By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters
When I did have sex before marriage, I felt guilty, shame and afraid. I know I am not alone when it comes up to societal programming. I made up all kinds of stories in my brain about sex being dirty, bad, wrong and a sin. Of course, a lot of these beliefs were taught by my parents, church and even physical education teachers. Our
Our minds can change over time. As we become more mature, we recognize that much of what we were taught was fear-based and untrue. Remember sex is natural. We were created to be able to express ourselves as sexual beings. Sexual feelings, sexual pleasure, and sexual urges are as natural as breathing. If you don't have any urges at all, there is plenty you can do about it. It has been proven that women who fantasize about sex while having it, are much more likely to orgasm than those who don't. Fantasy deepens your sexual experience. It may be something as simple as imagining someone looking in your window watching you. Or maybe envision you and your partner making love outdoors!
Many of us are so concerned that our partners have a good time, we forget to focus on ourselves. This can be true for both men and women. Allow yourself to be ignited. If you like ass play, ask for it. If you want your partner to talk to you, tell them! You have to take charge of your own sexual experience. Allowing things to just happen without asking for what you want might mean you don't get what you need to explode like fireworks in the night sky. The more you talk to each other while having sex, the better experience you will both have. A little encouragement here and there is helpful. Let your partner know when they've got the right spot, or motion. Tell them you like what they are doing. "That's it! Don't stop! Ya baby!" will help you get what you need. Before you know it, you'll be popping off like fireworks.
If you are feeling that your relationship is too mature for fireworks, think again! Anyone can have fireworks in their bedroom, all you need is a mental shift. Even for those who are post-menopausal, I am here to tell you from experience anything is possible!
I remember a time when I really felt bad about myself AND sex. I had negative sexual programming from my parents. My mother was so afraid I would get pregnant that her most frequent refrain was, all men want you for is sex. I believed her. But was that a bad thing? When we are teenagers, sex is one of our most frequent thoughts.
When I did have sex before marriage, I felt guilty, shame and afraid. I know I am not alone when it comes up to societal programming. I made up all kinds of stories in my brain about sex being dirty, bad, wrong and a sin. Of course, a lot of these beliefs were taught by my parents, church and even physical education teachers. Our
societal and religious teachings taught us that good girls don't and bad girls do. When we are raised with stories about men only wanting one thing and girls who do certain things are sluts, it can be difficult to do those things and not feel you are one. Even after marriage and children women can feel that they shouldn't be having sex because they are not mothers. Mothers don't have sex, do they? Yes they do!
1. Change Your Mind
Our minds can change over time. As we become more mature, we recognize that much of what we were taught was fear-based and untrue. Remember sex is natural. We were created to be able to express ourselves as sexual beings. Sexual feelings, sexual pleasure, and sexual urges are as natural as breathing. If you don't have any urges at all, there is plenty you can do about it. It has been proven that women who fantasize about sex while having it, are much more likely to orgasm than those who don't. Fantasy deepens your sexual experience. It may be something as simple as imagining someone looking in your window watching you. Or maybe envision you and your partner making love outdoors!
2. Your Heart-Mind Connection
A loving connection with a partner who accepts you as you are deepens our level of excitement as well as experience of pleasure. The more we trust our partner, the better the sexual experience. Trust comes from commitment, mutual respect and honesty. If you aren't honest in your relationship, sex probably will not hit all the
high notes you would like. Letting go and allowing yourself to surrender to the experience without concern for how your face or body looks, making eye contact with your partner connects the two of you, keeping you both present - in the moment.
The more loving of yourself you are. The more you will enjoy sexual expression. Sex is part of you. Your sexual being is the foundation of you. The better you feel about you, the better sex becomes. Have fun with your partner, sex is play! Get in touch with your inner child, you might even find yourself laughing when you orgasm. How great is that?
3. Stay Present
The brain is complex. It governs your sexual experience. If you have difficulty letting go, keep bringing yourself back to the present. Focus on what you are receiving from your partner. Don't judge what is happening. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the pleasure of the moment. Focus on what your body is feeling. Let go, allow those feelings to build. Relax into the feelings, staying present. Breathe with an open mouth.
4. Breathe
To experience profound pleasure, your body needs oxygen. Many of us hold our breath during sex. This is counter-productive. Open your mouth instead and breath deeply. The oxygen will help in the arousal process. Your body needs oxygen for orgasm to occur.
Remember as above so below. This universal law is also true for your body. If you mouth is clamped shut, so will your body be. Relax your jaw, open your lips and breathe. Your vagina (for women) will relax and be much more likely to do what it needs to and achieve orgasm with your mouth open.
5. Allow Your Fuse To Be Lit!
Many of us are so concerned that our partners have a good time, we forget to focus on ourselves. This can be true for both men and women. Allow yourself to be ignited. If you like ass play, ask for it. If you want your partner to talk to you, tell them! You have to take charge of your own sexual experience. Allowing things to just happen without asking for what you want might mean you don't get what you need to explode like fireworks in the night sky. The more you talk to each other while having sex, the better experience you will both have. A little encouragement here and there is helpful. Let your partner know when they've got the right spot, or motion. Tell them you like what they are doing. "That's it! Don't stop! Ya baby!" will help you get what you need. Before you know it, you'll be popping off like fireworks.
If you spend all your time getting your partner there and don't ask for pleasure yourself, there is something wrong. Sex is supposed to be a mutual experience. It is not to be one-sided. If it is, you need to re-group and punt. Take the discussion of sex off the playing field. The time to talk about what you each like, want and don't like is outside the bedroom.
If LIBIDO is an issue for you, do something about it. You don't have to take Cialis, or Viagra to get aroused. For women, there is Irwin Naturals Steel Libido. I used it recently with excellent results. After a long dry spell we might need a little kick. I found with daily
use it works best. By day 5, I felt like a teenager again. For men, I found Cialis does absolutely nothing. Each person is different, however. I would love to hear what works for you. I hope you will join me for my brand new radio show beginning July 8th, on BBM Global.
Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the self-love guru. She empowers women and men to lovingly accept themselves. As a coach, she intuitively knows what you need at just the perfect time. She is compassionate, direct and has been where you are. Not only is she certified in 6 different modalities, but she has healed herself of insecurity, depression, sexual dysfunction, illness, breast cancer, and auto-immune diseases. She assists people with gender issues, sexual dysfunction and happiness. If you are ready to live your life fully expressed and are tired of living life from a glass half full, give Jennifer a jingle here at her private e-mail. She offers 30 minutes Free for you to discover what can be true for you.
