I Want To Know What Love Is

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

For so many people today, heartache and pain are what they think of when they think of love. Why is that? Why do relationships cause us such issues? We want to be loved, or do we? Sometimes I wonder because I see people pushing love away. Our fear of being hurt causes us to push the very thing we desire away. I have done it too.

When we have traumatic experiences in our past, and everybody does, we hold the energy of the past in our cellular body. The emotions from the breakups, nasty divorces, and horrible dates in our tissues. Until we can let go completely and forgive those who we perceive have hurt us we really can't experience love because we have a wall built which keep us from allowing a new person close to us.

We can't be vulnerable and risk everything when we experience fear. Fear blocks us from letting go, and able to receive love.

I know from my past experience that I wasn't authentic for most of my life. I acted like I thought others wanted me to be. I faked it. I faked orgasms; I faked happiness, I faked being. When I finally let go of caring what others thought of me is when I recognized I liked myself and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. My self-esteem came from me, not from the validation I had previously desired from my mother or others. 

Healing our past allows us to become completely naked in front of another. The naked I am talking about is the ability to be completely vulnerable and seen by our partner, naked with our clothes. Most people wear a mask and don't allow someone new to see the real person under the subterfuge. Our fear of not being accepted for who we are keeps us acting the way we think our date wants us to be.

When we aren't authentic at the beginning of a relationship, our relationship is doomed to failure because eventually, we have to let our guard down and be real. When we finally show up, our partner will wonder who the heck they fell in love with? Authenticity is the key to feeling and receiving love. Until we can be real with another, we are faking life and not going to receive real love.

How To Get The Most Out Of Your Dating Experience

Softening And Becoming Real

The softer and more authentic we can be, the better. Our relationships build trust when we are authentic. The fear of not being liked or loved is from the past. When we love ourselves, the experience of receiving love from another isn't so scary. 

Letting go of the false pretenses and faked orgasms allow us to sink in to be grounded in our true self. If someone doesn't like who we are - NEXT! There will be someone who does. Don't waste your precious energy trying to be someone you aren't to be loved. If you have to turn yourself into a pretzel to find love, it isn't real. The more you that you can be, the more real your relationship will be also. All relationships have some conflict. 

We aren't going to always agree with one another. Thinking that love means a relationship without conflict is a fairy tale. Knowing how to communicate lovingly when those challenges arise is one of the facets of my work. I help couples navigate the sticky situations and complexities of relationships. Being fearless certainly helps, and that is certainly something I help my clients be.

Dumbing It Down

When we act less intelligent, or less sexual than we are, we are attempting to dumb down the truth of ourselves. We are faking it. I faked it with one of my husbands. He was insecure about himself and his sexuality. He wasn't ready for a woman who was passionate, and powerful. I had to hold back and act like a Puritan. He was a macho man who had to be in charge. We didn't click at all. Our marriage was volatile because of the constant power struggle. 

Afraid To Be Alone?

Many fish in the sea!

There are other options than to attempt to be someone you are not just to try and make this relationship work. When we let go of one relationship and allow ourselves to be seen, it won't be long before a new love comes along that takes you to a higher place where you can connect to the depth of your soul. There are lots of fish in the sea. Find the right fish for you. Don't settle for less. You deserve love. You deserve to be loved for who you are, as you are. Of course, the flip side of the coin is that we have to accept our partner as they are as well. 

Foreigner: I Want To Know What Love Is

Looking For LOVE?

Beginning October 12th - November 16th, Join me for From Tainted To True love to manifest the love you desire. 

This course is for you if:

• You have a habit of repeating the same relationship over and over that doesn't support you

• You can't seem to attract love to you in any form

• Want to become more vulnerable, authentic and connected in your relationship

• Looking for greater intimacy and better sex

• You are interested in bringing more passion into your current relationship

This course was originally a four-week course. I have extended it to include valuable tips on sexual intimacy and passion. It is now six weeks. It will transform the way you think about the opposite sex, love, and relationships! $247 for six weeks of transformational coaching and energy sessions with Jennifer in a group format. Plus you also receive the Aphrodite Effect 3-hour audio course for early sign-up! A $99.00 VALUE!

Set up your private session with me to find your joy and happiness within. I help men and women find lasting happiness. 

Buy Orgasm For Life on Amazon.com

Jennifer's forthcoming book:

Happy Here, Happy Anywhere

The Step-By-Step Guide For Overcoming Depression, Anxiety and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!

Visit Aphrodite Effect.com Jennifer's website

Why Do Relationships Fail?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When we begin a relationship we are usually on our best behavior. We shower before our date, shave, fix our hair, wear make-up and put our comfy clothes away. We ignore things we shouldn't and focus on showing our best side. We might even try to hide our faults, flaws, and foibles. Most people put on false personas rather than show others an authentic self. 

We might hide an addiction or negative behavior out of fear that we will be rejected. We might be afraid to show our new partner our true selves because of our insecurities. Rather than asking questions to seek a better understanding of the other, we become mute, afraid to ask for clarity.

How We Shoot Ourselves in The Foot

1. We are not authentic and transparent. We hide our insecurities behind a false persona rather than expose the truth of our being. If we fake who we are in any way we are inauthentic. Eventually, the mask and shield will drop leaving the other person wondering who the hell they fell in love with?
2. We lack self-love. We look for a relationship to make us happy or fill the void of emptiness, rather than filling ourselves up and lovingly accepting ourselves as we are.
3. We become deaf mutes. We pretend we didn't hear or see behaviors that are alarming or potentially damaging to ourselves or the relationship. Instead of asking questions we remain silent about our concerns.
4. We keep quiet about important situations that bother us. It is better to ask a question to get clarity than to make false assumptions about another person. Asking questions is a positive way to get more information, rather than stating what you think is true for them.
5. We don't talk about the elephant in the room like; "Do you like who I am? Are you attracted to me? Do you think our core values are in alignment?"
6. We don't know what we want. When we don't know what we want in a relationship we get what we get. Only when we are crystal clear about what we want and won't tolerate are we able to say something isn't going to work for us. (Aphrodite Effect Audio program is very effective for this issue)
7. We aren't clear up front about our agenda. If you want to get married and the person you are dating says they aren't ready for a serious relationship - MOVE ON! Don't pretend you are okay with your relationship status if you aren't.
8. We aren't clear on our core values. Dating someone with core values that differ from yours will create issues down the road. Religious differences, parenting styles, fiscal responsibility, health, exercise are all part of core values. Most people don't bother to sit down to clarify what they stand for, believe in and is important to them before getting into a relationship. Save yourself some heartache and discover your core values. Write them down. Commit them to memory. Know what is important to you and what's not.
9. We rush for the finish line, looking to play house, cohabitate or get married too soon. We don't allow our relationship to unfold naturally over time. Instead, enjoy the moment and things will develop without forcing them.
10. We push for commitment too soon. It takes some time to get to know another person. Most of us don't even know ourselves! Take your time becoming acquainted before moving in together or taking your relationship to the next level. Once you get to know the other well you might find you feel differently. 
11. If you just want to date, say so. Don't leave the other person wondering about whether you want to get married - eventually or have children.
12. If there is an age difference talk about it. Ignoring a major issue that could be contentious later on is setting you up for failure.
13. Ask yourself if you are okay accepting the person as they are? Or do you long to change the way they wear their hair, where they work, how they talk, eat, stand? Unconditional love means accepting another as they are NOW.
14. We fall in love with the potential of our partner. We dream about what they could be, rather than love them for who they are NOW.
15. We attract what we fear. If we are afraid someone will cheat on us, we attract cheaters to us. Old patterns can continue to surface until we change our behavior and unconscious thoughts. 
16. We put our relationship on autopilot. Relationships take time and energy. We need to listen to our partner, spend time face-to-face communicating verbally, watching body language. We need understanding, compassion, respect and acceptance. If we ignore our relationship it will die, just like plants will without water and attention.
17. We expect our partner to be perfect, rather than accepting their imperfections lovingly.
18. We forget the purpose of relationships is to help us grow. Relationships bring up our deepest fears, issues, and challenges. Blaming the other for your reaction isn't taking responsibility for your issues. Blame is often the cause of divorce.

Unfortunately, when we focus on trying to be perfect, we also downplay the other person's faults and flaws, often explaining them away. We ignore red flags and refuse to talk about the things that bother us, like the toothpaste lid or the toilet seat being left up their drinking or pot smoking or negativity. 

Our fear of rejection is our motivation. Rather than recognizing our wonderful qualities, value and gifts we worry about our deficits thinking we aren't worthy of love or won't be loved for who we are. 

Until we love and accept ourselves as we are, no one else will either. JEM

As time goes on, those small things we didn't mention that bother us begin to add up. Resentment builds because of the stories in our head about what they didn't do. Our unmet expectations cause us to feel resentment. 

We expect our partners to be psychic and  just know what we are thinking. Each time they don't meet our expectations we make a mental note, keeping score. The stories in our head are what defeat us rather than the other person.

Expectations cause resentment. JEM

When we live alone we cook for ourselves, do our dishes and take out the trash. When we begin to cohabitate with a partner we expect that they will do certain tasks. We avoid asking for help. When they don't take out the trash (because they should just KNOW) we become irritated. When weeks go by and the trash hasn't been removed by our partner, we might throw a hand grenade, "It would be nice if you could give me a hand for a change!" Our attitude is the problem, not the trash. We blame our partners for what they didn't do, becoming resentful. 

Sex Is A Form Of Communication

When our verbal communication is absent,  sex becomes a challenge. Who wants to have sex with someone who isn't loving, kind or communicating civilly? We have to resolve our issues for sex to be easy, natural and mutually pleasurable. The better our verbal communication, the better the sex!

 
A healthy balanced relationship will help you live longer. We give our work our full attention. We pay attention to our cell phones, television, and social media. Relationships also need attention to thrive. Have a regular date night without television. Talk openly about what is going on for you. We aren't robots or machines. We are spiritual beings with feelings and needs. Ask for what you want and make sure your partner has their needs met as well. Hire a coach who already loves themselves to navigate your challenges. 

Set up your FREE Discovery session with Jennifer and find out how you can have the life, love and relationship you have dreamed about. JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Visit Jennifer's website: AphroditeEffect.com

Why I Don't Do Internet Dating

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Online dating is everywhere. There are thousands of sites to choose from. From Match.com, Zoosk, or E-Harmony as paid sites, Plenty of Fish, Adult Friend Finder, are any of them safe? There are pitfalls meeting on-line. 

Strange Masked People

My recent experience with Match.com earlier this year was eye opening. I signed up for a three month membership. After three weeks on line, I closed down my profile and ended my membership. Find out why.

I spent hours creating a profile of myself. It was clear, honest and forthright. I was not looking for marriage, but wanted someone I could trust and enjoy spending time with. I was not interested in a hook-up, or "hang-out." I wanted to take my time and get to know someone, slowly.

Though I set my profile for people within 250 miles, I had men messaging me from across the country. I had people tell me they would move to wherever I was. I knew that was not a good idea. Pressure to choose or make a decision can cause you to make a snap decision and choose the wrong person. When someone will move across the country without even knowing you, you have to wonder about their life there.

Being Intuitive Has Advantages

I sense energy. I can tell the difference in an e-mail from the "voice" of one person and the "voice" or energy of a different person. 

Immediate Chatting?

The people that wanted to "chat" immediately were masked and fake. They immediately wanted to move to private e-mailing rather than staying on the site.  Often the excuse was that they didn't want to discuss what they did for a living on the dating site. If someone can't tell you what they do for a living, you have to question why they would want to shift you to private e-mailing.

I found out that this was because they had fake profiles which would be shut down within days. The responses came from several different people, from several different e-mail addresses. I already sensed that there were different energies and more than one person responding. The photos were of models from catalogues and Internet sites. One such photo was a picture of a gentleman clad in a business suit, carrying a brief case. 

Your Time Is Precious

Taking matters into your own hands can mean you have instant dates. Are the dates you have going to be meaningful, or a waste of your precious time?

We have a tendency to accept dates from people on the Internet because we have spent money on the dating site. We want to get our money's worth. Unless the person has similar interests to you, don't bother. If you aren't a Harley riding Bess, don't date a man with a Harley! You will not be happy when he asks you out on a road trip.

Dating takes time and energy. Meeting in person allows eye contact, a chance to feel the other person's energy and get a sense of whether they are authentic or not. You can make eye contact and watch facial expressions. You can see if they are intent on what you are saying or checking their cell phone or texting while you talk.

On the Internet, you see a photo, but cannot be certain this photo is of the actual person, or a better looking cousin. It is easy to hide the truth on the Internet. 

Even profiles lie. If someone says they are an occasional smoker, they could be a chain-smoking chimney. You have to read between the lines. To one person, two drinks a night could be "a  social drinker." To a health and fitness nut, this could spell alcoholic. The truth can be stretched easily on the Internet for each person's purposes.

Lies, I Tell You! Lies!

There are many ways to lie and hide on the Internet. The photo you see could be 15 years old, and 50 pounds lighter that their current state. I met a man in person who had pictured himself in a tuxedo 20 years earlier when he still had hair! He was completely bald in person. 

Both sexes post photos of themselves when they were younger and lighter. When you meet someone in person, there is no mistake. You see them as they are. They cannot hide how they look. 

What You Are Telling The Universe

Signing up for on-line dating if you believe in the law of attraction does not support you. What you are telling God and The Universe is "I don't believe that you can do your job! I am going to step in and show you how it's done! I know better than YOU!"

Instead, I trust that The Divine will bring me who I am supposed to date, by putting that the person on my path. They will show up like there is a light bulb, or halow around them. Just like when I was doing landscaping, a glow was placed around the object I would need to complete the job. The Universe will send you exactly what you need, rather than what YOU think you want.

Where Can I Meet Someone?

Everyone buys gasoline for their car and groceries to eat. We shop at Costco, Publix, Albertson's King Supers or Walmart. Noticing the people around you in line or in the produce department can open a door for you. Be open. Look up. Notice who is walking beside you, or in line ahead of you in line. Talk to people in the store. When someone walks past you two or three times, maybe you need to ask them a question. Open up the lines of communication. 

If you don't leave your house or apartment, of course there will be no opportunity to meet someone. Why not frequent the places you have interest in, like art galleries, zoos, coffee houses, or even a library? Look around you when you are getting gas for your car. 

Trust

When you trust yourself you will also trust The Universe and The Divine. The Universe will never lie to you. Your body will never lie to you. Notice the signs and sounds your body gives to you when you meet someone. Does your heart go pitter patter, or does your stomach drop as in: Oh Oh? Faith requires that you let go of fear. 

You Attract What You Are

An important Universal Law, you attract what you are. If you are indecisive, you will attract someone who will force you to make decisions. If you are in fear, you will attract someone who will victimize you or cheat on you. If you are in denial of who you are, you will attract someone who will lie to you. 

Be The Love

To have love, you have to give it. The person you must give it to first is you. Start loving yourself today. When we are filled with self love, we attract someone who will accept us, rather than attempt to change us, because we accept ourselves. Coming to the table already filled means your relationship will be healthy, balanced, rather than based on neediness and emptiness. When we are looking for someone to fill us up, our relationship will eventually fail. No one can make us happy, but us. A relationship will bring you joy, and peace, when you already have peace within.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a life, love and sex coach. She has been codependent, and needy. Jennifer understands what it feels like and can help you recover. She is a gifted healer and coach, getting to the root of your personal issues quickly. She is the author or Orgasm For Life a book to increase intimacy, understanding and communication so that your relationship becomes more connected. With trust, respect and authenticity sex is better and love expands. 

Visit Jennifer's website here. Or E-mail her to set up your 30 minute Discovery session to find out if her catalyst coaching will work for you. She will be on Nazim Rashid's Reconnected show, this Saturday, July 19th at 11:00 AM PST time. 

 

Are Quickies Killing Your Sex Life?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

"The average love-making session lasts 10 minutes. Statistically speaking, most are disappointed that sex ends so soon."

Most Women Need 20 - 45 minutes of foreplay to reach orgasm. It is not any one's fault. Men and women have very different needs. Understanding how to get a woman stimulated enough so that she doesn't have to fake it like 80% of women do is key. (Sorry guys this is true). I will help you be a King in your bedroom and master of your domain!

Quickies Are Fun

The average love-making session lasts 10 minutes. Statistically speaking, most are disappointed that sex ends so soon. 

Most men orgasm between 2 - 10 minutes into the sex act. When you see compare the statistics for the average women to achieve an orgasm, 10 minutes does not get her even half way there. 

Although we have all enjoyed the passion of the moment of a quickie, most women are just getting warmed up when you are already snoring on your pillow. Women need 20 - 45 minutes of massage, kissing, touching and pleasure before you enter the sacred place, unless you are the only one actually reaching an orgasm.

Make It About Her

Most men get excited just by seeing their naked woman. Women's body's and minds work differently. Women have been rushing around all day with kids, schoolwork, cooking, cleaning and work. Give her time to relax, take a shower or bath and get into the mood. A candle light bath might be just the ticket to help her transition. Run the bath and light the candles so that she feels you care. Women are the nurturers and need nurturing too. Take care of her for a change. Make an effort. Give to her without thinking of yourself. She will feel the difference.

Sex Is 80% Mental For Women

Women have to be mentally in the mood for sex. We can't get there if you have told us how lousy our dinner was or how dirty the house is. We need acceptance, romance and kindness to be sexually aroused. If you have just had an argument and want sex, unless you have given a genuine apology and made up completely, forget it!

Orgasm is 80% mental, 20% physical. If she is thinking about the dishes in the sink, the kids waking up, or all that she didn't accomplish today, getting her in the mood for sex will be difficult, All these thoughts will block her from settling into the pleasure of the moment. Spend some time helping her get out of her head and into her body with these 10 steps.

How To Get Her There

1. 10 minutes of kissing
2. 10 minutes of massage
3. 10 minutes of touch - alternate between feather light and nibbling and body kissing.
4. 10 minutes of oral sex
5. 10 minutes of manual digital stimulation - she should have several orgasms before you get to step 6
6. Then you may enter slowly at first, building up speed, changing it up between gentle and stronger thrusts.
7. Drive her crazy by alternating thrusting with oral sex. Do this several times and you will probably be able to give her a vaginal and clitoral orgasm at the same time.
8. Slow down if you feel the pressure building. Stop and finger her some more.
9. Make it about her, instead of you. The more you give, the more you will get in return.
10. Try to make your movements fluid, rather than mechanical. She will sense it if you are being too much in your head.

If you have an orgasm and she didn't, manually stimulate her to orgasm before you fall asleep. She will thank you and be much more ready to have sex with you the next time you desire her. Make sure she didn't fake it to make you feel better.

G-Spot

Yes it does exist. All women have a G-spot. Women can have orgasms and ejaculate, like men do. It is located approximately 1.5 to 2 inches away from the clitoris, on the upper wall of the vagina. You can find it by using your index finger in a come hither motion. It may be tender at first (read article on G-spot tenderness).

If your woman was sexually molested, this area can be very tender and painful to the touch, as the emotional trauma has been frozen in her body. Look for my article on G-spot healing and Massage.

Jennifer is a love and passion coach and author of Orgasm for Life. This book IS the interface between men and women for communication in relationships and the bedroom. This book is a self-help for women and men wanting more information about improving their sex lives, relationships and love. The better communication is outside of the bedroom, the better the sex is in the bedroom. 

Need Jennifer's coaching expertise? Contact her: NOW!