Emotional Availability

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

It is easier to notice emotional unavailability in others than to notice it within ourselves. When we are able to point it out in others, it is time to look within. We rarely see issues in other people unless, we too have them within us. If you don't believe me it is time to book your cruise up Denial. (Not to be confused with the River Nile.)

Recognizing that we are emotionally unavailable can be difficult. We feel broken in some way, perhaps even shut down. Which is true. Being emotionally unavailable means that we are not able to connect deeply with another. In our relationships we have superficial affection and love, rather than deep connected and authentic love. We often blame others for our circumstances and have difficulty taking responsibility for our own part in situations.

I am a master at emotional unavailability because I was one of those who pointed it out in my husband and lovers. I know how difficult it was for me to recognize that I was emotionally unavailable. I had been on my healing journey for over 20 years when it hit me. I had it too!

Alcoholics, addicts and co-dependent people are emotionally unavailable. Take your pick I used to fit in all of the categories. 

I was married to a workaholic. I dated an alcoholic. I was a shopaholic. I battled a sugar addiction. I used to be extremely codependent. Actually, my sense is that most people deal with codependency at some point in their lives. We attract others that are emotionally unavailable. Our partners provide a mirror to our own soul, issues and trigger mechanisms. As infants we are extremely codependent. If we are not given the love, affection and acceptance in our childhood, we remain codependent as adults. When trauma occurs in childhood, we are often frozen emotionally in this place and time. Our inner child never matures. We continually go back to the point of trauma when we are triggered in our relationships. 

Being codependent means that you need another to feel fulfilled. Without a person or substance to fill the void that you feel inside emotionally, you can feel empty, broken, afraid or all of the above. You could fill that hole inside with work, shopping or food. Alcohol, pot, sugar, pain-killers, relationships, or even methamphetamine could be your drug of choice. Most humans have some form of addiction at some point in their lives. Being aware of it, rather than in denial is part of the healing. Taking responsibility for our part and recognizing we have the issue is a huge part of the process.

Before I began to heal from my own addictions and codependence, I was reactive in relationships and often depressed. I looked for a man to fill the void that I felt inside me. It never lasted long, because I continued to feel unhappy with life, myself and the world. 

Often we blame our bosses, co-workers or parents for where we are. If you are blaming anyone for anything right now, you are likely emotionally unavailable and probably codependent as well. You are in good company. Most movie stars, rock stars and famous people are the most needy. Just because people look beautiful on the outside does not mean that they are confident, self assured and strong on the inside.

When we love and accept ourselves, the codependence diminishes. Eventually we recognize that it is no longer present at all. We no longer feel lonely, afraid or in need of another to fill the void, because there is no void any more. We feel whole, complete, happy alone, no matter where we are. There is no longing for something to fill us, or complete us. We are already complete. 

For me, the process of healing began with the ending of my third marriage. In the ten years between marriages I worked diligently on myself. I studied, read, learned and evolved. I saw healers, chiropractors, acupuncturists, psychics, hypnotherapists and Reiki masters. I became a hypnotherapist, energy healer and deeply connected in the process of my healing. I experienced an awakening in 2012 that changed my life forever. This awakening changed my heart and filled me to overflowing. Loneliness, longing does not exist for me any longer. Instead, I live in peace, love and joy. 

The key to healing emotional unavailability is complete self acceptance and unconditional love of the self. This is what I help my clients with. I have done it myself. There was never anyone more emotionally broken, shattered, negative or codependent than me. If I can do it, so can you!

You cannot love yourself when you hold a baseball bat in one hand to beat yourself up with and a magnifying glass in the other to magnify all your faults. We all have faults and we all have a shadow side. Loving all those parts is what unconditional love is all about. Doing this on your own could take you a lifetime like it took me. Or you could ask for my help. The choice is yours.

One of the things that helped me was The Divine Presence Process Meditation. I did it daily, sometimes two or three times a day. I had mystical experiences during this time. On one such day, I climbed into bed in Boulder, Colorado for a nap and showed up on a pool deck my son, David was cleaning in Atlanta, Georgia. We are so much more than you realize. You have the power to fill this void. I would be delighted to assist and empower you to do so. http://youtu.be/8RNHrXoWWsc

Below are some ways to begin to open up, let go of fear and allow someone in:

1. Awareness of an issue shines light where darkness has been. Once you are aware, your issues can begin to change.
2. Tell your partner you are working on some deep issues. Ask for support in your growth process.
3. Know that you are not broken. Your heart closed up to protect you. When you feel safe enough you will begin to open and let down the walls.
4. Spend time in quiet, repose. Go within and forgive yourself. Self forgiveness is the first step in letting go of walls that divide you from deep authenticity. 
5. Use the Kahuna healing prayer and talk to your inner child envision your inner child and look them in their eyes while saying: I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you thank you.
6. Envision yourself hugging your inner child. You may cry. You may feel relief. 
7. Notice ways that you run away from conflict, deep conversations, and sexual intimacy. Pay attention to times that you begin to separate from conversations that feel too deep. Remind yourself to stay connected during love-making. Make eye contact with your partner instead of closing your eyes. Disassociation is common with sexual intimacy. Stay with your partner instead of separating from your body. 
8. Relax and breathe. Being in the present moment instead of focusing on the past and future will help you stay connected to what is going on in the now.
9. Develop deep trust with your partner with soulful communication. Being conscious, aware and connected, rather than busy with your cell phone, Internet, and television. All of these devices can increase separation from self and deepen emotional unavailability. Alcohol, drugs, and work are areas which we can avoid deep intimacy. Notice where you shut down using these things. 
10. Hire a coach that has healed these issues. A coach can provide insight into your patterns that create separation and avoidance. 

Jennifer is a life, love and sex coach, author of the forthcoming book: Orgasm For Life. She has healed codependency, emotional unavailability issues, Epstein Barr syndrome, Fibromyalgia and breast cancer. You can schedule a discovery session with Jennifer to see if you are a good fit for her work. E-mail her NOW!   Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Suicide and Self Sabotage

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Sometimes life blind-sides you with challenges you are not prepared to face. A teenager is prescribed codeine for a health issue and unbeknownst to the parents and doctor, he mixes his medical prescription with alcohol and other street drugs. The end result is tragic, an overdose and a 17 year old is pronounced brain dead.

What some of you don't know about me is that long before I became a love and sex coach, I was a hypnotist and an energy healer. I have performed thousands of energy clearings for people I barely know. Today some of the issues I clear people for are drug addiction, alcohol addiction, fears, nightmares and insomnia. I clear people who are fighting with their mother-in-laws. I clear the chords from women who have been jilted by their lovers, so that they can move on. I also clear people who are schizophrenic and on medication for schizophrenia and are healed through two or three sessions. I clear people for money and love issues and lack of success.

Sometimes, I clear people for curses, voodoo and suicide. I have been doing this work for almost 15 years. I know my clearings work because my clients come back and talk to me about the fact that they no longer want to be dead, or take street drugs or pain killers. They are so much happier! Most people report that they feel lighter, focused and their depression and insomnia is gone in one session. Others have more challenging aspects and have past lives with people that are now their children. One such man could not stand the sound of his daughter's voice. We discovered that they had fallen in love with the same woman in a past-life and killed each other, dying on top of one another after a sword fight. 

For this man, I had to clear his soul parts that were left inside his daughter's body and vise versa. Once I did this, her voice no longer set his teeth on edge and she listened and did as she was told, when he asked her to go to bed, or get off the computer. Before the clearing they were constantly at war with one another. Sound crazy? It is not.

David Gates and Ray

Last week my daughter and I visited Boulder and Denver Colorado. Our primary goal was to spend my son's, (David Gates) 30th birthday together. 

Ariel spent time with friends she had not seen in a long time. She spent considerable time with her dearest friend, I will call Sienna, at her Boulder apartment. Sienna did not like to be alone and always had house-guests. Ariel was welcomed by her. She was awaiting the return of her boyfriend from New York where he was staying with his parents. Gregory (name changed for his protection) had overdosed three times and had been in rehab with his younger brother. While the girls were together he became ill with mononucleosis, a common ailment for a teen. I heard about him being sick from Ariel. On the drive home from Colorado on Sunday night, my daughter received a message from another friend who told her that Sienna's boyfriend only had 24 hours to live. I thought it strange that they knew how long he would be alive. I wondered how this could be?

Sienna tended to be overly dramatic, so we did not think too much about it during our 16 hour drive. Upon our return to California, Ariel got on Facebook and discovered that Sienna's boyfriend indeed took an overdose and was on life support. His condition was grave. His doctors pronounced him brain dead. He would be removed from the respirator the following day, Monday. This news alone was enough to throw Ariel into a tail spin. However, the situation became worse when Sienna was boarding a plane for New York and told Ariel she intended to kill herself. She could not face living without Gregory. 

They had been together on and off for 3 years . They were best-friends. Sienna had been on her own since her early teens and had little parental support or guidance. She had been gang raped in a church at age 11 and forced to inhale cocaine by her six rapists. Her parents were not aware of their child's addiction to cocaine until years later. A drug addict at age 11, her life only became more complicated and challenging as her father was incarcerated for dealing drugs. Her brother committed suicide and her father attempted suicide in 2013. Sienna's mother was absent by marriage and not available for support. My daughter told me Sienna had 11 failed suicide attempts. One of which, I was aware of, a year ago. Ariel was distraught when Sienna vanished and shut her phone off. She was found at that time by the police through the help of a friend. She was not happy about it.

I have had more than 5 clients who were suicidal and regular clearings helped to stabalize them permanently. I had recently cleared a man who had a voodoo curse put on him who was also suicidal. I had very good success clearing these issues. 

Although this story sounds outrageous and like a fantasy, I assure you it is not. I had several choices. I could do nothing, or step in and ask my guides if I could clear Sienna for suicidal programming. I clear people every day, and have faith that it is done. I hear back from my clients about how their lives have changed and have testimonials to prove it on my website. I weighed the possible outcomes. I knew that if I did nothing there was an over 90% chance that Sienna would kill herself. There was a tremendous amount of dark energy around her and I could feel her boyfriend pulling on her heartstrings to encourage her to join him. I could not sit idly by and allow this child to die. My guides and angels assisted and supported me through the clearing.

I spent several hours working on Sienna and cleared 30 past lifetimes where she had committed suicide. When there are many lifetimes of suicidal programming, people have a tendency to repeat it again in a subsequent lifetime. It becomes almost a given that their life without a clearing will end in a suicide. 

I cleared the chords and webs between Sienna and her boyfriend. I sent him to the light. I also cleared all the thought forms, votices and portals, attached energy and all demonics from her soul. Sienna had several disembodied spirits attached to her, which kept her addicted and depressed. They also made her feel very afraid. I would not be surprised if she also had night terrors. Ariel had informed me that her friend had insomnia. Attachments can cause insomnia.

I asked the legions of healing angels to make the clearing immediate, as sometimes it takes up to five days to completely assimilate. This morning I did a maternal and paternal clearing which detached all her parents' karma from her as well as all chords and many other negative issues tied to her parents. 

There was complete radio and phone silence between Ariel and Sienna for almost 30 hours. I continued to pray for her safety. Ariel and I also prayed for a miracle to occur. An hour ago, I heard from Ariel that Sienna is back on Facebook and there was no mention of her killing herself or feeling that she could no longer live without her boyfriend. I am grateful for the gifts that I have and that I was able to help this child out. My daughter was very grateful today.

Ariel, Adam, David and Jennifer Flagstaff Mtn. Boulder, Colorado

She expressed a happier attitude and was less stressed and worried about her friend when she awoke. 

Energy clearings can lift your spirits, help you feel more centered, calm and more positive. Most people express that they sleep like a hibernating bear after one of my clearings and that their mind chatter is quiet. I offer past life readings (Akashic Records) and clearing for the past life issues. I am centered in the Light and use Source energy, The Ascended Masters and angels also assist me. 

You can check out my new website here at http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com to book your private session either for an energy clearing or Akashic Records consultation you can e-mail me: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com