Have you ever been in a situation where you had your own idea of what needed to happen, so you pushed to make it so? Even in the face of everything sacred, things just didn't go as you planned. They usually don't when we attempt to impose our will on others.
For over a week Ariel and I talked about having banana cream pie from the Walnut Cafe in Boulder. We were delighted to find that they had it on their extensive pie menu when we arrived there on Thursday at lunch time. We always ordered pie as our first course. I love to eat desert first, it is one of my little indulgences when I am out of town.
Sometimes, women want men to move in with them, to make them feel more secure. Or women want to be exclusive with the person they are dating. When the relationship has not evolved to that point, your partner might feel pressured and wonder if you are the right person for them. You have to have a conversation about your individual desires.
What does this mean? When things evolve naturally, they feel right. You don't have to push. They just fall into place on their own. Pushing your ideals, will, or agenda could create the exact opposite of what your desire is. If the person you are dating is recently divorced and single, it is likely they are not interested in a serious commitment just yet. They haven't gotten over their break-up. They have not healed and let go. So what do we do?
- Be in a state of allowing. Allow things to take their natural course. Don't push your own energy to make things happen.
- Be present in the NOW. Breathe deeply. Focus on what is going on right now, rather than striving to bring what you desire into the present. Enjoy each moment rather than pushing for something different.
- Pay attention to your fears. What is your motivation? Are you in fear of losing your man, or woman? Are you trying to push them away? Are you afraid of intimacy? Or are you afraid you will never get married, and want to MAKE IT HAPPEN?
- If your partner says, "I'm not ready for a relationship." Don't try to push it. Listen to what they are saying. Trying to change another is manipulative and rarely works to your benefit. Let them go.
- Talk to your partner about what they want. Do not read into what they are saying, "I am not ready to get serious, yet...." does not mean that they will want to move in with you and your children next month.
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