under satisfied party will lose the desire to participate. Having been there myself, I wrote about this issue in Orgasm For Life. There are many suggestions in my book that will help a lagging libido and unsatisfactory sex life for both men and women.

Prescription Medication

Anti-depressants, statins and other medicine for high blood pressure can reduce the desire for sex. One man informed me that it took him eighteen months AFTER he stopped taking anti-depressants to begin to desire sex again. 

Taking a pill to fix a problem only stuffs it deeper into the tissues covering up the real reason for depression. 

Aging and Decreased Desire

Women who loved sex in their twenties and thirties are discovering a drop in libido well before menopause. It is natural for sex drive to diminish in a woman's thirties and forties. We were designed to be highly aroused during the birthing years with a decline later on which makes sense when you think about it. 


What Do You Want?

Many women in long-term relationships find that they don't want to continue with the same type of sex they have been having. As an advocate for women, I recommend that women take a close look at what they want. Before you think about divorce, read this article. For men, I recommend further reading for you here. 

1. Are you getting your needs met sexually? 
2. Do you wonder what happened to you and why you aren't happy with your life?
3. Begin to ask for what would work for you. 
4. Do you need more direct stimulation? 
5. Do you prefer oral to penetrative sex? 

Natural Ways To Repair Your Sexual Relationship

1. Take a natural remedy to boost your libido. 
2. Talk to your partner about the things that bother you without blame. 
3. Talk about the elephant in the room and ask for what you need. Stop being afraid to ask for things to be different in bed.
4. Teach your partner to stimulate you in a way that will get you to orgasm.
5. Read Orgasm For Life and highlight the things that would work for you. Pass the book to your partner. 
6. Hire Jennifer as your coach to assist you with your relationship. I have great success in helping repair relationships and libido. 
7. Use a quality organic lubricant regularly to prevent pain, tearing or chafing. 

Sex is a delicate subject for many couples. Women don't want to reject their men or make them feel bad about not enjoying sex as they used to. Encourage your partner by telling them what you

like that your partner is doing. Then ask for what you want. This way, you are not blaming the other person. 

Our bodies change as we age. What used to turn you on might not have the same effect now. It's okay. Contact Jennifer for your discovery session to find out if her work is a good fit for you. 

Visit Jennifer's Aphrodite Effect website

When we lovingly accept ourselves as we are with all our faults

and flaws, we have healthy self-esteem. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author of the forthcoming book: HAPPY HERE, HAPPY ANYWHERE The Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without a Prescription!


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Orgasm For Life: What Turns A Man On?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Excerpt from Orgasm For Life

In a nutshell - everything. Just walk in front of a man naked and your job is done! Men want you to touch their penises. End of story. Men can get a hard-on by being kissed. Oxytocin is released in a man’s body, which arouses him through kissing. If you haven’t touched his penis yet, now would be a good time. 

Men and women also have vast neurological differences. 

Most men spend the majority of their day wondering when we are going to touch their penises. As soon as we do, they wonder when we will touch it again. Women’s brains turn to sex only once in twenty-four hours versus most men’s every 52 seconds according to Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain. It gives one pause to wonder how men actually accomplish anything during the day.

Men’s bodies are bathed in testosterone, which is a key component causing him to think of sex so frequently. Women are also governed by hormones that affect her values, desires, what’s important to her and even whom she loves. Ms. Brizandine’s findings also explained why women value communication as one of the key components of a relationship. 

Women speak 250 words per minute while men use only 125. In an entire day, a woman uses 20,000 words, while a man only uses 7,000. Women also know intuitively what others are feeling; while men are busy thinking when someone is going to touch their penis next? Sometimes men are thinking of other things, but every 52 seconds he is thinking of when he’ll be in the sack next having his penis worshiped. (Yes men, I know you think about other things besides sex.)

When women communicate with other women, they prefer to face each other making eye contact. They listen intently to what the other has to say, using affirming sounds like uh-huh, umm, okay, which let the other know they are listening. They become emotionally involved in the other’s story and may even cry together. A sense of closeness develops through sharing each other’s lives. This type of communication rarely occurs in marriages. It is learned but not innate. 

Men’s communication style is a derivative of the hunter-gatherer days where they walked side-by-side, spread out across an open field. They worked together to track down and hunt prey. Today, men prefer to sit at angles to one another or side by side, without making intense eye contact. Conversation with men is action driven. They expect to resolve something by talking about it. They glance at one another on occasion, sitting quietly, rather than making sounds as women do. They rarely share deep personal situations preferring to engage in activities, like chopping wood, or riding bikes together rather than to sit and talk. 

I recently visited a neighbor named, Greg, who’s wife left him and his two small children for another man. We talked for hours about his situation along with how he was feeling about her betrayal. His roommate and he had never discussed her leaving. I found it so strange that these two men did not talk about something that was clearly such a profound emotional issue for him. He had no way prior to my arrival of bouncing his feelings off another. He was apologetic about the way he opened up to me. He commented he did not normally share such private details with anyone. It is not unusual for people to open up in my presence, pouring out their hearts and tears to me without me doing anything.   

Sociologist Catherine Kohler Riessman reports in her new book "Divorce Talk," that most of the women she interviewed with only a few of the men, site communication issues as the reason for their divorce. With divorce statistics being over 50% of all marriages, communication between men and women is the greatest issue facing us today. Most wives want their partners to be partners in a conversation above all else while their husbands do not expect the same of their wives. Sex is non-verbal communication. When sex is good, verbal communication is also.

Without good communication, sex and love are meaningless. When sex goes away, there is no way to dissipate the tension between a couple. Attitude, reactivity, and negativity contribute towards poor communication.

Sex is the unspoken communication between a couple. When two people are in sync, sex becomes an art form of fluid movement. It creates mutual pleasure. There is an unspoken understanding between two people that comes from the ability to communicate their desires or wishes verbally and nonverbally. The spoken word assists the non-verbal communication to be clearly understood.  

We have seen the cartoon of the aging husband, a cup of coffee in one hand, with his nose in the morning paper. Pan to his wife looking angrily at the back of the newspaper, wanting to talk. Men typically do not express themselves the way women do. 

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Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a sex and passion coach helping women express their highest potential in work, love and play. If your life, love or world isn't what you want it to be, contact Jennifer now! For information about her premium programs like Orgasm For Life Boot Camp for the mind-body and spirit, e-mail her here for a free Discovery Session.

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Healing The Sexless Marriage

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When we get married, we often have expectations of romance, great sex and deep intimacy well into our golden years. We think when we get married that love is enough to keep us happily ever after. Love isn't enough to sustain a marriage. Communication, appreciation, recognizing that our partner isn't perfect, as well as a deep sexual connection with passion is key. After children are raised, we sometimes look at our partner and wonder where the passion went? Is it possible to rekindle that desire, passion and pleasure that seems to have vanished?

No matter what our age is, a healthy marriage involves affection,

kissing, holding hands and yes...... SEX! If you are the one not wanting sex, but can walk, talk and are not incapacitated due to a serious illness or disease you are withholding love, affection and abusing your partner. The reality may feel harsh? Try to put yourself in the jilted party's boxers.

The reality of a sexless marriage is that you are in a relationship traditionally based on love. Love involves support, appreciation and physical expressions of love;  physical touching, kindness, and sex. When we continue to refuse advances for sex, our partner can feel unloved, unappreciated and unworthy. Self esteem can suffer when the sex valve has been turned off for a very long time. If you don't want sex, there can be myriad of reasons why. 

Author's note: Please note that it is not always the men who are doing without sex. Some men have low libidos and are not as interested in sex as their women. I have done my best to stay in the middle of the road about who is saying NO to whom.

How Often Is Often Enough?

Most healthy sexual beings want to have some sort of coupling several times a week. As time goes on and we begin to age, the frequency can dwindle somewhat. Most men prefer sex several times a week into their 50's. The desire for weekly sex is normal for many healthy men into their 60s. Women that are post-menopausal can have no sex drive at all.

For many long-term married couples, however, sex can fall into the non-priority for the women, while still being a necessity for the men. The ones that come to me complaining are men. It is sad that so many women feel that sex is such a low priority that they needn't bother more than on holidays and birthdays. Sex should not be a carrot or manipulation tool used to get what you want from the other person.

How It Feels To Be Rejected

For the party being left out in the cold, sexually, it can feel like you have been emotionally abandoned, shut out and shut down. For

men, sex is a frequent need that allows them to become more vulnerable and affectionate afterward. Sex opens the door to deeper conversations and bonding. It is also a sign of love.

Women can feel that their men are too focused on the physical act and not enough in their hearts for us to open our legs to them. However, men often close up like a flower without the outlet of sex to open their hearts. They operate in complete reverse to women. Women need romance and their partner to be vulnerable. Men won't open up until after they have had sex. We are wired with cross-purposes to one another. 

Without Sex

Without sex as a sign of love and affection, relationships dry up, wither and die. Griping, complaining and arguments may ensue. Over time, when sex is withheld, other forms of sexual outlet may be sought. Affairs can begin. Or a professional may be used for sexual outlet. As horrifying as this sounds, think about it. When a commitment was made to marry it was for the long haul. Sex is not the foundation, but it certainly is the glue that holds a relationship together. Without sex, depression, weight gain and low self esteem often become a friend to the one who has been shunned. 

My Own Experience

Having been there myself in my last marriage, I felt unattractive, depressed and gained weight. I felt unloved. Yet, what surfaced in my marriage was my husband's inability to see how he struggled with his sexuality. He did not want to be gay, he had been raised Christian, abused in his childhood by an uncle. All the signs were present that he preferred men to women. He just would not admit it to me.

Following are some reasons sex has fallen by the wayside:

1. Your heart is closed.
2.  You are angry or resentful about something that your partner is either doing or NOT doing. 
3. You are bored with your marriage or maybe your life.
4. Your relationship has a rift, that needs to be mended
5. You are not expanding and growing together.
6. You don't feel attractive and/or sexy.
7. You are not feeling attracted to your partner.
8. You are unhappy with your life.
9. You are not happy with you.
10. You realize you don't even LIKE your partner.
11. You expect your relationship to support you and make you happy, and it isn't.
12. You are in blame. When you look at your partner, you complain in your head about how they are acting or not acting and wish they were different.
13. Your hormones have dwindled down to almost nothing.
14. You have just given birth, or are breast feeding and sex is the last thing on your mind.
15. Your cholesterol is too low. Cholesterol is needed to produce hormones. A diet rich in fats, coconut oil, avocado, nuts can be helpful.
16. You are depressed. When we are depressed our brain is deficient in serotonin. Serotonin is needed for healthy sexual function.
17. You feel your partner smells funny, or isn't clean.
18. Sex may not feel pleasurable to you. Women who have been non-orgasmic for years may find sex more of a chore than pleasure. Being non-orgasmic can be caused by past sexual assault, rape or molestation. Healing the frozen fear within the body will remedy this situation. (Read the chapter in Orgasm For Life on Sexual Healing.)
19. You may prefer the same sex over the opposite sex and have not realized the truth. If you can't bring yourself to make love to your partner, look inside. Is it them, or you?

Sex begins in the brain. Our brain needs to be present, focused on what we are doing rather than all the chores that need to be done, or if the children will hear. Men are more able to turn off the outside influences that distract women from being turned on. Letting go of thoughts about the housework, laundry and grocery list needs to happen for most women to begin to focus on pleasure. A lock on the bedroom door helps to keep little ones out when parents are having private time. 

When we focus on how our partner is not making us happy, we are not taking responsibility for our own happiness. The happier we are with ourselves, the happier we will be with our partner. Making the choice to throw away the magnifying glass and stop making our partner WRONG or nitpicking on all that they are not doing is the first step to getting out of our heads.

One person can not possibly be responsible for making us happy. We need friends, a creative outlet, activities away from our partners to learn and grow. Being interesting and having something to talk about at dinner can make a huge difference in our relationships. When the kids are the only conversation at dinner, we can become boring and dull to our working partner. 

Meditation Before Sex

Meditation together before sex can calm the mind, get you both centered and make the act of love-making more conscious and sacred. Your spirits can come together in unison before your bodies

do making your sexual experience much more connected and powerful. Sit on the bed facing one another, cross-legged if you can. Spend 5 to 10 minutes connecting heart-to-heart before you ever touch one another. Place your hand flat on your chest touching your collar bone. You will know your hand is in the correct position if you can lower your chin and touch your hand. Breathe in deeply, exhale completely 5 times. You will feel a tingling in your hand when you have connected with your heart. Now look each other in the eyes, keeping your hand on your chest. Smile a little while you look upon the face of the one you fell in love with. Now close your eyes and sit in silence breathing slowly for about 3 minutes. You can do this meditation naked or clothed. Do whatever is most comfortable for you.

Eye gazing can help you connect in a different way, if you can actually look each other in the eye and hold your eye gaze for two minutes, you may begin to laugh. That's okay too. You would be surprised at how many married couples can't do this simple exercise.

Overworked and Underpaid

In many marriages, both parties work outside the home. Often stay-at-home mom's have a cottage industry business that could be increasing stress for them. Men can be consumed with work and be scattered and unfocused when they return home. Men too are working at home. Too much time together can make our partner seem ho hum and dull. We all need stress relief to be fresh for our partner when we reconvene at the end of the work day.

New babies and fluctuating hormones

During pregnancy women can be flush with desire, wondering what on earth has gotten into her. After giving birth, a woman's hormones run amok. They drop to almost nothing. She may feel depressed, exhausted and teary. For some women, it can take up to two or three years to get back to what was previously considered normal hormonal functioning. Once that happens, new mothers are so busy, running after toddlers, breast feeding and maybe even pregnant again, the desire for sex just isn't there. We often forget that our men have needs, when sleep is our highest priority. New mothers are also concerned about getting pregnant again. They may hesitate to have sex because of tremendous fears. Waking their sleeping baby is another reason new mother's may be hesitant to get their groove on. It always seems that babies instinctively know when mom is getting turned on. They wait for that moment and wind up with a huge, "WHAAA!"

Your body may be aging, but that does not mean you have to stop

having sex. Sex changes as we age. We might not be clearing the dining room table to have sex any longer, but some people do. Following are some sexy suggestions to help you spice up your relationship and get the home fires hot again:

1. Romantic gestures for both parties. Flowers, chocolates, special dinners are not only for newlyweds. Romantic gestures who that you appreciate your partner. Appreciation is a key component of love.
2. Laughter and fun. Couples that laugh and have fun in the bedroom experience deeper intimacy in their relationship. Sex does not have to be all business. Play, dress-up and change it up!
3. Play. Play is a component of healthy living and relationships. Staying connected to our inner child keeps us young, playful and in touch with our true selves. There are all sorts of games the two of you can play to bring the element of play into your bedroom.
4. Play sexy games. Sexy Scrabble, Kama Stura, Cards Against Humanity can all keep you laughing and give you new ideas for sex play as well as break the ice to get you back in the swing of an active sex life.
5. Great communication and the ability to express what you would like to do in the bedroom is the number one way to change things up. Talking about sex needs to happen outside of the bedroom, over a glass of wine, or in front of a roaring fire. Make it light,
   
   fun and be open. It could change your life in beautiful and unusual ways. Couples that have a habit of shutting down or storming off have less success in the long-run.
6. Stimulate Your Minds. Having sexy, intelligent conversations about subjects that matter is an important facet of a healthy, balanced relationship. Discussing subjects that turn each of you on can help to ignite desire before you begin to undress.
7. Accepting your partner's flaws and faults is what unconditional love is all about. Maybe your partner isn't the best lover in the world. Letting them know what they do well as well as what you love that they do in bed, offers encouragement. Once you have given compliments, you can ask for something to be a little different, "harder, softer or more rapid." Nitpicking about every little thing they do, may be hard to take once you are naked. We are never so vulnerable as when we have no clothes on. Be kind, generous with compliments.
8. Respecting each other as individuals. Perhaps your partner likes to be touched in a way you don't. Allow them their little fetish, as long as it doesn't hurt or harm you. Maybe they like to
   
   have their anus stimulated and you don't like that. Remember unless you have tried it, don't knock it. 
9. Buy some sexy lingerie. When women have new lingerie we feel beautiful. Want some sex, buy her something beautiful. 
10. Massage can be a great way to initiate sex again after a long dry spell. Offer sex to your partner with no strings attached. Just a massage to begin to touch again.
11. Sex does not always have to include penetration. As both sexes
    
    age, dryness, a penis that is less than stiff can make intercourse more challenging. Sometimes just holding your partner while each of you mutually masturbates can offer a change of pace without the worry about an erection or lubrication.

Jennifer is a compassionate coach, author of Orgasm For Life with a large tool box to assist you on your journey into joy and happiness in your life and relationships. She offers private sessions

for couples, individually, as well as assistance with addictions to PMO. Her private e-mail isJenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Visit her website Aphroditeeffect.com

A Kiss And Affair That Stopped Time

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

If you have read my recent book, you are aware of the personal experiences I shared with my readers. My own passionate affairs have been learning lessons for me about myself, men and sex. If you are looking for more passion in your relationship, Orgasm For Life will certainly ignite the flames of passion for you. I recently was reunited with an old flame. (I use the term "old" loosely.)

I had a very hot, passionate, relationship with Bill 40 years ago. Many of us have love affairs with people that end abruptly or never flourish into anything long-lasting. This was one of those. We may think about these people, wondering what are they are doing now? I certainly did.  Looking at my life in retrospect, as well as writing OFL, I thought back to my affair with this man. A friend who is still a flight attendant for Air Canada, happened to fly with my past flame, Bill. He asked if she had heard from me recently. Joan let Bill know I would be in Toronto the very next week. This is my experience of wonderment, insight and rekindled passion. I was reunited with my former flame. 

It all started when I was a young flight attendant with Air Canada. Married before my 19th birthday, to get out of my home environment, I was naive and emotionally immature. I loved to travel, then as I do now. When we first graduated from our training course, most of the English speaking flight attendant graduates were based in Montreal. That was where I met Bill. We worked together on several overseas and domestic flights.  We flew several flight legs together and had a lot of fun. He was an in-charge Purser on my flight. He was handsome, sexy and very flirtatious. There was certainly a spark between us. Maybe he was attracted to me because I was unavailable. Maybe I was attracted to him because he was forbidden fruit. All of these issues played a part of making our meeting much more memorable and our affair so freaking hot!

As a reserve, or on-call flight attendant, I did not have a regular schedule. Neither did Bill. He had an "in" with crew scheduling. The guys that scheduled our flights liked him often pairing Bill with women he wanted to schtoop. Of course, I thought I was the only one. I never even considered asking to fly with anyone else. All this was very new to me. 

We began flying to exotic places, Jamaica, Paris, London. We made love under the Eiffel tower. He cupped my face in his hand when he kissed me. His kisses were deep, sensual and passionate. He whispered my name in my ear, and pulled me into him. I had never experienced this kind of passion before. 

Bill was the first man I made love with that made sex fun for me. Prior to this, I thought sex was serious business, not something you could have fun doing. We broke the back of his sofa in his living room, falling onto the floor in peels of laughter. We had so much fun together. There was a dark side to our affair,  an undercurrent of disrespect, that I didn't perceive until much later. Back then, I had no boundaries or respect for myself. I was totally enmeshed in our relationship. I was a pushover. This was the old, unevolved me. I was a people-pleaser back then.

After my divorce, our affair ended. Bill had some strong principles. He did not want to be named as the cause of my divorce. I did exactly that. I used his name in my legal proceedings. It was a time in Canada when there had to be a reason for your divorce. I could have waited the required year or two, but I was impetuous. An affair was just-cause for divorce. Was I trying to test him? Was I just looking for a way out of my marriage? I did not expect what happened next. Bill cut me out of his life. Just like that, it was over. I was devastated. I ended my marriage to be with him. Did I have it all wrong?

Fast forward to 2012. My Air Canada flight attendant friend, Joan asked if Bill could have my e-mail address. I told her it would be okay to give it to him. He e-mailed me photos of his boys and told me what was going on in his life in his typical truncated form. He was recently divorced after a 30 year marriage. He omitted the reasons why. Our communication was sporadic until he learned I was traveling to Toronto after December 28th, 2014. After five or six short e-mails, we met at a Tim Horton's donut shop near my mother's home. I had been working there using the Internet. Bill misunderstood my reason for being at Tim Horton's. He thought I had a job selling donuts. Bill mentioned in his e-mail he had fantasized about licking confectioner's sugar off my uniform. He joked that he was disappointed I was not in a Tim Horton's uniform.

My laptop battery died while I was writing my blog. I sat waiting Bill's arrival wondering if I would recognize him. He certainly did

not see me at first. He left the coffee shop, returning to his car for his phone to see if he was in the right place. I stuck my head around the corner and called out to him. 

Bill looked at me with a pleasant surprise smiling. His hair was quite a few shades lighter and shorter, now almost completely gray. He had gained a few pounds and had a sadness about him that was evident to me. He was happy to see me, but it was the underlying feeling that he emitted. He commented that the years had been kinder to me, than him. He worked hard, saved well and was financially secure.

Bill was excited to show me his new town home he had just purchased near the airport. Placing the pictorial flyer on the table, he pointed out the details of each floor from the drive-in garage up. It was a beautiful four-story home equipped very proudly with his own elevator. When I attempted to change the subject toward more heartfelt matters, he brought us back to his home. He wanted me to see every detail of his new home. It seemed important to him.

Bill joined me at my table, sitting very close with his legs comfortably on either side of mine. He held me close to him while we talked, instantaneously intimate. I would not have felt comfortable with a stranger sitting like this. It was as if no time had passed at all and we were back in the 70's again. It felt like old times in many ways. We were completely comfortable with each other as if no time had passed at all. 

I mentioned that this was my last day visiting my mother, and I had been sitting for hours using the Internet working. I felt it was time to return to let her know what had just transpired. Bill offered lunch and flowers for my mother. We walked to the nearby grocery store, chatting animatedly all the while. I picked out a modest bouquet, he recommended a larger one. I stayed with the smaller bouquet. With the flowers in tow, Bill climbed into the passenger's side of my mother's Malibu. In minutes we had arrived at my mother's condo. We knocked at the door and surprised my mother. I knew she did not remember Bill. After all, I probably kept Bill a secret anyway. I was not surprised. We waited while mom got changed. 

We had difficulty finding a restaurant that was open on a Sunday in this little town. The only one we could find was hosting a children's birthday party. My mother had difficulty hearing our conversation over the din. I ordered Asian wings to share, eating salads while we talked. Bill was happy with my selection. After lunch, my mother felt we needed more time together, and decided to drive herself home. This surprised me. Bill asked if I would like to go for a drive and see my parent's old place and the pool we had made love in. I knew what he was thinking. Those were fun times back then. I felt he was wondering if we could rekindle any of those feelings. 

We drove through the snow covered dirt roads of Schomberg and Tottenham, Ontario. It was a beautiful sunny day. Bill talked and I listened. He told me about his sons. He caught me up on the past 40 years of moves, Air Canada travel to China, Bogota and his philosophy about work, retirement and money. He told me he would not retire. Many people who did retire from Air Canada, we both knew died within the first year. Retirement was not an option for either of us. I asked about his marriage. 

We drove all around the beautiful countryside. Bill talked so much he began to choke and cough, especially when it came to his marriage. I asked him what he was doing to process his divorce. He asked me incredulously, "Process?" I explained, "working through the past events in order to release the past, heal and move on." It was not in his frame of reference. I asked him about God and spirituality. Although both of us were not afraid of work, we thought very differently about life events and lessons. We were clearly miles apart in more than just domiciles. 

I began to become sleepy and asked if we could go back to my mother's. Bill parked in front of my mother's home, I leaned forward in my bulky down coat to hug him goodbye. Instead, he cupped my face with his hand and pulled me to him. The kiss was deep, sensual and oh so familiar. In a flash I was back in Bill's arms as if time stood still. I could smell his familiar scent. Memories of the past flooded my mind, our layovers in Jamaica, Paris were like yesterday. Pheromones brought us together. They were still present and certainly evident. The connection and passion were still present. I had not been kissed where I melted into someone like this in a very long time. He kissed me again, whispering my name. It made me weak in my knees, I felt like a teenager, buoyed by our experience together. 

Bill offered his home to me on my next visit to Toronto. It was likely he would be flying - but I was welcome to use it in any case. He was generous with what he had. I thanked him for buying flowers and remembering my mother. It was nice that he invited her to lunch as well. I was appreciative of his drive all the way up to see me on his day off. All in all, it was a very pleasurable experience.

We have both walked and flown a lot of miles in the 40 years since our affair. We have had different experiences and learned so much about ourselves. I know I have. I am not the same young girl that leaped into the flame of passion when I was in my early 20's. I have boundaries, self respect and a whole lot of love for myself and my body. I don't have recreational sex anymore. I haven't in a very long time. Recreational sex feels empty for me. I will hold out for a connection of mind-body-spirit with a man who recognizes who I am, is interested in what I have to say and accepts me wholeheartedly anyway. A connection cannot be faked. Without a connection, sex is just empty bumping of body parts. 

The Moral Of The Story

Affairs when we are married create tremendous karma. We hurt others when we follow the flame. I certainly hurt my husband. I still remember his face when I told him. I have forgiven myself for the hurt I have caused him, but the knowledge that this was not one of my most stellar moments is still with me. I learned from my past experiences. If you must be with another person, it is much more honorable to get out of your current relationship first. 

Looking for that elusive relationship? Keep repeating the same patterns over and over? Following are just some of the issues that Jennifer's work will help you overcome: 

• anxiety
• depression
• addictions
• sex addictions
• porn addictions
• codependency
• insecurity
• self loathing
• anger

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love, sex and empowerment coach, author, and energy healer. She utilizes her own life and healing experience from codependency to help others overcome abuse, addictions, codependency and self worth issues. Jennifer welcomes you to her free strategy sessions. 
Set yours up here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com
Buy her books: HERE

Visit her website: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

From a past client:

I met Jennifer at one of her workshops that a friend recommended to me.  At that time I was searching, and wanting some help out of my deep depression and anxiety.
Keeping in touch, I joined her on line workshops, and eventually her coaching once a week.

One of my earliest coaching sessions with Jennifer, I felt complete trust, like I have never felt with anyone in my ENTIRE LIFE.  I told her my deepest darkest secrets, and she welcomed me into her loving space.  For this, I will never ever forget, and will be eternally grateful.    

She allowed me to be where I was, no rescue, no high expectation - no pat advice that I have heard over and over - not landing anywhere in me that could really grow.

Her advice was simple and doable, small steps to move forward - with kindness, and no judgment allowed me to open up.
The meditations helped me see my guides and myself in a new light.  

As I grew in compassion and respect for myself as a result from the coaching sessions, vast changes in me occurred.I feel happier, more peaceful, more truly loving now.
In both my professional life and personal life, the changes though subtle, were highly significant:  I easily am present with people and they sense this.  If nothing else occurs, I feel that this is a huge gift, to be able to connect with people so that they feel heard and significant. N.A., Atlanta, GA

Contact Jennifer now for questions, or to set up an appointment

Ladies, Let's Face It, Men Aren't Psychic!

 Jennnifer Elizabeth Masters

Women are famous for expecting their men to just KNOW what they want. We do it all the time. "You should know me by now....." " I shouldn't have to TELL you!" Unfortunately, most men are just not psychics. We have to actually open up our mouths and kindly ask for what we want. 

There are many reasons we don't speak up about sex. We might be afraid of what our men might think. For many, there could be fear involved that we might lose what we have. We don't want to bruise our guy's ego. Of course not. We might have difficulty with our delivery. We might come across as harsh instead of loving when we want something to stop, or continue. Instead of being a dictator in the bedroom, tell him what you like that he does well. Then ask him if he would mind if you could show him something new, that might enhance your experience. "Would you be open to something that might heighten our pleasure, mutually?" When we tell our partner what we do like that they do for us, then add the suggestion, it is softer. It is a suggestion, rather than a demand. This video gives a little more insight. I would love to hear from you about your questions, suggestions and video blog requests. I have got a bunch more coming! 

Also new, is an audio book. Read by the author. If you are interested, chapter one will be ready by Monday, November 24th, just in time for Thanksgiving. Each chapter will be released weekly. The cost for purchasing this audio book is $1.11 per chapter for a total of $17.00. Send me an e-mail if you would like to purchase the audio of Orgasm For Life, read by me. 

JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters became enlightened and self actualized in 2012. She is able to assist you come to a loving acceptance of yourself. When you are committed to your self growth and self discovery, she helps you overcome the following:

• low self esteem
• depression
• apathy
• loneliness
• suicidal tendencies
• chaos
• lack of focus
• living in the past or future
• unhappiness
• sadness
• nervousness
• fears
• health issues
• Fibromyalgia
• Epstein Barr Syndrome
• arthritis
• sexual dysfunction

Working with Jennifer you will see your self esteem rise to great heights. Apathy dissolves along with depression and sadness. You become totally present in the moment. Jennifer has healed all of these issues above as well as breast cancer in herself. She has the tools to help you do it too. She is certified as a Hypnotherapy Trainer, Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner, A Master Energy Healer. All of these are used in her catalystic coaching.

How does she do it?

Great question. Jennifer is a catalyst and a spiritual pathfinder. She helps you align with your true high self. She helps you come into loving acceptance of you. When you love and accept yourself, your world changes drastically. Instead of attracting relationships that don't work, you fine people and situations that support you. Life becomes a joy to experience. Loneliness dissolves. Your mind quiets and you feel serene, peaceful and your creativity soars. 

If you have struggled with life, love and relationships all your life, isn't it time you took the first step? Contact Jennifer now through her private e-mail. She has room for two committed clients now. Her book is filling up, so don't wait. Once her new radio show Straight Up Sex Talk begins, there will be less time on her calendar. She gives each of her clients her undivided attention and is fully present with you.

JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Buy Jennifer's Books Here:  Orgasm For Life

Attracting Love Fast

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Knowing what love is and isn't is important. Often we think we are in love, when it is sexual attraction, or infatuation. A lot of women have the idea that love should be felt the way it is in Disney movies. Where we are the princess and our prince will come and take us away from our debt, problems and issues. Last night on my Love Yourself Fearlessly Radio show, my guest was The Love Doctor from Atlanta, Georgia. Shaneetha and I have talked on her blogtalk radio show about Twin Flames several times. I have provided the recording below for you to listen to. The show was full of amazing insights and wisdom for men and women about love, what it is and what it isn't. I have included some of our discussion for you to read as well. Following is a list according to Shaneetha Akinlana what love is not:

Here is the download from Love Yourself Fearlessly Radio:

Attract Love Fast With The Love Doctor

Fallacies About Love

1. Easy
2. Passion and jealousy
3. Everyone has the right to obtain happiness and love.
4. Should be selfish.
5. Based exclusively on finding the RIGHT PERSON.
6. Explosive and overwhelming.
7. Blind. Without power or reason.
8. Euphoria.
9. Dependent on physical beauty.
10. Sexual union.
11. Romantic and fantastic.

How Do We Manifest

1. Through the spoken word
2. Through thoughts
3. Through our emotions
4. With our imaginations
5. With our own energy

We all have lessons to learn in this life. Our relationships are the fastest way for us to learn and grow. Recognizing that everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason, whether it feels positive or negative. We learn. Usually the biggest growth comes from adversities rather than the easy and fun times. When we are challenged the most, we have the most personal growth. Each relationship teaches us a lesson about ourselves. Some of the more challenging relationships teach us the most profound lessons.

What Love IS:

• unconditional
• accepting
• generous
• giving
• kind
• makes life seem worthwhile
• the ultimate nourishment of the soul

You Attract What YOU ARE, not what you want

You may want a wealthy partner. However, if you are poverty stricken with debt up to your eyeballs, you will attract someone who is LIKE you, rather than different from you. You attract what you are. If you are codependent and needy, you will attract someone else who is addicted in some way. Codependency is an addiction. You are addicted to people, relationships and need to have someone in your life to feel whole and complete. Until you feel fulfilled and happy with yourself and your life, you will continue to attract others who don't feel whole and complete within themselves. Those people could be abusive, jealous, controlling and fearful. This is not love. This is the absence of love. When you love yourself completely - you will then attract others who also love and attract themselves completely.

In my 6 week workshop, I assist women and men to love themselves unconditionally. Doing this workshop has helped many people attract a partner either during the workshop or immediately afterward. These are some of the steps I recommend.

How To Manifest Love

1. Get clear on what it is you want. What is important to you in a mate?
2. Write a list of criteria for your partner.
3. Focus on this list.
4. Envision what life would be like with this person in bed with you, drinking your morning coffee together, enjoying life together. Make this vision BIG! Envision every detail.
5. Take a deep breath, hold it and then let it go.
6. Say a prayer with emotion (example below)
7. Release your creation out into The Universe
8. Trust that it will be returned to you in Divine Timing
9. Stop pushing and just BE.
10. Forget it. Don't continue to pull it back and change or add, or try to help God to his/her job.

Manifesting Prayer (Example)

Mother Father God, I desire love and sexual pleasure. I am now ready for my Divine Partner. I am irresistible to my mate. I do not know how this will happen. I just know it will be so. I know that miracles happen every day and I am ready to receive mine! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! 

• Be grateful for the gift of this relationship
• Unconditional love accepts. It does not try to change or FIX the other person. 

Remember we often ask for a relationship and then reject what we are given. Be ready to accept the love you are given. Many people ask and then are not open to receive. Your heart must be open to love. We often push love away unconsciously. Are you being compassionate to yourself and others. Is your heart open, or closed? Are you self critical, condemning? 

Jennifer is the author of Orgasm For Life. This book was written from her personal experience and includes data from hundreds of interviews with others, married, single, gay, straight and lesbian. Love knows no bounds. 

If you are looking for better sex, and a deeper connection, this book is for you. Wise, witty and inspirational. This book will turn you on and fire up the passion in your bedroom. Jennifer is a catalystic life, love and sex coach and educator. She is available for private sessions, Intuitive counseling and healing sessions. Her expertise is in sexual dysfunction. Her phone number is (770) 480-5500 to schedule your 30 minute private discovery session, to see if her work is right for you. Jennifer works with committed individuals who want to grow and evolve profoundly. If you prefer, you can reach her through her website JenniferElizabethMasters.com or E-mail her HERE:

Orgasm For Life - The Book

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Available on Amazon May 20th

Men and women are different anatomically, psychologically and emotionally. We communicate differently from each other. Women are emotionally driven while men are process driven. Our communication styles differ. Even our biorhythms are different. We are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to time of highest arousal. Our libidos, are rarely in synch. Why were we created so differently?

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I asked God that very question. The answer I received might surprise you. I wondered if maybe God made a mistake, or perhaps our differences were part of a cruel Universal joke. No. The reason we are so different is for a very good reason. It is part of the Divine Plan. We are meant to get over our differences and come together in love.

Imagine for a moment, a darkened room, a naked woman sprawled across the bed, her arms outstretched, her husband making love to her with wild abandon while little children roam all over the house crying, "Mommy when will you and Daddy be done, so we can have breakfast?....I'm hungry!" Dishes cascading out of the sink, laundry undone and strewn about the house, children crying from neglect and hunger. If men and women were more similar than different, we would spend all our time in the bedroom having sex!

Somebody has to keep their feet on the ground instead of over their spouses' shoulders. One of us had to take care of the household, laundry, cooking and children. If both men and women had the same motivation, desire, libido and were turned on by the same things - visual.....   we would be in a world of hurt!

There was method to this madness. We are supposed to bridge the gap - this great chasm, that exists between men and women to just get along. We are meant to reconcile our differences and learn to work things out. 

If men and women were alike, all we would be doing all day would be rolling in the hay. Yes women would have their skirts over their heads and men would be bending over backwards. Well maybe not backwards. 

Although challenging, our motivations are vastly different. Men are motivated by sex, women by romance. Men need sex to feel intimate. Women need intimacy to want sex. Men can be ready to go as soon as their partners are naked. Women on the other hand are slower to warm up. We are at cross-purposes from one another all the time. Yet, we still manage to have over populated this planet.

The purpose of Orgasm For Life is to bridge the gap of communication, different libidos and desires. Sex is a beautiful thing when we can be in synch with our partner, communicating our desires with authenticity and openness. That is the biggest problem men and women face today is authentic communication. Without clear communication we misunderstand one another. We can't resolve conflict. We often blame the other.

Understanding is one of the key ingredients in Orgasm For Life. Women need to understand their desires and how to communicate them to our partners. Men need to understand what women need, so that they are fulfilled and satisfied sexually. We all want the same things, we just go about it differently. Men are turned on visually, women are turned on in their minds. 

For thousands of years women have lain with men. Yet, women's needs have often been unmet. Women have been in fear of men since time immemorial. Fear has plagued our sexual encounters, workplaces and relationships. Fear has permeated relationships and tainted our bedrooms. Fear is in our DNA. Pornography has helped to perpetuate old myths. Breaking old patterns takes time, patience and compassion. It is time for the tables to be turned. Men need to better understand what a woman needs. Women need to understand and get to know what feels good for them, so they can communicate it to their partners.

80% of women fake orgasm. They are not getting fulfilled. 40% of women are sexually dysfunctional - not from a physical ailment or illness, but from psychological reasons. Orgasm For Life assists women and men to understand each other, wade through conflict with aplomb and grow together through developing trust, authenticity and conscious communication.

Orgasm For Life breaks through the patterns of dysfunction, teaching men and women how to heal from it. Women have been faking it to protect their men's ego and sexual prowess. Women have contributed to and helped to perpetuate this problem. Orgasm For Life breaks the silence. With loving kindness, compassion and clear communication men and women will improve their relationships and deepen intimacy creating more fulfilling sex-lives and deepening their connection. 

Orgasm For Life helps both men and women be better lovers, partners, lovers and spouses. Through better understanding, communication and orgasmic bliss both partners will be fulfilled. Sex is the glue that holds a couple together - keeping them open, intimate and connected. Love is the foundation that creates a deep bond. Having regular sex is healthy, increases heart rate and keeps the body young and vibrant.

Orgasm For Life is scheduled to be out at the end of May, 2014. It will be available as an e-book, paperback and audio book on Jennifer Elizabeth Master's website.

You can reach her website here: 

Jennifer is an author, life, love and sex coach for women. She teaches and empowers women, and men to love themselves fearlessly. She also helps couples overcome sexual dysfunction. You can't love others more than you love yourself. You can find Jennifer on FaceBook. Share this blog if you have found it helpful with your friends.