Abuse is insidious. Most of us are unaware that we may have abused our children, mothers, fathers, friends, lovers or spouses. There are many forms of abuse from verbal, emotional, physical, sexual to neglect. Even rejecting your spouse repeatedly for love, affection and sex is abusive.
- Probably witnessed abuse as a child.
- Possessive and jealous, often imagines you are having affairs. May be jealous of family, friends or even own children.
- temper- either flares up over every little thing or let's anger build up then explodes.
- Blames others. Does not accept responsibility for his/her anger or actions.
- Tells you it is all your fault. projects own faults onto you ( If you didn't do this I wouldn't...)
- May blame alcohol and or drugs for abusive behavior ( well I was drinking...I didn't know what I was doing....what do you expect?
- Jekyll and Hyde personalities. Charming to people outside the family and tires to keep the abuse hidden.
- Has rigid ideas of the roles of men and women. ( A man is the head of the house, the woman is expected to do what he tells her to do.
- May have problems with the law, not always.
- May behave in a threatening or intimidating way...weapons etc.
- Tries to isolate you, discourages you seeing family and friends...religious cults fall into this area. May discourage you from getting a better education.
- Tries to control your behaviours, may try to control your thoughts through brainwashing techniques.
- Verbal abuse ( insults, put-downs, name calling)
- What ever you do he or she says it is wrong.
- Will do what ever it takes to drive you away and whatever it takes to get you back---grad the kids or apologize profusely, send flowers, take you out for dinner, very real tears, promises everything, I'll go to church I'll go to counseling, I'll stop drinking, I'll never hit you again..etc
- Promises to change but never does.
- When physical abuse occurs it follows a patten.
- Minimizes the seriousness of the abuse.
- After an explosion, he/she feels better and can't understand why you remain upset.
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