Nagging is something I remember well from childhood. My two older brothers both borrowed the car. One had to put gas in it before returning home, the other, was never asked to do so. My mother nagged my father about the inequality of the treatment of the two. Dinner was often when my parents clashed, as they sat face-to-face with one another. My mother had my father as a captive audience. I witnessed my Dad become violent once when I was 14. I will never forget this incident as it colored my experience of men for many years. My mother nagged my Dad about my younger brother not having to put gas in the car for the umpteenth time. He snapped! He heard the same refrain over and over and over and over! It was enough to make my Dad blow a gasket. If you have ever been in a relationship, you know this feeling of intense frustration.
|On an LA freeway, casual relaxed and scary!|
- nagging is disrespectful
- makes your spouse resentful
- makes your spouse defensive
- puts you in the position of parent and your spouse in position of child - not healthy!
- nagging feels like criticism so your spouse may tune you out
- Does what I am saying sound loving?
- Am I being accepting, appreciative or grateful by nagging?
- Am I communicating with an open heart?
- Is this a request or a criticism?
- Do I expect my request to be ignored?
- Is this going to matter in 5 years? If the answer is no, go and make love instead, it will be infinitely more pleasurable than trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do.