When we think of sex, most of us think of pleasure, orgasm, release and smile. When sex is painful, these thoughts do not come to mind.
Pain during intercourse is referred to as Dyspareunia. When Dyspareunia is present, no amount of lubrication will help. Vaginal atrophy due to extremely low levels of estradiol is typically, but not always the cause. Little research has been done on this subject. Yet millions of women experience it.
There are other reasons for extreme vaginal pain during sex. Psychological reasons often present as pain in the pelvic floor as well as vagina. Burning, extreme discomfort make sex impossible. When your partner says it hurts, stop. Pushing through is not possible.
I experienced Dyspareunia. When it occurred two things were present. No connection with my partner and very low levels of estradiol. Post menopausal women often have vaginal atrophy. The tissue in the vagina begins to thin, become fragile and frail. Lubrication does not make these symptoms disappear.
Painful Sex In Young Women
Some of my clients are young woman, under the age of 25. When pain presents in a young woman the reason it usually, but not always psychological. It is possible for a young woman to have low estrogen, but not typical.
Young girls are often chastised by parents for "whoring around." Even when they are not having sex, hyper vigilant mothers can program their daughters with unhealthy sexual programs. "Men only want one thing!" "Where have you been? Have you been having sex?" When parents (especially mothers) pound these thoughts into a young girl's mind, these negative belief systems become lodged in the body. It sounds strange, or weird. However when you recognize that our bodies are made up of cells, each with memory, this is not inconceivable.
When our mothers were raped, or sexually molested themselves as children, they may have negative programming themselves. They pass on to their daughters these negative belief systems. Each time sexually demeaning and condemning words are spoken with vehemence and shame - these words have a lot more power. The shame is imbedded in the vaginal wall.
I recently worked with a woman who did not have sex until she was 22, due to her mother's programming. When she finally did have sex, it was excruciatingly painful. This feeling did not diminish with time. Sex is impossible for her, without clearing the programming and cellular tissue.
How Can This Be Healed?
For Young Women
For young women, the programming that has been imbedded in the cellular walls needs to be released through an energy clearing. Once that is done, gentle physical healing needs to be done by a professional tantrika or lover that has been educated by a professional. The movie BLISS explains the situation well, if you are interested. This movie stars Terrance Stamp as the trained professional. I detail in my book Orgasm For Life, what needs to be done, gently and slowly, with breath. A letting go process needs to happen.
For women who have been through menopause natural supplements can be taken. To speed up the process an Estradiol ring can be placed within the vagina which stays in place for 90 days, emitting Estradiol. This relieves the pain and plumps up the cell walls.
Painful sex is not fun. If your partner experiences this, consider the options and talk about getting the help you need. As a young person, life without sex is not fully living. Once a woman has crossed the menopausal threshold, she may be okay without having sex. For me, it was not an option. I took steps to change the chemistry in my body. Once estrogen has been raised, having sex with regularity will keep the vagina young and healthy. Regular sex must occur after menopause to do this. Having sex once a month is not enough to keep hormone levels high enough in postmenopausal women. Sex must occur at least twice a week to keep the estrogen levels in range for sexual function.