Does It Really Need To Be Said?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Today we can deliver a devastating message within seconds. We can speak directly to a person in front of us, send a text or phone message. Once words are spoken, we can't remove the memory. Do we really need to say all the things to another that we think we need to?

When we say hurtful words to another, they may forgive us, but the memory lingers along with the hurt feelings. When hurt feelings remain, we tend to recoil, and not allow those we love to see our vulnerable side any longer. Our mind tells us stories that may or may not be true. We react instead of being the witness. We may protect our heart and feelings, which closes the door on intimacy and closeness. 

Do we really need to say everything we think? Here are a few examples of words I have heard others say to their loved ones:

• You're crazy!
• You're insane!
• You're fat
• You are an idiot
• How stupid can you be?
• What's the matter with you?
• Oh, that was a joke, I didn't mean it. 
• You sound just like your mother.
• You are acting just like your father!

Saying something in jest and attempting to cover it up by saying "Just kidding," is a form of abuse. Sarcasm and kidding about someone's weight or intelligence aren't funny. Sarcasm has no place in a loving relationship and is passive aggressive. It is our reaction to life's events and words that cause us the pain and suffering. 

Rather than attacking someone and pointing out your loved one's flaws ask yourself why is it so important to you to lash out in such an unaccepting way? Sometimes, the reason we point out another's flaws is that we are scrutinizing our own or because we are hurt. We all have flaws. 

Ask Yourself The Following Questions:

Are you responding in ways that your family did? 
Are you running your dysfunctional parent's energy?
Are you responding in an automatic way, rather than a conscious way?
Am I being triggered by something similar from my past?
When did you feel this way in the past? 
Is there something old and familiar about this interaction?

Coming into loving acceptance of our weaknesses and shortcomings is what self-love is all about. 

How To Communicate In Loving Ways

We all get our feelings hurt from time-to-time. Staying grounded and breathing through our emotions can allow the emotion to pass through us. We don't want to stay angry or resentful, but rather release our emotions to stay physically healthy. Holding onto anger and resentment can cause depression and serious illness. Long-standing anger and resentment cause cancer.

Here we are in the middle of time together with family, friends and loved ones. When we are with family members, tempers can be shortened, and buttons pushed. We need to be able to take a step back from our emotions and speak with compassion rather than anger. 

Remember those words that we fling in anger or even in jest, will long be remembered after the gift wrap is picked up and all our family members have returned home. 

How To Use Mercury Retrograde To Follow Your Heart's Desire

Jennifer's gift is helping people find love and happiness. Whether it is self-love, the love of your life, or love within your current relationship or marriage Jennifer can help you overcome whatever is holding you back. Jennifer helps you see your relationship through different eyes, without judgment, control, and resentment. If you want to heal your marriage life or relationship, Jennifer will help you do it! 

Join us January 25th, for From Tainted To True Love, a six-week live program that will open you to feel more beautiful, sexy, and the possibility of love. You will receive powerful life-changing mantras that quickly attract love to you. We also go through a very powerful, directed manifestation that gets you laser focused on what you want so that The Universe can bring it to you! 

This program won't be facilitated again in 2017. The early bird sign up is until December 31st. The price goes up after the end of the year! Pay in full and receive a $225 session free and a copy of Orgasm For Life a book that will help you understand yourself and the opposite sex better than you ever have before.

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25 Ways To Heal A Sexless Marriage From Men's Health

By Laurence Roy Stains

Note from Jennifer: I have posted this because I have had some men disagree with me about how to heal a sexless marriage. Maybe hearing from a man's perspective will change your mind. 

As a divorced man, you are 39 percent more likely to commit suicide. Even if you don’t kill yourself, you will die younger. And forget chasing tail; your mobility also suffers from singlehood. Oh, and yes, divorce crushes your finances: A study of divorced baby boomers found that a split slashed their

wealth to less than a quarter of what they would’ve had if they’d never wed at all. So we’ve collected 25 tips that can protect you from the sickly, cash-poor, single life. Save your marriage before it’s too late! (To see how much work your relationship really needs, check out How Strong Is Your Marriage?) 

1. Assume the Best Explanation for What She Did, Not the Worst Think of an annoying thing she does that you regularly misinterpret. Psychologists call this a “maladaptive attribution.” Then stop it. You can improve your marriage simply by thinking about it differently; choose the kindest possible interpretation for her actions instead of the ugliest. 

2. Take the Zero-Negativity Challenge How many days this month can you go without doing or saying a single negative, hurtful thing to your partner? Give it a try, suggest Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., who’ve written 10 books on relationships. You can strike sarcasm off the list too. In the words of Terry Real, the author of The New Rules of Marriage: “Sarcasm eats intimacy.” Your words matter. Measure them. 

3. A Foot Massage Works Wonders; A Head Massage Works Miracles RELATED: How to Pleasure a Woman—the complete guide to becoming a master lover! 

4. Don’t Make a Complaint. Make a Request Instead (Politely!) 

5. Write Her a Letter—On Paper A University of Denver study of soldiers found that exchanging letters with their wives had a more positive and long-lasting effect than texting did. 

6. Watch This Sex Video “Makeup sex” doesn’t solve a fight, and latent anger can be a lust killer. Sit down together and watch family therapist Michele Weiner-Davis’s TEDx talk “The Sex-Starved Marriage” on YouTube. Even if you’re not exactly starving, this video can help stoke hunger now and forever. 

7. Don’t Try to Fix Her Problems—Just Listen to Them “Men are conditioned to solve problems and to protect the women they love,” says couples therapist Shiri Cohen, Ph.D., an instructor at Harvard Medical School. “This can backfire when all she really wants is to be heard,” she says. “The next time your mate needs to vent or complain, just give her your open ears.” If you think you do have a good solution, wait and bring it up later during a separate conversation. 

8. Sweat with Her, Then Hop in the Shower Together Later. It’s Healthy! For 20 years, Thomas Bradbury, Ph.D., and Benjamin Karney, Ph.D., of UCLA’s Marriage Lab, followed more than 1,000 couples to evaluate the different ways partners support each other in their efforts to make important changes in their lives. Bradbury says he was amazed that the most common topic—coming up in about seven out of 10 couples—was that they wanted to change to a healthier lifestyle. Their book, Love Me Slender, shows couples how to work together to maintain healthy weights. A new large-scale British study seconds that: “Men and women are more likely to make a positive health behavior change if their partner does too,” the authors note. Get started today with The Best Workouts to Do with a Partner. RELATED: The Best Workouts to Do with a Partner 

9. Look Past Her Flaws (Don’t Try to Eliminate Them) “Look above the things you find annoying or unpleasant,” says Douglas LaBier, Ph.D., a psychologist based in D.C. “Respond to the best qualities in her—which will always make her best side stronger.” 

10. Tell the Kids to Shut Up While You Two “Connect” “A measly 15 minutes,” says William Doherty, Ph.D., a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota. These kinds of “connection rituals” hotwire your whole life together. So do it. 

11. As Go Mom and Dad, So Go Their Kids. The Sooner the Little Monsters Understand That They’re Part Of Your Life, not Vice Versa, the Better. 

12. Always Look for Ways to Turn “Me” Into “We” Listen up as Monmouth University psychologist Gary Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., sets you (and her) straight with this not-so-obvious fact: “Research shows that people who see themselves as overlapping with their partner have better relationships. You begin to lose track of where one partner begins and the other ends.” Coach was right: It’s all about the team.  (Jennifer's note, as long as you are still two people. Enmeshment and losing one's self is not healthy.)

13. Respond to Good News and Bad Your wife gets cool new responsibilities at work. How do you respond? Passively (“That’s nice. What’s for dinner?”), destructively (“Less time for me, right?”) or—jackpot!—actively and constructively (“Wow, let’s party!”)? According to UC Santa Barbara psychologist Shelly Gable, Ph.D., positive responses reassure your wife that you’ll also support her when the news is bad. 

14. Go Out to the Movies. Then Talk Afterward Ronald Rogge, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Rochester, followed 174 committed couples for three years. Some of the couples received traditional marriage counseling, others received no special attention, and still others were instructed to watch relationship-focused movies each week and talk afterward. Watching flicks and getting counseling both cut the breakup rate by half. 

15. Come Together Only Happens on Abbey Road. Relax. Take Turns 

16. Autonomy in a Relationship Is Good Neither of you should feel that you’re being guilted or coerced into choices about the way you live. Researchers at the University of Houston found that couples who feel self-determined instead of trapped are less defensive and more understanding during fights. 

17. Expand Your Mate’s Idea of You Two. . . In Aruba. Or Zion National Park. Or Quebec City. Travel is a mate redefiner, which may be why you enjoy exuberant sex in exotic places. 

18. Keep Your Voice Down When You Fight. It Might Shock Both of You Into Being More Reasonable. 

19. Banish Boring, Part 1: Do Something Crazy as a Couple Jet skiing? Hang gliding? Psychologist Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and his colleagues at Stony Brook University and UC Berkeley have found that couples who engage in a novel activity together report much more marital satisfaction than couples who have merely “pleasant” date nights (that is, the same old routine). Okay, it doesn’t have to be skydiving, says Aron; “it can be an art class.” The point: Bust your rut. 

20. Banish Boring, Part 2: Do Crazy Things with Another Couple If you go on a double date and do something new that creates closeness among the four of you, says Aron, you’ve just quadrupled the excitement level in the room. That thrill is associated with your partner. “And that initial sense of exhilaration that comes from falling in love is reinvigorated,” he says. Aron’s theory: You’re happiest when your mate expands your sense of who you are. So perhaps some time travel is in order. Remember when you two were young and the possibilities seemed limitless? Reengage with friends from that time, preferably ones who’ve been sweating together (see #8). Then push new boundaries as a group. 

21. Ask: How Much Do I Hate My Wife? Be brutally honest. Oh, you love her? Next question: Why am I so mean to her sometimes? David Schnarch, Ph.D., coined the term “normal marital sadism” to describe the many ways we annoy our spouses on purpose. Stop the purposeful hurts, says Schnarch, and she’ll “like you, want to have sex with you, and wish you well.” Leave the snark and sadism behind, and you’re onto something like the title of Schnarch’s landmark book: Passionate Marriage. 

22. Buy a Lamp Together (It’s Worth It) Beloved, jointly acquired items are called “couple markers.” They’re a barometer of your bond. They help replace “yours” and “mine” with “ours.” 

23. Your Sacrifices Are Your Gift, Not Her Debt It’s called having a “communal relationship” with your wife. In such a marriage, sacrifices (yours and hers) are the gifts that keep on giving. Do something nice. Don’t keep score. Both of you benefit. 

24. You Know Her—Push the Buttons That Please Her In her terrific little book Marriage Rules, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., mentions urging a client to come up with three things to do that he knew his wife would appreciate. You can do the same. Get started, smart guy. 

25. Practical Stuff Can Wait. Attend to Her Now. Don’t let the urgent (Bills! The office! The lawn! The Cubs!) get in the way of the important (steps 1 through 24 above). Remember: Your financial, emotional, and physical health depends on a close collaboration with your wife. Make it a priority, or else. Now, care to revise your to-do list?

The Sexless Marriage

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither. —Steve Martin

The quote above is an excerpt from Orgasm For Life - the book.

One of the reasons I wrote Orgasm For Life, was because of the number of clients I had that were not having sex with their spouses. This book was written to bring greater understanding within relationships, so that the communication is better. When communication outside the bedroom improves, communication inside the bedroom improves, therefore, sex also improves. Orgasm for Life, will change your heart, mind and make you laugh. 

Women have many reasons in their minds for saying and emphatic "No!" From feeling that their husband is more like a little boy than a man, to "he's not connected to his heart," these reasons are excuses for a deeper underlying cause.

Understanding the opposite sex is important. The problem is that while women are nagging at their husbands for other issues, the men tune out their women and no longer hear what they are saying. An example, of not listening is what I was recently told by a client. Her husband of over 20 years sends her red roses for Mother's Day and her birthday. This sounds sweet, considerate and thoughtful. Her children however, have listened. They know what she likes. She loves pink roses, not red. If your husband does not listen to what you say and like, how is he going to hear what you want in bed? Would he even care? If your husband is so disconnected and unaware of his wives' wishes, why would you want to have sex with him? There is a huge lesson here for men.

Being a woman myself, it is a rare man who treats a woman with respect, opens doors, walks around to the car door to open it for her, treating her like a lady. After years of marriage, this chivalrous behavior is often long-forgotten. Women begin to feel like yesterday's news rather than a gem, or a Goddess who is revered, adored and loved. Take a good look at how you treat each other, before you complain about not having sex. What could you do differently. How could you treat your partner with more caring, respect and honoring? Is your partner having orgasms with regularity? Do you even know or care? Sex is an act that is two-sided, both parties give and receive pleasure. If only one person is receiving the ultimate pleasure of an orgasm, something is amiss. 

Asking questions outside the bedroom is important. What feels good to you? What can I do differently? How can I pleasure you differently? Have you ever had a conversation about how the sex is? If not, why not? A marriage is supposed to be one of deep intimacy and connection. Intimacy is deepened when both parties are able to love and accept the other unconditionally, be completely transparent (authentic) so that trust is developed. Respect figures prominently for both parties. When one of the other is constantly being critiqued, bashed, or abused, sex is the furthest thing from their minds. 

I often hear that sarcasm is used to communicate an uncomfortable issue. Sarcasm has no place in a loving relationship. It is a passive aggressive move, couched in humor. Saying afterward, "I was just kidding," does not negate the slight or put-down. Humor does not soften the blow. If you are using sarcasm or "humorous put-downs" take a look at why you can't speak the truth openly. Is your comment necessary, or are you putting down your partner to make you feel better about yourself? 

Women need intimacy to have sex, Men need sex to have intimacy.

There is no doubt that men and women are wired differently. Women need romance, thoughtful gestures, and to be told they look beautiful. I have interviewed hundreds of men and found that many will never tell their wife they look beautiful out of their own fear that she will then have an affair. This is the man's insecurity, rather than an issue with the woman. In one particular case, this husband was complaining about his wife not wanting to have sex with him after 36 years. I asked him when the last time was he told her she was beautiful? He replied, "Never!" He was so insecure about himself, he would never tell her she was beautiful.

The opposition of our wiring can lead to mis-understanding and stand-offs. Where one person is vehement in their perspective and the other perpetuates theirs. We can win the battle with this thought process and lose the marriage. Think about your perspective and thought process. Is being right, worth it? As yourself is this issues something that will matter in 5 years? If the answer is NO, go ahead and make love, it is a lot more fun than fighting!

Sex Is Not One-Sided

Historically, sex has been an act where men pleasure themselves with women, while women just lay there. A woman's pleasure was the last thing on most men's minds. In many cases, not much has changed. Women need to be warmed up to the idea of sex. Women are not usually ready to go, just because they are wet. Women need foreplay, touch, caressing. Most women need 20 to 40 minutes of stimulation to get to the pleasure palace of Disneyland - the BIG O. After 20 years of not having what they need, many women are signing off from doing the horizontal mambo. Women need to have at least one orgasm before penile insertion occurs. If this is not happening, many women spend a lifetime not having orgasms. 

Reasons Women Say No

1. Fatigue
2. Lack of Romance, Intimacy, Deep Conversations and Caring from their partner.
3. Lack of Interest due to low hormones.
4. Past hurts, insults or abuse.
5. Lack of consideration for their feelings.
6. No Heartfelt Apology from spouse for number 5.
7. Tired of not having an orgasm - "What's the point?"
8. Does't feel heard, or understood.
9. Feels man doesn't listen when she says what she needs or wants in bed.
10. Issues unresolved outside the bedroom, interfering with thoughts about sex. Women can't have sex when angry or upset with their partner. (Men on the other hand can and do.)
11. Too much stress. Women need to get out of their heads to have sex. Stress and too many things undone in the household, or work can interfere with thoughts and feelings of letting go.

How To Overcome A Sexless Marriage

1. Listen with an open heart to your partner.
2. Communicate without blame.
3. Repair the issues that are outstanding. Sometimes you need to hire a coach, therapist or psychologist to overcome these issues. Choose someone who will be a positive influence and not take sides.
4. Bring romance back into the relationship.
5. When both parties are ready, begin with hand-holding, eye gazing and appreciation of each other. Appreciation is one of the biggest issues lacking in marriages where sex is an issue.
6. Respect each other. Mutual respect must be in place for a healthy sex life.
7. Build trust. When sex has diminished a breach of trust has occurred. Repairing and re-building trust takes time. Be patient.
8. Read Orgasm For Life. There are hundreds of great tips for repairing, re-building and re-kindling the fires of passion. Orgasm For Life on Amazon

Want to hear the latest interview with Jennifer on The Love Doctor? Here is the link to the show from Tuesday, June 17, 2014

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lovedoctorradio/2014/06/18/orgasm-for-life-part-2

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author or Orgasm For Life and Odyssey Victim to Victory. Both books are available on Amazon, as well as her website: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Jennifer is a catalystic coach, compassionate healer and wise teacher. She is a Spiritual mentor for many and has performed thousands of energy clearings for clients since 2007. To schedule a FREE discovery session to find out if you would be a good fit for her work, you can do so HERE

George Carlin did a stand-up routine on men and women. He said that men are stupid and women are crazy. He sited many reasons why men are stupid. The above example is one of them. Men simply don't care enough about their partner to listen to them. They are so busy in their own heads thinking about themselves, that they can't hear their spouse. Although George was a hard-hitting comic, most people are unaware of the fact that he was happily married. George Carlin loved his wife. She died in 1997. He missed her terribly. Known for a foul mouth, if you listen to this bit, there are a few "F" bombs. However, the underlying truth is eye-opening.