By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
Yesterday, I spent the day in Los Angeles. I currently live about 80 miles away. It is always a nice change of pace to go into the big city, feel the excitement and to get my hair done. My stylist is a spiritually evolved wise man about my age. He trained with Vidal Sassoon and taught in his studio many years. Of course, we talked about sex.
As a man, he has a different perspective than most women. His honesty about men dating after divorce was insightful. He said men want sex. The majority of women want more than just sex. "Men are paying big bucks for dinners, roses, gifts to get sex, not to mention the time they have to put in to get sex. They might as well hire a prostitute it would save them money!"
His philosophy was similar to mine, that this is transactional sex. In other words, men might as well pay for sex and save themselves the trouble - most don't want the messiness of a relationship, or another marriage. We both said at the same time, that sex without a CONNECTION is a waste of time. Wise words, for a man.... I respect this man.
Even in marriage we transact for sex. "Do the dishes, help me around the house, and I will give you sex." Manipulating for sex in any way is a low vibration. Without a connection sex is meaningless "bumping uglies" as the urban dictionary describes mindless sex.
I know several men who divorced, thinking that they would get more lovin' outside of their marriages. They were in for a rude awakening when they found that most women aren't interested in just having sex without a connection. In fact, many are looking for a commitment, marriage and some even want to have children. For most women, we feel without a connection there isn't much point in rutting around with someone, in the off-chance we might have a good time.
Wise Woman Words
I cannot tell you the number of men who contact me, thinking that because I write and talk about sex, that I would be easy. On the contrary. I love myself enough to be selective. Just because a man wants sex with me, does not turn me on. In fact, it is disrespectful to think that I would want to have sex with you without establishing a friendship, relationship first and having a deep and powerful connection. If you think that way, you obviously don't have any idea who I am on a soul level. Read my books, posts, rather than skim through the sex part and look at me as some sort of porn star.
What A Woman Wants
Although younger women and some more mature women will have casual sex with men. Most women who love and respect themselves, will not. They want a connection. A connection can happen in a moment. At a minimum they want to feel loved, revered, respected and have a spiritual connection as well. This is what makes great sex incredible and passionate. If you want to have sex with a woman here is what you need to do:
- Listen. Most dating men get bored with a women talking. They want to get down to brass tacks. May I remind you that this woman could be home masturbating and having a better time, so be interested in what she is saying. Get to know her.
- Friends First. Without friendship, there is little point in a relationship. Beginning a relationship with sex gets you off on the wrong foot (even though that is the goal of most men).
- Romance. Most women want to be romanced. Sex begins in the mind. Women don't usually get turned on seeing a naked man with an erect penis. If our mind isn't turned on first, forget it.
- Kiss. Kissing is the precursor to sex. A great kiss can be the shoe in - or a door opener. A kiss tells a woman a lot about the man she is considering bedding. If you are a sloppy kisser, you are probably lousy in the sack. Learn to keep your tongue in your mouth. Kiss with your lips. Go slow. I remember the worst kiss I ever had - a man that I had not even considered dating leaped at me tongue hanging out and slurped at me like a Saint Bernard. I could not get him out of my car fast enough. I was not interested in him in a physical way. I was kind, compassionate - but that was all. Which leads me to the next key point!
- Read The Signs. Men tend to think women think and feel like they do. We don't. Treat her like a woman. Open her door, be a gentleman. Watch her face. Notice if she makes a lot of eye contact or looks at you. She may begin touching your hand, or shoulder. If she does, she is interested. If she is looking elsewhere most of the time, take her home! She is not interested. Make sure you are paying attention to her, watching her signals and signs.
- Touch. A hand held, or an arm through yours while walking is one thing. Take care not to overdo touch. There is nothing worse than having a man fawn all over you, when you are not the least bit interested. Don't touch her. Let her touch you. If she doesn't, that is a clear sign she isn't interested. I have been to dinner with men who have petted me like I was a cat - complete turn off!
- Passion. When a connection has been made sex can be instantaneous. Remember my post about reconnecting with a man I knew 40 years ago? We had an instantaneous connection even though 40 years had passed. All it takes is a moment. Passion cannot be faked. Even dancing in the dark can be passionate. Ask Bruce!