Thursday, December 19, 2013
Will The Truth Set You Free?
By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Several times I took phone calls from Shelly and incidents occurred that made me stop and think. Once I locked my keys in my car while on the phone with her. This cost me time and money. I was late picking up my daughter because of it. On another occasion, I took a phone call from Shelley when I was parking my brand new car, and scuffed the side of it while parking. Most recently, I received a text from her and got into an accident while glancing at the phone. The calls were intrusive. They were far too frequent. Her energy was abrasive. I was filling a gap for her because she did not have a lot of friends or family to reach out to. It is not our job to be everything to everybody.
If your other responsibilities suffer because of what you give, the relationship is out of balance. If the cost of the relationship is too high, the relationship is not serving you. If you help them with the same situation over and over and they don't learn, you are not helping them.
I gave money to Shelly when times were tough for her, even when I was struggling. As a channel and a psychic, I did readings and channeling professionally. Almost every time we were on the phone together, Shelly would ask me, "So tell me something good." I felt I was being taken advantage of and put on the spot. It felt like a time in my childhood when my mother would ask me to perform and play the piano for her friends. I felt like a trick pony. It made my energy dip, I felt bad. Even though I mentioned I didn't like having to do these mini readings every time we talked, she kept asking. My boundaries were being crossed with regularity. I was enabling and part of the problem.
Shelly continued to have difficulties with money, even though she made decent money in her job. She had few expenses (no car, no utilities and no debts) and shopped at REI when she got paid. I didn't shop at REI. She asked me if I could put money on her debit card so she could eat. I did so several times. I gave her hundreds of dollars over the last four years in addition to spending thousands with her on artwork and graphics.
I created work when I didn't have any, just to give her something to do to earn some money. When I asked for a book cover to be created, she retorted angrily, "Well I can't do it for free!" I found that strange, because I kept my professional requests professional and paid her for the work she did for me. In addition, I "gave" her money in between. I assured her I would pay her for the book cover and commented I was surprised at her angry retort about payment. I paid for the artwork she did for me. I did not ask for her to do work for free. It was strange that she felt she was being taken advantage of.
Shelly tended to think negatively when things in her life did not turn out the way she planned. She often spiraled downward when she could not get what she wanted. I supported her through these spirals and did free clearings for her when she did. I coached her and tried to help her see the patterns that kept repeating in her life. I helped her with one pattern more times than I could count. She was not ready to heal it. She lived in self pity most of the time.
She called me sometimes three times a day. When I had to get off the phone she seemed hurt, and took things personally. She continued to ask me when she was going to meet her partner and what was around the corner. Always asking, "Tell me something good!" when I said I needed to go. I told her briefly most recently, "You are alive!" I was not charging for these mini readings. I knew I needed to set boundaries and stop the mini readings at the end of the phone calls. I was trying to be nice and kind to my friend who was having such a difficult time. Meanwhile, while I was giving to her generously, it took away from other business matters of my own. There was a double standard in our relationship. She wanted it both ways, to get free readings and clearings, to be paid well for her work AND have me donate to her cause regularly and generously. There was imbalance in the relationship.
The recent accident, the keys locked in my car and the scuff as I was parking were all signs that something was amiss. She was my friend, but she was clearly an anchor. I was being shown that this relationship did not support me. I was trying to hang onto a relationship that clearly did not support me. I continued to put aside the signs until the volume was cranked up so loud I could not any more.
The universe gave me an opportunity to see the situation very clearly. Shelly asked me to help her buy a car last week and all the dots were connected for me. She said it was okay if I couldn't contribute, but did not call me again when I did not transfer money. The truth became very obvious to me. I had to let go.
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