By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
It is my belief that you, or I for that matter, could fall in love with anyone. This thought-form came to me about a year ago. We choose to love. Love is a choice. It is not as many would believe, an emotion. Hate is an aspect of, rather than the opposite of love.
Love is an action, rather than an emotion. It is possible to generate feelings of intimacy, trust and love consciously. It is easiest to fall in love with someone that we resonate with. Resonating with someone means you are on the same wave-length, or vibrating at the same speed. We are all energy, like attracts like.
It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time. Think back to an argument with a partner, where they infuriated you, making you feel like the lid would come off the top of your brain and your blood would boil.
We choose who we want to let in and when we close our heart. Some married people choose NOT to love their partner. Why? Fear, judgment, non-acceptance, lack of trust, anger, resentment and unforgiveness stops love. Fear blocks us from receiving. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship can attest to the fact that fear chips away at the love that was once there. Love is on a continuum from hate. It is not the opposite, but another aspect of it. It is possible to both love and hate someone at the same time.
I had a boyfriend some years ago caustically criticize me, "Well you love everyone!" I took it as a compliment. I choose to love, in choosing to love I am also accepting and staying open to receive love. When we do our best to be non-judgmental and accept others as a version of ourselves, rather than separate, this love is easy.
We Do The Following When We Choose To Love Someone:
We Do The Following When We Choose To Love Someone:
- you act in a way that is in the other persons' best interest
- take the other person's needs into consideration
- work towards understanding the other's viewpoint
- you treat the other person with respect
- you are committed
How Can You Fall In Love Consciously?
Creating the environment for a deep connection can be done consciously. Falling in love means we consciously open up and allow someone to see the truth of who we are and get uncomfortably close. When we are completely vulnerable, we drop our walls or protective devices.
Dr. Arthur Aaron conducted a study twenty years ago, which concluded that connection and closeness are conscious. The couples entered through different doors and spent 45-minutes asking each other 36 questions that gradually increase in intensity. The findings were that these issues helped build a relationship, through consciously choosing to be vulnerable. Two of the respondents got married six months later. The entire lab attended their wedding.
Mandy Len Catron read about Dr. Aaron's study and decided to try it out with an acquaintance from University. She wrote about her experience in a New York Times, modern love essay. She ended up falling in love with her acquaintance.
Professor of Psychology, Art Markman University of Texas, at Austin says, there are probably several things going on at once. If there is physical attraction, he said it is possible to generate a connection with just about anyone. The essential elements for respondents is to have three things in common and a close relationship with their mothers.
Spend 45-minutes together and ask each other the following 36 questions, which gradually become more personal and increase in intensity. Immediately after the questioning period spend 4 minutes gazing into each other's eyes - allowing the other to "see you," which is what Arthur Aaron believes is what it takes to fall in love.
Dr. Arthur Aaron conducted a study twenty years ago, which concluded that connection and closeness are conscious. The couples entered through different doors and spent 45-minutes asking each other 36 questions that gradually increase in intensity. The findings were that these issues helped build a relationship, through consciously choosing to be vulnerable. Two of the respondents got married six months later. The entire lab attended their wedding.
Mandy Len Catron read about Dr. Aaron's study and decided to try it out with an acquaintance from University. She wrote about her experience in a New York Times, modern love essay. She ended up falling in love with her acquaintance.
Professor of Psychology, Art Markman University of Texas, at Austin says, there are probably several things going on at once. If there is physical attraction, he said it is possible to generate a connection with just about anyone. The essential elements for respondents is to have three things in common and a close relationship with their mothers.
Spend 45-minutes together and ask each other the following 36 questions, which gradually become more personal and increase in intensity. Immediately after the questioning period spend 4 minutes gazing into each other's eyes - allowing the other to "see you," which is what Arthur Aaron believes is what it takes to fall in love.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them: Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
