Why Some Marriages Are Sexless

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

For those living in a sexless marriage, touch, snuggling, kissing and even hugging are things of the past. Rejection, frustration, abandonment and a feeling of being unloved permeate these marriages.  How do so many marriages end up with sex taken off the table, never mind out of the bedroom?

Both men and women can be rejected in sexless marriages. Having been in one myself for a short while, I feel tremendous compassion for you. A marriage that is considered sexless if you have sex no more than 10 times in a year. Approximately 15 to 20% of couples define themselves as being in a sexless marriage.

Newsweek stated that married couples have sex just over 68 times a year or 6.9 times more per year than single people or those who have never been married. 

Your relationship may seem normal and happy from the outside, you've raised your children, you may even vacation together, but when sex isn't happening once a week, couples begin to snipe at one another, or feel resentful and angry. 

What Is The Problem?

Each couple may have a different source for the disconnect. These are some of the reasons one party doesn't want to be sexually intimate with the other.

1. They don't like sex. 
2. They don't like sex with the opposite sex but can't tell you, as they are too ashamed. The lie they are living is too hard to tell you. Many people marry the opposite sex because it is what is expected either from religion, culture or society. The coverup continues because of guilt, fear or shame. Have you noticed how older women and men are coming out after being married for years? Some have the courage to do so, while others are too afraid of losing family connection, so they keep their homosexuality under wraps.
3. They fear intimacy. Most people have no idea that they fear intimacy. A fear of intimacy required counseling, coaching, and encouragement to break through. A fear of intimacy won't go away without some effort, negotiation and professional help. Spiritually Bonded Intimacy will help you.
4. They don't like the person you have become or that they have gotten to know. We have to like each other to want to have sex regularly with them. Perhaps you have done something they don't like, you don't smell good, aren't clean enough, or just aren't what or the type of person they are attracted to today.
5. After childbirth, many women feel they have done their duty and don't feel sexual, sexy or attractive. Sex can become a chore. Some women find sex something to be feared because they don't want to become pregnant again. 
6. Menopause can cause challenges and symptoms that make sex too uncomfortable and they aren't motivated enough to do something about it. There are bioidentical hormones, ThermiVa a non-surgical laser treatment that increases collagen, elasticity, youthfulness as well as moisture in the vagina. 
7. They are shut down emotionally. Sexual abuse from childhood can cause both men and women to have issues with sex later in life. The issue of molestation doesn't go away when you ignore it. Get some coaching with someone like me that has healed the trauma of sexual abuse. Or visit a Tantra class. 
8. They have low self-esteem. Self-esteem when healthy includes a healthy self-image and positive feelings about sex. When we don't feel good about ourselves, we may feel uncomfortable and unsexy when naked. Low self-esteem can be remedied and is the foundational work that I do for my clients.
9. They are depressed. Depression and antidepressants remove the desire for sex. Get help for your depression. I do clearings for people that alleviate this issue. 

Don't Ignore This Issue It Won't Go Away

I married a man after dating for six months, he was all in a rush to get married. He hid the fact that he preferred men from me. He wasn't out of the closet, in fact after we divorced, he married another woman because his religion didn't allow homosexuality. I wrote an article about how homosexual men still marry women to keep their secret safe from their church, family, friends and their professional career. The truth is that God doesn't make mistakes. If you are born homosexual, there was no mistake. We are meant to learn from this lifetime. Perhaps your gift in this life is to learn how to be more loving of yourself no matter what. 


We need to know someone well before we commit to marriage. Often we are so focused on the getting married part that we ignore the red flags we see along the way to the wedding. A marriage is much more than friendship. Marriage is friendship with benefits. If you don't plan on having sex after the marriage, don't get married. 

The bottom line is that living in a sexless marriage is like being on board a ship full of dead bodies. There was beauty there once, but not anymore. It feels dead, disconnected and cold in a sexless marriage. Sex helps to keep a couple connected, intimate so that they can talk about anything. When we aren't having sex regularly communication breaks down, and a wall is created that keeps us apart, segregated and feeling isolated. 

Negativity comes in filling the void which eventually feels like you are not in a marriage at all but just roommates. Marriage is a loving connection between two people which involves a commitment to be sexual, close and connected. A sexless marriage isn't loving. Get some help now! Your problems won't go away by ignoring them. 

Audible: Orgasm For Life narrated and written by yours truly!

Read my book Orgasm For Life a clearly written guide to deep intimacy, connection, compassion, and understanding what your partner needs. Orgasm For Life is an in-depth look at oral, touch, G-spot, orgasm and communicating about sex without embarrassment or angst. This book will turn you on, power you up and bring light into areas of darkness. It is humorous and written with compassion for both sexes.


Sources:

30 Odd Sexless Marriage Statistics

WebMed Are You In A Sexless Marriage?

Definition of A Sexless Marriage

Are You Avoiding Life?

As an observer of life, I watch men and women. I watch couples interact as well as single people. Recently, I have been astounded at the absence of mindfulness in the men I have encountered. Two men, let doors slam in my face as I entered the buildings after them. I talked to those men and this is what I found.

Both men were terribly distracted. When I brought their actions, gently to their attention, they were both very apologetic and told me that they didn't realize what they had done till afterward. One was going through a divorce and clearly had other things on his mind, he later asked me out on Facebook. I declined. 

The second one was married. He made excuses. It was his cell phone, his computer, texting.... I asked him if he treated his wife with such disregard he said sheepishly, "No." I know this can't be true. I asked if they were still having sex? He looked surprised at my question. I told him if he was so absent-minded and disconnected during his day, he was most likely missing the boat with his sexual encounters as well.

As You Do One Thing Is How You Do Everything

If you are not present during your work day, you will not be present at home with your wife and family either. 

If you are aggressive on the road and cut women off, rather than let them go ahead of you, you will also be aggressive in your relationship with women.

If you are shut down to the idea of sex and being intimate with your partner, you are also shut down emotionally for yourself and life. You will not be experiencing life to it's fullest potential. 

Cluttered Home - Cluttered Mind - Cluttered Body

Is your home cluttered with collections, magazines, newspaper and mail? If so, you are an emotional hoarder. You have difficulty letting go of the past, you will continue to be angry about things when it is more than beyond the time you need to let it go and move on. 

If your home is cluttered, your car is probably also. As you do one thing, is how you do everything.

A woman I have worked with complaints about her husband hanging on to magazines, books, and newspapers. Yet, she also has stacks of magazines, a slew of clutter on her bathroom counter top and oodles of unworn brand new clothes in her closet. The very things we criticize our partners for are our own issues as well. Look inside rather than pointing fingers at others.

If your home is cluttered, you most likely need to do a colon cleanse. Read my previous article about digestive hoarding. Digestive issues can kill you. 

Get your digestive tract cleansed and let go of all that crap stuck inside of you. Emotional issues will also be released. A colon cleanse cleanses more than just the body, it also cleanses the mind, emotions and raises your energetic vibration. Think about it this way, all those meals you have eaten over the years with food additives and undigested foods are stuck in the colon, making absorption next to impossible. You are literally starving to death as we speak due to your body's inability to completely digest your food.

Holding Hands And Kissing

Are you affectionate with your partner? If not, why not? Most people that are not affectionate with their partners are also not kind and loving with themselves. The more kind and nurturing you are with you, the more in touch with your partner you will also be. You can't expect someone to want to have sex with you, if you don't express love to them or yourself. 

Sex for women is an emotional experience, but it begins in the mind. We can't have sex with our men when you are being an ass, or have forgotten our birthday, anniversary or are just plain disconnected. Kiss your partner. Act like you care. Be present. Tell her or him how beautiful they are - often.

How To Be Present When You Are As Disconnected As A Lamp

I understand feeling disconnected. When I was first starting my healing path, I was absent-minded, fragmented, living in the past and the future and an emotional landmine. I reacted at the drop of a hat. I felt more than a little crazy. Considering what I went through in my childhood, none of that is outrageous. Be patient with yourself. Follow my steps for becoming present, mindful and connected to who you truly are, an amazing, loving, kind and gentle person. Loving kindness is the core of who you are. Breathe that in. Love is your soul essence. Consider giving yourself some compassion along the way, in turn we all become more compassionate with others when we are compassionate with ourselves.

1. Breathe Deeply. The fastest way to get back into your body and get grounded is to breathe deeply. Most people are barely breathing. When you breathe shallowly, you are not affirming life. Affirm life. Breathe in slowly. Exhale slowly and completely. Feel the aliveness in your body when you do. There is nothing to be afraid of. This is you. Breathe in the love. Breathe in the present. Breathe in life.
2. Silence. Sit is complete silence twice a day beginning with 10 minutes. You don't have to sit in the Lotus position, cross-legged. Sit up straight. Breathe. Turn your eyes upward towards the ceiling to shut down the mind chatter. Then close them. With your eyelids shut, turn your eyeballs upwards towards your hairline. This will keep your mind quiet. Shut off your television. Shut off your cell phone. "Oh my God! Shut off the cell phone, what if someone wants to reach me?" They will call back or leave a message. It is okay. Many people are afraid to be alone with themselves in quiet. I promise you, your life will improve when you begin to revel in the silence every day. 
3. Connect. Go outside, walk out in nature. Connect with the earth. Nature, plants, trees, birds will help you recognize your
   
   own Divinity within. Walk barefoot. Touch or hug a tree. Ask the tree to take away your burdens. Then say thank you when it does. Trees have a consciousness and will communicate with you. They love it when we talk to them. Sounds crazy? I certainly don't care what others think of me, you shouldn't either. 
4. Notice. Begin to notice what you are thinking, saying and feeling. Noticing is called raising your awareness. Do your best to stay positive, think positively. As with anything new, it takes practice to train your brain to be positive. When you do it
   
   consistently, you will feel happier, life will be easier. We create with our thoughts. Make your world a better place by thinking lovingly about you and everyone around you.
5. Feel Your Feelings Fully. Most of us try to run away from our feelings. We do this with exercise, work, sex, alcohol, drugs, spending and food. Running away from our feelings keeps us stuck in denial and trapped in the past. We have to feel our feelings fully, sitting with what we have coming up and allow the feelings to pass through us. Running away is avoidance of reality, life and what is. I know I did this for years. I was an expert at avoidance. You cannot be fully present for sex, love or any part of a relationship if you cannot be present with yourself and feel fully.

When we are disconnected from ourselves, we are also disconnected from our partners. Our conversations are shallow and meaningless. Sex takes on a cursory note - lifeless as if going through the motions. We don't show up for our kids fully present, we don't work to our best ability and we don't succeed in life when we are

not fully present. 

Living life to the fullest means turning all the lights on, igniting our soul, living in our passion - fully alive in every breath. I want this for you. Living in a state of gratitude for what we have now allows us to appreciate life more, it is how I live my life. 

Meaningful and Thriving

Life is more meaningful when you are fully present. Your conversations mean something to the people you connect with. Sexual encounters are amazing when you are fully present, connected to yourself and your partner in the moment. Your partner notices that you are fully present - there with them, fully, attentive, feeling everything actively, rather than thinking about what we want to say to make our point instead. 

When we are not in our bodies, we are afraid of who we are. We are afraid of feeling our emotions fully. We shy away from deep connections and eye contact. We are not being true to ourselves or our partners when we are disconnected from ourselves. If you liked this article, please comment below, or share it with a friend. I appreciate you being here. I love you! Thank you to all of you have been following me and reading my blogs. To the Russian people, our ancestors are from a similar family tree. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters has been on her personal healing journey for over 30 years. Her own awakening changed her life in so many positive ways. She shares her knowledge, compassion and understanding with you, her clients. To receive your personal one-on-one discovery session of 40 minutes, e-mail Jennifer now, to see if her work is a good fit for your growth process. 

If you have struggled with relationships and life and are tired of going it alone, Jennifer will give you the support, impetus, and tools to support your journey and empower you along the way. You will find your passion when you work with Jennifer. Jennifer is a gifted catalyst, who's voice heals. She uses six different modalities to help her clients clear, shift and eliminate baggage, depression, sadness, suicide programs and addictions. Her books are available on Amazon.com

15 Ways To Light Your Life On Fire

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Living a spiritual life has created such joy for me. People ask me what I do that makes me so happy with my life every day while many people complain about not being happy with their lives. Some are even disinterested in sex. My assertion is that many people are disconnected from themselves, their partners and their issues. Avoidance has become a way of life for many. If you want to set your heart, life and relationship on fire, read this article completely and make some changes. 

Life throws us curve balls, challenges and lots of changes. The way we navigate our individual journey changes over time. After we have experienced different types of loss, financial hardship, the death of loved ones and life-threatening illness, we begin to make changes in the way we live our life. The more wasteful we are with our energy, time and talents, the less joy and fulfilment we experience. Here are 15 ways people fritter their precious energy and time away. Changing these can return to you life-force, joy and even that elusive happiness.

1. Minimize television. The average person will waste nine years of their life sitting in front of the "boob tube." There is a reason that phrase was coined. We sit in a vegetative state of avoidance and disconnection while watching television or movies. There is no greater time waster than watching television, not to mention the negative impact many of the shows have on our psyche. While sitting on the couch, there is little connection, conversation, touching or hugging going on. If sex happens while the t.v. is on, it is a quick disconnected blow-job or pure friction sex without meaning. Is this what you want for your relationship? Instead, spend time in face-to-face conversation with loved ones. Eat at the dinner table with the television off. Don't have a television in your bedroom. Instead get outside in nature as much as possible, connect with the earth.

The Truth Is In The Statistics

Number of Americans who say they watch too much television: 49%. Number of Americans who watch t.v. while eating dinner: 67%. Number of videos rented daily in the US: 6 million. The average youth spends 900 hours in school, 1,200 hours watching television and witnesses 150,000 violent acts by age 18. Gives you something to think about when the rate of violence continues to escalate. More Telling Statistics About Television

The number of troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of women killed by current or ex-male partners during 2001 and 2012 was 11,766, nearly double killed through domestic violence than in war. Violence on television is part of our societal experience. Watching violence, diminishes the harshness and reality of these acts, by gradually numbing us. Television is an energy drain and a large source of fear and negativity for many. If you must watch T.V., make it happy and fun rather than violent or  fear-based news or programming, which is really scary.

2. Be Present. There is nothing more important than giving your full attention to what is happening right now. Being present means making eye contact, focusing on what is being said and keeping your attention on this moment and the person whom you are with. 

There is nothing more disrespectful than to be on a date with someone, or visiting with a loved one and be texting or talking to someone else on your phone. I experienced this recently with a friend. He kept glancing at his phone during our meal. Even glancing at your phone when you receive a text takes you out of the present moment and is disrespectful to the person you are with. Using your cell phone, answering the phone while with your loved one is classic avoidance. If you can't be present with those you love, you can't be present with yourself. Be polite. Be respectful. Turn your phone off or to silent when with another human being. Take time during the day to shut everything off. We each need quiet, solitude or to commune with nature without distractions for our soul. 

Children are with us such a short time. They learn by our example. If you spend 50% of your time doing other things when your children are with you, you will find they won't want to spend time

with you when you want to. Be present with your partner, your children, your family when you are with them. There is plenty of time to talk to those who want to talk to you when you are not physically with loved ones. Find another time to call them back. 

Most of us barely remember only having a land-line. When we left the house, the phone rang and no one answered it. Now we have a phone with us in the bathroom, dressing room, car, even in the grocery store. For most of us, there are few times we walk out of our home without it. Most people leave their phone on all the time. There is an energy emitted by the cell phone and television that is not healthy. Turn your phone off at night. Consider turning the phone to silent during dinner, love-making, visits or conversations. When you do, the people you are with will feel appreciated, respected and loved.

Texting while driving is a side-effect of cell phone use. Most of us have looked at our phone while driving the car. Even glancing down for a minute could cause a fatal accident. One of my clients recently dropped an apple, bent down to pick it up and totaled her car. Fortunately, she is safe, it could have been deadly. Being present will shift your reality faster than anything on this list.

3. Reduce Social Media. Although many people use social media to promote business, connect with long-lost friends; spending more than an hour or two a day on FaceBook, Twitter, Linked In, Pinterest, etc. will make you frazzled, disconnected from yourself, real family and true friends. Those people you post your latest meal or vacation to don't care particularly about what you are doing or saying. They have their own issues to deal with. Social media is one of the fastest ways to disconnect yourself from source energy and your High Self. Instead, pick up the phone and call your friends. Have a meaningful conversation about each other's lives. Ask questions. Or better yet, visit your friends and family in person so that they can see your eyes, feel your hugs and know you truly care. Connect by phone or in person with someone you care about every day.

4. Stop Regretting The Past or Focusing On The Future. When we focus on the past or future we can't possibly be present in our lives. When we are not present we won't be happy either. We miss the good things while focusing on something that has either gone already or may never happen. 

5. Speak up For Yourself. Most of us prefer to live in peace and harmony. When a situation arises where you give in to what others want to avoid conflict, you are not living your truth. True we sometimes have to compromise with people we love, if you are the one doing all the compromising, you are not living in your truth, you don't have personal boundaries nor are you being authentic. 

 6. Take The Higher Road. Avoid complaining, or negative thinking. When we complain, it is as damaging and negative as

gossiping. Talking negatively about others, or your life drags you down. Look at the good in your life. Where is the silver lining? What are you learning from your experience? Know that your life is getting better and better everyday. Repeat this mantra: Every day my life gets better and better! When you focus on your life getting better it will!

 7. Stop Comparing. Everyone is different. You are unique and beautiful in your own right. See your own beauty. Love who you are and what you have. Don't look at others and think that they are thinner, prettier or smarter. There will always be someone that appears to have a better life. It does not mean they do. Know that you are special and be the best you that you can be! Every time that you compare yourself with another, you separate from Source energy and love.

 8. Keep Your Attitude High and Your Critisicm Low. Your attitude creates your reality. Your attitude can shift your world. If you feel life is unfair it will be. Instead know that you will do everything in your power to be positive, think healthy positive thoughts, and not beat yourself or others up either in your mind or with your words. 

 9. Have Faith. Faith means you know the universe/God/Source has your back. Everything you think connects with other similar thoughts and reverberates out into the universe bringing more of what you are thinking back to you. Every thought you think is like a prayer. You can either be in faith or live in fear. You can't be in both energies at the same time. Worry comes from fear, or lack of faith. MANTRA: "The universe always has my back!"

10. Love yourself. This really needs to be number one on the hit parade. Without self love we feel like a victim. We feel that life isn't fair, that everyone is out to get us.  If you are always trying to fix or control others you don't love you completely. Read my first book, Odyssey Victim To Victory, it is my life story. It will help you move out of fear, and recognize you are not a victim. 

11. Forgive Everyone Starting With YOU! You don't need to have a conversation with each person to forgive them. Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. Remember non-forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I recommend the Ho'oponopono Prayer to do this work. It is simple, powerful and painless. Always begin with you when doing healing work.

12. Be Accountable. Sounds like work? Maybe it is. Being accountable for what you say, means you are true to your word,

without excuses. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Speak your truth. Be honest. When someone asks you why you were late, tell the truth, rather than make excuses. When you are honest, authentic, and love yourself, guilt goes out the window. You tell the truth about your actions and man/woman up. 

13. Take Responsibility. When we take responsibility for our life, health and actions we stop thinking of ourselves as a victim. We don't blame others for situations in our lives. Instead we take responsibility. We recognize that something inside of us caused the

situation to occur. When we have a reaction to an outside stimulus, it is our problem, no one made us react a certain way. We can't blame others for our emtions or responses to what they did or said. We no longer look to be rescued. When we move out of victimhood, we become co-creators with The Divine. We recognize our own inner power. We align ourselves with our Divinity. When we recognize and take responsibility for our lives we become emotionally mature. 

14. Commitment. Your commitment to yourself, to God, the Universe and others deepens your experience of life. Being committed to be a good parent, a spiritual being, a loving partner requires discipline. Honoring your commitments is all about your word. At the end of your life, your word and honoring your commitments to yourself and others is all we really have. Commitment is honoring yourself and others. You may commit to yourself to meditate every day. You may commit to create a business that serves humanity in some way. There are many ways to commit. When I committed to serve The Divine, I had no idea what or how things would change in my life. But change they did. My life became infinitely more meaningful and purposed filled. With that fulfillment came deeper happiness.

15. Set An Intention. When we set an intention for our life, our purpose and each day, we are placing a blueprint over our world. We are stating that we are creating our day with a certain focus. Intend to live each day as a loving, accepting, being. Or intend to see the beauty in all things as you go about your day.With intention comes clarity. Focusing on what we want with clarity allows you to make

your dreams come true. When we set an intention for our life, it needs to be clear, focused and positive. Setting an intention for your day can change the outcome. Rather than allowing things to just unfold in chaos an intention helps to set the tone for your day and life.

If you begin to consistently make these changes in your life, you will find your relationships improve, you will become happier and more peacefilled. If you want a leg up and some accountability, contact me so I can partner with you. I will compassionately kick you in the butt, ever so gently!

You can hear Jennifer on Straight Up Sex Talk with Linzi Levinson. This show was all about our beautiful men! Erectile dysfunction is the subject. From the causes to cures. You won't want to miss listening to hear how you can prevent and cure erectile dysfuncion. Thank you to Linzi who is the most gracious of guest and the consumate professional radio hosts. Or on Jennifer's show: All You Need Is Love heard on Tune In and BBM Global LIVE on Thursday nights at 8:00 PM EST/5:00 PM PST. The archive should be up in a few days after the last recording.

Looking for archives of past shows?   Or want to set up a FREE 30 minute Discovery session with Jennifer to see if her work is a good fit for you? Jennifer is a certified sex and passion coach, hypnotherapist, energy healer and reads the Akashic Records.