By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
As an observer of life, I watch men and women. I watch couples interact as well as single people. Recently, I have been astounded at the absence of mindfulness in the men I have encountered. Two men I encountered, let doors slam in my face as I entered the buildings after them. I talked to those men and this is what I found.
Both men were terribly distracted. When I brought their actions, gently to their attention, they were both very apologetic and told me that they didn't realize what they had done till afterwards. One was going through a divorce and clearly had other things on his mind, he later asked me out on Face Book. I declined. The second one, was married. He made excuses. It was his cell phone, his computer, texting.... I asked him if he treated his wife with such disregard he said sheepishly, "No." I know this can't be true. I asked if they were still having sex? He looked surprised at my question. I told him if he was so absent-minded during his day, he was most likely missing the boat with his sexual encounters as well.
As You Do One Thing Is How You Do Everything
If you are not present during your work day, you will not be present at home with your wife and family either.
If you are aggressive on the road and cut women off, rather than let them go ahead of you, you will also be aggressive in your relationship with women.
If you are shut down to the idea of sex and being intimate with your partner, you are also shut down emotionally for yourself and life. You will not be experiencing life to it's fullest potential.
Cluttered Home - Cluttered Mind - Cluttered Body
Is your home cluttered with collections, magazines, newspaper and mail? If so, you are an emotional hoarder. You have difficulty letting go of the past, you will continue to be angry about things when it is more than beyond the time you need to let it go and move on.
If your home is cluttered, your car is probably also. As you do one thing, is how you do everything.
A woman I have worked with complains about her husband hanging on to magazines, books and newspapers. Yet, she also has stacks of magazines, a slew of clutter on her bathroom counter top and oodles of unworn brand new clothes in her closet. The very things we criticize our partners for are our own issues as well. Look inside rather than pointing fingers at others.
If your home is cluttered, you most likely need to do a colon cleanse. Read my previous article about digestive hoarding. Digestive issues can kill you.
Get your digestive tract cleansed and let go of all that crap stuck inside of you. Emotional issues will also be released. A colon cleanse cleanses more than just the body, it also cleanses the mind, emotions and raises your energetic vibration. Think about it this way, all those meals you have eaten over the years with food additives and undigested foods are stuck in the colon, making absorption next to impossible. You are literally starving to death as we speak due to your body's inability to completely digest your food.
Holding Hands And Kissing
Are you affectionate with your partner? If not, why not? Most people that are not affectionate with their partners are also not kind and loving with themselves. The more kind and nurturing you are with you, the more in touch with your partner you will also be. You can't expect someone to want to have sex with you, if you don't express love to them. Sex for women is an emotional experience. We can't have sex with our men when you are being an ass, or have forgotten our birthday, anniversary or are just plain disconnected. Kiss your partner. Act like you care. Be present.
How To Be Present When You Are As Disconnected As A Lamp
I understand feeling disconnected. When I was first starting my healing path, I was absent-minded, fragmented, living in the past and the future and an emotional landmine. I reacted at the drop of a hat. I felt more than a little crazy. Considering what I went through in my childhood, none of that is outrageous. Be patient with yourself. Follow my steps for becoming present, mindful and connected to who you truly are, an amazing, loving, kind and gentle person. That is the core of who you are. Breathe that in.
- Breathe Deeply. The fastest way to get back into your body and get grounded is to breathe deeply. Most people are barely breathing. When you breathe shallowly, you are not affirming life. Affirm life. Breathe in slowly. Exhale slowly and completely. Feel the aliveness in your body when you do. There is nothing to be afraid of. This is you. Breathe in the love. Breathe in the present. Breathe in life.
- Silence. Sit is complete silence twice a day beginning with 10 minutes. You don't have to sit in the Lotus position, cross-legged. Sit up straight. Breathe. Turn your eyes upward towards the ceiling to shut down the mind chatter. Then close them. With your eyelids shut, turn your eyeballs upwards towards your hair line. This will keep your mind quiet. Shut off your television. Shut off your cell phone. "Oh my God! Shut off the cell phone, what if someone wants to reach me?" They will call back or leave a message. It is okay. Many people are afraid to be alone with themselves in quiet. I promise you, your life will improve when you begin to revel in the silence every day.
- Connect. Go outside, walk out in nature. Connect with the earth. Nature, plants, trees, birds will help you recognize your does. Trees have a consciousness and will communicate with you. They love it when we talk to them. Sounds crazy? I certainly don't care what others think of me, you shouldn't either.
- Notice. Begin to notice what you are thinking, saying and feeling. This is called raising your awareness. Do your best to stay positive, think positively. As with anything new, it takes practice to train your brain to be positive. When you do it
- Feel Your Feelings Fully. Most of us try to run away from our feelings. We do this with exercise, work, sex, alcohol, drugs, spending and food. Running away from our feelings keeps us stuck in denial and trapped in the past. We have to feel our feelings fully, sitting with what we have coming up and allow the feelings to pass through us. Running away is avoidance of reality, life and what is. I know I did this for years. I was an expert at avoidance. You cannot be fully present for sex, love or any part of a relationship if you cannot be present with yourself and feel fully.
When we are disconnected from ourselves, we are also disconnected from our partners. Our conversations are shallow and meaningless. Sex takes on a cursory note - lifeless as if going through the motions. We don't show up for our kids fully present, we don't work to our best ability and we don't succeed in life when we are
not fully present. Living life to the fullest means turning all the lights on, igniting our soul, living in our passion - fully alive in every breath. I want this for you. It is how I live my life.
Meaningful and Thriving
Life is more meaningful when you are fully present. Your conversations mean something to the people you connect with. Sexual encounters are amazing when you are fully present, connected to yourself and your partner in the moment. Your partner notices that you are fully present - there with them, fully, attentive, feeling everything actively. When we are not in our bodies, we are afraid of who we are. We are afraid of feeling fully. We shy away from deep connections and eye contact. We are not being true to ourselves or our partners when we are disconnected from ourselves. If you liked this article, please comment below, or share it with a friend. I appreciate you being here. I love you! Thank you to all the Russian people who have been following me. Our ancestors are from a similar family tree.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters has been on her personal healing journey for over 30 years. Her own awakening changed her life in so many positive ways. She shares her knowledge, compassion and understanding with you, her clients. To receive your personal one-on-one discovery session of 40 minutes, e-mail Jennifer now, to see if her work is a good fit for your growth process. If you have struggled with relationships and life and are tired of going it alone, Jennifer will give you the support, impetus and tools to support your journey and empower you along the way. You will find your passion when you work with Jennifer. Jennifer is a gifted catalyst, who's voice heals. She uses six different modalities to help her clients clear, shift and eliminate baggage, depression, sadness, suicide programs and addictions. Her books are available on Amazon.com