Note to my readers: I did a podcast this week on the subject of The Dance of Anger. Here is the link to the download. I had a great response from those who were present. I also cleared triggers for people at the end of the broadcast. I was not quite myself, recovering from holding in angry words which induced a sinus infection.... you have to listen in. https://www.dropbox.com/s/z3xs00p5s9wdoa5/The%20Dance%20of%20Anger.mp3
For those of us who grew up with anger in our household, anger is an emotion, we have spent a lifetime avoiding. Yet, anger is a protective device, that allows us to feel that something is wrong. It can show us when someone has betrayed or disrespected us, crossed our boundaries or not appreciated us. Anger spurs us into action and can help us stand up for ourselves, when nothing else would. Anger motivates us.
Don't forget to listen in to my FREE podcast tonight. The login information is at the end of the blog.
Anger turned inward can become passive aggression. When we are able to speak about what has made us angry, we can address the situation and seek change. Without anger, in some cases, nothing changes.
There is a positive side to anger. Social change has come from anger. Women's Suffrage, enacted social change through the outrage of women not being allowed to vote. Martin Luther King used anger to create social change for the Civil Rights movement.
Many of us were not allowed to express anger in our household. That position was reserved for the adults only. Children needed to be "happy!" When we are conditioned to hold anger in, to stuff our feelings we often end up dealing with chronic depression, like I had for over 20 years.
Depression is caused by the repression of anger. When we do not allow anger to surface, bubble up and feel it completely, we end up stuffing it down. Like a volcano that erupts under pressure, we can explode when we have held too much in for too long. Anger needs to be released in small increments, rather than huge eruptions, where we can burst a blood vessel, or have a heart attack from the rise in blood pressure. Anger was not meant to be stuffed. Rather it is a natural expression of frustration, impatience and things not going the way we feel they should.
There are healthy ways to express anger in the moment without ripping someone's head off. The more repressed our emotions are, the more we tend to react when we get irritated of frustrated.
What Sets Us Off?
Usually events have an emotional trigger - or hot button when pushed sends us into a tizzy. Others may experience the same event, with an entirely different outcome, because they don't have the same emotional trigger. If we have a high standard for moral conduct, we might be outraged by someone's attire and take it personally. Each of us has our own trigger mechanism. Learning what your triggers are can help you to defuse a situation before it becomes one that turns you into Mt. Vesuvius.
The Good Turned Bad
If we are not able to cope with our emotional upsets, we can become enraged. When anger reaches the boiling point in some people they may become aggressive, or physically abusive. Neither of these behaviors is a healthy use of anger. Channeling anger into art, chopping wood, cleaning or dance are ways to use this energy into something useful, rather than destructive.
Passion can be the expression of anger turned into sexual energy. We hear people talk about make-up sex all the time. The important thing to note is that having sex as a reward for fighting can turn sex into a reward for negative behavior. Make-up sex immediately following a fighting can create more fights so that sex is the result.
When we don't express ourselves clearly and fully when we are angry, we can end up with a sinus infection. This happened to me this past week. I wrote an expression of gratitude to someone in my book in my Acknowledgement section. I also included a phrase that they used at the end of my book, with another mention of their name. After they complained to me that nothing at all had changed in their life, I reminded them that their name was mentioned twice in a book! I know that Orgasm For Life will be a global best seller. I also know I will be on multiple talk shows promoting the book. I told him he needed to express gratitude for what he had, rather than focusing on what he didn't have and what he didn't see changing.
I was guided to write both pieces as they were working on getting a huge charity event off the ground. I felt that people would ask me who this person was on television and radio. This would in fact assist this person to get his project started. I wrote this as a gift of love to help my friend.
My conversation ended, with me telling him to get out of the pity party and stop complaining about his life. He texted me about an hour later and asked me to remove his name from my book.
For my readers here, you have to know that I have had well over 30 conversations with him about the Law of Attraction, Thoughts Become Things..... and my own version of Florence Schovel Shinn's, Your Word Is your Sword. For me to be so clear and forthright, was because I have listened to his complaining for over 8 years. It is time to move the train out of the station and start creating from a place of gratitude. He did not see it that way. He could not see the gift in what I had done. He did not see that it had come from a loving place.
My guides were screaming at me to tell him he was being an ass! The words burned my lips, but I refrained from saying them. The result of my holding those words back was an acute sinus infection. Not just a sinus infection - I had a whole ocean in my head that ebbed and flowed. My sinuses bled. I sneezed and coughed and was in agony for days. When I began to feel irritable on top of the pain, I finally recognized what it was I had. My doctor congratulated me on my impeccable self diagnosis, with a smile.
As a metaphysical teacher and healer, I am kept to a high standard of truth telling. When someone speaks a lie, I must tell them. When someone is an ass, I must tell them. When I don't, my body gives it back to me in spades. Next time, when my guides press me to be forthright and say the word...... ass will be on my lips, rather than the pain of a sinus infection.
Don't miss my podcast every Wednesday at 5:00 PM PST 8:00 PM EST. Tonight's podcast is - you guessed it ANGER!
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Jennifer is a sex educator, extraordinary life, sex coach and hypnotherapist. She is the author of Orgasm For Life, the book to bridge the chasm between men and women. To create better understanding, sex and communication between the sexes. Happier people, happier planet. Jennifer uses Neurolinguistic Programming, Energy healing and hypnotherapy in her coaching as well as her Intuitive and Mystical abilities.
You can find Jennifer at JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com