|Wedding Bliss and Joy|
I hear women planning their weddings, pouring time, energy and love over bridal magazines, it seems to me that many feel that a wedding is the final destination. "When I get married I will be happy!" seems to be the sentiment.Yet, marriages are ending at an alarming rate, people are depressed and suicidal, which is far from a blissful state. What is wrong with this picture?
|It was a very happy day|
|My happy place in Alpharetta, Georgia|
|Returning from India - Atlanta, GA with Ariel|
After The Wedding
When women (especially) focus on the fact that getting married will make them happy, they wake up days or weeks later and feel let down. If the wedding and being married didn't make me happy, then it must be my husband's fault. We blame the men for not doing it for us. Many women begin looking or another for this very reason. It may happen in 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. If you are not happy with yourself, no marriage will make you feel better about you. You may have the greatest guy in the world, but unfortunately you don't see him as great, because you don't FEEL great. This very thing recently happened within my own family. My son married a beautiful girl. He was deeply in love and committed to her.
Her focus was on the wedding, rather than the relationship. Everything had to be perfect. She spent hundreds of hours creating center pieces for each table, decorations and give-aways for the guests. She put so much energy into the wedding. When my daughter (her bridesmaid) tinted her hair 6 months before the wedding, she freaked out. Yelling at her on Face Book, "How could you do this to me!" She was a bridezilla. The wedding, rather than the relationship was her focus. Within 2 years she met a guy at the gym that shone brighter - he must be the one that will do it for me! My son was devastated.
Self Love Is The Key To Happiness
When we look for happiness outside of ourselves, we find that a love, marriage, job or car only gives us a temporary charge. The feelings don't last because there is not enough love for ourselves. We are giving to others from an empty place. There is simply not enough to go around. When we are filled with unconditional love for ourselves, it is a very different story. Instead of focusing on our faults and being perfect, we need to accept ourselves the way we are - as if we will never change. We all have parts of ourselves that are less than stellar, because we are human. We also have talents, gifts and expertise that no one else has. We are all unique. When we begin to see the magic within ourselves, focusing on the beauty within, rather than seeing ourselves as ugly, imperfect and lacking everything shifts. Everyone of us have personality traits that make us different, those parts that don't smell or look so pretty are the ones we need to embrace unconditionally. Those are the parts that are harder to love. Loving all of us, even those parts that are hard to love, fill us. Instead of feeling incomplete and broken we begin to feel full.
We are not looking for another to MAKE US HAPPY. Sex becomes dull quickly. We begin to blame our spouse. We are not all in. We may have spoken the vows, but we don't believe them. Since we don't love ourselves, there is a constant search for the next best thing - whether it is a lover, or subsequent marriage.
Famous People and Movie Stars
Have you ever noticed how rare it is for movie stars and musicians to have long-term marriages? People in the lime-light are often filled with self-loathing and unworthiness. They are faking it till they make it. Models fall into this category as well. They usually have very low self esteem. When our self esteem bank is low, we can't take criticism, we get extremely defensive and reactive when there is any conflict. We are often in tremendous fear of our partner having an affair or leaving us, because we don't feel good enough. Our thoughts create, so we end up creating just what we fear. Sadly those marriages that had such a beautiful spark of love, end.
How Do I Focus On The Present?
- Breathe deeply. Quiet the mind chatter.
- Stop blaming yourself for what you did or didn't do in the past.
- Recognize that each event, relationship or experience in your life is to teach you more about who you are.
- There is no right or wrong. It was not wrong to fall in love or marry that person. It was just an experience.
- Let go of your story. Life is a series of experiences that we create for ourselves with our thoughts. If you continually tell your story of woe (I am so sick.... I am so lonely..... I am so broken... I am so depressed.... and I sick and tired...) The Universe will send you more of what you are focusing on. Stop telling your story.
- Focus on the positive. Take your attention off the negative and magnify the positive. Whatever you focus your attention on will grow, whether it is positive or negative. You would rather have the positive, right?
- If you have issues with 1 - 6 it is time to book your private session with me so that I can assist you to live in the moment, empower you, expand your awareness, heal, grow and evolve. If not now, WHEN?