How To Spot Emotional Unavailability Right Away!

One of the magazine's that I write for is Digital Romance. This link is for my most recent post on Digital Romance about

emotional unavailability. If you have had this type of experience you will receive a great deal of help from this article with a little bit of humor added!

How To Spot Emotional Unavailability Right Away

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Happy Here, Happy Anywhere

The Step-By-Step Guide For Overcoming Depression, Anxiety and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!

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How To Heal Numbness and Lost Memories From Childhood

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Physical and emotional numbness comes from trauma. For most of us, numbness is from sexual trauma from a long time ago. When there are blacked out memories from childhood, in 100% of the cases it is from sexual molestation, sometimes including intense emotional neglect or abuse. The soul shatters from the betrayal and unthinkable heinous crimes against innocent children. 

In order to protect the psyche this split causes fragments of the soul to breakaway like broken shards of glass. Your soul needs love, compassion and healing. This fragmentation is called PTSD by the medical profession. PTSD can cause anxiety, disconnection, depression, lost memories, feelings of victimhood, blame, illness and insomnia. I wrote about my recovery in my first book, Odyssey Victim To Victory. You will find it helpful if you are beginning your journey or wondering why you feel as you do.

This article contains many links to other resources that will help you. Keep this article to refer back to. Send me an e-mail to set up a free Discovery Session of 40 minutes. This is my gift to you to give you valuable tools to use right now. 

How Can I Tell If I Don't Have Any Memory?

Many children were molested before the age of three. When this occurs, there is no memory. The soul blocks it from us. It is too painful for us to remember, so we don't. Following are indications that you have been molested:

1. Anger for no known reason.
2. Rage. A stronger form of anger. It comes from a dark disconnected place often causing blackouts (no memory of the rage).
3. Depression. Long-standing depression is often caused by angry feelings you don't feel you have the right to feel. In my case, my depression spanned decades of my life, so long, I didn't know what it felt like to not be depressed. When I brought it up to my mother she said, "Nonsense!" 
4. Disconnected from the self.
5. Low self-esteem.
6. Household hauntings. A common occurrence when you have been molested. Every house I lived in was haunted until I completely cleared the abuse from my energy field. If everywhere you move is haunted, you might want to consider that you are the common denominator.
7. Insomnia. Insomnia is often coupled with worrisome thoughts in the middle of the night. Your body is attempting to get your attention. How much more can you take of this? Is anyone in there? Hello? Insomnia is your body's check engine light. Continue to ignore these signs and disease or illness will be the next level of warning that something is wrong.
8. Anxiety.
9. Intense worry.
10. Sex and other addictions. Alcoholism, drug addiction, codependency. Addiction is from rejection of the self. Sexual molestation leaves a child feeling worthless, unworthy, conflicted, lost filled with guilt and shame. Those feelings can be too painful to endure. Addictions to sweets, food, thumb sucking and other self-soothing actions are also common.
11. Promiscuity. Victims of sexual molestation can go one of two ways: hate sex and avoid it like the plague, or have a multitude of sexual partners looking for love.
12. Confuse sex with love. When your boundaries are crossed early by a trusted loved one, you look for love through sex. Don't beat yourself up about this. It makes total sense. I can clear the guilt and shame.
13. Intense feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for almost everything. 
14. Shame. A feeling of shame is intense for those who have been molested in either a present or past life.
15. You feel responsible for one or both or your parent's happiness. A child should never be made to be responsible for their parents' self-esteem or happiness. That needs to come from within a whole, healed, balanced adult.
16. Feel broken. You might feel like a little-broken doll. 
17. You don't fit in. Feelings of not fitting in can be from other issues, but are included in cases of molestation as you feel dirty, soiled or damaged.
18. Abuse, victimization and trauma continues to play out in your current life and relationships. Your body is attempting to get your attention. Something is out of whack. 
19. Masturbate at an early age. Children who are molested early often obsessively masturbate sometimes before the age of five. Sexual feelings are awakened in children early by molestation. Sexual urges are natural. It is part of the human experience. 
20. Emotional unavailability. We attract what we are. Most of us have difficulty seeing that we are the ones with the emotional unavailability. We see it first in our partners. Admitting we have it too is a huge challenge for most of us. I know it certainly was for me. 
21. You may be obsessed with sex. Sexual addiction and sexual obsession are similar. If you feel compelled by sex, pornography, or have a desire to show yourself to others the root of this issue is sexual trauma from childhood.
22. Illness is your middle name. If you are sick all the time, and have no idea why, you may have been molested. Until I began clearing the trauma from my field I was told I was a hypochondriac. I had intense body pain, pelvic floor pain, Epstein-Barr and auto-immune disease, Fibromyalgia and breast cancer. Now I am as healthy as a horse. I have no physical pain whatsoever.
23. You have intense physical pain. Pain comes from guilt. Victims of childhood molestation often blame themselves for what happened because of what they were told. 
24. You have intense fears. Fears may diminish over time. Loving the self unconditionally is the best way to heal fears. I clear the fears in my sessions with private clients and on my podcasts.
25. A feeling of helplessness. Children are powerless to stop molestation and abuse. This feeling of helplessness follows you until you heal the past. Helplessness can also come from seeing a parent being physically or emotionally abused. As a child, you felt helpless and lost witnessing the brutality.
26. Neediness. If you feel as if you need the world to validate you, love you and provide you comfort, you need to look within. No one can give you what you need but you. Until you fill this void with self-acceptance and love, that hole will be an open and unhealed wound.
27. Non-orgasmic. Not everyone becomes non-orgasmic from sexual molestation but many do. The fight or flight mechanism freezes in the cellular structure inside the vagina and the labia causing numbness. Tantra can be used to heal this. My book, Orgasm For Life, was written to help the millions who suffer from this phenomena.

The Good News!

Once you get on the other side of healing, you look back at your life and feel that it wasn't you. It feels as if it was in another life. You begin to recognize that this was all so that you would love and accept yourself unconditionally. Everything happens for the good of your soul. There is a silver lining. You are not a victim. 

Why You Need To Forgive

Forgiveness allows you to forgive yourself and let go of the past. It doesn't condone the actions of another. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiving your perpetrator frees you from being tied to them, unburdening your soul.

Secrets Damage The Soul

When something awful happens you have to talk about it. Refusing to talk about what occurred will cause you physical pain, pelvic floor and vulva pain, numbness, illness, depression, anger, rage, even cancer. Some, like me, have an inability to orgasm. Orgasm For Life is a guide to help men and women navigate sexual and emotional and communication challenges with the opposite sex. 

Therapy Keeps You Stuck

I know of one man who has been in therapy for 25 years and has still not released the pain and suffering of the past sexual trauma. I went to a psychiatrist, group therapy, and private therapy for years. None of it helped move me out of the pain and misery of the past. Therapy keeps you stuck in your story, rather than clearing the trapped emotions and unworthiness, guilt, shame and suffering at the soul level.

Soul-Level Healing

Tapping into your soul through meditation, hypnotherapy and prayer works to heal. Energy clearings remove the beliefs, patterns, and self-sabotage. If you are ready to begin this work following are some suggestions to begin your healing. I do this work one-on-one with my clients. I am there to support you through the process of letting go in a safe place. I have been where you are. I know what you feel, I understand the pain, suffering, sorrow of a childhood lost. From a place of deep compassion, understanding and love, I support you and lead you as you heal. 

What Proof Do I Have?

For 32 years I lived with all of the above symptoms. I thought I could ignore the sh*t that kept coming up destroying every relationship I every attempted. I was unavailable emotionally. I was

sick. I blamed everyone for how I felt. My body was showing me that I had problems under my hood. My check engine light was on CONSTANTLY!

I searched, learned, studied and educated myself. I had a doctor tell me I read too much. It wasn't therapy or a doctor that fixed me, I did it. I went to a hypnotherapist, found it worked so I became one. I went to energy healers spending thousands of dollars to get myself well, then went on to take course after course becoming a Master Energy Healer professionally. I went to homeopaths, naturopaths, chiropractors. All that I learned over my lifetime, I share with my clients in my healing sessions. I use a variety of methods to get positive results. 

My Issues Made Me A Healer

When I found out that it worked, I became a powerful energy healer myself. I used the energy healing to release the trapped emotions, self-sabotage, depression, anger, addictions, suicidal programs, fear, negativity, anxiety, worry, neediness, guilt, shame and low self-esteem. I turned my challenges into my guiding light. Now I help others heal past trauma. I discovered my inner talents and gifts during the process of my healing and awakening.

My first book is the story of my awakening. Now I live in freedom, happiness, bliss, joy and love. I know the way because I did it myself. I didn't just decide one day and then poof I was on the other side. No, I had backslides, challenges and more failed relationships on the road to recovery. What do you choose to do for yourself today?

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3 Ways Trauma Continues To Play Out In Relationships

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

There is a reason for everything that happens. You may wonder why on earth some of the events occurred when they continue to plague you long after the event? Our trauma in childhood may very well become our greatest challenges in adulthood. Ignoring the emotional reverberations can cause major issues in all your relationships. These issues can plague you beyond your last break-up or divorce if you don't pay attention to clear the past events.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is an event that shatters your sense of security, causing emotional pain, suffering or even fear long after the event has ended. Rape, sexual and emotional abuse are the biggest issues that cause trauma. Emotional trauma is a form of PTSD. 

The trauma could be a parent or teacher humiliating us in front of our class. It could be a doctor, parent, sibling or babysitting sexually molesting us. It could be a critical parent who only knew criticism themselves and replicated their parents tough taskmaster roles in our lives. For others, trauma could be having a parent or parents who were addicted to alcohol or drugs and were emotionally unavailable to us. A parent who makes a child responsible for their happiness also causes trauma.

How Does Trauma Affect Us?

Trauma can cause constant fears, anxiety, depression, inability to trust others, numbness (both physically and emotionally). What I have noticed with myself and my clients is that when we are triggered we go back to that moment in time when we felt powerless, unsafe and unprotected. It as if time stands still and we revert to our childhood state when the trauma occurred. 

When Will Trauma Occur?

1. When you were unprepared for it
2. When we feel unable to prevent it or protect ourselves
3. It happens repeatedly
4. You felt powerless to prevent it
5. It happened in childhood
6. Someone was intentionally cruel

How Trauma Continues To Replay

1. You are triggered by a smell, touch or thing (this could be the smell of soap, a dog that was part of the event). For me, although I love dogs, I can't see a pug without remembering my neighbor who molested me when I was five. Pugs give me the creeps. The smell of comet cleanser is another trigger for me due to the same event. It is a visceral memory.
2. Someone touches you in a way that triggers a past memory of the traumatic event. It could be a loving partner who touches you in a way, that is reminiscent of the sexual abuse or trauma.
3. Your current partner might say a phrase that triggers a memory that brings you back to the event, years afterwards.

How Can You Overcome The Past?

Trying to forget it doesn't work. You can overcome the trauma with energy work, hypnotherapy, and Repatterning. This is work I do with my clients in sessions. Spiritual re-parenting, removal of the past beliefs, and patterns will help you to move forward out of the pattern which is like PTSD. Just like a soldier who continues to re-live the trauma of what he or she has been through, childhood trauma is a form of PTSD.

Suggestions To Work Through Trauma

Emotional trauma does not go away on its own. Our unconscious mind is where the event is stored, causing reactions to be triggered for innocuous events seemingly out of nowhere. Keeping secrets about sexual abuse, rape, incest and the like cause deep suffering that never goes away. Working on the unconscious patterning is what I do in my coaching. As a survivor of most types of trauma, I have worked through my own issues over 32 years of deep introspection and inner work. I use these techniques to help you shift your inner and outer world. There are some things you can do to help yourself recover.

1. Speak up! Most survivors of trauma shut down and shut up. This does not help you recover. It perpetuates the behavior instead of allowing it to be released. Talk to your partner, spouse, or hire someone like me that knows what they are doing to help you recover.
2. Know Your Triggers. No one knows you like you. You know what triggers you. Let your partner and loved ones know so that they understand your reactions. 
3. Ask Permission To Touch. The most powerful thing I received in Tantra was having my partner ask, "May I touch you here?" It empowers you, allows you to feel safe, and instills trust. Without trust, you can't have an orgasm. Have your partner ask your permission to touch, hug, or kiss you before they swoop in and grab you. Those who have never experienced sexual trauma are ill equipped to understand your pushing them away. It causes unnecessary hurt feelings. 
4. Practice. You have been living with this trauma for most of your life. It takes some time to overcome old behaviors. Practice asking for what you need. Your safety and trust of others is paramount for your happiness. If you feel you always have to look over your shoulder for the next blow, you will always have anxiety.
5. Get Professional Help. I did group therapy, private sessions with a Psychotherapist and none of it helped me. Often repeating your story does nothing but keep you in the old patterns. My sense is that the best form of therapy is healing that allows you to shift perspective, removes emotions and blocks that keep you stuck in the same patterns. You have to work with someone who understands your type of trauma and has healed their own. Working with someone that still has their own issues, won't help you.

Reasonably Priced Programs To Help You

I have several programs on my website that offer clearings, and energy work that will help you shift in powerful and positive ways. Happiness Jump Happiness - At The Beginning is a three part three-hour audio series that clears what is blocking you from being happy and walks you through what you need to do and not do to be happy right now. $98.00 - $675 Value!

Aphrodite Effect (Journey Into Radiance clears your love story helps you recognize where you might be off track with your past relationships, allowing you to be ALL IN! In part three I walk you through manifesting your BELOVED PARTNER! $98.00 for three hours of deep inner work and energy clearing. Over $675 value!

The Shift Clearings are all three-part audio series that offer deep energy clearing of anxiety, worry, fears, blocks to love and finally financial blocks to abundance as well as teachings to help you right now. At $98.00 for three hours of intense work this is a very special value. Over $675 value!

In my first book, Odyssey Victim to Victory, I tell my story of healing. I went from man to man looking for love because I confused sex with love. It was the pattern imprinted in childhood. People I trusted hurt me and overstepped my personal boundaries repeatedly. I was clinically depressed for over 20 years. I got married and divorced because I didn't love myself and attracted men who victimized me because of the pattern of victimhood. Until I removed the trapped emotions, patterns and self-sabotage, I continued to attract the same type of men.

The sexual trauma caused me to have numbness in my body. I was unable to orgasm with a partner. Which is why I wrote Orgasm For Life in 2014. It is no longer a problem for me. I write about sexual healing in Orgasm For Life for those who want to heal this on their own.

My past no longer defines me. I am happy. I love myself fearlessly. On my healing journey, I became a hypnotherapist, a hypnotherapy trainer, a certified Master Energy healer, A certified Akashic Record Practitioner, and worked on myself and my unconscious programs. It took me 30 years doing it on my own. How much time do you have to devote to your recovery? You deserve to be happy. You deserve to recognize your value. I did it on my own, now I help others to heal their trauma so that they can have the love they deserve. Visit my website for further information on my work. Aphroditeeffect.com Sign up for my private newsletters that offer insights and special offers. Or e-mail me to set up a private session with me. 

Gratitude Expands Your Capacity To Give and Receive Love

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Gratitude is giving thanks for what we have and receive. The most interesting phenomenon of gratitude is that we receive when we give gratitude. The more grateful we are, the more we get because our hearts open and expand. The bigger the tips we leave, the more we are Blessed in return, through our clients, raises, and increase in earnings. We have Thanksgiving only once a year, yet our gratitude needs to be expressed to thrive every single day we are alive.

We give gratitude to be humble and thankful for what we have and receive. The more grateful for our vibrant health that we are, the more vibrantly healthy we become. Be thankful for your youthful appearance and the more you youth. Be grateful for your success and the more successful you become. It is a very simple return on investment. I know very few ways to increase what we have simply by saying an open-hearted prayer of gratitude.

Thank you For Another Day of Life!

Beginning our day as soon as our eyes are opened with a "Thank you for another day of life!" A prayer than a Native American taught me so many years ago. We forget that each day we are alive, is a gift. In fact, it is the biggest gift that we have been given. So why not say a BIG THANK YOU every day for it?

Heart Opening

Many of us have been hurt. We have been wronged, we have been wounded. We have lost loved ones and our hearts are broken because of our losses. For all of these reasons our hearts may be closed or shut down. A closed heart can lead to a slew of health problems like heart attacks, high blood pressure and even breathing problems like COPD. Take a deep breath and say, "Thank you for me. Thank you for all that I am, and all that I receive." This small prayer will open your heart if you say it every day like you mean it. For those who know you attract emotionally unavailable people, gratitude will help you tremendously, as it will help to heal your heart and heal your emotional unavailability. 

Gratitude Journal

Writing daily in a gratitude journal can help you remember what you need to be grateful for. Writing is always a powerful medium for sending messages out into the Universe. I highly recommend it. I attended a workshop in Atlanta, Georgia years ago with Joyce Reynolds, who is now in her 80's. She taught a workshop about scripting for your life. She recommended writing all the things you wanted in the present as if you already have them. For example:

Thank you for the prosperity and abundance in my life that allows my bills to be paid on time each month.

Thank you for the 6 new clients this week. 

Thank you for my beautiful loving partner. 

What Are You Grateful For?

Each of us has a different set of circumstances. Some are homeless, friendless, childless and jobless. Some of us have more than enough to give others. Being thankful for the simplest of things is important. Here are some suggestions if you simply can't find a thing to be grateful for this holiday season.

Suggestions For Your Gratitude List

1. Thank you for my life.
2. Thank you for my vibrant health. (Even if you are sick your health will improve with consistency)
3. Thank you for my wonderful clients that pay me what I deserve.
4. Thank you for my bills being paid on time each month.
5. Thank you for the prosperity in my life.
6. Thank you for my eyes that see.
7. Thank you for my loving family.
8. Thank you for my beautiful home.
9. Thank you for the roof over my head.
10. Thank you for the food on my table.
11. Thank you for my loving pets.
12. Thank you for my wonderful friends.
13. Thank you for my computer.
14. Thank you for my beautiful car.
15. Thank you for my legs that work.
16. Thank you for the beauty that surrounds me.
17. Thank you for the safety and protection I have.
18. Thank you for the love in my life.
19. Thank you for my loving partner.
20. Thank you for my wonderful, loving children.
21. Thank you for my gifts, talents and abilities.
22. Thank you for my clients, readers and followers.

I am extremely grateful to all of you who follow and read my posts daily. You come from the U.S.A., Canada, Germany, India, Israel, Asia, China, Japan, Spain, Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, Russia. If I have missed a country, I apologize. Below is my list of things that I am grateful for.

1. God, my guides, angels and spiritual guidance.
2. My life fully expressed.
3. My mother who is now 92, still very healthy and vibrant. She taught me through example not to eat processed foods, soda or packaged anything. She always cooked home cooked meals every day with at least three sometimes four vegetables fresh from our garden. 
4. My children. They have been my biggest teachers.
5. My gurus and spiritual teachers.
6. My gifts, talents and abilities.
7. My vibrant health.
8. This beautiful abundant world and Universe.
9. My clients. I love you!
10. My successful business. 
11. My clients that are finding me now.
12. The beauty of nature.
13. All of my pets, dogs and cats.
14. My connection to all that is. 
15. My experience, wisdom and education.
16. My sense of humor.
17. The joy and inner peace that I experience each and every day.
18. Each and every breath that I breathe.
19. My dependable car and the great gas mileage it gets.

JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Texting - The End of Intimacy

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

We live in an age where everyone has a cell phone, even grandparents. We text instead of call and we call instead of visit in person. How long has it been since you and your best friend got together in person and looked each other in the eyes to talk? How easy is it to tell someone through a text that you are done with them? 

Teens are breaking up by texts, but they are not the only ones. Texting to me is the way to pretend to connect when we are not really wanting to. Texting gives the pretense of connection. But a text is not connecting. 

We are free disassociating. Teens don't answer their phones, we text our lovers, rather than call them in the morning and spend inordinate amounts of time on our computers. Where is the intimacy? Where is the connection? We are creating a society of humans with a fear of deep connection. Texting is creating a deep fear of intimacy.

You can't make love to a computer. You can't make love by a text. Sure you can get turned on by sexting, but again, that is dissociative behavior. We are separating instead of coming together. We are dividing instead of meeting. We need to see each other face-to-face to see the truth in each other's words. If we can't see a person's face, they could be lying through their teeth. When we speak in person, we can read a person's face and look into their eyes. We hear the intonation in their voice and we can tell if what they are saying is truth or lies. 

When we text as a means of communicating, we are not getting closer or staying connected. That is utter bull ***! We are lying to ourselves about what texting is. It is a disconnected means of communication in which we use it to continue to be disconnected rather than connected. Texting blocks intimacy. It allows us to be emotionally unavailable. 

For some texting allows connection to multiple people. It allows a person to date multiple people without much of a commitment in time or energy. It comes from fear. Rather than faith. I don't know about you, but I am giving up texting for the summer! 

Emotional Availability

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

It is easier to notice emotional unavailability in others than to notice it within ourselves. When we are able to point it out in others, it is time to look within. We rarely see issues in other people unless, we too have them within us. If you don't believe me it is time to book your cruise up Denial. (Not to be confused with the River Nile.)

Recognizing that we are emotionally unavailable can be difficult. We feel broken in some way, perhaps even shut down. Which is true. Being emotionally unavailable means that we are not able to connect deeply with another. In our relationships we have superficial affection and love, rather than deep connected and authentic love. We often blame others for our circumstances and have difficulty taking responsibility for our own part in situations.

I am a master at emotional unavailability because I was one of those who pointed it out in my husband and lovers. I know how difficult it was for me to recognize that I was emotionally unavailable. I had been on my healing journey for over 20 years when it hit me. I had it too!

Alcoholics, addicts and co-dependent people are emotionally unavailable. Take your pick I used to fit in all of the categories. 

I was married to a workaholic. I dated an alcoholic. I was a shopaholic. I battled a sugar addiction. I used to be extremely codependent. Actually, my sense is that most people deal with codependency at some point in their lives. We attract others that are emotionally unavailable. Our partners provide a mirror to our own soul, issues and trigger mechanisms. As infants we are extremely codependent. If we are not given the love, affection and acceptance in our childhood, we remain codependent as adults. When trauma occurs in childhood, we are often frozen emotionally in this place and time. Our inner child never matures. We continually go back to the point of trauma when we are triggered in our relationships. 

Being codependent means that you need another to feel fulfilled. Without a person or substance to fill the void that you feel inside emotionally, you can feel empty, broken, afraid or all of the above. You could fill that hole inside with work, shopping or food. Alcohol, pot, sugar, pain-killers, relationships, or even methamphetamine could be your drug of choice. Most humans have some form of addiction at some point in their lives. Being aware of it, rather than in denial is part of the healing. Taking responsibility for our part and recognizing we have the issue is a huge part of the process.

Before I began to heal from my own addictions and codependence, I was reactive in relationships and often depressed. I looked for a man to fill the void that I felt inside me. It never lasted long, because I continued to feel unhappy with life, myself and the world. 

Often we blame our bosses, co-workers or parents for where we are. If you are blaming anyone for anything right now, you are likely emotionally unavailable and probably codependent as well. You are in good company. Most movie stars, rock stars and famous people are the most needy. Just because people look beautiful on the outside does not mean that they are confident, self assured and strong on the inside.

When we love and accept ourselves, the codependence diminishes. Eventually we recognize that it is no longer present at all. We no longer feel lonely, afraid or in need of another to fill the void, because there is no void any more. We feel whole, complete, happy alone, no matter where we are. There is no longing for something to fill us, or complete us. We are already complete. 

For me, the process of healing began with the ending of my third marriage. In the ten years between marriages I worked diligently on myself. I studied, read, learned and evolved. I saw healers, chiropractors, acupuncturists, psychics, hypnotherapists and Reiki masters. I became a hypnotherapist, energy healer and deeply connected in the process of my healing. I experienced an awakening in 2012 that changed my life forever. This awakening changed my heart and filled me to overflowing. Loneliness, longing does not exist for me any longer. Instead, I live in peace, love and joy. 

The key to healing emotional unavailability is complete self acceptance and unconditional love of the self. This is what I help my clients with. I have done it myself. There was never anyone more emotionally broken, shattered, negative or codependent than me. If I can do it, so can you!

You cannot love yourself when you hold a baseball bat in one hand to beat yourself up with and a magnifying glass in the other to magnify all your faults. We all have faults and we all have a shadow side. Loving all those parts is what unconditional love is all about. Doing this on your own could take you a lifetime like it took me. Or you could ask for my help. The choice is yours.

One of the things that helped me was The Divine Presence Process Meditation. I did it daily, sometimes two or three times a day. I had mystical experiences during this time. On one such day, I climbed into bed in Boulder, Colorado for a nap and showed up on a pool deck my son, David was cleaning in Atlanta, Georgia. We are so much more than you realize. You have the power to fill this void. I would be delighted to assist and empower you to do so. http://youtu.be/8RNHrXoWWsc

Below are some ways to begin to open up, let go of fear and allow someone in:

1. Awareness of an issue shines light where darkness has been. Once you are aware, your issues can begin to change.
2. Tell your partner you are working on some deep issues. Ask for support in your growth process.
3. Know that you are not broken. Your heart closed up to protect you. When you feel safe enough you will begin to open and let down the walls.
4. Spend time in quiet, repose. Go within and forgive yourself. Self forgiveness is the first step in letting go of walls that divide you from deep authenticity. 
5. Use the Kahuna healing prayer and talk to your inner child envision your inner child and look them in their eyes while saying: I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you thank you.
6. Envision yourself hugging your inner child. You may cry. You may feel relief. 
7. Notice ways that you run away from conflict, deep conversations, and sexual intimacy. Pay attention to times that you begin to separate from conversations that feel too deep. Remind yourself to stay connected during love-making. Make eye contact with your partner instead of closing your eyes. Disassociation is common with sexual intimacy. Stay with your partner instead of separating from your body. 
8. Relax and breathe. Being in the present moment instead of focusing on the past and future will help you stay connected to what is going on in the now.
9. Develop deep trust with your partner with soulful communication. Being conscious, aware and connected, rather than busy with your cell phone, Internet, and television. All of these devices can increase separation from self and deepen emotional unavailability. Alcohol, drugs, and work are areas which we can avoid deep intimacy. Notice where you shut down using these things. 
10. Hire a coach that has healed these issues. A coach can provide insight into your patterns that create separation and avoidance. 

Jennifer is a life, love and sex coach, author of the forthcoming book: Orgasm For Life. She has healed codependency, emotional unavailability issues, Epstein Barr syndrome, Fibromyalgia and breast cancer. You can schedule a discovery session with Jennifer to see if you are a good fit for her work. E-mail her NOW!   Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

I Want A HIGHER LOVE!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You have done your work. You have created your vision of your dream relationship. 

Why has your dream relationship not shown up in your reality?

You know you can create your own reality. You hear it all the time. You begin to doubt that it is real because this magical relationship is still not showing up! Why is it taking so long?

There are many reasons why some manifestations take longer than others. Perhaps you have a lesson to learn that you have not learned yet. Perhaps you are desiring something that is so far beyond your energetic vibration at this point in time that you need to make specific changes within yourself to be able to bring it into reality. Or, you have doubts about the fact that it will really happen. 

Manifestation works. We do all the right things. We get present, we are connected to Source energy, centered in love. We envision it, we feel what it would feel like to have our dream come true, by experiencing the joy of having it. We really experience it to the point that we can taste it, smell it and it still doesn't happen. 

Usually the reason a manifestation does not come into our reality in what we think would be a reasonable time frame is because the changes have not happened in our energy field that would support this manifestation. What do I mean?

Let's take a Divine Relationships for example. We desire a healthy relationship. We have done considerable work on ourselves, we have meditated, done chanting, toning, cleared our energy field. We have studied, read, become positive and have even stopped throwing hand grenades at our ex. Why has it not arrived?

An orchestration must take place in The Universe for the perfect relationship to materialize. One of the things that we are responsible for is our own energy. If we want to create a HIGHER LOVE, we have to be THE HIGHER LOVE OURSELVES. We have to be sure that we have forgiven everyone, including ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our own finances, be good stewards of our money, love everyone, heal all our personal relationships even with those who are difficult, or we will not be able to energetically support what we are attempting to manifest. If we have not done sufficient work on ourselves it is time to take a closer look to see what is still hanging on. Is it anger? Is it resentment? Is it un-forgiveness? Are we looking for a man or woman who is of elevated consciousness yet we are still addicted to sugar, meth, or some other substance? Do we still have the need to be right all the time? Do we still try to control our family, feeling that we KNOW better than anyone else? If these things are showing up there is still more work to do.  

Perhaps we still have issues that we have to resolve with self acceptance. Are we in denial? Or it could be that we are unavailable emotionally. This is the biggest issue we have as humans. 

I have found the best way to break down this barrier that we build up to protect ourselves is by watching a program or movie that will cause you to cry, let go and grieve. My favorite program for releasing is Grey's Anatomy. Watching show after show and being able to let go and cry will help you to break down the barriers to intimacy that you have created to protect your heart. You cannot have a deep loving relationship when you have a solid block to love in your heart. This damn has to break. The best way to break it down is to cry. I am not talking about a few tears that roll down your face either. I am talking about slobbering, gut wrenching releasing. Something worth having is worth doing the work to get it.

The problem with most people today is that they are not willing to go the distance to get what they want. Most people are afraid. When you live in fear you can't attract a fearless love. The majority of the population don't want to do the work, but want what they want anyway. It can be difficult to get there on your own. You need to hire a coach who knows how to create intimacy, that loves themselves already.

If you are ready to break through the barriers come to mamma! I am the woman who can help you break through your tough shields you have put in place. I have done it and have helped others do it too. I will help you become fearless and clear the crap that continues to plague you and hold you back. You have got to be fearless and really want it. Don't be afraid to let it all out, you will feel so much better. 

To have it all you have to be able to risk it all. The kind of risk I am talking about is intimacy. Intimacy is not sex. Yes sex can be a part of intimacy but isn't always. Some people have sex and don't connect emotionally at all. Recreational sex, or sex with someone you barely know does not involve intimacy. Intimacy is about a deep emotional connection. You can be married or in a long-term committed relationship and not allow your spouse in completely. The best relationships are founded on deep connected intimacy. To have real intimacy you have to let go of all your fear of being hurt. Focusing on being hurt attracts someone who will feel as you do. You will create a relationship based on fear. It won't work and will not fulfill you. Relationships based on fear usually end up with one person cheating or betraying the other.

To have an open-heart relationship your heart has to be fully opened. To have a relationship where there is no cheating, you have to be completely honest with yourself and others. To have someone who loves and adores you, you must love and adore yourself. To have someone who is gererous with their love money and gifts, you must be generous with your love, money and gifts. You cannot long for your mate to show up, because that creates a state of lack. You have to act like he or she is already here. You have to make room in your closet for another person. You have to feel and be thankful for this person who is in your energy field.

Steps to Finding A HIGHER Love

1. Heal your heart by seeing the gift in the past.
2. Let go of anger.
3. Forgive everyone, including yourself.
4. Accept yourself completely.
5. Love yourself compassionately
6. Let go of control.
7. Let go of manipulation.
8. Let go of the need to be right.
9. Let go of perfectionism.
10. Be grateful for what you have.
11. Be completely happy with you.
12. When you fall in love with yourself you will attract another who loves and accepts you. You will be like a magnet. 
13. Write a list of 100 criteria that you want in your Divine Partner. 
14. Boil this list down to 10 must haves. 
15. Ask for this love to be delivered to you.
16. Say a prayer that you are ready for your Divine Partner to be sent to you. Do not have any doubts. Consider that it is done, say thank you. 
17. Feel this person around you. Feel what it feels like to have them in your life. Be grateful for this loving relationship. 

How long have you attempted to get this relationship on your own? How much longer are you willing to wait? Remember if you have not done the preparation work to raise your own vibration and clear your own energy, you will continue to attract the same kind of person you have been attracting up until now. Hire Jennifer to assist you clear your blocks to love, of yourself and another. She will help you deepen your intimacy in your current relationship and help you manifest your Divine Partner. She has done this successfully for her clients.

Jennifer is a self actualized and enlightened being. She is a master at manifesting love. She has cleared her own blocks to love and healed her self loathing, unworthiness and denial. She knows how to clear emotional unavailability and has helped thousands of people to clear their limiting beliefs and blocks. Working with and asking questions of an enlightened person speeds up the process of healing. E-mail Jennifer now to find out if you are a good match for her work. Order your FREE discovery session NOW!

How to Recognize Emotional Unavailability

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters, Saturday, July 27

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters happy in San Francisco 2013

Emotional unavailability has gotten a bad rap. How often have you heard a friend say that the man she is dating is emotionally unavailable? Or rather her husband is. It is so easy to recognize the signs in another person. What about ourselves? No....  it couldn't be...... that was my reaction when it happened to me.

Where does it come from? Why does it happen? 

Emotional unavailability is a symptom rather than a cause. It is an unconscious emotional response to trauma or emotional shock. It could occur during childhood molestation, or in an abusive relationship. Emotional unavailability is your unconscious mind protecting you to help you through a situation or relationship(s). 

If you find yourself in a relationship with a partner who is emotionally unavailable, you are unavailable emotionally as well. This is one of the biggest denials that we have as humans. So easy to spot in others, yet very difficult to see it in ourselves. If you continue to look for "the perfect partner" and have yet to find him, it is likely you have it as well.

The person who is emotionally unavailable cannot meet your emotional or physical needs and they may put you in harms way. They can use emotion as a weapon and become an abuser themselves. Below is a list of issues that you will find with someone who is emotionally unavailable, not all apply to everyone.

What Are The Characteristics of Emotional Unavailability

• Inconsistent. Don't say what they mean and do what they say. Do not follow through on what they say they will do.
• Avoid being direct. When questioned about feelings will avoid being clear.
• Deep meaningful subjects are avoided.
• Constantly looking for the "Perfect Partner" 
• Can be adrenaline junkies. Can have lots of friends in the same category.
• Inauthentic. Can have the "fake it till I make it" motto
• Difficulty with intimacy. You keep your eyes closed during sex.
• Can be in relationships, but have an emotional block like a garage door to protect themselves from being hurt. Feels like you can only go so far and then no further.
• Inauthentic, often hiding who they are from their partners, friends and others for fear they will be rejected if someone knew who they really were
• Tend to push people away often with words or anger.
• Can be serial monogamists, yet avoid deep emotional intimacy.
• Can avoid social or sexual contact altogether.
• Avoidance is a pattern throughout their lives.
• Lack of trust of self and ability to make healthy choices and decisions.

My Personal Discovery of Emotional Unavailability(A Gift From My Cat)

In Loving Memory

Magical Reiki Cat Lydia 2004-2013

We never know why things happen the way they do. It is not until after the fact that we can look from a different perspective and line up the dots to see the connection of everything that happens in our lives. This story is one of those that connects the dots beautifully.

When my son David, was born in London, England, I was in the middle of recognizing that my marriage was over. It took five more years to file for divorce, we were emotionally separated already. I was so bereft at this recognition I disconnected from my heart to be able to cope. My husband gave me two beautiful sons with amazing hearts and minds. At the time of David's birth, I was emotionally unavailable. I did not know it at the time. I was barely able to cope with life. I did not have a clue how I had closed my heart and certainly no idea when it happened.

David Gates and his beautiful wife, Ashley (b.f. wedding)

Fast forward 19 years to 2004. An amazing cat was gifted to my daughter Ariel and I. We had to drive to Murphy, North Carolina to get her. My spiritual mentor, Lynette Lindsey told me that this cat, (we named Lydia) was very special. I just didn't see it at the time. I didn't have a clue. I was just divorcing my 3rd husband who was abusive, but gave me my  gifted, beautiful daughter, Ariel. Ariel was born awake (conscious seeing spirits from birth and a natural channel). A rarity in this day and time. This daughter came to me through the angelic realm. I was told in advance I was going to have a daughter. That I needed to go through a cleansing process, fasting and detoxing to be able to carry her. I had no idea what I was in for. I was guided to get pregnant with this child even though I was not married. I wasn't supposed to marry her father (or was I?). I never thought I would ever wind up telling this amazing story, because I am not Virgin Mary. I was told I could not have another child - yet she came anyway. I nearly died, as did Ariel in the process, but here we both are today giving our gifts to the world.

For Heaven Scapes crew, 2006
Adam & David Gates, Jennifer and Ariel Resuta

Lydia was later named the "Reiki Cat" because she would sit on her hind legs and perform "Reiki" on whoever needed it at the time. I was the one that received the bulk of her special gifts. What I did not know was the depth of her love and service to me. I also did not know then  that she had a human soul within her. Yes, sometimes human souls give up an incarnation to be in service to us mere humans to teach us something other humans cannot possibly achieve. It is rare. But so is this story.

I adamantly refused to take this cat. I already had two cats, had just experienced tremendous financial difficulties with my husband, Rich.  We were in the going through a long legal battle of divorce and custody. I was just scraping by in the winter with my landscaping business. What I didn't need was another mouth to feed.

Lydia the Magic Cat - 2013

Lynette was certain that this cat was magical and I had to have her. It seemed no matter how I tried, there was a status quo in my menagerie. I always seemed to balance best with four pets. Either two dogs and two cats, or three cats and a dog. I had just buried our Siamese cat Mei Ling after 15 years and was beginning to be comfortable with fewer pets. I wasn't even trying to find another animal and one showed up all on its own. Status Quo, balance is always achieved on its own.

Ariels' father had just moved out after 11 years together. He would have interceded if he was still with us. We clearly did not 'need ' another animal. We drove up to Murphy, North Carolina to get this cat I didn't want, because my spiritual mentor insisted there was something there for us. Little did I know just how accurate Lynette was.

Lydia was so tiny she fit comfortably in Ariel's 7-year-old hand. The two of them nestled together in the front seat of my truck and slept the entire way back to Atlanta. Lydia and Ariel played together, and eventually the other cats accepted her as well.

Lydia performed Reiki on anyone she felt needed it. She would sit on her hind legs and bring her two front paws together moving them in a circular motion. When she wanted outside she sat facing the door doing Reiki on it. As often as not, the door magically opened and out she would go, very matter of factly. There was no doubt that this cat was special. I just didn't know how special until her life was coming to a close.
Lydia survived 11 moves in 9 years, including two long distance moves from Georgia to Boulder, Colorado and Colorado to California. In my journey to find peace and happiness, I moved a lot. Once I found it, I began to follow my internal guidance. During the 9 years we had Lydia she became the matriarch of our household. She was the boss-lady of our animals. She could stop another cat leaping to my desk with an evil glare. Lydia had the place of honor on my desk where I worked.

Cats absorb negativity. The more negativity they absorb the faster they use up their lives. They help us heal. Lydia joined us in the middle of one divorce and saw me through my marriage and quick divorce to a gay man. He was trying desperately to be "normal." It is difficult to hide for long when married to a psychic medium and channel with a channel for a daughter. Lydia absorbed my pain and suffering when I was finally fully vested in a marriage.

Lydia's real purpose was the healing of my emotional unavailability. Healing happens in stages. Each epiphany takes you to a higher plane.  I had awakened in 2012, while living in Boulder, Colorado. Being awakened or enlightened does not mean that there is no more room for healing, it does however change a lot. Fear falls away. You become vastly more centered without any separation from you and God. You are able to live in the moment instead of the past and future. You are not triggered by every little thing. When someone tells you that you have an issue, you look at it without balking or getting angry or upset. People can critique you without your feeling offended. You consider what was said and feel if there is truth to it. If there is you make appropriate changes. You stop taking things so personally and see situations more globally. Your ego quiets down and guidance is much stronger. Mind chatter ceases and denial has falls away. You become completely honest about yourself and your faults and lovingly accept them all. You are okay with yourself as you are. In fact, you really love yourself fully.

Personally, I believe all cats and dogs are already enlightened. After all dog is God spelled backwards. Lydia sat on my desk day in and day out purring while I talked with and cleared my clients. She lay on my books and purred all day long. She was my healing cat. She did as much work on clients as I did. She also absorbed negativity. Her body looked like that of a 22 year-old kitty, not one of only 9 years.

About three months ago, Lydia sat on my lap and pointed out (through visions she placed in my mind) that when she arrived in our household, I was recovering from my divorce from Ariel's father. I was unavailable emotionally. She helped me connect the dots. Throughout her life with us she tried to get me to connect deeply with her, like I did with our other animals. What she helped me recognize is that because she came into our household while I was emotionally unavailable that pattern existed within me even now in my interaction with her. She also helped me see that my relationship with David (my middle) child was similar. Since David was conceived during a last ditch attempt to save my marriage with his father, David arrived at a time when I was completely emotionally unavailable. David had a challenging childhood. As my interaction with him through his life continued to be one of emotional detachment. I was not able to see this until several events occurred which opened a door to my unconscious mind. Lydia was instrumental in helping me to connect the dots between both divorces and relationships with both Lydia and David. Even though Lydia showed up in animal form, our relationships with our pets mirror those of our children. Depending on when a child is conceived, our relationship reflects where we are in our lives and what healing has occurred.

Emotional unavailability is our unconscious mind's way of providing protection when we are going through challenges emotionally. It is not something that we do consciously. We don't say, I will tune out so that I can handle these life events. It happens automatically to protect us.

Divorce is one of the biggest life events that we can go through, likened to a death. We go through a grieving process, denial & isolation, anger, bargaining, depression/sadness, acceptance and often start all over again. Emotional unavailability is a component of coping with the sadness and loss that divorce brings. Recovering and opening your heart again is a conscious choice that involves recognition that you have been unavailable emotionally. Until there is an awareness that you have closed your heart  nothing can be done to change it. It does not magically open or dissipate in spite of you. Recognition is the first step. Acknowledging that you are now safe and the issues no longer exist will help. Letting go of fear of having your heart broken is something that must occur if you are to have a deep and lasting connection with someone. Learning to trust yourself is the foundation for this healing to occur.

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a Self Love coach helping women open their hearts to love and live authentically. Jennifer is a healed healer, self-actualized and enlightened, living happily and authentically. The more you love yourself the more others love you also. Love Yourself Fearlessly is Jennifer's catchphrase. When you love yourself fearlessly others are magnetized to you. Money and earning power increases, because money is also magnetized to you. Money is the same energy as LOVE. Oh YA! If you are having difficulty finding a partner, being happy with life or you, contact Jennifer now. If she can do it - you can too! Check out Jennifer's book:  Odyssey Victim to Victory

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