Healing The Sexless Marriage

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When we get married, we often have expectations of romance, great sex and deep intimacy well into our golden years. We think when we get married that love is enough to keep us happily ever after. Love isn't enough to sustain a marriage. Communication, appreciation, recognizing that our partner isn't perfect, as well as a deep sexual connection with passion is key. After children are raised, we sometimes look at our partner and wonder where the passion went? Is it possible to rekindle that desire, passion and pleasure that seems to have vanished?

No matter what our age is, a healthy marriage involves affection,

kissing, holding hands and yes...... SEX! If you are the one not wanting sex, but can walk, talk and are not incapacitated due to a serious illness or disease you are withholding love, affection and abusing your partner. The reality may feel harsh? Try to put yourself in the jilted party's boxers.

The reality of a sexless marriage is that you are in a relationship traditionally based on love. Love involves support, appreciation and physical expressions of love;  physical touching, kindness, and sex. When we continue to refuse advances for sex, our partner can feel unloved, unappreciated and unworthy. Self esteem can suffer when the sex valve has been turned off for a very long time. If you don't want sex, there can be myriad of reasons why. 

Author's note: Please note that it is not always the men who are doing without sex. Some men have low libidos and are not as interested in sex as their women. I have done my best to stay in the middle of the road about who is saying NO to whom.

How Often Is Often Enough?

Most healthy sexual beings want to have some sort of coupling several times a week. As time goes on and we begin to age, the frequency can dwindle somewhat. Most men prefer sex several times a week into their 50's. The desire for weekly sex is normal for many healthy men into their 60s. Women that are post-menopausal can have no sex drive at all.

For many long-term married couples, however, sex can fall into the non-priority for the women, while still being a necessity for the men. The ones that come to me complaining are men. It is sad that so many women feel that sex is such a low priority that they needn't bother more than on holidays and birthdays. Sex should not be a carrot or manipulation tool used to get what you want from the other person.

How It Feels To Be Rejected

For the party being left out in the cold, sexually, it can feel like you have been emotionally abandoned, shut out and shut down. For

men, sex is a frequent need that allows them to become more vulnerable and affectionate afterward. Sex opens the door to deeper conversations and bonding. It is also a sign of love.

Women can feel that their men are too focused on the physical act and not enough in their hearts for us to open our legs to them. However, men often close up like a flower without the outlet of sex to open their hearts. They operate in complete reverse to women. Women need romance and their partner to be vulnerable. Men won't open up until after they have had sex. We are wired with cross-purposes to one another. 

Without Sex

Without sex as a sign of love and affection, relationships dry up, wither and die. Griping, complaining and arguments may ensue. Over time, when sex is withheld, other forms of sexual outlet may be sought. Affairs can begin. Or a professional may be used for sexual outlet. As horrifying as this sounds, think about it. When a commitment was made to marry it was for the long haul. Sex is not the foundation, but it certainly is the glue that holds a relationship together. Without sex, depression, weight gain and low self esteem often become a friend to the one who has been shunned. 

My Own Experience

Having been there myself in my last marriage, I felt unattractive, depressed and gained weight. I felt unloved. Yet, what surfaced in my marriage was my husband's inability to see how he struggled with his sexuality. He did not want to be gay, he had been raised Christian, abused in his childhood by an uncle. All the signs were present that he preferred men to women. He just would not admit it to me.

Following are some reasons sex has fallen by the wayside:

1. Your heart is closed.
2.  You are angry or resentful about something that your partner is either doing or NOT doing. 
3. You are bored with your marriage or maybe your life.
4. Your relationship has a rift, that needs to be mended
5. You are not expanding and growing together.
6. You don't feel attractive and/or sexy.
7. You are not feeling attracted to your partner.
8. You are unhappy with your life.
9. You are not happy with you.
10. You realize you don't even LIKE your partner.
11. You expect your relationship to support you and make you happy, and it isn't.
12. You are in blame. When you look at your partner, you complain in your head about how they are acting or not acting and wish they were different.
13. Your hormones have dwindled down to almost nothing.
14. You have just given birth, or are breast feeding and sex is the last thing on your mind.
15. Your cholesterol is too low. Cholesterol is needed to produce hormones. A diet rich in fats, coconut oil, avocado, nuts can be helpful.
16. You are depressed. When we are depressed our brain is deficient in serotonin. Serotonin is needed for healthy sexual function.
17. You feel your partner smells funny, or isn't clean.
18. Sex may not feel pleasurable to you. Women who have been non-orgasmic for years may find sex more of a chore than pleasure. Being non-orgasmic can be caused by past sexual assault, rape or molestation. Healing the frozen fear within the body will remedy this situation. (Read the chapter in Orgasm For Life on Sexual Healing.)
19. You may prefer the same sex over the opposite sex and have not realized the truth. If you can't bring yourself to make love to your partner, look inside. Is it them, or you?

Sex begins in the brain. Our brain needs to be present, focused on what we are doing rather than all the chores that need to be done, or if the children will hear. Men are more able to turn off the outside influences that distract women from being turned on. Letting go of thoughts about the housework, laundry and grocery list needs to happen for most women to begin to focus on pleasure. A lock on the bedroom door helps to keep little ones out when parents are having private time. 

When we focus on how our partner is not making us happy, we are not taking responsibility for our own happiness. The happier we are with ourselves, the happier we will be with our partner. Making the choice to throw away the magnifying glass and stop making our partner WRONG or nitpicking on all that they are not doing is the first step to getting out of our heads.

One person can not possibly be responsible for making us happy. We need friends, a creative outlet, activities away from our partners to learn and grow. Being interesting and having something to talk about at dinner can make a huge difference in our relationships. When the kids are the only conversation at dinner, we can become boring and dull to our working partner. 

Meditation Before Sex

Meditation together before sex can calm the mind, get you both centered and make the act of love-making more conscious and sacred. Your spirits can come together in unison before your bodies

do making your sexual experience much more connected and powerful. Sit on the bed facing one another, cross-legged if you can. Spend 5 to 10 minutes connecting heart-to-heart before you ever touch one another. Place your hand flat on your chest touching your collar bone. You will know your hand is in the correct position if you can lower your chin and touch your hand. Breathe in deeply, exhale completely 5 times. You will feel a tingling in your hand when you have connected with your heart. Now look each other in the eyes, keeping your hand on your chest. Smile a little while you look upon the face of the one you fell in love with. Now close your eyes and sit in silence breathing slowly for about 3 minutes. You can do this meditation naked or clothed. Do whatever is most comfortable for you.

Eye gazing can help you connect in a different way, if you can actually look each other in the eye and hold your eye gaze for two minutes, you may begin to laugh. That's okay too. You would be surprised at how many married couples can't do this simple exercise.

Overworked and Underpaid

In many marriages, both parties work outside the home. Often stay-at-home mom's have a cottage industry business that could be increasing stress for them. Men can be consumed with work and be scattered and unfocused when they return home. Men too are working at home. Too much time together can make our partner seem ho hum and dull. We all need stress relief to be fresh for our partner when we reconvene at the end of the work day.

New babies and fluctuating hormones

During pregnancy women can be flush with desire, wondering what on earth has gotten into her. After giving birth, a woman's hormones run amok. They drop to almost nothing. She may feel depressed, exhausted and teary. For some women, it can take up to two or three years to get back to what was previously considered normal hormonal functioning. Once that happens, new mothers are so busy, running after toddlers, breast feeding and maybe even pregnant again, the desire for sex just isn't there. We often forget that our men have needs, when sleep is our highest priority. New mothers are also concerned about getting pregnant again. They may hesitate to have sex because of tremendous fears. Waking their sleeping baby is another reason new mother's may be hesitant to get their groove on. It always seems that babies instinctively know when mom is getting turned on. They wait for that moment and wind up with a huge, "WHAAA!"

Your body may be aging, but that does not mean you have to stop

having sex. Sex changes as we age. We might not be clearing the dining room table to have sex any longer, but some people do. Following are some sexy suggestions to help you spice up your relationship and get the home fires hot again:

1. Romantic gestures for both parties. Flowers, chocolates, special dinners are not only for newlyweds. Romantic gestures who that you appreciate your partner. Appreciation is a key component of love.
2. Laughter and fun. Couples that laugh and have fun in the bedroom experience deeper intimacy in their relationship. Sex does not have to be all business. Play, dress-up and change it up!
3. Play. Play is a component of healthy living and relationships. Staying connected to our inner child keeps us young, playful and in touch with our true selves. There are all sorts of games the two of you can play to bring the element of play into your bedroom.
4. Play sexy games. Sexy Scrabble, Kama Stura, Cards Against Humanity can all keep you laughing and give you new ideas for sex play as well as break the ice to get you back in the swing of an active sex life.
5. Great communication and the ability to express what you would like to do in the bedroom is the number one way to change things up. Talking about sex needs to happen outside of the bedroom, over a glass of wine, or in front of a roaring fire. Make it light,
   
   fun and be open. It could change your life in beautiful and unusual ways. Couples that have a habit of shutting down or storming off have less success in the long-run.
6. Stimulate Your Minds. Having sexy, intelligent conversations about subjects that matter is an important facet of a healthy, balanced relationship. Discussing subjects that turn each of you on can help to ignite desire before you begin to undress.
7. Accepting your partner's flaws and faults is what unconditional love is all about. Maybe your partner isn't the best lover in the world. Letting them know what they do well as well as what you love that they do in bed, offers encouragement. Once you have given compliments, you can ask for something to be a little different, "harder, softer or more rapid." Nitpicking about every little thing they do, may be hard to take once you are naked. We are never so vulnerable as when we have no clothes on. Be kind, generous with compliments.
8. Respecting each other as individuals. Perhaps your partner likes to be touched in a way you don't. Allow them their little fetish, as long as it doesn't hurt or harm you. Maybe they like to
   
   have their anus stimulated and you don't like that. Remember unless you have tried it, don't knock it. 
9. Buy some sexy lingerie. When women have new lingerie we feel beautiful. Want some sex, buy her something beautiful. 
10. Massage can be a great way to initiate sex again after a long dry spell. Offer sex to your partner with no strings attached. Just a massage to begin to touch again.
11. Sex does not always have to include penetration. As both sexes
    
    age, dryness, a penis that is less than stiff can make intercourse more challenging. Sometimes just holding your partner while each of you mutually masturbates can offer a change of pace without the worry about an erection or lubrication.

Jennifer is a compassionate coach, author of Orgasm For Life with a large tool box to assist you on your journey into joy and happiness in your life and relationships. She offers private sessions

for couples, individually, as well as assistance with addictions to PMO. Her private e-mail isJenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Visit her website Aphroditeeffect.com

Do You Trust Yourself Enough To Love or Meditate?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Do you trust yourself? If you don't trust yourself, you won't trust others either. 

You cannot trust in others what you do not trust in yourself. 

Jennifer's broadcast message on TRUST it is a powerful 45 minutes program. Just click the link above. It will calm you, give you the guidance you may be looking for right now.  

When we shut our hearts down we block ourselves from falling in love. A closed heart also blocks us from making friends or even having joy. Instead of opening up to new experiences, we close ourselves down from all manner of wonderful things. Shutting our hearts down is saying "NO!" to the universe.  To mend our broken hearts we need to learn to trust ourselves and learn to love again. When we protect ourselves, we are protecting ourselves from all manner of good as well. When we are in fear, we cannot be in faith. Not trusting others, means you don't trust yourself either.

As humans we think that being vulnerable is a dangerous place. It is a faithless place. When we have no faith, we are in fear. We cannot experience the wonders of life when we are shut down. Energy always moves in a circle. When we don't trust ourselves, our lives are filled with chaos, and drama.

Whatever is going on in our outside world is going on inside of us as well. Our feelings guide us. Fear blocks us from experiencing the wonder of life. Fear also blocks us from experiencing miracles. When we are in fear, it means absence of faith. When we are in fear, we try to control environment, our loved ones, our and even our workplace. When we control others, it does not allow them to be who they are. Controlling others is a precious waste of our energy. We THINK we are helping others when we try to control them, especially our spouses and lovers. Getting them to do things the way WE THINK they should be done, "Why don't you do it this way!" 

The more secure you are with yourself, the less you try to control

others.We often shut down and are unable to take action because of our fear. Fear blocks us and can cause us to feel trapped. 

Allowing others to be who they are is far less exhausting than attempting to control them. 

Remember CONTROL comes from fear. It is reflecting what is going on inside of us. When someone is trying to "help" you, give them compassion, they are in fear.

Sit quietly and witness what is going on in our bodies. Fear blocks us from feeling a lot of things. Our body can become rigid. Our breath becomes shortened. Our stomachs tighten. Courage is not exactly the absence of fear. Courage gives us the impetus to move through the fear that causes us to be stuck. When we are stuck, we are paralyzed and can't move forward. You may still be afraid, but courage is what helps us to move forward, courage is what is behind you. Step forward and just move towards what you are afraid of. Freedom is just on the other side. When we are constantly doing, doing doing, we are trying to fill a void, perhaps even pretend not to be in fear. In this place of doing, we don't stop and just be....

Hundreds of years ago, there was no electricity. There would be only candle power. When the candle burned down, it was time to go to bed. We would be outside more than 50% of our day. Today, we are living an unnatural existence. We can't go shopping without a telephone in our pocket. It is causing stress in our body, cancer and diseases. In this doing, we fill our minds with tasks that waste our energy. We are not paying attention to the guidance we receive. We are not asking questions in stillness. If we listen and feel, we will have a sense of knowing. Stillness, and quiet is when guidance comes through. Today, energy is so much more subtle. 20 years ago our guides might have shouted at us. We have to be quiet to hear the still small voice.

Quieting The Mind 

Exercise:

Sit with your head straight, chin parallel to the ground. Do not turn your face upward. With your eyes only, look up at the ceiling. This

may feel a little strenuous on the eye muscles, but it will quiet the mind chatter. Keep looking up at the ceiling for about 3 - 5 minutes. 

Quiet reflection can heal, lower blood pressure and make you feel happier. While you are sitting, what do you hear? Sitting in stillness will fill you with peace. How do you quiet your mind enough to sit still? It is a very good time to connect with your guides. It is a great time to ask for your angels to assist you. How do you know if it is guidance? How do you know it is not a dark energy? Ask to be connected with only the highest of high to enter your energy field. What do you sense? Do you see pictures? Are you hearing phrases. Write everything down in a journal. As you sit in silence, your confidence will build. Trust in yourself will continue to grow. It is your God self. Communing in this way will connect you with your high self. Everyone has the ability to do so. We just need to be reminded. 

Be The Witness

Relax and breathe. Sitting in stillness do not judge our thoughts. We just relax and breathe. Relax your shoulders a little more. Am I comfortable? What am I feeling? What response is your body giving you? Is your stomach tight? Are you feeling stressed? If you are feeling stressed, turn the corners of your mouth upwards, in a smile. Are you yawning? What messages is your body giving you. If your stomach is tight, you need to relax some

Ghats of Varanasii

more. I call this "sinking in." Meditating does not require you to go up and out of your body. I used to think to meditate you needed to go up and out of my body. When I did, people thought that I had a lot of frenetic energy and that I was a flake. That is not so. The more grounded you are, the more connected you are. As you begin to feel more comfortable being in this stillness, you can add a little more time. Every human has the ability to meditate. 

Leave your animals out of the room, when you begin to meditate,

as they can disturb your energy and distract you. Respectfully, leave the cat and dog outside the door.

How does meditating affect trust?

Sitting in silence, is a deep journey inward, which expands your consciousness and connects you to your high self. It connects you with your true self. The more often that you sit in silence the more

Meditating at sunrise on the Ganges River

you will begin to trust yourself. Communing in this way, you will begin to receive guidance. Rather than challenge the guidance, trust it. Write down what you see and hear. Did you listen to the guidance? What happened? If you didn't listen to the guidance, what was the outcome? 

A Story of Guidance Received and Ignored

I used to argue with the guidance I received. I was very stubborn. I challenged the messages I received. When my children were 5 and 7. I did not trust myself or the guidance I received. I had a gut feeling to not allow my aupair to have my car. She was returning to Germany at the weekend. Whenever I began to think about her driving my car, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. When she asked if her friend could come along, again, I had that sinking feeling in my stomach. My oldest son convinced me that I should allow them to go to the skating rink with her. I made arrangements to get a ride to work and left my little Volkswagen Golf with her (which was

paid for, I might add). Half way through my morning, my boss called me into his office to take a phone call. He stood nearby while I heard the emergency personnel telling me my children in an accident and were being transported on backboards to Scottish Rite children's hospital by ambulance. I found them all in the emergency room. My babysitter and her friend were okay. My children survived. However, they were pretty banged up. The point is, I had intuitive guidance and I ignored it. In fact, I went against it. This event was a game-changer for me. I found out later that she had turned to talk to her friend and did not see the light change to red. She was clobbered and side-swiped because she was not paying attention. My car was completely totaled. 

Again, here is the link for the my audio for all this information that you can download and listen to at your leisure. I hope you enjoy this program that I have recorded for you. 

We are never so vulnerable then when we trust someone, but paradoxically, when we cannot trust neither will we find love or joy. Walter Anderson

Definition of trust (n)

Bing Dictionary

• trust
• [ trust ]

1. reliance: confidence in and reliance on good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability

1. position of obligation: the position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably

1. hope for future: hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future

In the absence of trust, you do not love yourself. The absence of trust means lack of confidence and lack of self love. In love and in life, our vulnerability is one of our greatest strengths. When we build walls, we miss out on love and we certainly miss out on joy. I was raised by a father who did not trust. He was suspicious of everyone. He raised me to not trust. It took me a long while to learn to trust. When I did, new worlds opened up for me. When we think that something will be stolen from us, or removed from us, we are constantly in fear. Then we cannot follow our hearts because we are afraid of what might happen. We think we are protecting ourselves from ridicule, failure, or having to follow through, or heaven forbid, being taken advantage of. When fears permeate everyday life, we don't trust ourselves and we don't trust others. We have created barriers to living life fully. We are limiting ourselves. Often we won't even talk to people, because we are concerned that they won't be interested in us, or they won't love us back. We won't go for a job interview, because we are afraid of rejection. 

If you consciously choose to be open and trusting, using your instinct or intuition as your guide, you will not be shut down by someone who does not deserve your trust. Thinking that it is never safe to trust again, closes you down from experiencing wonderful opportunities. If you have ever been lied to or cheated on, it can be difficult to begin to trust. However, saying that you will never trust again, never get married again, you are saying "No!" to the universe. It is not weak to admit that we fear rejection. But saying that all men can't be trusted is saying no to the universe. If you are saying that all men can't be trusted, you are actually saying you can't be trusted.

Judging yourself from the lessons learned in the past is not being kind to you. When we continue to carry hurt with us, everywhere we go, we are blocking ourselves. It can deprive ourselves from feeling loved and having emotional wellness. Relationships are our biggest teachers. Trust yourself enough to open up to love. It might be your game-changer. Here is the link to the audio file again.

Jennifer is an author, with a large toolbox of healing modalities that she blends beautifully into all she does and shares. She has an innate ability of cutting to the root of your issues with amazing speed and compassion. She works with codependency, addictions, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, control issues, and those you want to become enlightened, or learn to meditate and quiet their mind chatter. Jennifer is a healed healer, having overcome her own trauma, pain, suffering and loneliness. Now she no longer experiences suffering, loneliness or depression. She lives each day in joy and happiness. She can guide you to do the same.  Her private e-mail is: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Recognizing Insecurity and 10 Powerful Ways to Overcome It

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Most of us have felt insecure at some time. When we feel insecure ALL the time, we have self-love and self-acceptance issues. 

When I was a teen and well into adulthood, I was extremely insecure. I had the market cornered on insecurity and neediness. I remember thinking, "She's prettier than me! She's thinner than me! He's smarter than I will ever be! I can't do math! I can't be successful. I have to have someone who loves me to feel whole. My mother always loved my brother more than me. My father wouldn't let me go to college!" 

Stinking Thinking Sinks US

All these mental constructs are just stories that we make up that have little or no validity. When we believe the stories, is when we really get into a downward spiral. Comparing ourselves to others is never good. We are all unique. We all have our own gifts to share with the world. Here are some ways to recognize insecurity and later I will give you ways to overcome it. 

You May Be Insecure If

• You feel needy
• You are jealous - sometimes to the point of feeling insane
• You have self-doubt
• You beat yourself up
• You complain
• You are reactive to what others say
• You compare yourself to others
• You need to have a partner to feel whole
• You are uncomfortable having others look at you
• You feel fat
• You feel too thin
• You feed stupid
• You feel inadequate
• You feel your mother didn't love you
• You feel your father didn't love you
• You have any addictions: shopping, sex, work, working out, pot, alcohol, meth, sugar, eating, binging, purging, cutting
• You have compulsive behaviors
• You are afraid - of anything
• You worry
• You obsess
• You are never on time
• You are not successful at what you do
• You have difficulty with abuse
• Your relationships are awful: cheaters, liars, abusers, bad boys, bad girls, 
• You can't find love
• You say mean things to others
• You bitch, moan, complain about your life
• Your life is filled with chaos
• Your life is filled with drama
• You are unhappy with you, life, your job, your boss, your partner
• You can't meditate
• You look at yourself in the mirror and pick yourself apart
• You are estranged from any family member
• Depression
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Aches, pains
• Adrenal issues - Addison's disease
• Apathy
• Suicide
• Anorexia
• Feel like a victim
• Blame others for your lot in life and unhappiness
• Low blood pressure (lack of love as a child)
• Breast problems and breast cancer - refusal to nourish the self
• You are a people pleaser
• You are not authentic, but the chameleon, changing who you are for different people and situations
• You may be a workshop junkie
• You may be a healing junkie going from healer to healer looking for the quick fix
• You may encourage arguments to prove how unlovable you are
• You may lash out at others to hurt them - because you are hurting
• You may push love away
• You may resist love
• You may feel unlovable and unworthy
• Your thoughts are negative
• You have a lot of mind chatter
• You feel like a victim
• You are looking to be rescued
• You may be lonely or feel alone even in a relationship
• You worry about what other's think of you

Any of these traits depict insecurity. Feeling lack in any area of your life can make you feel insecure. I have been there and worn the T-shirts, and given them all to Goodwill. What is wrong with being insecure? Plenty. Your relationships suck, you have challenges in most areas of your life and you are unhappy. Focusing on these areas and continuing to do nothing about it can lead to the following diseases:

Just A Few Examples of Diseases Caused By Self-Hatred

1. Cancer - holding onto deep hurt, hatred
2. Arthritis - feeling unloved, criticism, resentment
3. Fibromyalgia - self-loathing, negativity, complaining
4. Epstein-Barr and any other auto immune disease
5. Acne - rejection of self
6. Bulimia - frantic stuffing of the self
7. Addictions - alcohol, sugar, pot, sex, shopping

Insecurity can ruin our relationships, success and steel our happiness. In my case, I went from one relationship to another, looking for love, acceptance and validation. Never finding it till I began to accept and love all of myself. It was a gradual process. When I began to see how my thoughts were literally killing me, I made the choice to do something about it. 

I studied hypnotherapy, when I saw that it helped me. I became a hypnotherapist and then a hypnotherapy trainer. I was helped by NLP, so I became certified in that modality. Energy healing helped me, so I became certified in Spiritual Response Therapy. I saw how coaching was needed, rather than traditional therapy to help others feel fully alive, secure and filled with self love. I have since gone on to combine all these modalities into the work I do with my clients. In the process of healing my life, I became enlightened. I created tools to help others heal their life that worked for me. 

Happiness Is An Inside Job

We are each responsible for our own happiness. No one else can make us happy. 

No relationship can fill us up or make us feel less broken. 

We have to choose happiness for ourselves. Thinking that we will be happy when we find the perfect job, relationship or move to the perfect place, is not going to bring it to you. Looking outside of ourselves for joy or happiness is not going to be lasting or permanent. Whether it is a new car, a home, a job, business, a relationship or even losing weight. All those things may bring a fleeting joy, but material things and other people do not make us happy, or secure.

How To Begin To Love Yourself and Feel Complete

1. Stop blaming everyone. You are not a victim. Take Responsibility for your happiness. 
2. Happiness is a choice - choose to be happy each day.
3. Be grateful for what you have. Prayers of gratitude remind you of all the good you do have and open you to receive more.
4. Forgive everyone, beginning with yourself. Use the Ho'oponopono Prayer daily until you feel complete. 
5. Stop beating yourself up, saying you are an idiot or stupid, or worse.
6. Use a mantra to reprogram your mind. A mantra needs to be positive simple and said either silently or out loud when your mind is in neutral. Meditation, peeling vegetables, washing dishes, putting on make-up, driving your car are all times when your mind is in neutral.
7. Get an energy clearing to clear blocks and negativity as well as blocked emotions. When you are ready to step out you can even have the blocks in your heart cleared as well.
8.  Begin to have a soft focus on you. Look at yourself with loving eyes instead of criticism. Get to know who you are and what you love. What do you love about you? Write down 10 things that you love about you.
9. What do you love to do? Do one thing on the list daily.
10. Do something daily that nurtures your soul. If you love to take hot baths in candlelight, do that. If you love to work out - work out. Do not feel guilty for taking care of yourself. You are important. You are worthy. You are loved. The person you need to give love to is YOU!

When we love ourselves, others want to be around us. We become a magnet for higher consciousness people and more loving kindness. Good things begin to happen to us. The Universe supports us.

Jennifer is a self-love coach and spiritual guide. She assists men and women love themselves fearlessly. She is an author and a healer. She can help you overcome the slew of issues listed on this blog above. Jennifer also works with women overcoming breast cancer. She helps you reprogram your mind so that you don't recreate it in your body. Jennifer is loving, compassionate and present. She has healed her own issues with self-love, so she understands what you are going through. You can buy her book here.

Her website is: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

The fast way to enlightenment?  SELF LOVE!

A Kiss And Affair That Stopped Time

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

If you have read my recent book, you are aware of the personal experiences I shared with my readers. My own passionate affairs have been learning lessons for me about myself, men and sex. If you are looking for more passion in your relationship, Orgasm For Life will certainly ignite the flames of passion for you. I recently was reunited with an old flame. (I use the term "old" loosely.)

I had a very hot, passionate, relationship with Bill 40 years ago. Many of us have love affairs with people that end abruptly or never flourish into anything long-lasting. This was one of those. We may think about these people, wondering what are they are doing now? I certainly did.  Looking at my life in retrospect, as well as writing OFL, I thought back to my affair with this man. A friend who is still a flight attendant for Air Canada, happened to fly with my past flame, Bill. He asked if she had heard from me recently. Joan let Bill know I would be in Toronto the very next week. This is my experience of wonderment, insight and rekindled passion. I was reunited with my former flame. 

It all started when I was a young flight attendant with Air Canada. Married before my 19th birthday, to get out of my home environment, I was naive and emotionally immature. I loved to travel, then as I do now. When we first graduated from our training course, most of the English speaking flight attendant graduates were based in Montreal. That was where I met Bill. We worked together on several overseas and domestic flights.  We flew several flight legs together and had a lot of fun. He was an in-charge Purser on my flight. He was handsome, sexy and very flirtatious. There was certainly a spark between us. Maybe he was attracted to me because I was unavailable. Maybe I was attracted to him because he was forbidden fruit. All of these issues played a part of making our meeting much more memorable and our affair so freaking hot!

As a reserve, or on-call flight attendant, I did not have a regular schedule. Neither did Bill. He had an "in" with crew scheduling. The guys that scheduled our flights liked him often pairing Bill with women he wanted to schtoop. Of course, I thought I was the only one. I never even considered asking to fly with anyone else. All this was very new to me. 

We began flying to exotic places, Jamaica, Paris, London. We made love under the Eiffel tower. He cupped my face in his hand when he kissed me. His kisses were deep, sensual and passionate. He whispered my name in my ear, and pulled me into him. I had never experienced this kind of passion before. 

Bill was the first man I made love with that made sex fun for me. Prior to this, I thought sex was serious business, not something you could have fun doing. We broke the back of his sofa in his living room, falling onto the floor in peels of laughter. We had so much fun together. There was a dark side to our affair,  an undercurrent of disrespect, that I didn't perceive until much later. Back then, I had no boundaries or respect for myself. I was totally enmeshed in our relationship. I was a pushover. This was the old, unevolved me. I was a people-pleaser back then.

After my divorce, our affair ended. Bill had some strong principles. He did not want to be named as the cause of my divorce. I did exactly that. I used his name in my legal proceedings. It was a time in Canada when there had to be a reason for your divorce. I could have waited the required year or two, but I was impetuous. An affair was just-cause for divorce. Was I trying to test him? Was I just looking for a way out of my marriage? I did not expect what happened next. Bill cut me out of his life. Just like that, it was over. I was devastated. I ended my marriage to be with him. Did I have it all wrong?

Fast forward to 2012. My Air Canada flight attendant friend, Joan asked if Bill could have my e-mail address. I told her it would be okay to give it to him. He e-mailed me photos of his boys and told me what was going on in his life in his typical truncated form. He was recently divorced after a 30 year marriage. He omitted the reasons why. Our communication was sporadic until he learned I was traveling to Toronto after December 28th, 2014. After five or six short e-mails, we met at a Tim Horton's donut shop near my mother's home. I had been working there using the Internet. Bill misunderstood my reason for being at Tim Horton's. He thought I had a job selling donuts. Bill mentioned in his e-mail he had fantasized about licking confectioner's sugar off my uniform. He joked that he was disappointed I was not in a Tim Horton's uniform.

My laptop battery died while I was writing my blog. I sat waiting Bill's arrival wondering if I would recognize him. He certainly did

not see me at first. He left the coffee shop, returning to his car for his phone to see if he was in the right place. I stuck my head around the corner and called out to him. 

Bill looked at me with a pleasant surprise smiling. His hair was quite a few shades lighter and shorter, now almost completely gray. He had gained a few pounds and had a sadness about him that was evident to me. He was happy to see me, but it was the underlying feeling that he emitted. He commented that the years had been kinder to me, than him. He worked hard, saved well and was financially secure.

Bill was excited to show me his new town home he had just purchased near the airport. Placing the pictorial flyer on the table, he pointed out the details of each floor from the drive-in garage up. It was a beautiful four-story home equipped very proudly with his own elevator. When I attempted to change the subject toward more heartfelt matters, he brought us back to his home. He wanted me to see every detail of his new home. It seemed important to him.

Bill joined me at my table, sitting very close with his legs comfortably on either side of mine. He held me close to him while we talked, instantaneously intimate. I would not have felt comfortable with a stranger sitting like this. It was as if no time had passed at all and we were back in the 70's again. It felt like old times in many ways. We were completely comfortable with each other as if no time had passed at all. 

I mentioned that this was my last day visiting my mother, and I had been sitting for hours using the Internet working. I felt it was time to return to let her know what had just transpired. Bill offered lunch and flowers for my mother. We walked to the nearby grocery store, chatting animatedly all the while. I picked out a modest bouquet, he recommended a larger one. I stayed with the smaller bouquet. With the flowers in tow, Bill climbed into the passenger's side of my mother's Malibu. In minutes we had arrived at my mother's condo. We knocked at the door and surprised my mother. I knew she did not remember Bill. After all, I probably kept Bill a secret anyway. I was not surprised. We waited while mom got changed. 

We had difficulty finding a restaurant that was open on a Sunday in this little town. The only one we could find was hosting a children's birthday party. My mother had difficulty hearing our conversation over the din. I ordered Asian wings to share, eating salads while we talked. Bill was happy with my selection. After lunch, my mother felt we needed more time together, and decided to drive herself home. This surprised me. Bill asked if I would like to go for a drive and see my parent's old place and the pool we had made love in. I knew what he was thinking. Those were fun times back then. I felt he was wondering if we could rekindle any of those feelings. 

We drove through the snow covered dirt roads of Schomberg and Tottenham, Ontario. It was a beautiful sunny day. Bill talked and I listened. He told me about his sons. He caught me up on the past 40 years of moves, Air Canada travel to China, Bogota and his philosophy about work, retirement and money. He told me he would not retire. Many people who did retire from Air Canada, we both knew died within the first year. Retirement was not an option for either of us. I asked about his marriage. 

We drove all around the beautiful countryside. Bill talked so much he began to choke and cough, especially when it came to his marriage. I asked him what he was doing to process his divorce. He asked me incredulously, "Process?" I explained, "working through the past events in order to release the past, heal and move on." It was not in his frame of reference. I asked him about God and spirituality. Although both of us were not afraid of work, we thought very differently about life events and lessons. We were clearly miles apart in more than just domiciles. 

I began to become sleepy and asked if we could go back to my mother's. Bill parked in front of my mother's home, I leaned forward in my bulky down coat to hug him goodbye. Instead, he cupped my face with his hand and pulled me to him. The kiss was deep, sensual and oh so familiar. In a flash I was back in Bill's arms as if time stood still. I could smell his familiar scent. Memories of the past flooded my mind, our layovers in Jamaica, Paris were like yesterday. Pheromones brought us together. They were still present and certainly evident. The connection and passion were still present. I had not been kissed where I melted into someone like this in a very long time. He kissed me again, whispering my name. It made me weak in my knees, I felt like a teenager, buoyed by our experience together. 

Bill offered his home to me on my next visit to Toronto. It was likely he would be flying - but I was welcome to use it in any case. He was generous with what he had. I thanked him for buying flowers and remembering my mother. It was nice that he invited her to lunch as well. I was appreciative of his drive all the way up to see me on his day off. All in all, it was a very pleasurable experience.

We have both walked and flown a lot of miles in the 40 years since our affair. We have had different experiences and learned so much about ourselves. I know I have. I am not the same young girl that leaped into the flame of passion when I was in my early 20's. I have boundaries, self respect and a whole lot of love for myself and my body. I don't have recreational sex anymore. I haven't in a very long time. Recreational sex feels empty for me. I will hold out for a connection of mind-body-spirit with a man who recognizes who I am, is interested in what I have to say and accepts me wholeheartedly anyway. A connection cannot be faked. Without a connection, sex is just empty bumping of body parts. 

The Moral Of The Story

Affairs when we are married create tremendous karma. We hurt others when we follow the flame. I certainly hurt my husband. I still remember his face when I told him. I have forgiven myself for the hurt I have caused him, but the knowledge that this was not one of my most stellar moments is still with me. I learned from my past experiences. If you must be with another person, it is much more honorable to get out of your current relationship first. 

Looking for that elusive relationship? Keep repeating the same patterns over and over? Following are just some of the issues that Jennifer's work will help you overcome: 

• anxiety
• depression
• addictions
• sex addictions
• porn addictions
• codependency
• insecurity
• self loathing
• anger

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love, sex and empowerment coach, author, and energy healer. She utilizes her own life and healing experience from codependency to help others overcome abuse, addictions, codependency and self worth issues. Jennifer welcomes you to her free strategy sessions. 
Set yours up here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com
Buy her books: HERE

Visit her website: JenniferElizabethMasters.com

From a past client:

I met Jennifer at one of her workshops that a friend recommended to me.  At that time I was searching, and wanting some help out of my deep depression and anxiety.
Keeping in touch, I joined her on line workshops, and eventually her coaching once a week.

One of my earliest coaching sessions with Jennifer, I felt complete trust, like I have never felt with anyone in my ENTIRE LIFE.  I told her my deepest darkest secrets, and she welcomed me into her loving space.  For this, I will never ever forget, and will be eternally grateful.    

She allowed me to be where I was, no rescue, no high expectation - no pat advice that I have heard over and over - not landing anywhere in me that could really grow.

Her advice was simple and doable, small steps to move forward - with kindness, and no judgment allowed me to open up.
The meditations helped me see my guides and myself in a new light.  

As I grew in compassion and respect for myself as a result from the coaching sessions, vast changes in me occurred.I feel happier, more peaceful, more truly loving now.
In both my professional life and personal life, the changes though subtle, were highly significant:  I easily am present with people and they sense this.  If nothing else occurs, I feel that this is a huge gift, to be able to connect with people so that they feel heard and significant. N.A., Atlanta, GA

Contact Jennifer now for questions, or to set up an appointment

Stairway To Heaven, Or Highway To Hell?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Life is what we make it. We can choose to make life the best life we can, focusing on questioning what we think, rather than believing all those crazy thoughts rolling around in our heads.  In this way we grow from what we did yesterday. The flip side of this proverbial coin is to focus on the negative, pinpoint all the things we can't stand about other people. This negativity will create hell on earth for you making your journey long, hard and full of challenges. When we complain, bitch and moan about our life circumstances,  constantly looking over our shoulders wishing we hadn't done what we did or made the choices we made, we are resisting. The choice, is always ours. 

Each of us is having our own life experiences. Lessons come along the way. If we don't learn our lesson, we end up repeating similar experiences until we do. I write about the experiences I have, or about what I am guided to write about. Sometimes, these stories or articles hit home for you. I would like to hear from you when they do. Your experiences can help others with their journey. 

This Christmas for me was challenging because of logistics. I had to take the slow road - or longer route to Colorado to avoid bad weather and to be safe. It added a significant amount of driving to my already long trip. In total, I drove 4,000 miles and flew a few more to Toronto. The first week was spent with my

adult off-spring. My youngest, Ariel was delighted as this was the first time in 13 years that she woke up in the same house on Christmas morning as her brothers. There is a 12 year gap between Ariel and David and almost 15 between Ariel and Adam. Naturally, their life paths took them off on their own journey before Ariel was out of middle school. We are a very close-knit family. Getting together on a regular basis helps to maintain that closeness. During our time together we painted, ate, hiked and just spent time together. We were not busy doing anything else other than visiting with one another. 


My trip back to Canada was one I had put off for over 2 and a half years. My mother is 92. To those who know me, I refer to a trip home as a "Button Pusher's Convention." I have had so many

My mother, aged 92

experiences over the past three weeks that I have enough to write another book, or at least three weeks of blog posts. I will share the stories one at a time.

I am very happy to say, that I was able to visit with my mom, peacefully. It has not been that way in the past. I was able to speak my truth with compassion and love. We enjoyed our time together. My mother showed her love for me by baking 16 different types of squares, cookies and Christmas cake. I broke my sugar fast and enjoyed my mother's baking.
On my way home I travelled through intense fog for over two hours. I could not see more than 50 feet in front of the car. I heard, "TRUST." So I did. It was like driving with my eyes closed. I arrived in Williams, Arizona, near the Grand Canyon to check into my hotel. When I got out of my car and looked in the backseat, I saw my little dog Yoda was not with me. I shrieked, "YODA!" I searched under all the blankets and dog beds. He was not in my car. I had stopped in Williams, because I was tired. This meant an immediate drive back well over 100 miles! I thought back to all the places I had stopped to take photos and left my car door open. I stopped at the Meteor Crater near Winslow, Arizona. That stop was 6 miles off Interstate 40. In the middle of nowhere. There could be coyotes, foxes or cars that could endanger him. I never thought he would jump out and adventure out on his own. I certainly did not see him get out, or around the outside of my car. I also stopped at an abandoned Native American store, where there were still tipis and a huge dream catcher. Both of my dogs were out running around there and peed. I remember putting both dogs back into the car. After I turned the car around I got out one more time and took a photo of a huge dream catcher. Probably the largest in the world. I walked into the abandoned store where someone had smashed all the display cases and taken what was in them. The store felt very sad. Outside the store were huge petrified tree logs. I took photos there also. Maybe he was there? 

Near Big Guns, Arizona

By this time, it was pitch dark and I had not eaten all day. I had to eat and stay awake. I stopped to pick up some food and found the couple that had checked in at the same I had, sitting in the Pines restaurant in Williams.  They were kind. They told me they were from Calabasas, California. Andy invited me to sit with them. I had ordered my food to go, as I had to find Yoda. They said they would pray for Yoda's safety. I called all my children and asked them to pray for Yoda to be found safely. I knew I needed everyone's help. I felt strangely calm. I called on all those who had crossed over recently. I asked for my friends on the other side; John Armbruster, Rich Resuta, Diana Davis and Joanne Butler to assist. I asked them to put a holy bubble of Divine White Light around Yoda and keep him still. I didn't want him wandering towards the highway, or being eaten by another animal.

250,000 year old wood Petrified Zuni forest

I drove like a bat out of hell, praying the whole time. I kept thanking the angels and God for keeping Yoda safe. I said my prayers as if I had already found Yoda, safe and alive. I stopped first at the Meteor Crater road. I got out and whistled and yelled for Yoda till my voice was hoarse. I heard, "He's not here." I headed back to 40 East, towards Albuquerque and stopped at the abandoned store. I never stopped praying. I drove in, parked and quickly got out looking all around in the dark for Yoda. Fortunately, there was a light still lit on the top of the abandoned store roof. I called and called Yoda as loudly as I could. Nothing. I began to walk towards the petrified wood in front of the store. I called him again. "It's mommy Yoda!" He came barreling

from behind one of the tipis. At first he ran close but would not come right to me. I felt he might have been fearful that I would be angry with him. I called him again and he came to me. I clasped him in my arms and hugged him. I immediately said a prayer of gratitude. John the angels, God and all my deceased friends had kept him safe.  I was so grateful. I cried while I hugged him. I picked him up, placed him in the back seat then called everyone to say thank you!

 
The Moral of This Story
And The Lesson

I took a selfie, one that I will never forget. This was my lesson about being present. Had I not been so distracted by the beauty of the setting sun and all that was around me, taking photos, I would not have lost Yoda. Our cell phones cause us to be distracted. They ring when we are in the middle of hauling groceries to our cars, or when we are having important conversations. They don't need to be in our hands 24/7. Being present means paying attention to our surroundings and our loved ones. I am making a course correction to drive when I am driving. I will stop and take photos, making sure that the doors are closed and my dogs are safe. Learning is what life is all about. Making changes

along the way helps to keep us and our loved ones safe and protected.


Jennifer is a life, love and sex coach, author, hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and Master energy healer. She became enlightened in 2012. Since that time she has been fearless, happy, joy filled and never ever lonely. She no longer feels a longing for a hole to be filled. She will help you do the same. Jennifer works with those committed to spiritual, mind-body growth. Whether you suffer from addiction, co-dependency, challenges attracting a healthy relationship or just plain suffering, Jennifer can help you. She is a healed healer. She will help you let go of resistance so that you don't suffer any more. She will help you love yourself and others unconditionally, so that you can live a life fulfilled and joyful. Her work benefits people from all walks of life and all spiritual beliefs. 
Jennifer will be at the Burbank Holiday Inn, January 11, 2015 for the New Earth Expo. She will be speaking at 11:00 in room ONE. Her talk is on Power Manifesting for Love, Wealth and Happiness. Book a strategy session for free here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.comJenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Play Like Your Life Depends On It!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Play is what happy people engage in. Play is what children understand and love to do.  Yet, as people grow older we often forget that play is still a large part of our lives. Life's circumstances and events can bog us down and create sadness, depression and rigidity that precludes play.

In my research for play, I googled the word happiness. 334,000,000 people have googled happiness. Obviously there is a thirst for this elusive thing called happiness. Since I reside in
this place of happiness, I will share with you my recipe for living in a state of joy and happiness. Yes, play is a large part of being happy.

Growing OLD Is Not An Option

We are ageless. Only our perception of aging or judgment of it is what makes us age. We can be young, with it, and playful till the day we die. This is how we maintain good health, and joy in our lives. Each year we have another birthday. The number of birthdays we have does not determine how we feel or even look. It is our judgment or feeling about aging that causes us to look old. 

Your Inner CHILD is REAL!

Each of us has an inner child. The sooner you forgive yourself and apologize to your inner child for any wrong-doing or hurt caused them, the better. This inner child is ageless and always present. Connecting with your inner child will help you get in touch and reaquainted with the ageless part of you. Your inner child wants to play with you. Ask your inner child what they want to do. Often it is a trip to the beach, playing hopscotch, laughing through games or movies, or just a suggestion of something FUN!

What Happens When You Connect To Your Inner Child?

Magic! You ignite the fire of passion for living, joy and happiness. Connecting to your inner child is what will light the fire under your butt and get you out of your easy chair complaining about your crappy life. 

When you stop complaining and begin to say thank you for being alive, you will also find other things that are wonderful to give thanks for. Instead of looking down, you begin to look up. Your spirits pick up. Depression lifts. A weight or burden will lift.

Forgiveness

While in Canada, I worked with someone with an enlarged heart and diabetes. His heart was broken very early. His lifetime career was a tough one, which needed a closed heart to go to work each day. Now almost 70, he needed to forgive himself and some others. He didn't want to. I assured him that this work was for him and him alone. He trusted and allowed me to work with him. In minutes a weight of a lifetime lifted and he began to cry. A man that had not cried in over 50 years! This crying allowed light in. It allowed stress to be released. It allowed him to tap into more joy, happiness and LIVING!

There is so much more to this act of play. I will continue later. Right now, I am heading for the airport and returning to the U.S. Remember play begins in your heart. With a closed heart you cannot really play. Begin giving thanks. Gratitude will allow more light in so you can open up to receive more GOOD!

My private e-mail if you have any questions about work with me. How I can help you live a more connected and joy-filled life right here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Jennifer is an author, amazing catalyst for joy, happiness, enlightenment. She can help you find your light that is inside you. When you do, you will be able to tap into the joy, lasting
and permanent happiness, present moment and vitality you so deserve. Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com