Gorgeous, charismatic, sexy, alluring, seductive. All of these describe how we feel about a narcissist. We usually don't even consider that the person we are falling in love with is narcissistic. We don't see the hidden characteristics at the beginning of the relationship. All we see are the crazy sex scenes, excitement and the feel of an adrenaline rush. The excitement is certainly present by the truck load. That is what is so difficult about a relationship with a narcissist.
Throwing Fits And Things
As quickly as we have fallen in love, the relationship takes a spin and a turn. We wonder what the heck we did to deserve the rage, the broken printer, thrown mirror, glass on the floor, chaos that becomes a hot and cold daily routine. The Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde can be caused by drugs, alcohol or other addictive behaviors. What we can be sure of is that the addictions will be as numerous as the highs.
Leaving Isn't An Option
The drama keeps us penned in. We are addicted to it. The excitement has an allure. We have no idea which end is up and even less of an idea who we are. We lose ourselves. We give more than we have ever given and feel exhausted, drained and exhilarated all at the same time.
Our Self Esteem Suffers
The change happens gradually, we don't even see it coming. After a particularly horrible fight, we recognize that we aren't who we used to be. We have become someone else. We are small, helpless and surrounded by guilt. We feel guilty about leaving. We feel guilty about staying. We feel ungrounded and off center. Nothing else seems to matter but the relationship. We are addicted.
It is common for the narcissist to have affairs. These could be flirtatious texts, sexting or full blown affairs. The affairs bolster lagging self esteem, when they feel they are not getting enough or the type or attention they crave.
Immediately following a fight, we are greeted by breakfast or coffee in bed, a smiling gorgeous person and we are hooked all over again. How can we break the cycle and get ourselves out?
Both parties need to mature. Conversations that are unproductive need to be stopped by one party. Escalation of emotions during "discussions" makes serious conversations almost impossible.
A narcissist appears to be bigger than life. They boast, brag and talk about themselves and all that they have accomplished. However, their self esteem is in the toilet.
Boundaries are crossed repeatedly. Wrongs are never righted. Being in love with a narcissist leaves you feeling off-balance and lower than low.
With age comes more emotional maturity, hopefully, but not always. Anger surfaces when a serious discussion is brought up. You will find the tables turn so quickly that it will make your head spin. You will wonder what on earth happened?
This type of relationship is addictive and typically abusive. Emotion, physical and passive aggressive behavior can all be a part of the tumultuous relationship with a narcissist.
As the narcissist becomes aware of their addictions, healing may occur. It is a slow process that cannot be pushed. Anger management is usually part of the healing. Deep seated anger with the mother from childhood is often the source of the issues. The pain and suffering from incarcerations, restraining orders and break-ups needs to be great enough for the narcissist to want to change. Until that time, you my dear will be in a lot of pain.
My advice to you is to get help for yourself. As you begin to feel stronger you may decide you have had enough and move on. You cannot change someone else. Letting go can be difficult, but release you from the bondage and suffering.
Jennifer is now offering VIP sessions for courageous committed clients. These VIP sessions are powerful Shamanic sessions with movement, breathing and release work. We do this in a sacred and protected area in the Mojave desert. If you would rather bring a friend and do the work together, that works too. For those who want a completely private session I support you totally and completely through the process.
Jennifer is a healed healer. She has healed breast cancer, Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr syndrome, codependency, addictions, chronic depression, fear, arthritis, and slowed down the aging process as a result. She uses hypnotherapy, NLP, Spiritual Response Therapy and her Spirit guides and The Ascended Masters. She is an Intuitive, catalystic healer and amazingly courageous woman. She is the author of Orgasm For Life the book to bridge the growing chasm between men and women. This book will ignite the fires of passion, give you new skills and ideas to get back the passion lost in long-term marriages. When sex goes out the window, emotions run high. Jennifer works with those committed to heal and live a happier, better life with deeper connected, intimate relationships. Her website is: http://www.JenniferElizabethMasters.com