How To Tell If Your Honey Is A Keeper

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Finding someone worthy of long-term commitment can be a challenge. A fun party guy might be okay for a few dates, but not great for long-term marriage.  Finding the best person for the job rather than a perfect partner is easy if you are focused on what you want and have those characteristics within yourself. If your partner has the following characteristics hang onto them, as they are a gem! 

1. He puts you first. A man who gives you the nicest strawberry, the best piece of swordfish, or prettiest salad is someone that will put you first the rest of his life. A guy who will take care of you and cherish you will put you first. 

2. He has his act together. You want someone who's company you enjoy and can have fun together. If your guy is struggling to grow up, doesn't have a job, or has commitment issues won't work for you.

3. He includes your friends in plans. A man who gets to know your friends is interested in more than just sex and getting to know you better. If he initiates a dinner party or evening out including your friends he is showing signs of maturity. 

4. He is your biggest supporter and cheerleader. A man who feels confident and secure will be excited for you when you have successes and support your goals. He won't be threatened by your big promotion or new position in your firm.

5. He is interested in your family and other aspects of your life. A guy who takes an interest in your family or pets recognizes that they are a part of your life and will accept them too. 

6. He listens to you. A man genuinely interested in you will remember which flowers you love, what you like to eat and where you left your keys. He'll even buy you a new headset when you have lost yours. 

7. He will take an interest in things you love, even when they aren't his favorite.

8. He isn't afraid to be near you when you are sick. A guy who says he'll come take care of you when you are sick is showing signs that he can't stand to be away from you. He isn't squeamish of your germs and will take care of you when you are sick. There are men out there that will leave their wives when they have can9cer. You don't want to focus on being sick, but knowing they will be there for you through thick and thin is imperative.

9. He makes plans. A guy who plans your next date or thinks ahead is interested in a future with you. 

10. He's happy when you are happy. A guy who is genuinely interested in you will spend the day at the beach with you or watch a chick flick with you even when he'd rather be watching Star Trek or the day at ComiCon. 

11. You find yourself being a better version of yourself when you are with him.  A guy who is a keeper spurs you on to bigger and better things and makes you feel good about yourself. He won't put you down, criticize your every move or correct you in the middle of a sentence. 

12. He laughs at your bad jokes. A guy that laughs even when your jokes aren't that funny is really into you. A guy who thinks you are the bees knees will appreciate you for who you are. 

13. He is kind to waitstaff, elderly and others. A man that is kind to others will be kind to you. 

14. He is generous. A guy who pays for your dinner shows he values you. Stingy people will be stingy with their love as well.

15. He is honest. An honest man won't lie or cheat on you. Without trust, you are nowhere. Honesty is necessary for trust to occur. You will enjoy peace of mind and security with a man you can trust.

16. He'll take a class to learn something you are interested in. A man who is a real keeper will take a day off work to learn massage because you like to be massaged. Someone who reads a book to learn about something you are interested in is a keeper. He shows he cares through his actions.

Too often women stay in relationships because they are afraid someone better won't come along. Staying in a relationship that isn't supportive or with a partner who puts you down show you don't value yourself. Self-care and healthy self-esteem gives you the confidence to let a guy go that isn't really into you or a keeper. 

Jennifer will guide you to find the confidence you need to have healthy balanced and loving relationships. Visit her website here. 

Send Jennifer a private e-mail to see if her work is a good fit for you.

What If You Have Already Arrived?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Our perception shifts our reality. Two people may look exactly the same, be the same weight, have the exact same relationship
status, while one person feels inadequate, fat, dumb, lost and the other loves life, their body and themselves. What is different about these two individuals? 

It is our perception of our reality that shifts everything. Do you feel your glass is half full? Or do you believe your glass is overflowing so much that you give joyously to others?

Feeling Broken 

When we think we are broken we focus on all the broken aspects of ourselves. We focus on the fact we don't have a relationship, we don't live near the family we love, we don't have friends. When we feel broken we think we need fixing. We also view others with the same perception: they need fixing also. 

Wherever You Focus Your Attention Grows

For example, I could focus on the fact that my family is across the country, in Colorado, my mother in Toronto, and that it is hard to see them. Or I could say to myself (which I do) when we are together, we have such a great time. I am totally present with my family and enjoy being with them so much. 

I could also focus on the fact that I live in the desolate, hot, cold and windy desert. Or I could focus on the fact that I am close enough to drive to the beach and back in one day. I can drive to beautiful Santa Barbara in a couple of hours and enjoy driving

through Valencia and all the orange groves and see all the artichokes, cabbage, and raspberries growing. I am close enough to drive to Colorado in 19 hours. I am close enough to LA that I can visit clients there in an hour and a half. Seeing my glass as overflowing is what brings me joy. I see all the possibilities rather than focusing on what I don't have.

When I spend time with my family whether it is my mother or my adult off-spring, I enjoy them for who they are. I revel in each moment. Even enjoying some revelry with my ex-husband Bill Gates over his grilling expertise.

I have fun with them. The time is special. I don't take them for granted. We mark the experiences with photos, appreciating each moment. We take trips to new places and enjoy such simple events as going to the grocery store together, cooking a meal or sharing a hike in a beautiful spot. We live for the moment.

Acceptance

Most people think they are broken. I know I used to also. For years, I thought I was a broken little doll that needed fixing. All the men I attracted also needed fixing. Funny how that happens! When I didn't believe I was enough, neither did the men I was with. I was criticized, put down and was very good at sabotaging any good that came along.

Thinking that you aren't enough will change your world. When we focus on what we think we don't have, all we see is a void, a hole an imperfect face or body, the fact that no one is our partner. Instead, begin the mantra, "I am perfect as I am." 

Ways To Power up Acceptance

Use the following mantras three times a day - every day for 30 days. You will find your ability to accept yourself and others will improve.

1. I am whole.
2. I am complete.
3. I am powerful.
4. I am perfect.
5. I am strong.
6. I am harmonious.
7. I am loving.
8. I am happy.
9. I am a perfect version of myself as I am. 
10. My life keeps getting better and better every day.
11. I commit to loving me!
12. I commit to myself and my happiness.
13. I love and accept myself as I am right now!

What If You are Absolutely Perfect The Way You Are?

The law of perfection states that you were created in the eyes of God, as God in His image. How can you be anything but perfect? You have already arrived - as you are. It is a come as you are party! 

Losing Weight

If your goal is to lose weight so that you can have the relationship of your dreams, I call BULL SHIT! Uh Huh! You are full of shit! In fact so much so, I think your eyes are turning brown. 

This morning I was working with a client who lost 235 pounds! His focus and goal in losing all that weight was that he would be happy and have the life and relationship of his dreams once he lost the weight. 

The Reality

If you aren't happy with yourself as is, like buying a used car from a dealer you will never be happy. This man that lost 235 pounds is miserable because he isn't any closer to being happy now than he was when he was considered obese. Why? Because he still doesn't accept himself the way he is. He pushes people away who try to love him because he wonders what on earth they see in him?

Join me Wednesday night for a FREE podcast where we will power up your acceptance quotient. I invite you to recognize that the only way you can be successful is by committing to yourself. You will never have the relationship of your dreams till you can stand up for you, believe in you and ACCEPT YOU!

Wednesday, March 23, 5:30 PM - 6:30 PM 

(641) 715-3580 Pin 730-749

*6 to mute yourself

With Plenty of time for questions at the end. I will stay until the last question is answered!

Are you ready to commit to yourself? Are you ready to grow exponentially and accept all of you so that you can enjoy each moment of your life in joy? I have developed two signature programs of 6 and 10 months in length for those who are ready to commit to themselves. E-mail me now to set up your discovery session with me. Your life will never be the same, unless you want it to!

I love you!

Jennifer

Aphrodite Effect is all about the effect of LOVE on all that we do. Venus was the Greek Goddess of love. She was an ageless beauty, powerful, strong, sexual and knew who she was. She loved herself

fearlessly. Love gives us power, ageless beauty and deep connection. Set up your FREE discovery session with me here. JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Find my books on Amazon to get you moving in a positive direction.

Download my FREE app with 10+ hours of 

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recorded sessions with Jennifer!

Download my APP for FREE and get seven hours of audio programs with FREE clearings and The Cascade of Miracles prayer.  On I-Tunes On Google Play All Rights Reserved 2016               © JENNIFER ELIZABETH MASTERS Copying any portion without the author's permission is illegal and punishable by law

Bitch To Bliss

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

I love women. I can appreciate beauty in another. I admire a beautiful body, jacket or handbag. I tell women that they are beautiful when I meet them. I didn't always feel this way about other women. I have been on the receiving end of criticism, jealousy and rancor from women. We begin to truly appreciate others when we accept ourselves as we are. Until we do, we might feel jealous, or less than other women.  

Women are powerhouses. Women give life, feed, care for and lovingly nurture children, pets, husbands and all manner of critters our progeny bring home. We create homes out of houses. Women keep households running. They take care of the sick, heal, bathe, clean and keep the laundry up to date. 

Don't get me wrong, women can be bitches. We can be viciously jealous of others, complain, nag and strive for perfection. We say no when we mean yes then wonder why we didn't say yes afterward. Women are difficult to understand. In fact, for the opposite sex we can be confounding. When upset or angered most women can castrate their men with a piercing look or a simple word. Yes, we can be bitches. But do we have to be?

Power Through Softness

I maintain that women opt for bitchiness because it is scary. We tend to appear more powerful when we are bitching. Often our bitchiness moves mountains. Most men would rather get the job done, than endure another moment of scathing looks or words. Scaring our offspring and lovers does not endear us. In fact, bitchiness can make our men run for the hills, or softer, more nurturing pastures. 

There is another way to get our point across or the job done. A smiling face and welcoming hug are certainly more appealing than our arms crossed across our bosom as if to say, "No one shall enter here!"

I know what it feels like to be or act like a bitch. I used to be one. My emotions were out of control. The only female role model I had been imprinted by was my mother. I witnessed her wrath on many occasions. Nagging was a way of life. We all tuned her out. Silence was my mother's go-to punishment for my father. I am not sure whether he preferred the silent treatment over her bitching wrath? I do know he found a way to tune her out. He found a hobby that kept him busy for hours. His hobby was one that involved winemaking, tasting and bottling. For years, my father retired to the basement where he stirred, watched, sniffed, filtered and tasted his fine wines. Alcohol was his way of avoiding my mother. It soothed his soul, mind and calmed his nerves. It also pissed our matriarch off.

Bad Behavior

Our negative behavior or unbridled anger only pushes our partners away. Anger is a way of showing disapproval without really conversing about the subject where we object. Anger is avoidance of the truth or emotions. Anger is the only emotion that most of us can experience or express, due to our family of origin. New behaviors must be adopted and learned to move beyond avoidance, bitching and nagging.

Why then do we continue to act in this way, if it doesn't work? What are other ways of getting our brood to hear us and do our bidding? It is what we want, right? What most of us want is to have others do what we want.

Manipulation As A Maneuver

Getting another to perform a task or do what we want is manipulation. Giving sex as a reward for household chores or duties provided makes sex transactional. We become little more than married prostitutes when we use sex to get what we want.

Over the next few weeks, I will explore a variety of communication styles and the results you can hope to receive. No one wants to be called a bitch. So why would we act like one?

To be continued....

Manifesting Money and Men this is a three-session group coaching program 90 minutes each week. Click this link for more information. If you are alone and want someone, whether it is a man or a woman, but can't seem to find them, this program is for you. If you are having financial difficulties, this program is for you.

To contact Jennifer for a session, healing or clearing, send her a private e-mail here: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

Twin Flame Lessons

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Twin Flames come in for a very short time. to teach us something profound. Often our Twin Flames are married to someone else, which means we can't be together. A Twin Flame relationship is very different than a Soul Mate relationship. A Soul Mate relationship can last years. A Soul Mate relationship is often tumultuous, bringing up your deepest issues. 

The connection of a Twin Flame relationship is unsurpassed. A Twin Flame connection can be felt coming for years. You know the instant that you meet that there is something very special. When you finally embrace, magic happens. The love overwhelms you.

I have had many women and men ask me, "Why would I meet my Twin Flame if I am not to be with them?" Usually, your Twin Flame comes in to teach you how to love and accept yourself AS YOU ARE! 

John Armbruster was charismatic, sexy, intelligent and loved me unconditionally. I found out after his death that he was with another woman when he traveled north to meet with the Native American council. This confirmed my suspicions. There was some missing time in John's travels. I felt something wasn't right. I asked him about it at the time, but he hedged and avoided.

John Armbruster admitted to being a sex addict. Although he had worked on this issue, it still plagued him. He couldn't be faithful. He lied about other things as well. I caught him smoking while we were on the phone. He told me he only smoked the ceremonial pipe. I knew he was smoking other things. He thought I couldn't tell. I was very aware and observant. It was difficult to put something past me. He commented on that fact many times.

He did not overcome his issues with his children. He had difficulty with forgiveness. John was very evolved. When I brought up an issue with him, he listened. He would admit his faults openly. He knew himself well. He had daily spiritual practice, which helped me recognize that I needed to meditate daily, pray more and be in touch with the earth and God's creatures for messages. Birds, deer and other animals give us messages. John reminded me to be observant, notice and feel what they were telling me. (I was already doing this, but his teachings took it a step deeper.)

For two years after John's death, Blue Herons would be present in the sky, on my pond and around the places I traveled to. He continued to send me messages through the Blue Herons.

What Does A Twin Flame Teach Us?

1. They often help you see what your path is.
2. They teach you loving acceptance of self.
3. They teach you that although they are very special, they aren't perfect. No one is.
4. They teach you that we all have issues, but you need to love yourself anyway - ALL OF YOU. Not just the parts that are easy to love and accept. 
5. We all have a shadow self. This part needs special love and attention to be completely integrated within the self, rather than cordoned off and segregated.

Read the entire story here.

My Twin Flame Part I - A True Story of Profound Love
My Twin Flame Part II

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a catalystic coach. She helps you see your issues and come to loving acceptance of the self. She is self-actualized and awakened. You can reach her for a discovery session or interview here. Visit her website: AphroditeEffect.com

Buy her books here: 
Orgasm For Life on Amazon.com

Odyssey Victim To Victory on Amazon.com

Looking For The Perfect Opportunity

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Life inspires me. I notice things. I look around me and watch what my animals do, what other people do and I consider what is happening with the and the world. My brother talks about winning the lottery. He talks about it a lot. For him, winning the lottery would be the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY!

Recently, I have noticed how many people are waiting for the perfect opportunity. Even my dog, Karma waits for the perfect bush to take a dump on. She waits so long for the perfect bush, that she often misses out on the opportunity all together! She usually waits until we are about 100 feet from our car and gives in to the moment. The perfect bush keeps eluding her.

Every day I work towards something. I do energy clearings for my clients. I promote my book. I write a blog. Each thing I do, advances me forward. I expect that my book will be hugely successful. But I am not waiting for an opportunity to fall into my lap. I am working to promote my book. I am doing radio and television  interviews. I talk about my book to everyone I meet. I am making my own success. 

The same thing goes for relationships. I hear people, especially women looking for the PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Women hope for and wish for the perfect man. They pass by some lovely men, waiting for the perfect one to show up. I am not sure what perfection you can find when men and women both have issues. There is no such thing as a PERFECT relationship. If we wait for the perfect thing to come along, we may miss the bush altogether. Take each moment with gusto. Live each second of your life as if it is your last. This way, you won't feel that you missed out. You won't be wishing you had lived more fully, or loved more completely when you had the chance. 

If you have someone who loves you. love them back. If you have someone who wants to make love to you, love them back. Grab them, and show them how much they mean to you. Stop trying to control every moment and make it perfect. When you do, you squeeze all the joy out of the moment. There is no perfection. There is just this moment. You are the one being present who makes it perfect. Enjoying each moment is where the perfection comes in. Loving fully when you have the chance, rather than telling your husband to go to hell, is living without regret. Love like there is no tomorrow! Live with gusto. You will be so glad you did. Live your life passionately.

I live each moment with passion. I love life. I love myself. I certainly love the world that I live in. I love you also. I did not used to feel this way. I used to be negative. I was depressed and in physical pain. What I know you can't find in a book. What I have learned through my own life experience you can't find in a workshop. If you are ready to live life passionately and look 20 years younger than you are, like I do, call me. You will be so glad you did. If you want to live life with Joy - when do you begin, tomorrow, next year, or right NOW!??? This October I will celebrate an earth shattering 60th birthday. I have been told I look 45. I certainly feel better than I did when I was 40! I have no body pain, because I released my emotions. I can help you do the same. Find me on FaceBook or connect with me here via e-mail. 

What People Are Saying About Jennifer

I woke up this morning & am feeling calm, light & fine. My hands are not shaking anymore. All you wrote were correct. I gave you my name & photo & you cleared those who attached to me. I don’t feel them. My nightmares & seeing ugly creatures have stopped. Thank You Very Much!A+++++

WEDNESDAY PODCAST

This Wednesday Jennifer is joined on Love Yourself Fearlessly Radio by Dr. Winn Henderson. Winn is an expert on addiction and has written several books on the topic. Join us this Wednesday for a very interesting topic sexual addiction, at 5:00 PM Pacific and 8:00 PM Eastern. You can dial in or download the show afterward. Whether you have an addiction to relationships (codependence) alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping or food, or know someone with an addiction, this show will help you.

(605) 475-4000 PIN 939401#

Loving Yourself Makes You More Beautiful

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Want to look and feel more beautiful? All it takes is a little more love. 

Most of us are our own worst critic. We focus on the little bulge around our middle, our crows feet or other imperfections. It is amazing how letting go of trying to be perfect will take years off your face. You begin to look softer, younger and certainly more radiant.

When we focus  on our negative traits, we create acidity in our body. We worry, become uptight, rather than relaxed about life. Our anxiety over the small details not being perfect change everything we eat into acid. Even our thoughts are acidic. Acidity creates disease. Cancer and other diseases thrive in an acid environment.

To be able to love yourself, you have to let go of a few things. When we recognize that it's okay that we aren't perfect, there is only one being that fits that bill, and it ain't us! We can relax a little more. We can be the best mom we can be, without having to be perfect.We can be the best life coach we can be without having to be perfect. 

I will tell you a little story........  I used to try to be perfect. I used to look to others to validate me, especially my parents, even into adulthood. When I realized that others do not create my self worth, I do, I let go of trying to please anyone else but myself. It does not mean I am selfish, I just don't have to be liked by you, to love myself. I'm okay with that. Not everyone is going to like someone like me. I might push buttons, make you cry by being near you. That could make you feel uncomfortable. 

I let go of looking to others for my self worth. I look within instead. I know I am loved. I have a deep connection with The Divine inside me. I feel deeply connected to nature, all the time. This connection fills me up. I don't feel empty or lonely - ever. That changed for me in 2012. I know I am never, ever alone. I know I am always loved. I love and accept all parts of myself - even though I have faults. I don't have to be perfect to love me. I have come to accept myself as I am, without trying to change me. It also means I don't attempt to CHANGE OTHERS either. That is what unconditional love is. TO LOVE NO MATTER WHAT. Love is not based on good behavior. 

When my oldest son and his girlfriend were going through a difficult time, they lived with us for a while. Klarissa was a sweet and beautiful young woman, but had very low self esteem. She agreed to help me with my website (my old one). She was extremely creative and gifted in many ways. When she wanted my feedback, she found my ADD distracting. Yes, I have the innate ability to focus on 10 things at one time.....  maybe not effectively, but I am easily distracted and I have to work very diligently to stay on point, focused and complete a task. Amazing isn't it that I have written two books and have created so many blogs? It still surprises me at times. Some of my blogs may be very focused and to the point, where others tend to wander a little. I have let go of the perfectionism.

Klarissa said to me at one point when she was working with me, "You may find your ADD cute, but it is very distracting!" What she failed to understand, is that I had embraced my imperfection. I knew I had ADD, but I loved that part of me anyway. Instead of trying to excise it off me, like cutting off an arm (which would be excruciatingly painful.....  I loved that imperfection.) I had to work diligently to focus on one thing at t time and complete it. When I return e-mails I can fixate on one thing, and skip over (or look like I ignored) other questions. I had to explain that I was not trying to be cute with her, but instead I was being loving and accepting of my faults. I had work diligently to stop bashing myself for those things that didn't smell so good, or that weren't absolutely pristine and beautiful. I let go of trying to be perfect. I softened my gaze towards myself. I dropped the proverbial baseball bat and magnifying glass. 

Most people focus on their faults and make them bigger than they are. When you begin to love your faults, they become less of an issue. You learn to adapt, or work around those things, like a fear of numbers (which I used to have). I cleared those issues and feel better about them. 

Softening your gaze when you look at yourself can be as simple as to stop being such a tough task master for YOU! Look at yourself as if you were a newborn infant. You would not beat up a newborn for crying, or pooping in it's diaper would you? Of course not! So stop beating yourself up love those little idiosyncrasies that you have. We all have them. Stop worrying about what others think about you. It is none of your business anyway.

When you relax and let go of the perfection, you will become more radiant, look younger, more beautiful and live with less pain in your body. Most people think I am 20 years younger than I am....  tally up the age of my kids, you can think I started my family at 14, but I was a little older than that!

Remember you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are love. Love all of you. Accept all of you. Stop beating yourself up with that baseball bat. Stop looking at yourself under the magnifying glass. No one looks very good under the scrutiny of a magnifier.  

When we look outside of ourselves for love and acceptance, we will never find it. When we look outside of ourselves for happiness, we will never find permanent or lasting happiness. We may find it for a short while, but it will not last, because our self criticism will show up. We will judge, beat up and scrutinize every detail and beat it up till it dies.

True radiance comes from radiating the love that you are from within. Join me in radiating your inner beauty and looking 20 years younger than we are, live life in joy today. Set up a time to meet with me so you can begin to soften your gaze and love you. If not now, WHEN?

Jennifer Elizabeth Masters is a catalyst for healing and growth. She is the author of Orgasm For Life, a book to help you live yours with passion. She is also a certified life coach, Intuitive, hypnotherapist and Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner. She assists others to love themselves, using the tools she created while learning how to love herself and overcome addiction, trauma and self hatred. In the process of healing herself she also healed insomnia, depression, Fibromyalgia, Epstein Barr syndrome and other pains in her body. She is almost _____ and lives pain free!

Contact Jennifer about your FREE 30 minute discovery session to find out if you are a good fit for her program. Not everyone is. You have to be committed to heal, to feel better and to want to be happy!

Can You Have An Orgasm For Your Life?

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

Life is what we make it. Why not make it hot, passionate and lively? Although I am not having sex daily, I surely live from my heart, from a place of happiness. I used to be non-orgasmic into my 50's. I knew I did not want to die non-orgasmic and I wanted to live fully. Molestation in childhood can cause sexual dysfunction. Sex in a relationship is important to stay connected, have deep meaningful communications. Sex is the glue that holds us together. Intimacy opens the door to a deeper relationship, setting our relationship apart from those that we have with other people. When a crisis happens when we have deep intimacy, we will be better able to withstand these difficult times.

Women need to understand themselves better, but men also need to better understand us.

Having a closer relationship with yourself, you are better able to communicate your desires with your partner. We mirror each other in relationships. Orgasm For Life was written to help you bridge the chasm between you so that you will have happier lives. We are all responsible for our own happiness, we are also responsible for our own orgasm. When we are responsible for ourselves, we raise our relationship to a higher level.

Rather than blame our partner, for NOT being orgasmic, why not better understand what feels good for you? When you have a better understanding of yourself, you can then communicate to your partner what you need. 

If you are not having orgasms every time you have sex, have you considered what is going on? Do you feel broken, damaged or as if something is wrong with you? If you feel this way, you are no alone. Over 40% of women have some form of sexual dysfunction. Over 80% of women are faking orgasms, because they feel it takes TOO LONG, to get there.

I have interviewed hundreds of men and women. These interviews helped me to find the truth in relationships. I found what it is that is missing. Loving yourself and your genitals opens you to having a loving relationship with your partner. The more accepting you are of yourself, the more accepting your partner will be of you.

http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/77995/is-it-possible-to-truly-have-an-orgasm-for-life

Listen to this open-hearted interview on Voice America with Linzi Levinson. http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/77995/is-it-possible-to-truly-have-an-orgasm-for-life

Justin Beiber Sings You're Insecure to YOU

By Jennifer Elizabeth Masters

You turn heads when you enter a room. Your body is stunning and slender, yet you still feel you are too heavy. Or perhaps you are twenty or so pounds over what you would like to be. Your smile is crooked and your teeth aren't perfect. Each time you look at yourself in the mirror you tell yourself, all the things that aren't perfect. You are insecure.

When we are insecure, everyone around us feels it. We may be hyper reactive to criticism. Even when someone complements us we shrug it off by making a negative comment about ourselves. We feel needy. The more distance a lover, husband or wife tries to put between you the more grasping and clingy you become. 

You would not know it today, but all of the above pertained to me. No matter what someone said about how pretty I was, or how good I looked, I did not feel it. In high school I was one of the popular girls. I was an athlete, on the swim team, volleyball team, gymnastics team and a cheerleader. After high school I became a flight attendant when you had to look a certain way to be hired. I was slender, fit and still did not feel beautiful. It did not matter what anyone said to me - I did not feel it. I had to have a man to feel whole and loved. I felt empty and broken inside. I felt stupid, inept, clumsy and awkward. I constantly judged myself and others. Most of my words and thoughts were negative, condemning and destructive. My body was wracked with physical pain. I had migraine headaches, and was often sick. I went to the doctor often with mysterious illnesses that could not be found.

I missed work, showed up late and was generally unhappy and depressed. I jumped from job-to-job, looking for the elusive happiness. I did the same thing in relationships. When one didn't make me happy, I was off to the next. I was a very slow learner! I had no clue what made me happy. I was so busy trying to please my boyfriend, husband, parents, that I ended up feeling resentful, angry and lost. I had no soul purpose. I hated my jobs. Nothing was fulfilling to me. In relationships, I was never authentic. I turned myself into what I thought my boyfriend, partner, husband wanted. I tried to be the perfect wife, mother, friend. I failed miserably at it all. I was far from perfect. I felt like a wreck, broken and irreparable.

Most of my clients come to me because they don't feel it. When we strive to be perfect, instead of accepting ourselves as imperfect human beings, we set ourselves up for failure. When our thoughts are constantly negative and self critical we cannot possibly love and accept ourselves. When we don't love and accept ourselves, we also condemn and judge everyone around us. Our world is filled with negativity, because that is what is inside of us. People mirror back to us what our unconscious mind is repeating, over and over and over.

How Can We Change?

Like a fitness program, working on the self is important. In fact it is the most important work you can ever do in your life time. Changing your thoughts and words takes practice, but is possible. If I can do it, you can. I was the most negative person you would ever want to meet. I could find something negative to say about anything. I was filled with self loathing, guilt and shame. I felt unworthy. I felt empty and unloved. 

Plato said: Victory of the self is the greatest of all victories.

When you meet me in person, you will notice I wear a ring on my right hand. The ring has the word victory on it. I had it made in St. Augustine Florida in 2011, the year my first book was published: Odyssey Victim to Victory. I worked very hard to change my words and thoughts. It did not happen overnight. I went to hypnotherapists, energy healers and saw Traditional Chinese doctors, naturopaths, chiropractors, you name it. When I found something that worked profoundly, I became certified in that modality. I began to look at myself with kinder eyes, rather than that of a mean parent. 

What Can We Do To Change?

This video is raw - but real. See my imperfections?

1. Let go of trying to be perfect. I've got news for you, you are not perfect. So let that idea go! When you stop trying to be something you are not, you begin to relax. 
2. What others think of you is none of your business. Stop being concerned about people liking you. This world is not a popularity contest. Trying to get people to like you, is like wearing honey on your face and walking into a hornets' nest. You will get stung. 
3. Stop trying to please others. Pleasing other people will make you very unhappy and you will end up feeling resentful and unhappy for all you do, trying to please them. 
4. Change your thoughts, change your world.  I did not come up with this phrase, I think it was Wayne, Dyer. Truer words were never spoken. Wherever you focus energy, time and attention whether positive or negative, think of it like a penis ... it will grow! Now you won't be able to get this image out of your mind. GOOD! Change the negative for a positive mantra. I tell my clients to use:  I LOVE ME. It is simple. Play it in the background of your mind all day long for 30 days. Guaranteed you will see a difference in your world. Then come back and talk to me. Use this mantra any time you think a negative thought. It will change the thought patterns in your mind from incongruent, to congruent - this creates harmony in the brain and body. When you have harmony inside there will be harmony outside in your world. (This will change gradually.)
5. Treat yourself the way God would. If God wouldn't say it to you. You don't say it to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Find out what you love about yourself. Write a list.
6. Nurture yourself every day.  When people are insecure, they spend time giving and doing for others endlessly but don't take care of themselves. Instead, do something nice for yourself daily. Take a hot bath with Epsom salts, candlelight and a glass of sparkling water in a pretty wine glass. Paint your toenails, give yourself a facial, or take yourself to the beach or a beautiful park. 
7. Spend time in nature every day. Nature is beautiful. The sun fills your body with needed vitamin D3. Get your body outside! Walk in nature without your freaking cell phone. Turn off the television and get your butt off the couch. Nature will fill you with beauty and love. 
8. Express gratitude for what you have as soon as your eyes are opened. When we are unhappy, we feel we have nothing to be grateful for. We focus on the negative. You need to focus on what you do have, like eyesight, legs that walk and arms that move. Unless you are a paraplegic in which case, you need to be grateful to be alive, to have eyes that see and a beautiful mind that works. There is always SOMETHING to be grateful for. The more you focus on gratitude, the more good will come into your life. I promise you! This works.
9. Develop a relationship with The Divine, God, Allah, The Universe, whoever you believe in. This connection will fill you where no person, animal, or child possibly could. Having a daily spiritual practice of meditation, prayer, gratitude is what sustains us, fills us up and brings us lasting peace, harmony and joy. Without this connection, you feel like a ship without a sail, rudder and hull. I recommend The Divine Presence Process Meditation daily. This meditation was what I did daily for 12 months. I feel it was a large part of my becoming enlightened and self actualized in 2012. The Divine Presence Process Meditation on You Tube.

You Can't Please Everybody

When you stop trying to please everyone, it is interesting that you are giving yourself permission to please yourself. Being a people pleaser is a common complaint I see in my clients. They are so busy trying to do for others to keep everyone happy, that they are miserable. Letting go of the responsibility for other's happiness frees you to be happy yourself. Do what you love. Spend time doing fun activities. Please yourself. It is not selfish, it is self care.

I would love to hear what you think about this subject. What works for you? What doesn't work. I would love your feedback. If you liked this post, share it with a friend, Facebook, or other circle.

Jennifer is the author of Orgasm For Life. She is a teacher, Metaphysician, wise woman, with Shamanic tendencies. She is an adventurer of life, mother of 3 and like you fully human. She does not walk on water, though some think they have seen her do it. Jennifer is passionate about life, love and sex. Her lifelong vision is to help women and men come to a loving place of self acceptance and self love so that all their relationships will be healed. Jennifer lives life fully in every breath, enjoying the beauty of this planet and all of God's creatures. She spends time every day in Gratitude for you, being her, reading her posts and sharing what you learn. 

Jennifer is available as a private coach, teacher, workshop facilitator and is offering retreats this fall in several different locations, yet to be determined. Bali, India and the UK are all possibilities. If you wish to schedule a FREE session with Jennifer to discover how she could help you with your issues, her e-mail address is: JenniferElizabethMasters@gmail.com

You can find Jennifer's books on Amazon -