Feeling Unhappy In Your Relationship? Follow These 3 Steps For Resolution

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

We have all been there. We feel stuck, blocked and unhappy. Our sex life might be bland or non-existent, and arguments and strife might be what we consume for breakfast. It doesn't feel good to not be on the same page as our partners. The easiest way for us to feel better is to blame the other person. The problem with blame is it makes us a victim and as you know none of us are. We make choices
and are where we are because of the beliefs we have and the decisions made.

When we feel unhappy, we look to the other person as the source of our unhappiness. However, taking responsibility for where we are is something that each of us has to do to begin to shift our energy and change direction from negative thinking which blocks to gratitude and the downward spiral of negativity.

Responsibility is the key to healing.  JEM

Step One

Once we recognize that we are in blame, we have to change our focus and look for ways to resolve the mess we feel we are in. To solve a problem, we have to look at it from a perspective we haven't used yet. Begin by using a query to uncover the truth. Ask yourself the following questions and write your answers in a journal. I feel your resistance, and I get it. Writing involves a little inner work to get the clarity we need. Introspection and clarity will set you free and allow you to shift quickly. Basically, when we refuse to look inside it is because we are in denial of the truth using the small part of us (ego) believing we are right and the other(s) are wrong. Remember the reason we are in a relationship in the first place is to grow and evolve not stagnate and blame.
Journaling your answers also gives you a baseline to return to in a week, month or a year to see how far you have come.

• Have I set healthy boundaries?
• Have I kept silent about issues that upset me?
• Have I griped, groaned and complained rather than looked for a solution?
• Is my mindset negative?
• Am I only seeing my partner's negative qualities and refusing to recognize their wonderful side?
• How do I feel about myself? Am I overweight? Am I depressed? Am I complaining rather than living in a state of gratitude?

Step Two

Now that you have some insight, can you see what you can do to change the course of history and the way you feel? Our feelings are a barometer for the three "Cs." Clarity, Cour-Correction, and Congratulations. Once you feel better to take the time to congratulate yourself for recognizing your patterns. Old patterns mean we are living in the past and dragging it into your present circumstances. We can't evolve beyond where we are by living under the shadow of old stories, limiting beliefs and programming. Think of it this way, imagine watching Leave It To Beaver today or Little House on The Prairie. How do you feel? Those old television programs are like the old programs that are running your current day reality. We can choose something different. The way we change old programming is by choosing to respond differently.

It is not the event that causes the damage, it is our reaction and response to it that creates our programming

Step Three

Maybe you have an issue with your mother which also bubbles over into your current romantic relationship. Perhaps mommy is critical, cold and negative. Is she the problem? Maybe she didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. The little you probably would say, "Damn straight she's the problem and always has been!" Remember what was stated earlier about taking responsibility? Blaming mommy (or anyone) makes us a victim. I know I did it for years. My mother was my kryptonite! I could be strong, powerful and authentic with everyone but my mother. When I was in my mother's presence, it was as if all my strength was drained from me. Why? Because I was operating with my small child Jennifer programming. I became the people-pleaser, making mommy happy. I used to do everything in my power to keep peace with my mother and keep her happy because I wanted her to love me. I even married a man because she told me to. My mother was so worried about what her friends would think about me living with a man. My mother was very worried about appearances. Appearance and keeping up with the Joneses is an ego-based program.

Worrying about what other's think of us is none of our business. JEM

What have you done to make your mother or someone else happy? What have you given up in the process? Are they any happier as a result of your cartwheels and twisting yourself into a pretzel? The truth is, no one can make anyone else happy. Our mother's happiness isn't our responsibility. Our spouse's happiness isn't our responsibility either.

1. Be honest with yourself. How much energy have you spent attempting to do what other's wanted you to do? Stop wasting your precious energy and power on another person.
2. Instead of staying mute use your words and voice to state what you want and don't want.
3. Set healthy boundaries with others. Remember every day you are training others how you want to be treated. If you have allowed the behavior to continue, it could take a little time to retrain others. Be consistent. Think of the other person as a little puppy or a child. Each time someone attempts to get you to do something recognize the manipulation. Just say, "That doesn't work for me, it is not what I want for myself."
4. Watch your emotional reaction to other people. Remember no one can "make you feel or do anything." You are in control of the way you feel.
5. Don't stew or boil over what others do or ask of you. Remember your reaction to their requests, prodding or insistence doesn't have to continue. Tell them, "No, thank you."
6. Get clarity on what you want and don't want. Most people are unclear about what they want and don't want which creates issues within relationships.
7. Notice what you feel. If someone is pushing your boundaries, anger may bubble up. Anger is there for a reason so that we recognize when our boundaries are being crossed. We have to put our hand up and say stop.
8. Until our behavior changes, we have not changed. If you are still doing and acting the way you did as a child you are responding with old programming. 
9. Move out of fear of the new and different knowing you are safe and worthy. What another person says or does is not who you are. No one defines you but you. Stand in compassion and self-love using the, "I LOVE ME," mantra.

The amazing thing about our brain is that it creates new synapses - hence new programs when we are consistent with new behavior. Mantras work when we use them consistently. We can reprogram hate, anger, shame, guilt, and all of our negative emotions to be different. In the past, my mother would feel illicit guilt from all of us kids. I stopped allowing her to "make me feel," guilty. If a program continues long enough, it is imprinted in our cellular memory.

Our cellular memory can be changed, I've done it. When we reprogram our cellular memory, we heal cancer, tumors, Fibromyalgia, auto-immune disease, anxiety, depression. All of it can be healed by thinking differently. Meditation, mantras and coaching will help you get there faster. It took me over thirty years on my own. When we want something different and are sick and tired of being sick and tired, we persevere every day. Working on ourselves isn't something we do here and there, it is a daily practice that changes our lives so that we have a magical life full of wonder, joy, and happiness; it is where I live and breathe every day.

Part of my work involves Telesummits where I have a 90-minute interview so you can hear me live and receive a free gift or purchase a package that is an incredible saving. I am involved with several Telesummits in the next two months. You Wealth Revolution and Radiant Intuitive Woman are the most recent. I'd love it if you joined Dee Wallace, myself along with 22 other powerful healers on the Radiant Intuitive Woman Summit happening right now.

Can't do this alone? You don't have to. Let's set up a time to talk. I'd love to hear about your situation and see how I can help. Send me an e-mail, and we'll set up a time to chat.

The Remarkable Similarities Between Horses and Humans

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Recently, I have been helping my friend on her horse ranch. I have always loved horses, having cared for retired rescued polo ponies in Alpharetta, Georgia in the past. My friend, Shannon has been teaching me how to earn a horse's respect, something that shocked me. I found that horses and humans are very similar in many regards.

In my coaching practice, I encourage my clients to speak up and self-advocate. Many people with low self-worth have difficulties speaking up for themselves, especially when no didn't mean no when they were a child. Other humans sense a weakness and take advantage (more on this later). When we aren't able to say what we want, we rarely get it. Is it any wonder? Humans will push until the other person says stop. If the weak-willed individual doesn't speak up, there is no boundary in place and hence no respect.

Horses are very perceptive. If you feel afraid, they know it. If you don't immediately make a strong stand with a horse and let them know who's boss, they will not listen. They will act as if you aren't even there. When a horse weighs 1,200 pounds getting a horse that is unwilling to move is impossible. 

English rider with a crop

Shannon instructed me to show up in the horses stall with a crop under my arm. I hesitated at first because it seemed inhumane. However, having my foot stepped on and injured certainly didn't seem humane either. As soon as I entered the stall with a crop in hand and said, "Over," the horse willingly moved. In fact, the horse was so willing, I felt ten feet tall. It was as if he said, "Oh I didn't hear you before you held that crop in your hand." It was easy to get the horse to do what I wanted with the aid of the crop as I had the horses attention and respect.

When we don't speak up for ourselves, we aren't respected. When we aren't respected, we are in the lowly position of less than in the eyes of the other person. It is human nature to take advantage when the other person has no boundaries or limits. When we say no in ways that don't sound like no, the other hears, "YES!"

If we have been sexually molested, raped or abused setting boundaries and limits can be a huge challenge for us. Working with me, I help you recognize how important it is to have firm boundaries and know what you are willing to do and not do. 

Ways We Say Yes When We Mean No

1. "I don't think this is a good idea." (the other hears YES)
2. "I am not ready."
3. "I'll think about it."
4. "I'm not sure about this."
5. "I don't know."
6. "I don't think so."
7.  "Not right now."
8. "I don't feel comfortable with that."

Any of the above statements leaves a door open for further pushback.

Ways To Say No

1. "No."
2. "No thank you."
3. "I am not able to."
4. "Not now, not ever!"

When we don't have healthy boundaries, we are the one that ends up angry and resentful not the other. JEM

Dating and Boundaries

If you are on a date and don't know what you are comfortable with, you will go beyond your comfort zone and do things you regret and may feel ashamed about later. Shame and guilt are the lowest vibrational emotions a human can have. Setting boundaries and limits though challenging isn't permanent. We can make positive changes by working with someone who has strong boundaries and recognizes that no didn't mean no for you in the past and will help you overcome the old patterning in your unconscious mind.

Boundaries in Relationships

If you don't have healthy boundaries and are in a relationship - even a friendship you may find you give too much, give too much and try to please the other person. At first, it could feel good to give. After you find yourself giving away the farm you will feel ripped off which leads to resentment and anger. Anger is a sign your boundaries have been crossed. 

Boundaries With Children

Children need to know the difference between right and wrong. If we don't tell them to stop, they keep going. If a child jumps on you and hurts you-you have not said "NO," strongly enough. If a child keeps pushing for something trying to break down your resolve there is no respect. 

Business Partnerships and Dealings

If you don't have healthy boundaries and have a partnership, your partner will most certainly take advantage of your soft spot. You might be ripped off, or feel resentful because you end up getting the raw end of your business dealings. You may have customers that push your limits expecting you to say stop. Without firm boundaries of what feels good and what doesn't, there are many ways your business could fail, and you could loose. 

What Can You Do For Yourself?

Watch others who demonstrate healthy boundaries. Learn from the way they catch you immediately and give you instructions for what they want. They don't wait a week or two till they are angry because of what was done, they mention it at the moment. 

Read a book about boundaries. There are many of them on Amazon. 

Hire a coach to overcome this serious issue. You will be much happier when you are able to advocate for yourself and set healthy limits and boundaries with everyone. Your family will be happier as a result. 

Jennifer is a private coach, hypnotherapist, and healer that helps people work through their issues to live happier, healthier lives. 

JenniferElizabethMasters.com

What Consensual Sex Means And Why You Need To Pay Attention

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Non-consensual 

Consensual sex is when both parties agree that they will move forward and become intimate. We need to consent before kissing, touching, fondling and sexual contact begins. Sexual fondling without consent is assault. Sex without consent is rape. Kinky sex without consent could also end up being termed battery depending on the incident. 

Non-consensual sex has come to my doorstep. I need to make myself perfectly clear. Getting a girl or woman drunk, drugging her in order to make her compliant or forcing her head down into your crotch is non-consensual. 

If you have to drug someone to have sex with you, you need help my friend. Forcing a woman to do down on you is considered rape. Please note the updated legal description of what constitutes rape from the Department of Justice:

“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” 

Talking about what is about to happen is paramount. Just because someone attempts to kiss, touch or fondle doesn't mean we have to allow it.

In fact, if we want a relationship having sex too soon could preclude us from having what we want. Women have a tendency to feel they must give sex up to have what they want. The reverse is true. The longer you wait to have sex the more able you are to see what the other's intentions are. If they only want sex, they will be

 on their way very quickly.

If you sext nude body parts to get a man's attention you won't be considered marriage material, so think before you do. Teens need to be educated to understand that just because others sext or request sexting doesn't mean you have to do it.

How do you want to be viewed?

Today more than ever before we have Tinder, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, E-Harmony, Ok Cupid, in fact, thousands of dating sites on the Internet. Every fetish and sexual predilection are available at the touch of a finger. We live in a society where limits are stretched and breached daily.

Consent is something that we don't think about before hugging someone or telling our children to go kiss Aunt Nell. A hug when the other person doesn't want it crosses boundaries. Even attempting to force your partner or spouse to kiss or perform a sex act when they don't want to is crossing boundaries. 

Women and children have been molested, assaulted and raped for hundreds of years and it seems little is being done about it. Today the ramifications of leniency towards the perpetrators and ignoring the facts about date rape isn't helping. Imagine a six-month sentence for a sexually assault, reduced to only three months for ex-Stanford swimmer Brock Turner.

Many famous men like Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, Hollywood Producers, and others are publicly on the carpet for rape, sexual assault, and molestation. This morning the headlines read: Dozens Come Forward At University of  Wisconsin's College campus. Alec Cook was charged and released after sexually assaulting one woman, then re-arrested when twenty others came forward. 

1 in 5 women is raped on college campuses every year. The "boys will be boys," argument is flawed. No needs to mean no! Where do teens learn that no means no? At home. Why aren't parents teaching their boys that no means no? Overindulgent parents, absentee parents for various reasons and a society that feels kids should have whatever they want without ramifications for wrong-doing is the cause. 

Between 60 and 80% of rapes are committed by acquaintances. Rape is a sexual assault that takes place without your willingness or consent. If you say "no," and sex continues it is considered rape. Understanding the legal definition of date rape will enlighten everyone. If you say, "Please stop," and the advances continue, you have been raped or sexually assaulted.

When we explain bad behavior away, we are giving it free range. Children and young girls are often not heard, that say they have experienced assault or rape by cavalierly stating that "boys will be boys," like The Big Twelve Commissioner, Bob Boslby has done publicly. 

When a woman says no, that does not mean forcibly kiss fondle or touch her. Women need to be empowered to recognize someone who doesn't respect her choice. We might not recognize the fact that our past childhood experience triggers our reactions when touched or spoken to in a certain way. 

If you date someone after they have pushed you beyond your choosing, you are in for a world of trouble and challenges. Someone who pushes your boundaries and doesn't listen to your resistance and verbal queues doesn't respect you. Without respect, we can't trust. Beginning a relationship without trust has no foundation for survival.

Males can also be raped and assaulted against their will. No means no, whether you are a woman or a man. 

Whether it is a choice to have a kinky experience, to have sex with a partner or not is a choice. Sex isn't what keeps a relationship. Thinking that giving in to another's needs will fulfill your own when you aren't interested is suppressing your personal choice and free will. 

If you have engaged in sexual behavior you didn't want because of past sexual molestation, shame and guilt will be present. When we have sexual molestation in our childhood, our boundaries may be non-existent. To shore up boundaries, we need to know what we want and don't want. We need to be clear with ourselves. 

Know yourself. Be true to yourself. If you want, a relationship doesn't engage with a married person. A married man won't be emotionally available to you. We always have choices. If you are at a party and know you let your guard down with drugs alcohol, don't use them. Stay safe by knowing your limits. Never leave your drink unattended. Order beer and hold it rather than set it on the bar or table. 

JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Losing Yourself In Addictive Relationships?

13 Benefits of Holding Hands You Didn't Realize

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Sometimes it is the simplest of things that brings two people together. Holding hands with entwined  fingers bringing palms together is special and innocent. Hand-holding can occur with a child, your mother, a friend, or a partner. A scientific study supports the theory that holding the hand of a loved one during times of stress helps us cope.

1. Safety. Holding a chid's hand makes them feel safe. Holding another adults' hand also generates the feeling of safety.
2. Helps us cope. Situations become easier when we are holding the hand of someone who cares for us. 
3. Helps us withstand pain. The Lending Hand Study tested married women with shock therapy holding the hand of their husband, someone they knew and a complete stranger. Holding the hand of their husband the brain didn't work as hard as holding the hand of a stranger. They could withstand more pain holding their husband's hand especially if their marriage was rock solid.
4. It's a form of comfort. Holding hands with someone when they are grieving provides comfort. Emotional grief is easier to bear when holding the hand of a person who cares.
5. A rush of powerful hormones. Clasping hands together with a partner releases oxytocin allowing bonding to occur. Oxytocin is the cuddle or God hormone that floods the body during sex, nursing and allows a mother to bond with her child. Oxytocin is a powerful hormone that can create heart flutters when palms are touching and fingers are interlaced together. A simple gesture, yet so symbolic of the joining of two energy fields. The palms of the hand contain a little talked about chakra. Energy workers recognize the giving and receiving centers in each palm (left is the receiving hand, right the sending).
6. Connection. We like to feel connected. Our mothers were the first to hold our hands after birth, then when crossing the road. Bonding with our mothers helps us to When two palms are pressed together chakras meet, the etheric fields are entwined. 
7. Bonding. Holding hands with another creates a sense of a bond. There is nothing sweeter than a man wanting to hold hands with you while walking, or seated on a couch watching a movie together. 
8. Pressure relieves pain. Putting pressure between the thumb and forefinger relieves anxiety, headaches and decreases dental pain. Don't underestimate the power of a gentle hand squeeze!
9. Morphogenic Field Connection.Each person has an energy field or aura. Together two people from a morphogenic field. Connecting hands strengthen this field.
10. Hand holding makes a statement. It says something about the bond between two people. Holding hands in public demonstrates a connection between a couple.
11. It's comfortable. When you are walking next to someone with your arms hanging by your sides it can feel awkward. Reaching for and holding the person's hands can feel far more comfortable than walking awkwardly side-by-side not touching.
12. It can be sexy. Having someone take charge and grab your hand can feel secure. For some people who like to be dominated a strong hand in yours squeezing, letting you know they are right there with you and in control can be quite a turn on.
13. Reminiscent of childhood. Having someone hold our hand takes us back to our younger days when our mother or other
    
    family member cared enough to take our hand for any number of loving reasons.

Rushing A Relationship 

Attempting to establish a relationship where there are no commonalities or mutual core values can mean that you spend energy and time trying to make something work that doesn't have much chance of going the distance. You may find after the blush of newness wears off you don't even like your partner. Rushing into sex on the first date, or even the second date doesn't give you the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate the preciousness of each moment. Your first kiss, the first hug or holding hands can be glossed over, rather than highlighted and enjoyed. 

Love grows slowly. As we get to know someone we become comfortable with them. Ease replaces awkwardness and friendship provides the foundation for longevity. Too often sex becomes the foundation which provides unsteady ground for the challenges of life. When we are sexually intimate and don't know one another there is a false sense of trust and bonding without understanding or even knowing the other person.

Sex is the glue not the foundation of a relationship. Attempting to build a relationship on sex there is little to look forward to. When you have done it all right out of the gate, the anticipation and wondering ends. Practicing mindfulness while dating can net you a conscious, awakened experience where each moment is brand new and savored. Each experience with your newfound partner brings a rush of adrenaline and heart flutters. Holding hands give you many opportunities to exchange energy and love with an air of innocence making each moment more special. You are special. Recognize the value of you. Savor each moment with respect for each other and healthy boundaries.

Jennifer healed her own co-dependency and self-esteem issues over thirty years of self-reflection, hypnotherapy, energy clearing and inner focus. She now empowers women and their men to love themselves fearlessly, letting go in the process of anxiety, worry, low self-esteem, negativity mind chatter and lack consciousness. 

Building confidence, becoming happy, finding purpose and living in the moment are just some of what you will accomplish while working with Jennifer.

Schedule a 30-minute discovery session now to step into a life you love to live, the more you love you, the able you are to receive love from others. Relationships become easier, life becomes a joy. The key to happiness is self-love which begins and ends with you. Why not begin your journey into love and happiness with someone who lives and breathes love and happiness now!

Receive a FREE 30-Minute Session With Jennifer For Signing Up!

I remember

There was a time when I was not happy with anything about me. I hated myself, my life, my husband, and my job. I beat myself up, sabotaged myself at every turn. I attracted men who treated me badly. Nothing was easy. I suffered
immensely. I was depressed, ill, negative, lonely and empty. Now, the opposite is true. I love myself, my life, my job as a coach, catalyst and healer. I have never been so healthy, vibrant, happy and completely fulfilled. I feel so free! I never feel alone or disconnected anymore.

Now I empower women and men to love themselves fearlessly. My clients are free, happy and magnetize love into their lives.

Are you ready to be happy with your life?

Are you ready to be happy with you?

Are you ready to live a life you love with or without a partner?

The key to life is to be happy with you. The rest is easy!

I have sharpened my year's program and distilled the process and wisdom into a very exciting 6-week program. I am offering a couple of unique incentives that make the program a dynamite value as well as cost effective for you. This program is not on my schedule for the next year so if you are interested it's important to mark your calendar now!

What are we talking about?

Imagine pulling together the finest material and processes in my "Love Yourself Fearlessly" and delivering it in a group setting over six weeks! Now that alone would be an amazing value but there is more... Sign up in the next two weeks and you can save an additional $162 dollars off the retail price.

Yes, that's right, sign up by September 22nd and your investment is only $297, versus the retail price of $459. After September 22nd, the price goes up to $459.

REGISTER BY September 22nd BONUS!

And as an extra incentive I am offering all those who register by September 22nd, a FREE one half hour session before the group coaching begins, just  for taking decisive action now! That is a total savings of over $275 on the complete program!

What you will learn:

- How to be present in seconds

- How to calm your mental chatter

- How to meditate even if you never have been able to before

- How to look at life differently

- How to look at your relationships from a different perspective

- How to shift your thinking, focus and world permanently

- How to stay connected to Spirit God, Universe or Source energy

* Your soul blueprint will be aligned.

* Flow will increase.

* You will feel more harmony, peace, and joy

* Walk you through manifesting the love you dream about

I will make it easy for you to maintain this level of energy activation yourself daily. This is work I previously shared with one-on-one coaching clients. Now I bring this miracle rich work to you.

I am giving you this opportunity to receive the happiness you deserve and long for. Now I share my secrets for healing with you. This program will allow you to see yourself and the world from a very new and exciting perspective.

This Love Yourself Fearlessly six-week GROUP Coaching Program includes:

- 6 LIVE 90-minute coaching/healing sessions with Jennifer

- Recordings of each 90-minute session for you to listen to as often

  as you wish.

- 7 pdf workbooks

- 7 videos

- And the tools for you to continue this healing work on your own after the program is complete.

So, if you are struggling with

Anxiety

Depression

Low self-esteem

Sexual trauma

Sexual issues

Relationship issues

Sadness

Dissatisfaction with life

Lack of purpose

Lack of focus

No clear direction

Finding love

Worry

Self-sabotage

This "Love Yourself Fearlessly" Program is the one for you!

Sign up today and get your FREE thirty-minute session with Jennifer Elizabeth Masters today! Remember the deadline is September 22nd.

Dates of the program are as follows:

Wednesday, September 30 

Wednesday, October 7

Wednesday, October 14

Wednesday, October 21

Wednesday, October 28

Wednesday, November 4

5:00 - 6:30 PM Pacific/ 8:00 - 9:30 PM Eastern

Early Bird Price: $297.00 till September 22nd. Pricing after September 22nd midnight is $459.00.

                                          

Here's Your Sign

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I hear clients asking me for signs all the time. Where are the signs? How do I see signs? Signs are everywhere. We find them in nature, the flying hawk over head showing us we need to see from a higher perspective. It might be a receipt that falls out of a closet showing you that your partner had a couples' massage without you. Comedian Bill Engvall did a comedy routine using this phrase. Today, I borrow it from him. Here's your sign!

It's Just Sex

If you have been dating someone a short while and the only thing he talks about is sex, you can bet that is all he is interested in. He might text you about what he wants you to wear, what turns him on. He might make suggestive comments about not wearing any underwear. If the subject of sex is the predominant one, you don't have a relationship, it's just exercise! Here's your sign!

Passive Agression

Perhaps you are married or in a long-term relationship. When you attempt to talk to your partner about a subject that is important, and they respond in anger you are being manipulated by passive aggressive behavior. When someone uses passive aggression to avoid, it is because they don't want to hear the truth, and don't want to change. Avoidance of issues means that someone is in denial. Avoidance and denial net discord. There can be no intimacy or truth when either is present. Here's your sign!

An Affair

Maybe your sex life has fizzled out. Many people have this issue. When one or both parties are not interested in sex, it is likely that one of the parties is stepping out on their own. Other signs are: not showing up at family events, is regularly away alone on weekends there just might be a problem. Although, the first thing I think of is

that they are having an affair, it could be another form of avoidance. Vacations alone can also be a sign that there is something wrotten in Denmark. When a couple has intimacy, vacations are taken together. When intimacy is absent, there might be a third party in your relationship. Here's your sign!

You Rationalize Why You Won't Have Sex

We can rationalize all sorts of behavior, but that doesn't make avoiding our partner loving. If we make our partners jump through hoops or do certain things before we consider sex, we are having transactional sex. What is transactional sex? 

Transactional Sex

A man wants sex, he pays to get sex from a sex-worker (prostitute). Another scenario might be; a married man wants sex and his wife refuses to have sex with him unless he has washed the car, taken the kids to karate, taken out the trash, painted the window sills or bought her something shiny. Not all of these examples need to be in place for sex to be transactional. Married and coupled people often set high expectations for sex to occur. When we do, we are having transactional sex. 

Your Date May Be Addicted

You have begun to date someone you like. There is a nagging feeling at the back of your mind that every date revolves around either drugs or alcohol. You rationalize that it is because you are on a date. If someone is drinking three or four beer a night, has large bottles or cloth Crown Royal bags all over their house, you might consider that there is a substance issue. Just maybe! Here's your sign!

They Are More Kinky Than You

With 50 Shades of Gray books and movie there has been an upsurge of kinky sex in the dating scene. Guys might want to smack your ass, thinking it is a turn on. If it happens more than once and you let it go by, when it bothers you, here's your sign! 

When a behavior shows up, we need to speak about it immeditately. Waiting for another moment to pass or the perfect time is allowing the unwanted behavior to continue. If you don't like a particular sex act or behavior when someone mentions wanting to dominate you, or smacks you or asks for anal and you don't want it, tell them immediately. If behavior that makes you uncomfortable continues, it is time to leave the situation - permanently. Here's your sign!

Promises Made Repeatedly And Not Delivered

If someone makes promises and doesn't deliver, more than once, you might want to talk to them about it. If the behavior continues you might want to discuss that you have serious trust issues. In a loving committed relationship, trust or lack of it, effects intimacy. We can't have intimacy when we don't trust our partners. 

When we don't trust someone to deliver, we feel disrespected. If this is a business deal, your reputation might be on the line. Staying in a situation where you are repeatedly disrespected, lied to or the other doesn't do what they promise to do, leaving may be the only available option. 

Thank you to Bill engvall, comedian for his line: Here's your sign!

Visit my website here:JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Book a private session with me here. JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Respect For Yourself

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Do you long for the day that your partner will have your back and support you? Do your personal interactions  involve control, criticism or disrespect? Have you ever felt interrogated by someone and wondered why you answered all their personal questions? Intrusive and meddling individuals have weak boundaries and often cross other people's.

Do you bond too quickly, allowing someone to hear all your most intimate details in the first conversation? Do you tell secrets you wish you didn't? Do you have difficulty getting off the phone when you want to? Often when we had our boundaries crossed as children, we spend a lifetime trying to overcome this pattern. 

When our boundaries aren't firmly established, we may feel afraid to ask for what we might need, for fear that our partner, or even our children won't love us. A fear of making unpopular decisions was one of my fears when I was first in relationships. However, it wasn't until I had children that I began to recognize just how poor my boundaries were. I so wanted my children to love me that I rarely gave them clear boundaries, with repercussions for unwanted behavior. I had a hard time saying, "No" when I meant "HELL NO!" I didn't respect myself and didn't even know. 

When we don't have healthy boundaries, we may we end up crossing other people's and don't recognize doing so. We may vent to friends about our problems. This spewing of negativity may alienate our dearest friends due to too much drama. Drama is a side-effect of not having clear boundaries.

Whether we are single, married or have children, setting healthy boundaries may be challenging and feel foreign at first. Like any new behavior, it takes practice. Once we get the hang of it, practicing using boundaries, keeps us feeling safe and stable. Until we become comfortable with this new skill, we may become reactive and over-course-correct. We have to be sure that we let our loved ones know that there are repercussions for crossing our boundaries, but make the punishment fit the crime. 

If we allow someone to keep crossing our boundaries, it is an indication of a lack of personal respect. The two go hand in hand. If you have challenges with boundaries, your most likely don't respect yourself or others.

What Is A Boundary?

We all have a personal bubble. Some people may come too close to us, standing inside our personal bubble. They may touch us when or where, we don't want them to, or ask us to do things we don't want to do. When our boundaries aren't healthy, we may end up saying yes, when we mean no.  Or perhaps performing other acts they feel uncomfortable doing.

How To Create Boundaries

1. Keep some information private. Allow new people to get to know part of you, but don't give them the whole enchilada in the first sitting. Instead of giving someone 100% of your life story, only let them in 20% of the way. This way, you don't have to course-correct and shut down if you feel you have revealed too much.

2. You don't have to reveal all of yourself to all your family members, church congregation or children. Be selective with whom you share private and intimate details. If you and your partner are having issues in your relationship, you don't have to share the details with your mother, children or friends. Think before you answer somebody's questions. You don't have to respond just because a question was asked. You can always ask, "Why do you want to know?"

3. Take care of your needs. Often when we don't have clear personal boundaries, we don't take care of our physical needs. We may stay up too late at night, waste time on the computer, or watch television until the wee hours. Get to bed at a reasonable time. Eat a healthy diet. Don't skip meals because you are trying to please someone else. You don't have to be everything to everyone, or please everyone. You don't have to do every town project, fundraiser at school, or make love if you are too tired. Do things for yourself that make you happy. Nurture you. Take care of you.

4. Communicate your needs in a positive way. Most people don't know what is on our mind. Don't expect your loved ones to read your mind, do so in an upbeat way rather than acting like a victim. Be specific about what you want. 

"I want some alone time right now. Please give me some space."

"I want to spend time with you too, but first I have to take some time for me."

"I would be glad to discuss this with you if you will be respectful and polite."

"I appreciate your opinion, but I need to experience this myself. I learn from my mistakes, you can't do this for me."

"Both of our time is valuable. I need you to be on time for dinner out of respect for me."

"I need you to refrain from speaking to me in that tone of voice." 

To your children: "I love spending time with you. I will play this game with you for one hour, and then I have to get my blog written."

5. When you feel someone is intrusive, overfriendly or meddling with you, cool towards them. You can do so gently. Your body language and eye contact speak volumes. Look at them less, turn your body away from them. Your tone of voice, facial expressions are ways you can shift your energy from open to more closed.

6. Your energy and demeanor can convey that you don't' want to speak to another. If a subtle change in your energy doesn't get the point across to the other person, tone down your energy to a cooler temperature. Instead of being open and warm, cool down, change your tone of voice. If body language and tone don't work, use words to express, "Please excuse me, I am visiting with friends right now." If your words don't get your point across, you can remove yourself physically from the situation. Leave.

7. Stay calm. Yelling at another conveys a lack of emotional control. You do not have to be reactive to what another person is saying. You have the power to NOT REACT. Demanding, pleading or insisting that someone not cross your personal boundaries

indicates how you are not in control of your emotions. You don't have to be emotionally entwined with what the other person is doing or saying. You can control how you react to a situation.

8. Eliminate draining complaining conversations. People that call you to vent about all their woes, are dumping their negativity all over you energetically. If someone often calls you or complains in person, extricate yourself from the conversation by saying, "I don't involve myself in negativity. I have to go now." If after several times this behavior does not change; you have the option to speak your truth. 

"I find negative conversations are draining. I would prefer to speak only about positive subjects that make me feel good." 

"I have so much going on right now, I won't have time to talk."

"Oh I am sorry that these things are happening in your life right now. Would you like me to give you some feedback as to why these patterns are repeating for you? If you don't want my advice then, I can't help you."

9. Respect yourself and those you are with. Avoid public arguing or public demeaning and critisicm. If you are being disrespected, be prepared to leave a public place. Arguing in public is disrespectful and rude to yourselves and others.

10. Be polite. Don't take anything that doesn't belong to you from another without asking, this includes from their plate as well. Sharing from a place involves enmeshment. We are each individuals. Enmeshment is unhealthy. Keep your autonomy intact. Always ask first, "May I have a taste?" If they respond negatively, let it be.

11. Allow your children to have their personal space. Touching inappropriately, or kissing them in public when they don't want you to is invasive. Children need to learn to establish their own boundaries early. Help them to be their own person. 

12. Respect yourself, your body and your partner's. Ask before touching your partner. Expecting, demanding or taking another person without their permission is disrespectful and demeaning. Acting as if you own your partner leads to resentment and disconnection. Long-term marriage does not give anyone the right to have sex with or touch another if they don't want to be touched. 

Without respect we can't engage in arguments. Getting involved in a firey discussion when someone does not respect you is futile. If someone does not respect you and continues to engage in demeaning behavior, you have to be able to go to the wall and leave not only the situation, but the relationship if the behavior does not change.

Setting Your Life On Fire is what I help you do. Part of this work involves getting to know yourself on a deep level. When you can be honest with yourself, your life shifts with a magnitude that is astounding. 

Boundary issues were part of my life. I am still working on these issues in a smaller way. As I began to love myself more, my respect for myself grew. Boundary issues cause problems in relationships, eventually. Early on, you might not notice. Over time, the small issues become greater. 

Probably the most profound work I do for people is clear old patterns that hold them back. Emotions, beliefs, and blocks once removed allow your energy to move to a higher level. Without all

the pain stuck in your cells, you become lighter, happier and more uplifted. Why not get your energy cleared and see all the changes happen for you? Book your energy clearing appointment here now. Book now. 

Visit Jennifer's website here: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

I Can't Go For That! (No Can Do)

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

with the help of Darryl Hall and John Oates

When two people agree, anything goes, as long as no one gets hurt. When one person is pushed beyond their comfort zone, you might draw the line at threesomes, swinging or 50 Shades of Gray, S and M.

Firing up passion in the bedroom can include dressing up, playing board games, role playing and getting creative about where and when you have sex. Doing exciting things that are out of the norm, for you can excite you both. 

Even taking a roller coaster ride with your loved one, can mimic the adrenaline rush present at the beginning of your relationship. This roller coaster ride, will awaken and reignite the passion for each other.

Most men love oral sex. Yet, I hear men complain that they don't or rarely ever get it. Women like oral sex too for the most part, but

complain also about their men not reciprocating. So what gives?

Get Out Of Your Head

Some women have issues with oral. They don't like the taste, smell or the closeness of the genital contact. My suggestion is to always begin with a clean from the shower body and a freshly cleaned mouth, breath and teeth. I have heard women in posts say it doesn't bother a guy if you spit. Although, that is not true. Most men find it offensive and feel a lack of acceptance by their partner. These are issues rarely spoken about between a couple. Men's biggest complaint is that oral sex just stops after marriage.

Yet, when you are intimate oral sex is part of intimacy. Maybe one or both of you could use a hypno session with me, or an NLP programming session to get beyond the limiting beliefs about it being dirty or disgusting. When you love someone, you want to please them. Whether it is oral, anal, or a combination of everything. Trying new things may get you to move beyond what you THINK is normal. Normal people the world over perform oral sex. It is a loving act. For many women, it is the only way they can come. I have great guidance in my book, Orgasm For Life, about how to overcome the gag reflex and exactly how to perform oral well, for both men and women.

Threesomes

Depending on the trust between a couple, how daring a couple might be, having a threesome (English for menage a trois) can open the door to some incredible excitement. Although the flip side is that there may be some things you don't want to bring into your bedroom. Here are possible scenarios you might not have considered about a menage a trois. 

1. One person may get jealous or feel left out.
2. If you are the second and your partner really hits it off with the new guy/gal, you could get really jealous. On the radio sex show I was a weekly guest on, a caller talked about an experience he wanted to have with his girlfriend. He felt completely inadequate next to the new guy and took himself out of the equation. He rolled over, pretending to sleep, while the other two had amazing sex. Needless to say, he was sorry he ever brought up the subject. They never moved beyond the feeling of his being betrayed and abandoned, even though it was his idea.
3. Once you open the door, it might become a must have, unless you decide this is a one time event.
4. A threesome can certainly turn the one in the middle on. What about the other partner?
5. Watching can be a turn on for both of you.
6. Emotions of betrayal, abandonment, intense jealousy could surface that don't go away, unless you are well prepared, deeply bonded and emotionally mature.

Trying New Things

My recommendation is to try to improve on your skills. Ask your partner what really turns them on about the way you touch them? Talk about your experiences in the bedroom - outside the bedroom. Once you have your clothes off, no one should be telling anyone what a terrible job the other is doing. When we are naked, we are extremely vulnerable. Be kind, loving and appreciative. Give a complement, then ask for a change of pressure, speed or type of touch or tongue you would like. Being critical will not work. 

Swinging

You would be surprised at how many long-time married couples engage in swinging. Politicians, famous celebrities and regular working class people have been know to partake in this switcheroo in the bedroom. Swinging clubs exist in the smallest of towns. Key clubs, where keys go into a community bowl, are selected then the couples pair off. Orgees, toga parties, you name it, with or without drugs, but usually lots of alcohol. 

Sex can become dull after years of being together, unless you get creative. There are many ways to change things up and fire up the passion. There are many suggestions below as well as in my book. Swinging is not for everyone. If BOTH parties agree, that is one thing. However, if one person is more engaged, enamored with the idea, separation or divorce can result. Jealousy, hurt feelings can leave the wounded party alone, and the one who suggested it, sorry. 

Get my book, Orgasm For Life, as I have tons of ideas that don't involve swinging, three somes or orgees for those who have more mundane or private

sexual fantasies. Here are a few.....

• buy some really sexy lingerie
• create a treasure hunt, with clues
• buy a rubber sheet and use lots of coconut oil or olive oil for a big and amazing change
• act out some of your deepest fantasies
• buy a board game for sex
• play dirty scrabble
• add some toys, vibrator and lots of massage techniques
• go downtown to a hotel, buy a wig, dress up, or naked under a trench coat, pretend you just met and don't know each other's name
• instead of undressing yourself, undress each other
• rip his shirt off
• rip off her underwear
  
• have sex in the back seat of your truck or car
• go out for dinner and tell him you aren't wearing any underwear.... watch just how fast he finishes his dinner and whisks you off to get at you
• repeat an event that you enjoyed when you first met - sexy movie, sex on the couch, or in the kitchen
• read erotica out loud... there is some in my book

The lyrics of I Can't Go For That!

Use my body
now you want my soul
I'll do anything that you want me to
I'll do almost anything that you want me to....
But I can't go for that!
No
No Can DO!

About Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

My goal is to help you have the relationship that you desire, rather than settling for mediocre. I believe that each person has the capacity to move beyond limiting beliefs and fears to create the relationship of their dreams, they just don't know how.  You can contact Jennifer for a discovery session: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

I help women find the love they are looking for by helping them recognize their beauty, radiance and what they already have within them. I just help you remember. Through my catalyst coaching energy clearings, NLP and helping you focus on being gentle and kind to yourself, you begin to think differently. You begin to feel different. Although, all that has changed is your perspective and a few mantras, meditations and energy clearings. I give you the tools to look at life and yourself differently. Then the man of your dreams shows us, usually right in front of YOU!  I help you focus with clarity, discovering what you truly want. Most people don't have a clue. 

Today, I love myself fearlessly. Yes, I live every day happily in joy, without fear, anxiety, worry loneliness or depression. YES, I can help you do the same. I help men with issues of ED, self love, boundaries and passion. 

In the past, I have been unhappy and miserable in marriage and out. On a spiritual path since 1970.  I traveled to India, then Bali in 2011. I experienced a series of events that led to my awakening and self actualization. These events help my clients, as I am focused on them, rather than myself. My focus in my life coaching and energy healing practice is to keep marriages and relationships together. I have learned what it takes for a healthy relationship to succeed. I do this for all of humanity. Love is what is missing in most marriages. We blame, nitpick, critique our partners, when what we need is compassionate understanding and more love, rather than less!

Traditional therapy did not work for me. I knew there had to be another way. My sense was that it ends more marriages than it saves. This is due to the fact that old hurts are brought up repeatedly, keeping both parties in complaint mode. When the focus is on the negative and old issues, moving forward, shifting behavior is next to impossible. One party ends up being wrong.  Patterns, beliefs or programming that don't serve are not cleared. There is often no change in behavior. Staying the same, does not bring healing. We have to shift our thoughts, release old patterning or programs as well as communication style for healing to occur. Shifting thoughts and patterns is where the magic comes in of my work. If you are serious about being happy, making your marriage work, becoming enlightened, or discovering your path, Jennifer is your woman. Experienced, compassionate, understanding, committed to your healing, she will drill to the center of the issue, without blame, condemnation or judgment. She has been where you are and understands what it feels like to have:

low self esteem

anxiety

fears

depression

worry

perfectionism

lack of clarity

codependence

ADD

addictions 

sexual dysfunction

sex addiction

loneliness (even within a marriage)

emptiness

feeling broken

unworthiness

worthless

All of these are just some of the issues Jennifer has healed in her own life. Enlightened in 2012, she is a catalyst for your healing, through her Divine connection. No religion, or beliefs required. Just pure love and understanding.