By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Some men pride themselves on their ability to turn on a woman. My assertion is that is easy to do. The key to great sex isn't the ability to turn a woman on. Can you take her breath away?
Women are different than men. They don't heat up like Ferrari's on nitrous oxide. Women are more like diesel engines; slow to warm to even the idea of having sex. If you skip steps while making love, you will only piss her off.
Great sex is not about getting off; it is about the journey. Rushing to the finish line isn't going to cut it for most women. Women need their mind turned on first before you go fumbling with her underwear and poking fingers into places when she isn't ready.
If you have annoyed her recently, you better pay attention to what you ignored, put off or didn't do. Telling her you are sorry does not mean you lost your machismo. As a matter of fact, the ability to give a genuine and heartfelt apology shows intelligence and an aptitude for what a woman wants and needs.
If a woman is upset with her man, she won't be the least bit interested in sex. Get over yourself! Women don't think like men. They don't look to sex to relieve stress, anxiety or anger. Women need to feel close to their men first, have trust, intimacy (which is not to be confused with sex) and not be afraid of you. If you bash her self-esteem at every turn or threaten her with physical harm, you have a serious problem. Get some help for your anger issues before you hurt someone. Hitting, or pushing a woman, or even threatening physical harm to a woman does not make you more of a man, nor does it show how much in love with her you are. It is the exact opposite.
NEWSFLASH: Spanking May Not Turn Her On At All!
Since 50 Shades of Gray came out, many men have the misimpression that slapping a woman's ass is a turn on for all women. I have news for you smacking a woman who has been molested, or abused will not be a turn on at all! If you do so one time without asking, it might just be the last. Just because you saw it in a movie, does not make it right for her.
Real men can be soft, gentle and loving. They can open their hearts to be vulnerable while still maintaining their machismo. Real men will tell their woman how beautiful she is and how often he thinks of her when he is away from her. This is what a woman needs to hear. Men that are afraid to tell their woman that she is beautiful have low self-esteem. I have had several men tell me that they refuse to tell their wives they are beautiful because they are afraid she'll have sex with another man. She needs to hear you love to look at her. She needs to know you think she is beautiful. Tell her. Being afraid she will sleep with another man is ridiculous! If a woman is going to have an affair, it won't be because you told her she is beautiful. How long have you been together?
A woman wants to know she looks beautiful to you, not that she makes you hot. Anyone can turn on a man.
Leaving a woman gasping for breath after a kiss, or a love-making session is so much more meaningful than just getting her to breathe heavily. Here are ten ways to take her breath away.
- Buy her flowers for no reason. Make sure they are her favorite type and color. Ask questions. Get to know what she likes rather than assume. I know one man who gave his wife the wrong color roses for over twenty years because he assumed it was what she liked. ASK!
- Make reservations for dinner on your own. Plan a romantic evening with theater or concert tickets and dinner.
- Write a romantic note with an invitation and give it to her the days before, so she can think about it.
- Buy rose petals and candles for your bedroom.
- Run her a bath and light some candles. Let her bathe without your interference.
- Give her a glass of red wine to drink in the tub so she can luxuriate. Red wine is a turn on (just don't get her drunk it could have the reverse effect).
- Plan a picnic at a beautiful spot. Take care of all the details yourself so she doesn't have to do a thing but enjoy.
- In the morning before you leave for work, make the bed, put the toilet seat down and leave a single rose and love note on her pillow. Tell her all the things you love about her and how you want to take care of her when you get home.
- Give her a massage. Put her hair up with a hair clip. Place a towel underneath her. Start with her back, using olive or coconut oil (something natural). Avoid touching between her legs, you can tease her massaging her buttocks, thighs, and calves. Don't forget her arms, hands and feet. Have her flip over to her back. Take turns giving without expecting anything in return. Sex may happen, but don't expect it.
- Ask before touching her breasts or vulva. When a man asks permission, it shows respect, rather than ownership. In Tantra, permission is always asked before venturing towards an area. Trust is developed and deepened when you ask permission, even if you have been together for years. "May I touch your breasts?" This one thing might be the way you take her breath away tonight!
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach. If you don't have passion in your life, there are many things you can do to rekindle the fires and turn up the heat.
Jennifer's foundational work is self-esteem. When we love ourselves, we are much more satisfied with our lives and therefore, our partners. We are more available to give and receive love when we come to the party already full. If you don't love you, maybe it's time to contact Jennifer to change your perspective permanently. E-mail Jennifer private here.