Button Pusher's Convention This HOLIDAY?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Conflict Resolution is the greatest issue in relationships....

Have you ever had an argument and wished you had not reacted angrily? I know that I have.

Someone cuts us off on the freeway nearly causing us to hit another vehicle. The natural response is one of anger, fear and retaliation. We have experienced road rage, or parking lot rage, when someone takes the precious parking space in the crowded lot. Our turn signal was on, we were poised to drive into the perfect spot close to the door. Yet some ill tempered person snagged it first! We all know the feeling. Our buttons are being pushed.

When faced with conflict, our defenses rise, we become angry or afraid. It is a natural animal response of flight, fright or freeze. Meeting someone's anger with an equal or stronger emotion only causes more strife, and makes conflict resolution impossible. When we raise our backs up and become angry, nothing is resolved. We are acting out our animalistic auto response to aggression. Moving beyond that automatic programming can be challenging. 

No one knows better how to push our buttons than our family. A trip home for the holidays can be reft with stress, anger and upset if we allow others to push ours. In a love relationship, conflict arises frequently, from the most innocent situations. Our partners push our buttons often, unintentionally. Your partner beats you into the shower when you were gathering your clothes and about to shower yourself. Dishes are left sitting in the sink when you come home from work, tired and stressed. We often say things that we don't mean when we are pushed beyond our limits. Those buttons can be red and touchy. Once those words are spoken, recovery is difficult. 

Here are ten ways to stop button pushers or the fight or flight response that is innate within us.

1. Stop and think. Count to 10 slowly. 
2. Don't react.
3. Breathe in and out three times slowly while you count. Breathing helps you to become grounded and moves you out of an emotional reaction.
4. Ask yourself: "Is this worth fighting about? Was this intentional, or accidental? Are you feeling emotions from an event long since passed unrelated to this moment now?"
5. Most likely your reaction is being governed by events long ago, with NOTHING to do with what is going on right now. 
6. Remember you are NOT A VICTIM! No one is doing this TO YOU.
7. If you are still feeling reactive breathe three more times.
8. By now the angry response has subsided. Be present with your feelings. This is all about you, not the other person. Your feelings are coming up because you are feeling a reaction of a long ago issue. 
9. Spend some time reflecting on the button (trigger) being pushed. What was the thing that triggered you? A trigger is an invisible button that gets pushed. When you no longer have a button you have cleared the issue. 
10. Repeat!

Want to contribute towards the funding of Jennifer's new book on communication between the sexes? This book provides the Interface between men and women so that there is no question about the response you will receive. Her funding program his here:  http://igg.me/at/Orgasmforlife/x/5470259

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a self love coach. She empowers women (and men)  to love themselves completely. When you love yourself completely, relationships become easy. You recognize your own responsibility in your life. You begin to let go of what doesn't work, like fear, control, manipulation and anger. You find ways to move through your emotions easily without setting fire to your relationships with words and actions.  Contact jennifer for your FREE Discovery session to find out if you are a good fit for her coaching programs. Divinehealingnow@yahoo.com

Is your love like the desert?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Mojave desert, where I live currently

Sharp comments, prickly personality?

I was recently walking with my dog, Karma along the dry dusty trail into the mountains just north of my home. I was thinking about the way I used to be in my relationships. Reactive, bitchy, prickly, dry, no sense of humor and very hot and angry to the touch when someone pointed out my faults. I used to hurt anyone who tried to get close to me, because I was hurting.

We can be touchy and reactive when we hold onto our emotions. We cry for example, to relieve stress and pressure that builds inside us from break-ups, difficult life events, grief, sadness and upset. When our emotions are stuffed inside of us we become reactive. We cannot take the slightest recommendation or suggestion without being reactive - like the desert.

We have prickly plants and trees here, like the Joshua tree for example. It is only found in the Mojave desert (pronounced Mohave).  If you leaned against one of these babies, you could be seriously hurt. I liken the Joshua trees to us when we lash out at someone when they corrects us, or suggest another way. 

Having to be right all the time, can cause you to lose friends and lovers. This need comes from your ego. When your ego runs the show, you will not fare well in relationships.  

T. Harve Ecker, of the Millionaire Mind fame, used to say, would you rather be right, or would you rather be rich? I say, would you rather be right, or would you rather be loved? Being right can make you a very lonely person. You become very prickly and people don't want to lean up against you, or be with you. Bitchy, prickly, same thing. 

Even the weeds in the desert have thorns on them. These thorns fall off to procreate the plant, so that it doesn't die out. The thorns are called goat's heads. We get them in our feet when we walk around barefoot. 

When we are touchy and reactive, we are coming from our ego and our pain. We are not connected to our hearts. We can be very lonely in this place of being a victim, feeling that everyone is out to get us, or hurt us. It is simply not true. It just appears that way to us, because all we can see is pain.

When we are hurt and don't heal from it, we carry this pain into everything we do. Pain is what colors our world. It is all the same, everywhere we turn, like the desert. As far as the eye can see, it is colorless, empty, remote. Just like us. 

The wind picks up here, causing change, turbulence, dust storms and vortexes of sand in the updrafts. You can't see when the dust and sand is flying in the air. It blurs our vision. Just as our pain blurs our vision. When we hang onto our pain, it defines us. Yet this is false. It is not true, we just think it is. 

There is beauty here, but it is often fleeting, disguised or hidden. It is not seen often. When we are bitchy, reactive and thorny we make it difficult for others to see our beauty. We disguise our softness under our suffering and pain. As things begin to change, we often hang on, to the past, not wanting to move forward. We act out of fear of the unknown. Our resistance to change causes us to suffer even more. What we don't recognize in our pain is that we don't have to suffer, all we have to do is let go, forgive and move forward into the wind. 

When our suffering gets so great that we recognize we need to change, this is the driving force to heal. That is where I come in. Aren't you ready to let go of your pain and suffering? My pain used to define me. I used to describe myself as a SURVIVOR! Now I describe myself as an Adventurer, a lover of life, an ambassador of light. I prefer the latter. Wishing you a joyful, day moving forward into the wind. When you do, the wind will be at your back instead of in your face.

Contribute towards the publishing of Jennifer's new book  Want to work with Jennifer? E-mail her privately here: Divinehealingnow@yahoo.com

Contribute towards Jennifer's project HERE..... Thank you!

The Jiggy Jaguar Experience:Jennifer Elizabeth Masters via Skype Video

Orgasm for LIFE!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

My coaching and healing work with women over the years has led me to some very interesting discoveries. Women with sexual dysfunction have most likely been molested. Women who get cervical and other sexual cancers were probably molested. 40% of all women have some form of sexual dysfunction. When I say dysfunction, I am referring to what used to be called frigidity. They can't or have difficulty achieving orgasm.

In an older post I refer to the fact that 80% of women fake orgasm. This is due in part to women not being able to ask for what they need, not knowing what they need and men not understanding a woman's body. 

Contribute to my project here, with thanks from me.

Trauma stays in the cells of the vaginal tissue. If it is not released it causes pain and dysfunction during sex. I walk the readers of Orgasm for Life through the gentle way to release and heal this physical manifestation of the trauma from the body. I give careful and detailed instructions that can be used at home. 

Why Women Say NO!

Women need 45 minutes of foreplay on average, where men sometimes need none. There is a huge disparity between males and females in the need for stimulation. Most couples according to the Durex sex survey have 10 minute couplings. Which only makes the majority of women frustrated. Sexual frustration can cause resentment and anger as well as a refusal to have sex. Perhaps, men will have a greater understanding of why women say "NO!" If you were pleasing your partner with regularity, you would get a lot more YES answers. Think about it this way, how would you feel if you had sex with a partner for 26 years and could count the number of orgasms you had on two fingers? Would you want to continue doing things the same way? 

How To Get Her To Say YES! YES! YES!

I am currently working on a new book. The title of the book is an eye and ear catching title, Orgasm For Life. My friend, William Dargin came up with the title. Thank you William!

The purpose of this book is to teach women about their own bodies. When women know and understand what they need, and feels good to themselves, they are better able to explain to their partners. Men are like PCs and women are like Macintosh computers. Talking directly to one another with our operating systems is next to impossible. We can't direct-connect. We need an Interface. Our bodies are different, our operating systems are different and we are certainly different emotionally. Orgasm for Life provides the Interface between men and women.  It isn't bad or wrong, we are just DIFFERENT!

Orgasm for Life is a frank, light-hearted look at our differences and similarities. It teaches, it provides deep wisdom and understanding that I garnered from my 4 marriages and divorces. I have learned what doesn't work very well! I also have learned what does work. This is what I teach in Orgasm for Life.

Today I began a funding for this book on Indiegogo a crowdfunding site. Here is the link to my campaign. If you can contribute in a small or large way, I appreciate it. I thank you in advance for whatever you can do, big or small. Without your help, this project will be challenging. 

http://igg.me/at/Orgasmforlife/x/5470259  

When I wrote my first book,  Odyssey Victim to Victory I had no idea what it took to create a best seller. I was ill equipped financially and mentally for the challenge. Today is different. I am very excited about this new project and will continue to post here when I can, as I am in the midst of writing and finishing Orgasm for Life. 

If you are able to contribute to this cause, I appreciate it, more than you know. If you are able to spread the word, help me get a television or radio interview that is appreciated as well. This book is a win-win for men and women the world over. Healthy communication outside the bedroom, deeper intimacy in the relationship and greater understanding and compassion will lead to fulfilling sex, deeper love and happier people.
Happier people means a happier and healthier planet. We all want that! Make LOVE not war......  Orgasm for LIFE!

Contribute to this project to help heal relationships

Contact the author here: E-mail now

The Power of The Unconscious Mind

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

This week I will host my last podcast of 2014. If you have never experienced hypnotherapy, join me on Wednesday for this very special program.

Our thoughts whether they are conscious or unconscious create our world. 90% of those thoughts are unconscious. What is YOUR unconscious mind doing while you are not aware?

As a hypnotherapist and Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner, helping my clients become aware of what it is that they are projecting onto their partners and spouses is part of what I do. Below is a link to my recent interview with Dr. Alan Simberg. He interviews Todd Stofga, also a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner first. You will find this an interesting hour.

We are programmed in our early lives by our parents, teachers and other authority figures. These programs are based on lies. We convinced ourselves that these lies are true. This is how we defeat ourselves everyday. Here are some to the lies we have been told and think on a daily basis:

1. You are not good enough
2. You aren't pretty enough
3. You aren't smart enough
4. You will never get there
5. You will never be successful
6. You will have cancer in your lifetime
7. You will age 
8. You will get sick
9. You can't have what you want
10. You have to work hard for your money
11. Money is HARD to come by

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/toughtalkradionetwork/2013/12/03/change-your-thoughts-change-your-destiny-and-love-yourself-fearlessly

Join me this Wednesday for the last podcast of the year. I will be performing hypnotherapy to clear these unconscious beliefs for all who are on the program with me. Let me know what you want cleared for you personally here: Divinehealingnow@yahoo.com

Here is the call in number for Wednesday's program. 6:00 PM PST and 9:00 PM EST

(605) 475-4000 Pin 939401#

7 Ways To Alleviate Post Holiday Blues

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Courtesy Mark Sisson

Feeling Post Holiday Blues?

Holidays can be a wonderful time of togetherness, love and acceptance. We rush around shopping, preparing and cooking. We bake and cook furiously, putting all our love and energy into our creations. Guests arrive in a rush of excitement. We share with open hearts and enjoy the fact that everyone loved what we created. We begin the clean up of dishes and move furniture back to its original place. Guests and family members leave. Afterwards, many people feel post holiday depression or a drop in their energy. Looking at holidays from a different perspective can help. Here are 7 ways to bust out of your post holiday blues.

1. Expectations

Maintaining a high state of energy all the time is not possible. We can't be floating at the top of the mountain all of the time. Even Masters have to trudge down the slope to be able to climb the next higher mountain. In everything there is an ebb and flow. The pendulum must swing both ways.

To think we could exist in a state of high without coming down at all is likened to an addict that wants to feel "high" all the time. Our body needs to slow down and rebuild after the excitement and high of a holiday. It isn't bad, or wrong, it just is. 

2. Enjoy The Beauty of Contrast

When we can be present with each moment, we enjoy it for what it is. Enjoy the preparations. Enjoy the guests and then enjoy the peace and quiet and rest. It is all just an experience. Each one is different from the next. 

If our relationships were perfect all the time, we would begin to take the perfection for granted. If guests were with us all the time, they would cease to be guests. We would not appreciate the newness of their presence and then their departure. The contrast is lovely. 

With conflict, anger and emotional release we see it for what it is. If we are sad all the time, we don't experience the other end of the spectrum, JOY. If we are happy all the time, we forget what it feels like to be sad. The contrast allows us to see the beauty in each moment. Revel in it, rather than long for the other end of the spectrum to return. The more you resist what is, the more you suffer. It is perfectly normal to feel sad when your loved ones leave. Allow yourself to feel it. Then let it go. 

3. Be Grateful For The Experience

Each experience teaches us something and has a gift and a lesson. Be grateful for each one. Then be open to receive more. The more grateful we are for each and everything in our lives, the more we open to receive more wonderment, more peace, more satisfaction and more success in all that we do. Even having a successful meditation, or a successful walk with our dog. Each event is an experience. Remember to be grateful for the experience it will open you to receive more.

4. Allow Your Emotions To Move

We are human which means we have a physical, emotional and a spiritual component to everything we do. Feeling is natural. Even crying is good for us, as it allows emotions to move rather than stagnate. Stress hormones are released when we cry, which reduces stress levels. This is healthy. 

Venting anger is also needed in a healthy way. Exercise, meditation, chanting, singing are all ways you can channel this energy in a healthy way. Primal screaming is another. If you haven't tried it, watch a 2-year old have a temper tantrum.  The stomp their feet, pound their arms and yell. Afterward you would think the event never happened. They have forgotten and fall asleep. Energy has moved out of their body and they feel better.

5. Being Present With What IS

Enjoying each moment as it presents itself is being present. When we only focus on the past and what we didn't do, or accomplish, our mistakes and the people who wrong us, we miss the perfection of the moment. We don't see the gift in the PRESENT. The same holds true for focusing endlessly on the future. If we focus most of our time, energy and attention on the future, we miss what is right in front of us. We are distracted by thoughts of what might never happen. 

6. Avoid Distraction

Distraction takes us away from the present moment where everything wonderful happens. We can distract ourselves with phone calls, fixing others, visitors, sex or work. The bottom line is that you have to enjoy being alone with you. If you don't, you don't love yourself. No matter what the distraction is you are still there, but not present in the moment. 

Distracting yourself is not a fix. Focus on you. Notice how you feel. If you get depressed after family and friends leave, sit with it. Revel in it. Cry if you have to. Then allow yourself to move on. 

7. Get Up And Move!

Put on some dance music and get up and dance. Move some energy through you. Physical activity is one of the quickest ways to move energy through your body. 

Kool and The Gang, Celebration

Queen, We Will Rock You

Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles, Flash Mob in Madrid

FREE WEBINAR TONIGHT!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I FREAKING LOVE PIE!

Yes I am a healer and all healthy and crap! I came by the pie gene honestly. My father also loved pie. My mother would bake like crazy over the holidays. She would give boxes of homemade shortbread cookies and pies away. Even now, at 91, my mother manipulates with pie.

Yes, she does. She offers people pie in exchange for manual labor, or favors. Pie has become a type of monetary exchange in our family. The amazing thing about pie is that it contains flour, sugar, fruit, eggs, but the most important ingredient is..... wait for it..... LOVE!

Join me tonight at 6:00 PM PACIFIC time and 9:00 EASTERN for a LOVE filled event of magnanimous proportions filled with PI. Pun intended! Warning there will be LOVE involved!

(605) 475-4000 PIN 939401#

Much love and Pie to you!

Jennifer

GRATITUDE - It's Not Just For Thanksgiving Anymore!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Gratitude Unlocks Your Infinite Potential

 

It does not matter what you are grateful for, expressing gratitude will end your suffering, bring you into alignment with all that is and fill your soul with love. What could be better?

 

When we are in a state of gratitude we are able to manifest because we are aligned  with The Divine energy, all that is. We are greater than ourselves when we are expressing gratitude. We open ourselves up to vulnerability. Our hearts open when we are grateful. When our hearts are open synchronistic events unfold. We witness the beauty that surrounds us. (Read to the end I have two you tube links to videos that will fill your soul and help you feel it).

 

Whether you feel you have something or nothing to be grateful, begin expressing gratitude for the smallest of things and watch what unfolds. The more grateful we are for what we have the more we open to our unlimited potential. Recognize what blessings you have in your life. Even if you are sick and feel you have nothing, you are alive. Whether we are homeless or living with friends, we have a roof over our heads. We have food on our table. We have friends, loved ones. Be grateful for another day of life.  

Whether you are in pain and suffering, be grateful for the experience and see how your suffering diminishes. Here is my prayer for you today:

 

Thank you for the amazing Blessings in my life today. 

Thank you for my eyes that see and my ears that hear. 

Thank you for my hands that serve and give to others even when I have so little myself. 

Thank you for my children, my mother and father and my friends.

 Thank you for the sun that shines that warms me. 

Thank you for the gift of my life. 

That I am alive to live and experience another day. 

Thank you for my health and my heart that beats. 

Thank you for the lessons that I have learned, however small they have been. 

Thank you for those who have come into my life to teach me something. 

Thank you for those who are less fortunate than me, that I may see others have even less than I do. 

Thank you for the success in my life, the joy that is expressed in others. 

Thank you for music and the wind. 

Thank you for the rain. 

Thank you for the growth that I have experienced so far. 

Thank you for me. Thank you for the love that I Am. Thank you for this day.

 

Thank you for you. May you be blessed with infinite Blessings of abundance  and love today and always. Thank you for visiting my blog and spending some time in my energy. I appreciate you. 

 Much Love and Blessings to you,

Jennifer 

My Gratitude message on You Tube
 

Energy of Gratitude

Are You Faking It?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Faking it in the bedroom is not solving anything.

Faking orgasms is inauthentic. In the most intimate of moments you are lying to your partner. How do you think he will feel when he finds out? CRUSHED!~ 

 

Faking it is a huge lie. If you fake it during sex, you probably lie about other things within your relationship as well. Where else do you lie to your partner? Faking it is avoidance of the issues, at hand. You are not doing yourself or your relationship any favors by hiding this truth. The fact that you are faking it means you are afraid to talk about a very deep and intimate issue.

Transparency is the way to go in open and honest relationships. Complete honesty with nothing to hide builds trust, and creates intimacy. Learning to talk about what you need and desire in the bedroom takes compassion and moving beyond your fears of intimacy. 

Why Do Women FAKE IT?

According to a recent study 80% of women fake orgasm over 50% of the time. 28% of men fake orgasms. This is not a mean-spirited act, but rather to boost their partners self esteem.  We fake it because we don't want to bruise our partner's ego. We fake it because if we don't, you won't get any sleep. We fake it because we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings. I have to be honest. I used to. I was concerned about my husband's ego. I felt bad and often guilty because I didn't feel complete. It left me feeling insecure and uncomfortable. I knew there was a better way. I had tried to talk about it,  but my husband became very hurt and also angry. He felt threatened. It felt awkward and uncomfortable. Understand that you are not alone. That millions of women have the same issues and that there is help. Knowing the best way to approach this very sensitive subject helps.

The typical woman needs 45 minutes of foreplay to achieve an orgasm. The average man on the other hand can last between 2 and twenty minutes up to an hour for some men.  (Gentlemen, please recognize that I am talking averages here.) It can feel uncomfortable and put both parties under pressure when an orgasm doesn't happen. As a result,  many fake it and that's that, it's over. It makes you wonder why we were created with such different needs. The amount of time and attention most women need seems so out of proportion to what men need. When some men get excited to the point of orgasm just by seeing their partner naked. As the comedian Whitney Cummings says, all she has to do is take her boyfriend's socks off! It seems the kind thing to do - fake it.

What Issues Are Created By Faking It?

Frustration from lack of fulfillment leads to anger and resentment. This is not anyone's fault.  When you aren't satisfied and make a habit of faking it, you will eventually feel left out and even angry. When do you stop and turn to face the elephant in the room; after 5 years, 10, or when you get a divorce? Women eventually become disenchanted with sex when the outcome consistently leaves them feeling flat and unsatisfied. When women fake it, the men usually have no idea. They snuggle peacefully thinking they have done their job well and go to sleep. Women, more often than men, are the ones left hanging, frustrated unable to sleep after sex. People this is supposed to be fun, pleasurable and bring you closer, not the other way around!

 

A block to intimacy is created by a lack of honesty. It is better to recognize that there is a disparity rather than to continue to fake orgasms. Talking about the subject without blame is important.  Be compassionate with yourself and your partner. Telling your partner that you have not been having orgasms can be a shocker, if you have been doing so for a very long time. Breaking the ice is important. Don't blame your partner. Admitting that there is an issue and you are willing to work through it is what is best for you both.

 

Frigidity and Sexual Dysfunction

One in three women have been molested at some point in their lives. One in four women will be sexually assaulted or raped at some point in their lifetime. These statistics tell a sad story. Sexual dysfunction comes from sexual trauma. Getting help is important. Healing from trauma must occur for many women to be able to have a healthy sex life.  Decades after sexual trauma there is cellular memory in the sensitive vaginal walls that can make sex painful and orgasms elusive for many women.

 

Rule of Thumb

This article below from the LA Times discusses the physiology of the female anatomy. The premise is that the distance of the clitoris to the vagina is what makes the difference of function or dysfunction that can cause difficulty with orgasms for many women. You are not alone if you have challenges completing the sex act without some help.

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-hew-ordistance11feb11,0,2763149.story#axzz2lmmYR7Ek 

 

What Is The Kind Thing To Do?

Be honest. Intimacy does not happen when you lie.  Explain to your partner that there is an issue.  Get help from a sex coach or a sex therapist. There are plenty of Tatrikas that also help with sexual healing and dysfunction. 

 

Nine MAGIC Steps To Getting There? 

 

1. RELAX! You have to relax to achieve an orgasm.

2. Get to know your own body. Find out what feels good for you, so that you can tell your partner what you like. If you don't know, how will he?

3. BREATHE. Your body requires oxygen to achieve an orgasm.

4. BE PRESENT. Stay out of your head. You can't relax and achieve an orgasm when you are thinking about everything that you didn't get done today.

5. Follow the 10 minute rule. 10 minutes of kissing, 10 minutes of light touching, 10 minutes of massage. (You get the picture. Follow my 5 step method in my video below. )

6.  Don't be afraid to make sounds. Sounds can help get you further than when you are silent.

7. LET GO of your fear and need to control everything. Take your time and don't try and rush. The more relaxed you are the better. An orgasm is about letting go, not hanging on for dear life. 

8. OPEN YOUR EYES. Make eye contact throughout love making. When you close your eyes you are in avoidance. Avoidance means you will lose connection with your partner. To achieve an orgasm more easily remain connected rather than disconnected to your partner. 

9. CONNECT your heart to your second chakra (sexual parts). This helps to keep you connected. 

Check out my you tube video on the female orgasm: 

I invite you to leave your comments below.

 

 

Jennifer is a life, love and relationship coach. Her focus is on healing trauma from childhood. Her own healing from childhood trauma has led her to this calling. Healing shame, guilt and depression in her own life has led her to help others to do the same. Her first book, Odyssey Victim to Victory is the story of her transformation from negative, unworthy and feeling broken, to loving herself FEARLESSLY! She empowers women to love themselves so that their relationships become healed and filled with purpose and direction. Jennifer works in groups, and privately with women. Contact her NOW to schedule your FREE discovery session: Divinehealingnow@Yahoo.com