If You Are The One Yelling...... It Is Your Issue

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Everyone has emotions. How we process our emotions is an indication of our evolution, personal growth and maturity. When we yell, berate or blame anyone for what we are feeling or experiencing, we are not aware that it is our issue we are reacting to. Someone has pushed our buttons and triggered an emotional reaction. It is not the other person's fault. Instead we need to look at our feelings.

What Does It Mean To Blame Another?

VERB

assign responsibility for a fault or wrong:
"the inquiry blamed the engineer for the accident"synonyms: hold responsible · hold accountable · condemn · accuse ·
find/consider guilty · assign fault/liability/guilt to · indict · point the finger at · finger ·incriminate · inculpate · ascribe to · attribute to · impute to · lay at the door of · put down to · pin

Blaming another for our reaction does two things, neither of them are positive. We make ourselves a victim, which means we are not taking responsibility for  our own emotions. When we assign blame to another person we are acting like a child. We are removing any personal responsibility for what we feel. We are refusing to see our part in the situation.

The problem with being a victim is that we need to be rescued. We shift from the position of victim, to rescuer, to perpetrator. In this triangle everyone becomes a victim, everyone becomes a perpetrator and everyone becomes a rescuer at some point. None of these are healthy. We give our power away by being a victim. You are not a victim. 

You Might Just Be A Victim If....

1. You have to prove the other person is wrong.
2. You point your finger at the other literally or figuratively.
3. Your emotions are out of control.
4. You use the words like, "you never, you should or you always."

My personal experience with blame after living as a victim for over forty years makes me sensitive to others victim hood. This is the core of the work I do. When we heal our self-hatred and victim hood, we no longer blame others. We take responsibility for our part in a given situation.

Overcoming Our Past Victim Status

We didn't get here overnight. It takes patience, awareness and consistency to heal our past. Here are a few things you can begin to do on your own to heal the past and shift out of victimhood.

1. Be present. Breathe deeply. Notice when you are breathing shallowly. Stop and breathe. Breathing deeply and consciously is the fastest way to bring yourself into the present.
2. Notice your words. Catch yourself when you go into blame. Correct yourself on the spot. 
3. Become aware of the way you feel. Notice when someone triggers you and you become emotionally reactive.
4. Take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than blame someone for making you feel a certain way. No one can make you feel anything you don't allow.
5. Forgive your past perpectrators. Sexual abuse, abandonment, betrayal, rape, sexual assault are all serious issues. I am sorry you experienced those situations. I have great compassion for you. I expereienced those things too. Forgiving others is paramount for your own healing. You don't have to agree with or condone what was done to you, but you have to forgive others to heal. Begin your forgiveness practice with you. The Ho'oponopono Prayer is the simplist way to forgive. You can find it below.
6. Be kind to yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Stop trying to be perfect. You are already perfect the way you are. They way you were created. 
7. Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for the emotions that are showing you what is true for you. Stay with those  feelings rather than lashing out on someone else. These feelings are okay to have. They are yours. Breathe and allow the feelings to wash through you. Don't run away from them, as they will surface at another time that might not be as safe or convenient.
8. Love yourself fearlessly. Know you are already enough. You are perfect the way you are. You are not broken.
9. Trust the process. Trust that what is happening is what needs to happen for your soul's growth. You are where you are because this is perfect for you in this moment. Revel in the moment. Enjoy what you have. Know if you relationship ended, it was because it was meant to. You got what you needed and it is over. Heal the past, make peace with your past partners and let them go. Nothing is permanent. 
10. The only thing we can count on is change. Everything changes. The seasons change. The weather changes, we change. Our children change. They grow up and no longer need us in the same way. 
11. Be at peace with what is. Know it is all okay. You are okay. Breathe. Know that inside you is love. You are loving. You are kind, you are compassionate. Be at peace with who you are.

Ho'oponopono Prayer

This simple prayer has been used by the Kahuna healers of Hawaii for generations. It is a profound healing tool and can heal physical hurts as well as emotional pain and suffering. 

Think of yourself first. Sit quietly and repeat the prayer thinking of how you have hurt yourself. Then begin to think of how you have hurt others. Forigive yourself first. When you feel complete with you, begin to forgive anyone that has hurt you from your past. 

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

I have healed my past. I have come to a place of gratitude for everything I have experienced. My past allows me a deep compassion and understanding for others who are hurting, feel broken, lost or insecure. 

Now I guide people to love through self-acceptance and awareness. Sometimes, I trigger people with issues that are unresolved by asking them questions about their lives. It is part of who I am and what I am here to do. I am guided to say certain things to certain people. When they react angrily to an innocent question, they point their finger back at me. They often get angry because I asked an innocent, conversational question, like, "Are you happy?" Or, "Are you happily married?"

Sometimes, I offer help to others and am blamed for the help given when asked. This is actually an interesting issue. If you ask for help, it is given graciously and generously, why then would you become angry when the person you asked, helps you? Blame makes you a victim. You are not a victim.

More now that any time in our history we are being pushed, prodded and shoved by situations, and The Universe to look at our personal issues. We have been upgraded many times over. People have begun to tell me that just talking with me shifts them. 

What People Say After Working With Jennifer:

Just one session shifted the way I felt about my sexuality by 50% and we didn't even do anything but talk! ST NY. NY

In just four weeks of working with Jennifer I have shifted so much. I had no idea that I had hate programs with men. This prevented me from finding love. I resolved my issues with my father and now I am irresistible to men! JE Texas

AphroditeEffect.com  E-mail Jennifer here. 

Can't Meditate? Think Again!

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

There are many ways that we self-sabotage our lives, relationships and success. The biggest one is saying, "I can't do ___________ " fill in the blank. We have all done it at one time or another. One of the things that I teach my clients is how to meditate. Why? Because it helps to calm mind chatter, bring a sense of peace, grounding and alleviates depression. 

Deepak Chopra has said that the closest most people have come to meditation is by having sex. Sexual energy is the primal and creative force of the universe flowing through us. Scientists agree that meditation and sex do the same thing to the mind: quiet mind chatter, create mindfulness, alleviate depression, raise awareness, lower stress levels, bring a sense of a dissolving of the ego and the self.

Both sex and meditation bring a blissed out feeling to the mind and body, help us be in the present moment connecting us to our spiritual selves, unless your sex is a 2-minute mindless quickie. Meditating prior to sex can deepen your experience and connect

you profoundly to your partner during sex and beyond. Meditation will increase your confidence, help you with emotional issues and life challenges and bring you deep happiness. From my personal experience, if I am having a challenge, going into meditation will shift my mood, focus and help me feel more positive within minutes. I highly recommend meditation!

If you don't know how to meditate, here are some easy ways that I share with my clients that I coach.

without turning your head up, breath deeply

1. My trick to quiet the mind: sit upright, relax the shoulders, without lifting your head, turn your eyes upward towards the ceiling. Look at the ceiling for two-to-three minutes. Close your eyes and begin your meditation. You can continue to turn your eyeballs upward under your closed lids to further quiet your mind. 
2. Breathe in slowly. Exhale slowly. Many meditation teachers recommend that you follow your breath. I had a difficult time with this one. I suggest slowing the breath and being aware of it. Slow inhalation. Slow exhalation. 
3. Bring your focus to your heart. Most people begin to meditate from their minds which is problematic due to the mind chatter. We want to get into our heart center. There are several ways to get into your heart. You can begin noticing your feet and the energy in your feet. Slowly focus on your ankles and their energy of aliveness. Move up to your calves, noticing the energy there. Move upward into your thighs, then abdomen and fall backward into your heart chakras in the center of your chest. Meditating from your heart will connect you to your High Self and your Divine. Gradually, you will find it progressively easier to get into your heart with greater speed. Speed isn't the focus however. Be patient with yourself. It will get so much easier the more you practice.
4. Using a mantra (several are listed below) repeat the mantra in your mind. Yes, you can say the mantra out loud, but gurus from India have told me that it is much more profound to repeat the mantra silently. I agree. You can count the number of times you repeat the mantra silently with mala beads. I use 108 repetitions, although I often go off into oblivion and lose track, which is the point of meditation. Don't drive yourself crazy counting. It removes you from the moment and takes your mind away from the bliss and purpose of meditation, quieting the mind.
5. Without a mantra, you can just sit upright in silence and turn your focus inward. When I first began meditation I thought it was more spiritual to be out of your body - it isn't. Quite the opposite. When we are out of the body we are running away from ourselves. The point of being your own guru is to be focused inward. Go inside Grasshopper!
6. Meditate in the morning before you leave for work or begin your day. When you do, you will find that you are more focused, calm, positive and happy. Meditate before sex for a more profound experience for both of you (or one of you, whichever the case may be).
7. Always meditate sitting up. Meditation is not prayer. Prayer is asking or giving gratitude. Meditation is an opportunity for the Universe, God, The Divine to speak to you. The more meditation you do, the better connection you will have, the more insight that shows up in your life, the better your life becomes.
8. Meditation is not work. Meditation is a profound connection with your high self, Source energy (God/The Divine/The Universe) all that is. 
9. Always notice as you sit down to meditate that you are upright, centered and relaxed. Relax your shoulders some more because I see them up around your ears. Relax! If you can't seem to get centered, remember to focus on slowly inhaling and exhaling. 
10. My animals know when it is time for me to meditate. They line up waiting to sit with me because they love the energy. If
    
    animals feel it, think of what it can do for you!

Mantras

A mantra is a phrase that is repeated either out loud or silently. You can repeat a phrase all day long in the background of your mind to remove negative programming. I did it for over 8 years. It works! A mantra that is positive, life affirming and spiritually grounded will help you shift negative thinking and your energy. Here are a few that I have used and love:

1. I LOVE ME!
2. THE UNIVERSE LOVES ME.
3. I AM LOVE.
4. I AM WHOLE, PERFECT, STRONG, LOVING HARMONIOUS AND HAPPY.
5. THE LIGHT OF THE DIVINE INSIDE ME LOVES ME.
6. I AM THE LIGHT OF THE DIVINE INSIDE ME.
7. The Moola Mantra (see video)
8. The Gayatri Mantra (wonderful used by Hindu people for enlightenment) shifts your energy beautifully.

I just taped a fabulous show on BBS with Linzi Levinson, yesterday about the dissection of an orgasm and how meditation and sex do the same thing for the body and mind. These two shows will air in August, 2015. I invite you to check out Linzi's radio show and the archives, as I have been interviewed by her many times. Linzi and I have great chemistry together and she brings out the best in me on the air. 

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters shares what she has learned on her own journey. From low self-esteem, codependency, addictions, depression, anxiety, chaos, drama, depression, illness to breast cancer. Jennifer has overcome it all. She helps you clear and process emotions effectively so that you don't continue to attract drama, addictive personalities or cheating. 

Check out her books on Amazon and schedule your discovery session to see if her work is a good fit for you.

The 4 R's of Relationships

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Have you ever considered how simple life would be if we could all just live alone? We would never have to listen to another person gripe, complain or nag at us. We would never be triggered into explosive anger. We would also not grow, feel the deep love, or connection of another. We would also not have the exquisite feeling of enjoying our lover's naked body sliding over ours. Relationships are a dichotomy. We experience extremes in emotions as well as thoughts, while often being pushed to our limits; often not in a good way. A loving relationship is what we long for, yet we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to relationships.

Relationships are a mirror into our own soul. Relationships provide the barometer into what is coming up for us, what emotions are stuck (because they keep being triggered) and what we need to work on to be a better version of ourselves. The title of this blog came to me while walking on a Boulder, Colorado trail with four dogs. I heard a lot of "RRRRRRRR!" Dogs can teach us a lot about ourselves. Dogs are very open about their feelings and usually, don't hold them in. Instead they express what they feel. Following is what I recently received from these amazing animals.

1. Respect

Never take a person's dignity. It means everything to them and nothing to you. Frank Barron

Dogs respect each other. They respect each other's space, and territory. Dogs know instinctively, that respect is the cornerstone of their world. Without respect there is no love. When we don't respect our partners, we say things we shouldn't. We hurt others with our words and actions. Abuse occurs when there is no respect. Respect is the cornerstone of a loving relationship. People that don't respect themselves, cannot possibly have any respect for their partners either. It just isn't possible. 

When one dog tries to eat another dog's food, there is an immediate reaction. They growl. The growl is sending a clear message to the other dog, "Get the F*** out of my bowl! There is no doubt what the message is. If the interloper continues without backing down, there is no other warning, a fight ensues.  Dogs are pack animals. Believe it or not, people are similar. We do best when we work together for our common good. Often in a relationship we are at odds. Relationships don't work when we don't work together. If you don't have respect for others, you have no respect for you either. 

2. Revere

Self reverence, self knowledge, self control. These three lead to power. Alfred Lord Tennyson

Watching two dogs together, you will notice that one is always trying to win the other over. They lick, wag their tails and try to get approval from the other. Revere is a deep honoring and approval.

The meaning of the word revere from the Free Dictionary is "awe coupled with profound honor. To respect deeply, venerate." It further denotes admiration. If you don't admire or feel honored to be with the one you supposedly love, you have no business being with them. 

Each moment we have on this earth is a profound gift. Too frequently, we gloss over the moments. We don't listen to our partner and we certainly don't honor them. We talk about honor, but do we know the meaning of it. Honoring someone is not paying lip service as the government does to our troops. A ceremony is given and then they are forgotten. 

Having reverence for our partner raises them up, rather than knocking them down. If you spend more time picking at your partner than raising them up, it is a direct reflection of what is going on inside of you. When we revere someone, we don't nag, bitch, complain and moan about them. Complaining is a downward spiral of negativity, which continues to expand to everyone who will listen. We contaminate our love by complaining. We are wallowing in self pity when we complain. When we revere our partner, we don't complain. We honor them. We adore them. We venerate them. 

3. Remove

When we are in a loving partnership with another, we need to remove judgment, criticism, and critiquing. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If you feel things must be done your way, or the highway - take yourself out onto an iceberg and go live alone. You are controlling. Controlling comes from fear. Fear has nothing to do with faith. Have faith in your partner. Remove the negativity.

Such a wonderful word - REMOVE. If you remove the negativity from your communications you will find positivity moves in - it can't help it. Everyone does better when they are praised, blessed, and accepted. Your partner is not you. They are different from you. They have different ways of speaking, thinking and loving then you. Accept that. This is who they are. Trying to change your partner indicates that you are not happy with you deep inside. Your focus needs to turn inward, rather than outward. Look inside and be more loving and accepting of you. This will in turn reflect out into all your relationships and your world. 

4. Renew

In so many religions there is talk of rebirth, renewal and replenishment. Each season on our beautiful earth there is renewal on some level. New moon, new day, new life. Each day we wake up we are reborn. Our soul is renewed. We are awake and alive! It is an opportunity to put what happened yesterday on the pile for the thrift store - get rid of it, let it go. Harping on what happened yesterday gets you more of

yesterday's dirt. When we keep score, take notes and blame - all we do is kill the love that was once present. Let it go! Renew your relationship. Begin anew. Kiss and make up. Hug, love them. Renew your love. Everyday is a new opportunity for more BLISS, more love, more growth. Renew your heart. Breathe life into your relationship. Renew your passion. Touch, hold hands, look at your partner with renewed love. It is never too late to begin. You so deserve it!

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a love and passion coach, healer and author. Self love is the cornerstone of her work. If you don't love you, all of the above R's will be difficult for you to achieve. You may fake it, try it but won't be able to sustain it. If you don't love you, how can you expect anyone else to? Self love is our total acceptance of who we are as we are NOW! It is possible. Jennifer is a pathfinder, helping people find their personal path of passion, love and joy in life. If you aren't happy with you, your life or what you are doing, isn't it time you hired someone who is? 

Jennifer walks the walk and talks the talk. She lives what she writes about. She is available Monday through most Saturdays for assessment sessions which allow you to discover what your goals and intentions are for you and your life to see if they fit with Jennifer's work. She is honest, authentic and approachable. Far from perfect, but certainly happy with herself and her life, her work has helped thousands of people heal and discover true happiness and love. 

The Sexless Marriage

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither. —Steve Martin

The quote above is an excerpt from Orgasm For Life - the book.

One of the reasons I wrote Orgasm For Life, was because of the number of clients I had that were not having sex with their spouses. This book was written to bring greater understanding within relationships, so that the communication is better. When communication outside the bedroom improves, communication inside the bedroom improves, therefore, sex also improves. Orgasm for Life, will change your heart, mind and make you laugh. 

Women have many reasons in their minds for saying and emphatic "No!" From feeling that their husband is more like a little boy than a man, to "he's not connected to his heart," these reasons are excuses for a deeper underlying cause.

Understanding the opposite sex is important. The problem is that while women are nagging at their husbands for other issues, the men tune out their women and no longer hear what they are saying. An example, of not listening is what I was recently told by a client. Her husband of over 20 years sends her red roses for Mother's Day and her birthday. This sounds sweet, considerate and thoughtful. Her children however, have listened. They know what she likes. She loves pink roses, not red. If your husband does not listen to what you say and like, how is he going to hear what you want in bed? Would he even care? If your husband is so disconnected and unaware of his wives' wishes, why would you want to have sex with him? There is a huge lesson here for men.

Being a woman myself, it is a rare man who treats a woman with respect, opens doors, walks around to the car door to open it for her, treating her like a lady. After years of marriage, this chivalrous behavior is often long-forgotten. Women begin to feel like yesterday's news rather than a gem, or a Goddess who is revered, adored and loved. Take a good look at how you treat each other, before you complain about not having sex. What could you do differently. How could you treat your partner with more caring, respect and honoring? Is your partner having orgasms with regularity? Do you even know or care? Sex is an act that is two-sided, both parties give and receive pleasure. If only one person is receiving the ultimate pleasure of an orgasm, something is amiss. 

Asking questions outside the bedroom is important. What feels good to you? What can I do differently? How can I pleasure you differently? Have you ever had a conversation about how the sex is? If not, why not? A marriage is supposed to be one of deep intimacy and connection. Intimacy is deepened when both parties are able to love and accept the other unconditionally, be completely transparent (authentic) so that trust is developed. Respect figures prominently for both parties. When one of the other is constantly being critiqued, bashed, or abused, sex is the furthest thing from their minds. 

I often hear that sarcasm is used to communicate an uncomfortable issue. Sarcasm has no place in a loving relationship. It is a passive aggressive move, couched in humor. Saying afterward, "I was just kidding," does not negate the slight or put-down. Humor does not soften the blow. If you are using sarcasm or "humorous put-downs" take a look at why you can't speak the truth openly. Is your comment necessary, or are you putting down your partner to make you feel better about yourself? 

Women need intimacy to have sex, Men need sex to have intimacy.

There is no doubt that men and women are wired differently. Women need romance, thoughtful gestures, and to be told they look beautiful. I have interviewed hundreds of men and found that many will never tell their wife they look beautiful out of their own fear that she will then have an affair. This is the man's insecurity, rather than an issue with the woman. In one particular case, this husband was complaining about his wife not wanting to have sex with him after 36 years. I asked him when the last time was he told her she was beautiful? He replied, "Never!" He was so insecure about himself, he would never tell her she was beautiful.

The opposition of our wiring can lead to mis-understanding and stand-offs. Where one person is vehement in their perspective and the other perpetuates theirs. We can win the battle with this thought process and lose the marriage. Think about your perspective and thought process. Is being right, worth it? As yourself is this issues something that will matter in 5 years? If the answer is NO, go ahead and make love, it is a lot more fun than fighting!

Sex Is Not One-Sided

Historically, sex has been an act where men pleasure themselves with women, while women just lay there. A woman's pleasure was the last thing on most men's minds. In many cases, not much has changed. Women need to be warmed up to the idea of sex. Women are not usually ready to go, just because they are wet. Women need foreplay, touch, caressing. Most women need 20 to 40 minutes of stimulation to get to the pleasure palace of Disneyland - the BIG O. After 20 years of not having what they need, many women are signing off from doing the horizontal mambo. Women need to have at least one orgasm before penile insertion occurs. If this is not happening, many women spend a lifetime not having orgasms. 

Reasons Women Say No

1. Fatigue
2. Lack of Romance, Intimacy, Deep Conversations and Caring from their partner.
3. Lack of Interest due to low hormones.
4. Past hurts, insults or abuse.
5. Lack of consideration for their feelings.
6. No Heartfelt Apology from spouse for number 5.
7. Tired of not having an orgasm - "What's the point?"
8. Does't feel heard, or understood.
9. Feels man doesn't listen when she says what she needs or wants in bed.
10. Issues unresolved outside the bedroom, interfering with thoughts about sex. Women can't have sex when angry or upset with their partner. (Men on the other hand can and do.)
11. Too much stress. Women need to get out of their heads to have sex. Stress and too many things undone in the household, or work can interfere with thoughts and feelings of letting go.

How To Overcome A Sexless Marriage

1. Listen with an open heart to your partner.
2. Communicate without blame.
3. Repair the issues that are outstanding. Sometimes you need to hire a coach, therapist or psychologist to overcome these issues. Choose someone who will be a positive influence and not take sides.
4. Bring romance back into the relationship.
5. When both parties are ready, begin with hand-holding, eye gazing and appreciation of each other. Appreciation is one of the biggest issues lacking in marriages where sex is an issue.
6. Respect each other. Mutual respect must be in place for a healthy sex life.
7. Build trust. When sex has diminished a breach of trust has occurred. Repairing and re-building trust takes time. Be patient.
8. Read Orgasm For Life. There are hundreds of great tips for repairing, re-building and re-kindling the fires of passion. Orgasm For Life on Amazon

Want to hear the latest interview with Jennifer on The Love Doctor? Here is the link to the show from Tuesday, June 17, 2014

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lovedoctorradio/2014/06/18/orgasm-for-life-part-2

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is the author or Orgasm For Life and Odyssey Victim to Victory. Both books are available on Amazon, as well as her website: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com

Jennifer is a catalystic coach, compassionate healer and wise teacher. She is a Spiritual mentor for many and has performed thousands of energy clearings for clients since 2007. To schedule a FREE discovery session to find out if you would be a good fit for her work, you can do so HERE

George Carlin did a stand-up routine on men and women. He said that men are stupid and women are crazy. He sited many reasons why men are stupid. The above example is one of them. Men simply don't care enough about their partner to listen to them. They are so busy in their own heads thinking about themselves, that they can't hear their spouse. Although George was a hard-hitting comic, most people are unaware of the fact that he was happily married. George Carlin loved his wife. She died in 1997. He missed her terribly. Known for a foul mouth, if you listen to this bit, there are a few "F" bombs. However, the underlying truth is eye-opening.

Marriage Is Not THE Destination

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Wedding Bliss and Joy

I hear women planning their weddings, pouring time, energy and love over bridal magazines, it seems to me that many feel that a wedding is the final destination. "When I get married I will be happy!" seems to be the sentiment.Yet, marriages are ending at an alarming rate, people are depressed and suicidal, which is far from a blissful state. What is wrong with this picture? 

It was a very happy day

For me, it was not until my fourth marriage that I finally was ALL IN. I gave everything to my marriage. I was no longer looking for someone else. I was completely committed and, in love. I felt satiated with life. I thought I found THE ONE. Boy was I wrong. Within months of our wedding, he was having affairs. Being a psychic I knew these things. I was awakened from a sound sleep when he was away ostensibly visiting with his daughter. At 10:30 after being asleep for half an hour, my guides roused me, saying to me, "You should have heard from Jeff (name changed to protect him) by now."

My happy place in Alpharetta, Georgia

I called him. Instead of him picking up, his phone went straight to voice mail. I could feel guilt on the other end of the line. I knew what this meant. He was not with his daughter. He was with someone else. Why after all these years, inner work and healing did I experience this pain and suffering? Because I had more work to do. I had cleared energetic patterns, but I had not cleared the emotion that I had stuffed deep down for over 50 years. I had covered up pain with anger and stuffed it all deep down inside.

Discovering your spouse or partner is having an affair is devastating. You begin to question what is wrong with you. The point is, that it is not you. It is them. They have a void that is not being filled. They looked to you to fill it and you did not. No one else can.

Each of us have our own lessons to learn. We all experience pain, suffering and trauma on some level to help us look within and grow. Pain is the catalyst for growth. Without it, we stagnate. Our soul purpose is to evolve and become enlightened, but most people have forgotten what we are here to do. Not everyone turns within. It is the higher road, but not an easy one. We each have to take responsibility for your own life, happiness and bliss. We depend on our marriages, husbands and wives to fulfill us. When this does not happen, you do what I did, you divorce them. 

Returning from India - Atlanta, GA with Ariel

Yet, happiness does not come from re-marrying another. It comes from deep introspection and self discovery. I had done so much of this it made me really question what was going on. After three months of grieving, screaming, crying and tossing his crap out of my barn, I let it all go. He was the catalyst for deep healing of my blocked emotions, and thankfully, I learned to let it all go. I was grateful for what he gave me. I let him go with love. Each person we encounter has something to teach us. Learning the lesson and recognizing the gift is the important message. Instead most of us blame our spouse or ex for what they did to us. When we do, we are missing the point. If you do not learn, grow, forgive and let go, you will attract another who will teach you a more difficult lesson. This will keep repeating until you learn. Your fulfillment, your happiness is an inside job. You are the purveyor of your own bliss, joy and happiness. You are the one who needs to say, "I choose to be happy. No one else can give that to me."

We focus on what another can give us. Yet, what we give ourselves is permanent. Self acceptance, self care, unconditional love. Until we give it to ourselves, we are giving to others to manipulate, control and to attempt to fill the empty places within  ourselves. No other can fill a void. No other can love you enough. No other can validate you as you can yourself. 

When another is expecting us to fulfill them, to be responsible for their happiness, it is a huge burden. It is an impossible task. Yet, men, women and children spend lifetimes attempting to make others happy, to no avail. It is not possible. You will feel like a failure if you make this your life's mission.

The old me, hugely popular but very unhappy

Instead love and accept yourself. Love yourself no matter what. Love the journey, the joy ride, rather than look to an event in your life to make you happy. No ring, certificate or marriage will give you happiness permanently. This is an experience and feeling you give to yourself. Live in the moment, rather than focusing on how some future event will make you happy. Each event in our life only comes one time. If you are focusing on the future, you miss the joy of the moment. You miss the love that is present right now. You miss out on living life to the fullest.

After The Wedding

When women (especially) focus on the fact that getting married will make them happy, they wake up days or weeks later and feel let down. If the wedding and being married didn't make me happy, then it must be my husband's fault. We blame the men for not doing it for us. Many women begin looking or another for this very reason. It may happen in 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. If you are not happy with yourself, no marriage will make you feel better about you. You may have the greatest guy in the world, but unfortunately you don't see him as great, because you don't FEEL great. This very thing recently happened within my own family. My son married a beautiful girl. He was deeply in love and committed to her. 

Her focus was on the wedding, rather than the relationship. Everything had to be perfect. She spent hundreds of hours creating center pieces for each table, decorations and give-aways for the guests. She put so much energy into the wedding. When my daughter (her bridesmaid) tinted her hair 6 months before the wedding, she freaked out. Yelling at her on Face Book, "How could you do this to me!" She was a bridezilla. The wedding, rather than the relationship was her focus. Within 2 years she met a guy at the gym that shone brighter - he must be the one that will do it for me! My son was devastated. 

Self Love Is The Key To Happiness

When we look for happiness outside of ourselves, we find that a love, marriage, job or car only gives us a temporary charge. The feelings don't last because there is not enough love for ourselves. We are giving to others from an empty place. There is simply not enough to go around. When we are filled with unconditional love for ourselves, it is a very different story. Instead of focusing on our faults and being perfect, we need to accept ourselves the way we are - as if we will never change. We all have parts of ourselves that are less than stellar, because we are human. We also have talents, gifts and expertise that no one else has. We are all unique. When we begin to see the magic within ourselves, focusing on the beauty within, rather than seeing ourselves as ugly, imperfect and lacking everything shifts. Everyone of us have personality traits that make us different, those parts that don't smell or look so pretty are the ones we need to embrace unconditionally. Those are the parts that are harder to love. Loving all of us, even those parts that are hard to love, fill us. Instead of feeling incomplete and broken we begin to feel full.

Our connection with God, Allah, Source energy is the other half of the equation. I have never been a religious person. I was not even sure God existed until well into my 30s. I needed proof and my life sure did not show me that there was a God. Many of us feel this way. It isn't God that does bad things to us. It is our patterns, family programming that is in place for us to grow. We look at our lives upside down. We were taught backwards. When we were children we were taught that self love was selfishness. This is not so. I recommend doing The Divine Presence Process Meditation to fill yourself to overflowing. I have a You Tube video that many have used and found their love within.http://youtu.be/8RNHrXoWWsc

We are not looking for another to MAKE US HAPPY. Sex becomes dull quickly. We begin to blame our spouse. We are not all in. We may have spoken the vows, but we don't believe them. Since we don't love ourselves, there is a constant search for the next best thing - whether it is a lover, or subsequent marriage. 

Famous People and Movie Stars

Have you ever noticed how rare it is for movie stars and musicians to have long-term marriages? People in the lime-light are often filled with self-loathing and unworthiness. They are faking it till they make it. Models fall into this category as well. They usually have very low self esteem. When our self esteem bank is low, we can't take criticism, we get extremely defensive and reactive when there is any conflict. We are often in tremendous fear of our partner having an affair or leaving us, because we don't feel good enough. Our thoughts create, so we end up creating just what we fear. Sadly those marriages that had such a beautiful spark of love, end. 


How Do I Focus On The Present?

1. Breathe deeply. Quiet the mind chatter. 
2. Stop blaming yourself for what you did or didn't do in the past.
3. Recognize that each event, relationship or experience in your life is to teach you more about who you are.
4. There is no right or wrong. It was not wrong to fall in love or marry that person. It was just an experience.
5. Let go of your story. Life is a series of experiences that we create for ourselves with our thoughts. If you continually tell your story of woe (I am so sick....  I am so lonely..... I am so broken... I am so depressed.... and I sick and tired...) The Universe will send you more of what you are focusing on. Stop telling your story. 
6. Focus on the positive. Take your attention off the negative and magnify the positive. Whatever you focus your attention on will grow, whether it is positive or negative. You would rather have the positive, right? 
7. If you have issues with 1 - 6 it is time to book your private session with me so that I can assist you to live in the moment, empower you, expand your awareness, heal, grow and evolve. If not now, WHEN?

Jennifer is the author of the forthcoming book: Orgasm For Life. She is awakened, living in the moment fully connected to The Divine. Her sessions are enlightening, heart-opening and life-changing. If you are ready to live life to the fullest, happy with you, connect with Jennifer to schedule your private session now. JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com or visit her website and check out what others have experienced through her coaching and teaching. http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com