How Being Wishy-Washy Makes You Unhappy

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I've never been able to plan my life. I just lurch from indecision to indecision. Alan Rickman

When we attempt to make a decision and waver we are caught in an endless loop of procrastination. We put off making a decision because we can't decide. We experience stress, guilt and even shame for not being able to choose. We are frozen in fear. Being indecisive causes procrastination and chaos.

The fear of making the wrong decision comes from unresolved emotions of the negative variety.

Perhaps one or both of your parents were domineering. You may have been prevented from making decisions on your own as a child. Insecurity is at the core of this issue. Without a strong inner authority, there is passivity. Strengthening your inner core through self-love is what is needed.  

Imagine yourself as a young child. You are forced to choose between a toy you want very much and a less expensive toy. Your dominant parent stands over you demanding, "Make a decision and do it fast!" You realize that your parent wants you to either choose no toy at all or the less expensive one. You point fearfully at the

more expensive toy. Your parent rolls their eyes and reprimands you in an aggressive tone, "There is no way I am spending that much on a toy! Forget it!" Your parent grabs your hand and drags you unwittingly out of the store without any toy at all. You are crestfallen, writhing in intense feelings of guilt, anguish, and loss.

The painful experience created by our decision causes us to fear the consequences of making a decision. Childhood wounds create a program and resistance to fear the worst case scenario.

How To Stop Toxic Parenting

Whether the above example or something similar happened to you in your childhood, the reason you can't make decisions and feel secure about your choice is due to events in your childhood. It could be you had a parent who bullied or was domineering.

Years later a strong inner critic runs the show. You are probably terrified to make a choice because it will inevitably be the wrong one causing you to feel guilty. You become frozen.

My Personal Story

My personal experience involved five dollars and a concertina at a church basement bazaar. I remember the event as clearly as it was yesterday. My mother gave me the five dollar bill which was a huge deal for me and told me I could spend it as I wished. 

We went to a church bazaar where she left me to wander around to see if there was anything I wanted. I had located a beautiful little concertina (a small squeezebox that played music). I was fascinated by this little musical instrument I cold hold in my hands. I had never had anything like it. I spent the entire time looking at it. 

In retrospect it could have been the fact that it was a noise-maker, I'm not sure. I stood talking to the man, but in fear I would make a choice that would disappoint my mother. When the time came for me to make a final decision, my mother informed me in a very domineering way, "You couldn't possibly want to spend all your money on that!" She pulled me away while my head spun around longingly at the man behind the table holding my concertina. 

Resulting Trauma Into Adulthood

This event caused me deep trauma. I was given money and told I could have whatever I wanted. When I found what I wanted, my mother then told me I couldn't have it. A looping thought was created in my brain that caused me to buy whatever I wanted as an adult.

I feel that this one event contributed to my shopping addiction later in life. When I wanted something, I just bought it to hell with the consequences, until I healed this aspect of myself. 

10 Things Happy People Do Daily

What Is The Worst That Will Happen?

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What is the consequence I am afraid of?
2. What do I believe will happen when I make a decision?
3. What is the meaning I associate with decision-making?
4. What makes decision-making so uncomfortable for me?
5. What am I resisting or running away from?
6. What is underneath all of this?
7. What is this issue teaching you about what you want?

Whatever We Resist Persists

If we continue to resist decision-making, it will never get easier. We have to change our behavior and find a way to make decisions feel more comfortable. Clearing the childhood pattern that created this pattern will help to move you forward and alleviate the problem. Hiring a coach to help build positive self-confidence will fast forward your process. It took me over thirty years to get there on my own.

Herbert Simon coined the phrase satisficing in 1956 that prioritized a satisfactory solution over an optimal solution. When we get stuck in what is the best option, we freeze. 

Tips For Decision-Making

1. Focus positively on what you want.
2. Decide what criteria need to be met (X, Y, and Z).
3. Once the criteria are met stop researching. 
4. Less is more! More information has been scientifically proven to cause you more angst and indecision. 
5. Know that you don't have to find the optimal choice, instead, go for satisfactory. 
6. Simplify rather than complicate with too much information.
7. The more you align your energy with what you want the faster you bring it to you.
8. Even making no decision is a decision.
9. You always have a choice.
10. What feels the best for you?
11. Trust your gut. 
12. Every choice we make brings us closer to what we want.
13. You can't make a wrong decision.

If you don't choose for yourself, the universe will choose for you.

Your tough inner critic will condemn you no matter which way you turn. Quiet that inner voice by saying, "I don't have to listen to you!" Trust your gut.

The source of this issue is from feeling helpless and insecure. Focus on strengthening your confidence. Hire a love coach that gets you, and knows how to get you to HAPPY. Jennifer has been where you are and understands and intuits the root cause. Visit Jennifer's website where you can sign up for her FREE newsletter, download her FREE APP with over 7 hours of sessions, energy clearings and even a hypnotherapy session for success!

Find Jennifer's books on Amazon.com

Jennifer is currently writing her third book:
Happy Here, Happy Anywhere: The Step-By-Step Guide To Overcoming Anxiety, Depression, and Unhappiness Without A Prescription!

Jennifer is a healed healer. Certified as a Hypnotherapist with The National Guild of Hypnotherapy, An NLP Practioner and a Certified Life Coach. 

5 Reasons You Shouldn't Be Concerned About What Others Think

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

There is a huge difference in the focus of insecure and confident people. Those that suffer from insecurities are afraid people won't like them or that they aren't enough. They are looking for acceptance outside of themselves. I used to be one. 

In the past, I worried if people would like me, or the way I dressed and looked. I was concerned that I wasn't enough. I woke in the middle of the night riddled with fears. I worried about how to dress, what to say and how to act. The bottom line was, I focused on what others thought. 

Men worry about the size of their penis, while women worry about their looks and weight. 

Once we notice how much energy we expend with worries about other's opinions, we need to make changes in our behavior and thoughts. I know what worked for me. My motto is:

What others think of you is none of your business!

Following are seven reasons you are wasting precious energy by concerning yourself with what others think: 

1. It Causes you uncertainty.  There are a million opinions. Asking for other's opinions causes you confusion and internal chaos. Instead, ask yourself how does this situation make me feel? Which feels better in my body, plan A or plan B? Your body will never lie. Use your body as a human pendulum and ask questions of your high self.
2. Creates a lack of self-trust. When we rely on others telling us what to do, we end up not doing the things we want, then feel resentful and angry that we didn't do what we felt was best for
   
   ourselves. The more you ask, the more opinions you will get, the less trust you have for yourself. You have an internal compass USE IT!
3. Reduces your self-esteem. Relying on others opinions creates self-doubt. When we doubt ourselves, we feel small and insignificant. You have value. You know what is best for you. Take small steps towards confidence by making small decisions and seeing how much better you feel when you do.
4. You give your power away. When you ask others what they think you reduce your inner strength which makes you feel weak and small.
5. Others opinions will cause you to feel bad. People can judge you for your behavior. Asking others what they think will make you second-guess yourself and lead to wishy-washy thinking and indecision. You need to practise to become good at a skill. Decision-making is a skill that as a muscle needs to builds over time. You might feel a little shaky at first. It's okay even a baby has to crawl before he can walk.

For more information about overcoming insecurity read this: 

Recognizing Insecurity and 10 Powerful Ways to Overcome It

Visit our website:  AphroditeEffect.com

Send Jennifer an e-mail to set up your Free Discovery Session right now!

10 Reasons You Don't Want to Have Sex On The First Date

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

When you think of a first date, where does your mind go? Do you think ahhh - sex? Probably not unless sex is all you want. Though there are no steadfast rules about sex on the first date, however, if you are looking for a lasting relationship, you probably will want to re-think going to a hotel room or back-of-a-car rushed sex before you know the other person. 

Sex and relationships bring up our deepest fears, regrets and insecurities. Dating is an investment in your future. A person who is truly interested in pursuing a relationship will not pressure you for sex on the first date. 

Fairy Tales and Sex

Reading someone's profile and looking at the dating site that you met on will shed some light on whether your date is looking for a hookup or a relationship. We have to recognize that not all profiles are created equal. Some people lie. If someone tells you they love you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you on the first date, they are manipulating you to get you into bed. I can't tell you how many of these stories I have heard.

Whether you are seventeen or sixty years of age the result of sex on the first date is the same. When we begin dating a new person, we are starting from scratch. We have a clean slate. We know nothing about the other person. A first date might involve light conversation, flirtation and fun. It's an opportunity to see if there are commonalities or enough mutual interest for a second date. 

The sizzle and magnetism of the first kiss. Looking into another's eyes and seeing the depth of their soul, then ripping their clothes off and cartwheeling into bed isn't the best way to start off a relationship. It might be a way to alleviate sexual tension, but it doesn't give you a decent chance for a successful relationship and here's why....

Heart Ties and Sexual Ties

Every time we have sex with someone new we form invisible ties that connect us leaking our energy into those we have been intimate with until they are cleared. Men form a heart tie with their sexual partners and women create both a sexual tie and a heart tie. A private session with me can be scheduled to do this clearing. 

Often as soon as the ties are disconnected and permanently cleared, the other person will think of you and feel the disconnect.

Ask Yourself These Questions

Is it mutually beneficial? 

Is this what I really want? 

Am I hoping to keep him by having sex? 

Am I feeling desperate to keep this person?

What lies or manipulations are occurring to get me into bed? 

Do I believe what he/she is saying?

When sex occurs at the end of the first date you may find some or all of the following are true for you.

1. It's AWKWARD! The first time we rip each other's clothes off and tumble into the sheets can feel awkward. When we have sex on the first date we don't know the other person which increases the awkward quotient tenfold. Knowing someone first moves you past this awkwardness because you recognize their good qualities and know they are someone you would like to spend more time with. With first-date-sex, you probably have not discussed many issues regarding past relationships and elements about your sexual past such as STDs, precautions or preferences. Although there is an element of excitement present, that feeling can dissipate quickly once the physical needs are met. Many thoughts run through one's mind, "Should I be doing this?" "Will he call me again?" "How will I feel in the morning?" The awkwardness of the moment can leave one or both wishing it had never happened and drop your self-esteem into the proverbial toilet.
2.  You feel self-judgment, recrimination and shame. Even with today's Tinder, and other hookup dating sites, the women I talked to all said they felt shame after sex on the first date. Shame lowers your self-esteem, rather than improving it. Shame is the lowest vibrational emotion we can feel. 
3. Leaves you feeling needy. After sex on the first date, women report stocking FaceBook pages, MeetMe pages and Snapchats. When the morning after call never comes, the feelings of regret, shoulds and self-abuse can be intense. If you know this is what happens to you, don't do it.
4. Kills respect. Few relationships last when built on a lusty foundation.  First-date-sex may leave him wondering if you do this with all the guys. It can be a bone of contention (I had to say it) later on and leave you without self-respect and his. 
5. You only have one beginning. What's done is done. You can't turn back the hands of time and take back sex once it is given. Wishing and hoping that things were different won't remove the feelings of doubt you are left with after giving it up too easily. 
6. Your body is a temple. When you recognize your value you know what you are giving when you allow another to wrap their legs around you, and be inside of you. Sex is sacred and meaningful when it is reverent. When sex happens without a soul connection it is primal, animalistic devoid of love. Giving yourself to another without a heart connection can leave you feeling empty, disconnected and even depressed. Treat your body as if it has value and that giving yourself to another is a gift, something rare and special. When you wait you will feel a positive exchange of energy when your hearts are involved.
7. Too much too soon. Once you have sex there is little to look forward to. Early dating is precious, fragile and often gut wrenching. Enjoy getting to know one another without clouding the experience with sex. Once we have sex everything changes. Keep the best for last. You are the best, your body is the desert of the dating process. Allow yourself to enjoy the first kiss when it feels right. Give yourself time to revel in the energy of just a kiss. Give your partner someone to think about wonder and even fantasize about. Allow the excitement to build over time, when you do your first experience will be one of revelry, joy and laughter instead of primal animalistic sex.
8. Sex distorts emotions. When women have sex with a man we experience a release of oxytocin the love and bonding hormone. It has been scientifically proven that the sexual hormones released cause us to feel trust when there is no reason to trust. We feel love when there is no love present. Oxytocin was created to keep women bonded to their babies and the men that impregnated them. If you have sex you feel bonded to someone who may already be gone leaving you grieving and alone.
9. You bond to someone you might not even like. Once the blush of a new beginning falls away you may find yourself in a relationship with someone you don't like or are have nothing in common. You might even find that they like kink or pain during sex when you prefer vanilla. Sex before knowing the other person can gloss over and prevent you from seeing the other's true colors till it is too late. 
10. Relationships that last are built on friendship. We begin to allow another to see our soft underbelly, our insecurities becoming more vulnerable over time. Once the barriers are
    
    removed and feelings are involved sex will be better, leaving you feeling charged, uplifted and deeply bonded with the thrill of getting to know another at a soul level. 

In my book, Orgasm For Life, I address the issue of dating do's and dont's. For more details buy my book on Amazon and read it cover to cover. Then read it cover to cover again! It will help both you and your partner!

Author's Note: 

A healthy relationship begins with getting to know each other. After a couple of hours, you probably don't know their astrological sign or their core values never mind if they have similar sexual needs or taste. The first date barely gives you enough time to decide if you want to eat a meal together never mind have each other's

babies. Sex on the first date opens you up to a plethora of issues, from STDs to pregnancy. You might not even like this person enough to want to sleep together,  and challenges and puts sex above connection and physical attraction above love.

If this article helped you please share it with a friend. Sharing is caring! If you are ready to take your life, relationship, or self-esteem to the next level, book your FREE discovery session right now! 

Aphrodite Effect is all about the effect of LOVE on all that we do. Venus was the Greek Goddess of love. She was an ageless beauty, powerful, strong, respected, sexual and knew who she was. She loved herself

fearlessly. Love gives us power, ageless beauty and deep connection. Set up your FREE discovery session with me here. JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Find my books on Amazon to get you moving in a positive direction.

Download my FREE app with 10+ hours of 

FREE 

recorded sessions with Jennifer!

Download my APP for FREE and get seven hours of audio programs with FREE clearings and The Cascade of Miracles prayer.  On I-Tunes On Google Play All Rights Reserved 2016               © JENNIFER ELIZABETH MASTERS Copying any portion without the author's permission is illegal and punishable by law