By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
More Than 7 Minutes in Heaven
Remember those days in your teens, playing spin the bottle? Seven Minutes In Heaven is an updated game that teens from 13 to 18 play today. Instead of kissing uncomfortably in the circle, after spinning the bottle and finding out who you are paired with, the paired couple go into a closet or bathroom. They are timed and must stay in the closet for 7 minutes. If the person you are paired with is someone you don't want to kiss, 7 minutes could feel like hours. If it is someone you are attracted to, think is cute, or even dreamed about, your dreams come true. A whole seven minutes!
I am not suggesting that adults play this childhood game. Though the average duration of the sex act for many couples is only 7 minutes and 43 seconds for each encounter. For 45% of men, sex is over within 2 minutes or less according to The Nerve. The recent study has confirmed Alfred Kinsey's research from the 1940's and 1950's. A recent study of Canadian and American sex therapists recently concluded a study stating that the average sex act lasts between three to seven minutes, not counting undressing.
Think You're A Stud?
Most men love sex. They like to think that they are satisfying their partners. However, a recent study shows that men think they are doing a good job when they are actually missing the "O" mark. A 1992 study by Edward Laumann of The University of Chicago found that 43.5 percent of the men thought that their partners always had an orgasm, compared to the 28.6 percent that saw a glimpse of heaven. But that was in 1992, you say. An updated study was done in 2010 which elucidates this issue. 85% of men felt that their females partners had a great time, versus the 64% that looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. Hence, my book, Orgasm For Life.
The Two-Minute Marvel
Having a relationship with a man where sex only lasts two minutes or less can be extremely frustrating for both partners. For marriage partners, it is a source of extreme conflict. Speaking from experience it caused constant friction, of the non-sexual kind. I
know of many women who eventually have affairs and divorced their men due to their nonfulfillment. Many stay but are extremely dissatisfied with the sex. Alfred Kinsey dryly reported that men would be irritated with their wives, "Are you done yet?" (forty minutes).
Author's Note:
A reader commented on an article I wrote about the length of time most women need to reach orgasm - between twenty and forty minutes. He responded that I must be using a vibrator or touching myself too much. The truth is I don't own a vibrator, I prefer the real thing to something that buzzes, vibrates, whizzes and bangs without ejaculating.
Macho Man? Or Are Women Just Misunderstood?
His comments highlight the misunderstanding that many men are under. Just because a man can get it up and off in two minutes doesn't mean that women can. We have yonis (vaginas), not lingams (penises). Women can orgasm through digital stimulation in four minutes or less without a partner. Add another physical presence and women and their vaginas change.
Author's Note:
A reader commented on an article I wrote about the length of time most women need to reach orgasm - between twenty and forty minutes. He responded that I must be using a vibrator or touching myself too much. The truth is I don't own a vibrator, I prefer the real thing to something that buzzes, vibrates, whizzes and bangs without ejaculating.
Macho Man? Or Are Women Just Misunderstood?
His comments highlight the misunderstanding that many men are under. Just because a man can get it up and off in two minutes doesn't mean that women can. We have yonis (vaginas), not lingams (penises). Women can orgasm through digital stimulation in four minutes or less without a partner. Add another physical presence and women and their vaginas change.
Erections and Arousal In Men
The subject of men and the way they are wired is fascinating. The differences in men and women sexually are astounding. Men can become aroused and erect as many as 11 times a day (on average). Women may think of sex once a day or less. The challenge is overcoming our personal issues and getting to the place of joint pleasure, rather than pleasure for just one.
Two Minutes Or Less For Many Men
For those men who ejaculate within two minutes, other ways to satisfy your partner need to be found, because penetrative sex does not last long enough for her. It is not because sex is too infrequent. William Reich, supports my hypothesis and theory. Anger blocked emotions and inner rage is what lies underneath this pre-mature ejaculation or HTP, as I have termed it in my book, Orgasm For Life.
Yes, I work with men to help heal these emotional issues. I have had really great success healing sexual dysfunction in both men and women.
Yes, I work with men to help heal these emotional issues. I have had really great success healing sexual dysfunction in both men and women.
How Long Does Orgasm Take For Women?
Dr. Harry Fische has a post which I wholeheartedly disagree with. He writes that most women can achieve an orgasm within 7 minutes. He states that women who take 40 minutes to have an orgasm need to get themselves checked. Other scientists and medical professions disagree. Most women need between 20 and 40 minutes to achieve an orgasm unless they are self-stimulating.
Men The Deep Fryers - Always Hot and Ready To GO!
Men and like deep fryers, ready to go at a moment's notice and can become erect, ready-to-go just by simply seeing an attractive woman on television. They can turn their attention to the woman they are with very easily with that arousal. Whether it is a magazine photo, article, or a movie, seeing a naked woman can be enough for many men to be aroused enough for sex.
Women The Slow Cookers - Slow To Warm Up
Women are like crock pots or slow cookers. We are slow to arouse. Our minds need to be engaged, free of thoughts and worries about the kids or family members hearing, dishes in the sink, or vacuuming that needs to be done. We perform so many household tasks a day, that there are often things that are undone, plaguing us. When our minds are not present, sex is next to impossible. If our recent encounters with our men have been less than satisfactory, we may be even reticent to have sex with you, thinking "What's the point?" It may be simpler and much more gratifying to just masturbate. At least, this way we know we will achieve an orgasm.
Making orgasm the focus for the man usually ends up with a frustrated woman. Which is why we are currently in the predicament in society today. Pornography indulges the male fantasy that women are always ready to go down on you or mount you at a moment's notice.
The Truth
Only 25 percent of women have orgasms through penetrative sex alone. Most men spend a few minutes fingering and then enter, thinking what they did was enough. It wasn't. If you are not spending time satisfying your woman through other means, orally, digitally or with a vibrator, most women will not achieve an orgasm. There is a problem. Ask her. When you care about her pleasure, sex will happen more frequently.
It has become commonplace for women to not have orgasms through sex. This is called the orgasm gap. If one partner has an orgasm, both should.
Betty Dodson, New York sex educator says, penetrative sex is okay, "But I prefer a talented tongue on my clitoris."
Interesting Fact About Orgasm
Women take approximately the same time to orgasm when they masturbate by themselves as men, about 4 minutes. Women report that they have fewer orgasms with their males partner than women who have sex with women.
Yes, it is the female pleasure center. It is located outside the vagina and does not come into contact with the penis while penetrative sex is occurring for most women, which is why so many women have difficulty having an orgasm this way. The clitoris has twice the number of nerve endings than a man's penis. For some women sex riding on top of the man is the only way she can sometimes reach an orgasm through penetrative sex. If the woman straddles the man and leans forward friction can be possible against the shaft of the penis with the clitoris for some women.
The clitoris is what is removed in some cultures so that women don't experience pleasure when they have sex.
Many women have no idea what or where their clitoris is. In a study of undergrads, many men and women thought that the clitoris is another name for the G-spot (it's not). No wonder some men can't find it either. The clitoris is like a little
button of pleasure measuring from 4 inches in length to seven inches in some women. It is hooded and is not the place where women pee. The urethra, where urine is emitted from is below the clitoris towards the vaginal opening. The clitoris branches out internally. Some scientists believe that the internal G-Spot is the root of the clitoris (found on the upper inside wall of the vagina). Orgasm For Life has a complete description of the G-Spot and how to arouse this area.
The clitoris is comprised of thousands of nerve endings (8,000 to be exact,) twice that of the penis, erectile tissue, like the penis. The clitoris becomes engorged with blood as arousal begins. It becomes erect and swells in size. When a woman is not aroused, it appears shy, hidden and often obscured. If you are interested in seeing photos and description of the female anatomy from a scientific perspective, here is the link.
Over the last hundred years, 61% of all divorces are filed by women. Why? Women are getting fed up with giving and not receiving equally in return. If you are seriously interested in saving your relationship, buy my book. Orgasm For Life explains in great detail how to bring a woman to orgasm with regularity. Orgasm For Life is more than a book about sex, it is a guide for relationship communication and understanding of men and women. It will help you build intimacy, deepen the love between you and save your relationship.
For Men
The following description of how to make love to a woman is a small part of what a woman needs to feel loved, accepted and adored. Taking the time to make love to her at least once a month this way will increase intimacy and deepen your bond. Rushing through to orgasm is a sign that sex is unconscious and robotic.
There are two of you. Make sure that you take care of
your woman first. If you get her deeply aroused before you engage in penetrative sex, her orgasm will happen with ease and your sexual encounter will be erotic, expansive with amazing orgasms. Hold off your orgasm. Stop what you are doing to slow down and keep yourself from coming too soon. Change positions, pull out and go down on her - again. This will slow down your building pleasure enough to keep yourself from coming. Giving to your woman first can be amazing for both of you.
There are two of you. Make sure that you take care of
What MOST Women Need To Achieve An Orgasm And Want To Have Sex With You AGAIN and AGAIN!
More Than 7 Minutes in Heaven
- Tell her you love her.
- Tell her how beautiful she is, often. While making love, if you don't tell her at least 3 times, you are missing the whole point of LOVE-MAKING.
- Hug her and touch her outside of the bedroom and when you are not expecting sex. Many men only become amorous when
they expect sex. Again, we are not wired the same as you. We need to know you adore us, love us and like us. The only way we know this is through your actions. If your actions are not loving, we feel used.
"O- Face" Orgasmic woman - Kiss. The kiss can be a huge turn on. Not too much saliva. Don't shove your tongue down her throat. It is not a rape scene. A kiss can express your desire, a nibble of the lower lip, gently touch of your lips together, pull away and look at her. Make eye contact. Then go back again and begin to slowly, slide your tongue in between her lips (mouth, not vagina). There is an art to kissing. I will write an entire post about the kiss soon. Spend time kissing her. Act as if you actually like her. Show her how much you do. Don't rush to the good stuff, you will miss how turned on she can get with just kissing. Some women can achieve an orgasm through kissing alone.
- Nibble and kiss other places. Ears, neck, shoulders, gradually, slowly make your way to her abdomen. Kiss her all over. Stop thinking about yourself and having an orgasm. Take your mind off yourself and focus on HER. This will pay off in dividends.
- Touch. Finger light touch along her arms, massage her hands, let her lay back and just enjoy herself without having to give to you. Gently touch her shoulders, across her breasts with gentle fingers or a feather. Brush her inner thighs without touching THE TARGET, (the vagina or vulva), touch her calves, gently brushing along her inner ankles, massage her feet. Hear her groan. Give her pleasure all over. She has an entire body. If you aren't touching her everywhere, you are just fucking, not making love.
- Roll her over, massage her buttocks. Rub and massage her back. Take your time. If you rush, she will know it.
- Kiss her buttocks, nibble a little. Massage her thighs getting close but not touching her vulva. Tease her with your fingers. Her back will arch as she becomes more aroused.
- You can use your whole body to rub hers at this point, let her feel you along her torso, without putting too much weight on top of her. This is to be pleasurable, not controlling.
- Ask if you can touch her vulva. If she says, yes, or "HELL YES!" place a flat hand on top of her vulva and hold it there. She will begin to vibrate. Gently tap her clitoris with your flat fingers. Then you can begin to massage her clitoris. The most sensitive region for most women is at 1:00 as you look at her face. In other words for those of you who can't tell time, look at her clitoris, just to the right of her navel, towards her right hip. Massage in circular motions, pressing gently. Ask her how the pressure is.
- You have two hands, use them. Ask her if you can put a finger inside her. Using a lubricant, insert either an index finger or third finger inside her. Don't poke her. Using a come hither motion curl your finger upwards along the upper portion of her vaginal wall. This is where the G-Spot is located. Massage this area. She might have to pee. Let her do so. When she comes back, resume. After about five minutes here you should be ready to enter her. I am very interested in hearing your perspective. Did this article help you, educate you or offer a different perspective? What would you like to know more about? What subjects have I written about that you liked and want more of? What has been your experience?
Every woman is different. However, I have talked to hundreds of women in person. I have only met two women who had orgasms easily. The other women need a slow gentle build to achieve an orgasm. They need 20 to 40 minutes of pleasure to get there. Most men think they are doing a great job. Their partners do not agree.
I cannot thank you enough. Nothing is overnight in this life, but I have turned a corner here and sooner than I thought I would. C. Ebert
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a sex educator, and empowerment coach for women and men. She is compassionate, direct, honest and the most adventurous and interesting woman you will ever meet.
She has been on hundreds of radio shows across the world. For a private coaching session or a clearing of your anger issues, you can e-mail her here.e-mail Jennifer here.
